Two-Way Sniper

It all seemed as if it was just yesterday.

It didn't seem like it took the young Qin Jue too long from completely understanding why he couldn't like the brother who was one year older than him in the studio, to realizing that he was a disgusting monster.

After the parents divorced, the court awarded Qin Jue, who was still young, to his mother. His father didn't seem to have much objection to this.

After all, for him, a child is nothing more than a sign that he fulfills his father's last wishes and is worthy of his ancestors.It is of course best to have a woman to help him give birth, and to be at ease with his lover.When he has had enough time, the child will probably grow up, and the person who sits in the high hall at the wedding and picks up the cup of tea for his daughter-in-law, is he the one who is different?

His ruthlessness doesn't even need to pay any price. Even if a woman can escape her marriage relationship with him, no one can escape the blood relationship between father and son.

And Qin Jue's mother has always been a poor person in the eyes of others.

The first husband nearly beat her to death several times, and she managed to escape and married a respectable second husband, but for some reason, she was abandoned again.

She didn't tell anyone the reason, just kept silent day after day.

——And when she learned that her child was different from ordinary children, she just wanted to cure him like crazy, so that he would not be a different kind like his father.

Many years later, when Qin Jue recalled the past, he realized that his mother probably noticed something wrong with his father a long time ago, so she told Qin Jue that he should not look forward to and worship his father, and that he should not learn painting in the same way. You can choose one of martial arts, football, etc. as an interest, because that's what boys "should" like.

The more he grows into a handsome appearance, the more his mother tells him that as a boy, he must be rough, hard, and strong, not delicate, soft, and fragile.

Even though the mother and father's marriage broke down later, they both agreed on one thing: a normal man must marry a woman and have children, otherwise, your life will be over.

So from then on, Qin Jue often saw his mother's red eyes and heard her screaming out of control. Even if it was just an ordinary meal, his mother might knock off his chopsticks and push his head to the back of the chair. Hit, and asked him like a collapse why he was disobedient and why he liked boys?

He was often frightened, only the tears kept falling, and he couldn't even cry, while his elder brother continued to drink soup with his eyes lowered, as calm as if he couldn't hear the surrounding noises at all.

When he was young, his figure was not superior to most of the same sex as it is now. On the contrary, he developed slowly. With a small face and nose, he stood out among his peers. When his enthusiastic neighbors and aunts praised him, they often said that he was good-looking. Like a little girl.

Yes, that was supposed to be a very lovable little boy, but the mother seemed to be terrified of such an evaluation, and soon left the increasingly uncontrollable situation in her eyes to science to solve it.

——Little Qin Jue didn't even figure out what disease he had, so he became the treatment target of the "miracle doctor" that his mother found.

Corporal punishment, confinement, and psychological counseling, the adults used both soft and hard methods, just in exchange for his health.

They always ask him if he still likes Brother Feiran very much. At first he sobbed blankly and said he did, but the countless beatings and the dark room that frightened him finally had an effect, and he began to know how to admit his mistakes with a twitching throat , I beg my mother to forgive me.

After several courses of treatment, his condition gradually improved, and he never took the initiative to go to the studio to find someone.When a boy named Chen Feiran took the initiative to ask him, "Why didn't you play with me?", he could only wipe the temperature from the corners of his eyes with joy and fear. Can quickly shake his head and run away.

However, the other party was much more stubborn than him. Taking advantage of one time when his mother didn't come to pick him up earlier, he found him again and asked, "Did you forget that we all kissed on the cheek? Why are you ignoring me? Can't we play together?" "

The grievance in Qin Jue's heart suddenly exploded, and he couldn't help lowering his head and sobbing for a long time before showing him the bruise on his arm: "If I play with brother Feiran...they will beat me."

Chen Feiran tilted his head and asked, "Who are they?"

Qin Jue hesitated to speak, but couldn't stop tears from falling on the only cheek that was still intact, and said, "...my mother."

So in just a moment, the other party opened the same immature lips, and soon grabbed his wrist angrily, wanting to take him to an adult to argue.

The moment the skin touched, Qin Jue's whole body trembled like an electric shock, and he instinctively wanted to withdraw his hand, and the two of them came around the corner of the corridor, and they bumped into his elder brother who came to pick up Qin Jue after school.

Qin Jue flung Chen Feiran's hand away in horror, but the other party was not afraid at all, even though he was several tens of centimeters shorter than the half-grown boy at the corner, he walked forward, raised his head and said, "Brother Lu Yang, Qin Jue You were bullied, don't you know?"

His cheeks were puffed up with anger, while Lu Yang lowered his head and cast a glance at him, forcefully broke away his hand holding Qin Jue, only pulled Qin Jue over, and replied, "I know."

Qin Jue's wrist was painfully pinched, but when he staggered and turned to leave with his brother, he begged his brother not to tell his mother in fear, and couldn't help but look back at Chen Feiran.

The sun was setting, and the sunset was burning like a fire. Until many years later, Qin Jue grew into a 1-meter-long boy with rough behavior. He no longer remembers the appearance of that little boy, but he still seems to remember it. At that moment, I felt overwhelmed by pain and despair.

He tried his best to cooperate with the treatment and made changes desperately, but everything seemed to be of no avail. He found that he still couldn't look at the most beautiful little girl in the class. The other party held hands and bought candy together.

But even the last piece of candy in his hand was quickly knocked away, and someone stepped on it a few times, leaving only dirty dirt marks, and he was not allowed to pick it up.

***

It all happened on a hot and unbearably hot summer day. The weather in the north was as high as 35 degrees. Qin Jue squatted alone in the corner of the factory building in the old courtyard, observing a small flower blooming from the crack in the wall.

He picked up some soil, and pumped half a bucket of water, carefully taking care of the bright color that appeared here.

Since he stopped playing with other little boys, he often used sticks and slime to make things here by himself. When he saw flowers in the dark, he was so happy that he even lost the sticks. It grows stronger.

However, he was only halfway through the project when a small head poked out from the open shutter door, smacking its lips and calling out to him, "Qin Jue, Qin Jue, I brought you ice cream."

Qin Jue turned his head to look, and saw Chen Feiran shaking the little chocolate snowman in his hand, looking at him with a smile.

Qin Jue's hand holding the mud froze, but his face couldn't stop turning red.

Soon, the joy welling up in his heart still overwhelmed the fear - later when he took the popsicle from Chen Feiran's hand, although he lowered his head and didn't dare to look at him, he still said, "Thank you Brother Feiran."

He used to think that even though his childhood was so long that it seemed like it would never end, it would be good to be able to spend one more second with Brother Feiran.

It’s just that on that dreary summer day, the little flowers at the base of the wall were still trampled to death—just as he was trying to go home with his bare stick in his mouth, his elder brother Lu Yang led several people and surrounded him and Chen Feiran at the door. .

Perhaps no one in the world can tell where the solidarity and malice among the young boys came from. Anyway, as soon as Lu Yang opened his mouth, the group of older boys restrained Qin Jue and Chen Feiran and forced their pants off.

The hot and dreary summer air was pressing down on the abandoned factory building. As soon as the terrified Qin Jue felt a gust of cool wind blowing over the skin of his legs, laughter rang out from all around him.

Such as "Men like men, it's so disgusting", "Qin Jue wants to be a girl, it's so disgusting", "Qin Jue wants to give birth to Chen Feiran, it's really disgusting"-these words all end with disgusting, The explosion hit Qin Jue's ear, causing his eyes to turn red with anxiety, and he desperately wanted to refute.

However, his voice alone couldn't cover the voices of a group of them, and soon they stuck out their tongues in front of him, forcing him to be on Chen Feiran's body, and asked them to imitate the posture between a man and a woman.

In an instant, the feeling of sticky skin in midsummer burst into Qin Jue's mind.

He was completely stunned, only to feel boundless fear rising in his heart, and a circle of harsher ridicule suddenly surged up around him, causing chaotic and unconscious childish cries to start from his throat—but it seemed to make him even more disturbed. As they wished, the pressure on him became heavier again.

Then, Lu Yang trampled on the flowers in the corner.

In the setting sun, he faced the panic and helpless cries of two boys a few years younger than himself, but there was no warmth in his young eyes. Instead, he took advantage of the scorching wind and said to his companion—"See Well, this is called homosexuality, it's disgusting."

At that time, the cicadas were singing one after another, and the fallen bucket made a mess of the surrounding soil. Qin Jue also forgot how long he was pressed and rubbed on Chen Feiran's legs by those people before he was let go. All he remembered was that the nausea had indeed been churning in his throat.

Before that, he thought that he just wanted to hold hands with the boy he loved and eat ice cream, but after that, he knew for the first time from his brother that he was like this, that he was gay, and it was disgusting.

After all, even he felt sick to his stomach.

At that time, the setting sun shone on the remains of the plant, and it seemed that his still beating heart had no vitality, and he didn't know if it was numb from the pain from then on.

***

That incident became a bit big, and afterward, Qin Jue never saw Brother Feiran again, and as soon as the long summer vacation was over, he heard that the Chen family had moved away with their son who refused to eat and drink for a few days.

He seemed to be the source of all misfortunes, and everything around him began to undergo tremendous changes.

The mother has experienced two extremely failed marriages, and her two sons have inherited the violence and disgusting sexual orientation of the two husbands respectively. She was finally disheartened and chose to marry far away.

This is the third time she has been married, and she thinks it would be good if she can find a man, but the man won't let her bring a bottle of oil, so she naturally throws her two children to the old man.

In the next few years, she knew that her youngest son was bullied to the point of disfigurement, that her eldest son was gradually ignorant and went to prison, and that the old man was seriously ill, but she had already worked hard to give birth to a new child, and her husband treated her well. Yes, so it is absolutely impossible for her to give up her current life.

During those times, Qin Jue also grew up gradually, and only saw his mother once at the funeral of the old man—everything seemed like a lifetime away, the other party was a little older, and after kowtowing a few times, he hurriedly wanted to leave.

At that time, Qin Jue stood in the corner and watched her talking with several brothers and sisters, even if she didn't get half of her questioning and concerned eyes, her eyes were still red.

It wasn't until that moment that he seemed to be willing to admit that all these years, he had been abandoned by his mother, even if the other party beat him up and took him for treatment, he would not accept it anymore.

The scar on the side of his face seemed to be hurting, which prevented him from clenching his trembling fists tightly, and also prevented him from telling his mother half of his fear.

He still remembered that before his brother went to prison, his smile and voice were cold and confident—he said, Xiao Jue, you must wait for me to come out to find you.

Counting the time, it is not far from my brother being released from prison.

He was fifteen or sixteen years old at that time, and his blood relatives were still alive, but he seemed to be alone. When his mother turned to leave, she gave a reason that no one could refute: the children in the family were still young, and no one Care is not enough.

That voice was clearly imprinted on Qin Jue's heart, and finally he squatted down from the corner of the wall, buried his face in his knees, and couldn't even go up to tell her, Mom, look, I'm already 1 meters tall now, I will Skipping classes and fighting, playing games and swearing at people, I am the rough man you want.

The world is so big, but he doesn't have a corner of his own.He was reluctant to part with his hometown and all the past that had hurt him here, but in the dim light of the funeral, he closed his eyes tightly, knowing helplessly that he had to leave.