To die

If Lin Yan had someone he believed in in this world, who would it be most likely?

Lu Hanqian didn't have the confidence to blurt out: That must be me.

But he had no choice but to give it a try.

Sure enough, Lin Yan paused slightly after hearing the sound, and his eyes slowly rolled.

"...I want to know what you have been through, Lin Yan."

Lu Hanqian's hands were full of foam, and his movements slowly stopped.He looked down at Lin Yan in front of him: "Can you talk to me?"

However, Lin Yan shook his head lightly, with an obvious meaning: there is nothing to say.

"Do you remember who they were? Where did they touch you? Did you feel scared?"

Lin Yan remained silent, moved aside from under Lu Hanqian's palm, took a handful of water from the bathtub, and poured it on his hair.

"Lin Yan, talk to me, don't go."

Lu Hanqian grabbed Lin Yan's wrist, stopped him from leaving, and pushed Lin Yan back into the bathtub with a "slap".

"How many of them are there, huh?" Lu Hanqian asked persistently, "Tell me about it, Lin Yan, I want to know."

Lin Yan turned around to break his hand, but Lu Hanqian held on tightly, and even took the opportunity to pull Lin Yan into his arms.

Lin Yan's body was dripping wet, and the water hadn't even been wiped dry, even the shirt on Lu Hanqian's body was also stained with water droplets.

The two of them stuck together through layers of wet shirts.

"Tell me Lin Yan, don't run away, I like you, you said you would let me get closer to you."

Lin Yan was so breathless by his kiss, when he couldn't take it anymore, Lu Hanqian let go of him again, and went to kiss Lin Yan's eyes.

Lin Yan was so kissed that his eyelashes couldn't help shaking, Lu Hanqian threatened while kissing: "Say it quickly, if you don't tell me, I will kiss you again."

Panting, Lin Yan struggled to back away a little distance, shrank to another corner of the bathtub, wiped his lips, gestured to Lu Hanqian submissively and said: 22.

Lu Hanqian succeeded, and then asked even more aggressively: "Then where did they touch you? Does it hurt? Show me and let me brag about it, okay?"

Lin Yan was thrashing about in the water, but Lu Hanqian was guarding the edge of the bathtub, preventing him from going ashore. Whenever Lin Yan got close, he would hug him.

While circling with him, Lin Yan signaled: It's okay, I've already forgotten.

"No, I just want to blow."

Lu Hanqian said foolishly: "Come on, let me brag about your words."

Lu Hanqian knew in his heart that Lin Yan's so-called "forgetting" was all his subconscious escape.

If it really didn't hurt him, he wouldn't lose his voice when he got emotional after a year.

Lin Yan refused to be touched by Lu Hanqian, nor did he want to point it out to him, so Lu Hanqian asked him directly: "Have you ever hurt your stomach? What about your head? Have you ever hurt your hands and feet?"

The pungent smell of disinfectant in the isolation room, the disgusting smell of urine, the constantly flickering light, all the painful memories that made him wake up in an instant. Lin Yan's eyes flickered, as if he had returned to the mental hospital in the suburbs.

Someone was pressing his hand, and the vice president's magnified face was in front of him, and he kept asking, "Lawyer Lin, do you still want to investigate?".

Then, the cold electrodes were pasted on his temples...

"Uh……!"

Lin Yan suddenly became irritable, and hit the water hard, causing a layer of spray, struggling to stand up from the bathtub and leave the bathroom.

"Baby, don't be afraid, don't worry, I don't want to hurt you."

Lu Hanqian tugged at him, kept kissing Lin Yan's earlobe and forehead, and put his arms around him to calm him down: "I'm here, no one can hurt you. If you remember something, tell me, I'll kiss you Dear, there will be no more pain in the future."

However, Lin Yan was very irritable, like a young dragon whose scales had been touched by someone, he kept pushing Lu Hanqian, asking him to let go of himself, and refusing to talk with him any further.

At this time Lin Yan was really angry, his expression was very cold, he didn't look like he was joking with Lu Hanqian at all.

Lu Hanqian wanted to grab his wrist, but Lin Yan opened it, and then he was gouged out by Lin Yan. It was Lin Yan who was warning him that if he continued, he would turn his back on him.

But Lu Hanqian did not back down.

He used to get scared when he saw Lin Yan angry, but this time it was different.If you don't persevere, you don't know how long you will have to wait for the next opportunity to talk about this matter with Lin Yan.

"Tell me Lin Yan, how did you feel at that time. Did they hit you, Yan Yan, where does it hurt, tell me, okay?"

Lu Hanqian and Lin Yan were arguing in the bathroom, and Lin Yan tried his best to break free. For him, staying here for an extra second would be a torment.

However, Lu Hanqian held him tightly.

"Don't run away! Lin Yan, are you just so cowardly? Where's your arrogance and loneliness? Is it so embarrassing for you to admit that you feel pain?"

Lin Yan was almost cornered by him, Lu Hanqian surrounded him like a hunter besieging a small animal, cornered him little by little, and then beat him on the most untouchable wound with a wooden stick.

"Lin Yan, tell me—" Under pressure again, when Lu Hanqian tried to grab Lin Yan's wrist, Lin Yan suddenly opened Lu Hanqian's hand, and slapped him without warning!

The bathroom fell silent for a moment, Lin Yan looked at him panting, with a cornered look on his face, desperate as if a fish was caught in a dead end.

Lu Hanqian looked at him, his eyes were dark and unpredictable.

His clothes were half wet, and they were messed up in the tugging with Lin Yan, looking a bit embarrassed.

Lin Yan looked at him and panted for a while, then suddenly walked towards the door again.

Even though Lu Hanqian was still standing by the bathtub, Lin Yan seemed confident that he would not stop him this time.

As expected, Lu Hanqian did not move.

But when he passed Lu Hanqian and was about to pass by him, Lin Yan suddenly heard him softly say: "Lin Yan, it hurts so much."

Lu Hanqian said softly like a sigh.

Then he grabbed Lin Yan's wrist, and before Lin Yan could react, he turned around and hugged Lin Yan from behind at that moment.

"When you slapped me, it hurt so much."

Lu Hanqian said in a soft hoarse voice: "Then in 'there', when facing 22 nurses alone, did you also feel pain?"

He rested his head on Lin Yan's shoulder, looking as if he was rubbing shoulders with Lin Yan: "But actually, the thought of you enduring the pain alone and refusing to tell me is what makes me feel so distressed that I can't sleep at night. .”

Lin Yan paused, but still struggled slightly, Lu Hanqian immediately hugged him tighter.

"If you don't tell me, I'll tell you. If there's something wrong, tell me again."

Lu Hanqian hugged him, and said softly: "At that time, you just returned to Lancheng, because people in Beijing told you to sue in Lancheng's court, and the investigation team will come later..."

Lin Yan trembled slightly under Lu Hanqian's palm, but Lu Hanqian didn't stop at all: "But the court, and even the entire public security law, have people from my father, so when you just left the court, they took you to a mental illness. hospital."

Stop it... stop it!

Lin Yan struggled violently, wanting to leave Lu Hanqian's embrace, but Lu Hanqian didn't let go no matter what.

He couldn't break free for half a point.

After a pause, Lu Hanqian said in a very low voice: "Over there, they used an electric pulse device for you...a device used to treat schizophrenia."

The bondage rope that cannot be broken no matter what, the iron chains that bind the hands and feet, the numbness like countless ants biting the body...

Lin Yan couldn't help shaking, wanting to gag, his forehead and back were quickly covered with cold sweat.

Why remind him?

The ten days in the isolation room were almost a nightmare that Lin Yan would never forget in his entire life.

He can keep from being timid, bowing his head, and being beaten to the ground, but he can't stop coughing when his head is pushed into the water, and doesn't vomit when he is shocked by an electric shock after barely eating, and can't sleep for days to clear his mind Sober - after all, he is also a body of flesh and blood, how could he heal automatically after being hurt.

Lin Yan was about to be swallowed by despair, and the feeling of suffocation gripped his heart, but Lu Hanqian's voice was calm and self-sustaining, and he recounted everything to him in an unusually smooth manner.

Lin Yan's body struggled violently at the beginning, resisting like dying, and gradually became trembling, and the blood on his face faded.

Every time Lu Hanqian said a word, he trembled more and more, his eyes were lost, he stared blankly at the ground, his hands and feet were numb, and he had no strength at all.

He felt his stomach churning, and he covered his mouth involuntarily and bent down to retch.

Lin Yan's temples and face were covered with cold sweat, and some broken hair was wet and stuck to his forehead, making his face look paler and colorless.

"Where is it uncomfortable, huh?"

Lu Hanqian turned Lin Yan over in the posture of being close to each other, pressed his head and buried him in his arms, and hugged Lin Yan's trembling body tightly.

He held Lin Yan's cold face and kissed him tenderly: "Let me brag, okay? Show me, Yan Yan, what makes us feel uncomfortable?"

Lin Yan's whole body was trembling, the bad and painful memory came to life again, a vague "grunt" sound came out of his throat, and his eyelashes trembled.

"Show me, Lin Yan, you have to walk over by yourself. Your future still has a long way to go."

Lu Hanqian hugged Lin Yan's shoulders, forcing him not to curl up, but to face himself directly under the bright light.

... so ugly.

Lin Yan thought with trembling lips, why did he look so embarrassed?He tried to speak, but could only make a hoarse, thin breath.

"What do you want to say, Lin Yan?"

Lu Hanqian whispered in his ear, and at the same time kissed him gently like kissing a flower: "Say it, it's okay, I'm here, no one can hurt you."

Lin Yan was buried on Lu Hanqian's shoulder, and Lu Hanqian felt his shoulder was wet, but he didn't pierce Lin Yan, but just patted him comfortingly on the back.

"Don't pinch your palms."

Lu Hanqian grabbed Lin Yan's wrist and opened his fingers little by little, so as not to let his conditioned self-mutilation hurt him.

Lin Yan's knuckles were turning blue, and he used a lot of strength. Lu Hanqian just pinched him so persistently, and slowly let him loosen.

He brought Lin Yan's hand to his mouth, blew gently, and then licked off the blood on his palm little by little.

A numb itching came from his sensitive palm, and Lin Yan flinched.

"It's so salty."

Lu Hanqian said with a smile.

After a long period of silence, Lu Hanqian heard Lin Yan mutter something in a low voice.

He couldn't help holding his breath, and asked in a tight voice, "... Lin Yan, what did you say?"

"..." Lin Yan sobbed vaguely, and Lu Hanqian waited for a long time before hearing him speak again—this was the first time Lin Yan sobbed in front of people in 25 years, and it was also the first time he spoke to someone. The man opened his hard and sensitive shell, revealing the fragile and soft core inside: Lin Yan's whole body was shaking, and he was panting violently.He couldn't suppress his voice, sobbing, "I'm afraid."

…………

If there is someone in the world that Lin Yan trusts, let him believe that he will not be harmed.

Lin Yan chose Lu Hanqian.

This is a bit silly, a bit tsundere, but the man who has been clumsily trying to get close to him.

—I love you as hell.

——I want to exchange hearts with you.

——I am a scumbag, but this love has never been tarnished.

After going through so many trials, so many misunderstandings and hurting each other, Lin Yan actually believed these words.