To die

Lu Hanqian booked Lin Yan's flight ticket to leave Lancheng, and he can leave immediately after he is discharged from the hospital.

He will go to Beijing first, and then transfer from Beijing to go abroad.

After everything was arranged, Lu Hanqian left Lin Yan a sum of money, enough for him to go to any hospital in the world to receive the best treatment.

"Take it."

Lu Hanqian tried his best to smile and said, "Didn't you say hospice care?"

"I may stay in Lancheng for about half a month."

Lin Yan said carefully: "The firm needs to deal with some handover procedures...During this period, I don't really want to be disturbed."

What he said was euphemistic, but the meaning was self-evident.

Lu Hanqian paused, a little embarrassed, and said uncomfortably: "Well, don't worry. I won't go back to look for you... I, I don't like you that much..."

Lin Yan nodded: "This is the best."

However, Lu Hanqian's eyes were slightly sour, and there was an unconcealable loss on his face.

"It was Gu Zhao and I who colluded with each other to lie to you to eat, but it's not."

Lu Hanqian said: "I'm the one who doesn't care what I say, and Gu Zhao didn't get involved. This time, he's also making arrangements. I don't know where you're going. You don't have to worry about me pestering you again."

Lin Yan said "um" very lightly.

"When you go outside, you should take medicine and receive treatment."

Lu Hanqian couldn't help exhorting: "Use the best medicine, you know? Maybe you can wait for the source of your heart, I am no longer by your side, you have to live well... If you don't have enough money, just follow me Say, call me..."

Lin Yan said flatly, "Understood."

Lu Hanqian looked at him eagerly, like a big dog about to be abandoned.

He also knew that he was so long-winded, talking non-stop, he might still annoy Lin Yan in the end.

But he couldn't help it, he didn't know if Lin Yan would interrupt him in the next moment, and took a taxi to leave.

Whatever sentence you say at this moment will become your last sentence; any glance you look at Lin Yan will become your last glance.

"Then you go."

After Lu Hanqian cared about not watching videos for too long before going to bed, and turning on the lights when playing with mobile phones, he finally had nothing to tear up. He only rolled his Adam's apple, looked at Lin Yan with reddish eyes, and hissed, ". .....I wish you good luck and good health."

Lin Yan smiled faintly. He didn't know whether he thought this blessing was mocking or ridiculous, and said, "Okay."

He was wearing a clean and soft snow-white shirt, washed blue jeans underneath, and camel Martin boots, the same as Lu Hanqian's when he first met him.

It's just that at that time Lin Yan was full of youthful spirit, the slightly raised chin when he looked at Lu Hanqian, it was so sharp and beautiful that he couldn't tell.

Now he is alone, pushing his suitcase to the taxi alone, he looks so thin, and sickness can be seen very easily on his pale face.

Before leaving, Lin Yan suddenly opened his mouth and said to Lu Hanqian, "Actually, I'm gay. It's impossible for me to like girls."

Lu Hanqian was taken aback for a moment, before he had time to recall what Lin Yan meant, he heard him continue:

"Everything about us was wrong from the beginning. I'm sorry for using you, but I will never forgive you for what you have done to me. After separation, let's all be happy."

Lu Hanqian was stunned on the spot, Lin Yan turned around, and walked away gradually, Lu Hanqian looked at him, his hands trembling uncontrollably, he tried his best not to rush up and hold him back.

"Lin Yan!"

However, at the last moment, when Lin Yan was about to get in the car, Lu Hanqian couldn't help but shout.

He ran towards Lin Yan, and Lin Yan reflexively took a step back, fearing that he would suddenly regret it again.

Lu Hanqian noticed it, and stopped half a meter away from Lin Yan, only looked at him intently, and smiled very hard:

"...I, I just want to say the last word to you."

Lin Yan signaled him to speak, Lu Hanqian looked at him with a smile, his neck was flushed red, and his fists were clenched very tightly.

This is the last chance, Lu Hanqian said in his heart, if he doesn't talk about Lin Yan, he will never know.

"Just now... I lied to you when I said I didn't like you that much."

Lu Hanqian trembled, his eyes were red with a smile, and he choked up and said in a hoarse voice: "...I actually love you to death."

At that moment, Lin Yan had an extremely complicated look on his face.

It seemed a little helpless, a little cold, a little inexplicable, and finally converged into one sentence.

He said to Lu Hanqian: "We are not from the same world. It is neither worthy nor appropriate."

He got into the car in front of Lu Hanqian, and Lu Hanqian looked at him motionlessly, until the short taxi drove further and further, merged into the traffic flow, and could not be found anymore.

As if all his strength had been taken away, Lu Hanqian stood blankly at the door of the hospital for a long time, and when Lin Yan probably arrived, he slowly walked back to his car and sat in the driver's seat.Cover your eyes with your arms.

I didn't realize it before I met Lin Yan, but Lin Yan and Lu Hanqian lived in the big flat together, and now after they moved out, Lu Hanqian realized why the house is so big?

He walked from the living room to the bedroom, from the bedroom to the study, and felt that everything was very empty, obviously there was no shortage of furniture, but Lu Hanqian felt that it was cold wherever he stayed.

Humbert hadn't eaten canned meat for several days, and Li Nan took care of Lin Yan while he was in the hospital.

Lu Hanqian squatted in front of the cage, while feeding it dog food, sighed in ecstasy:

"You are really useless, stupid thing. I was hoping to bring you back and keep him, but it turned out that you were lucky and ate all the goldfish. Shame..."

Humbert didn't dare to make a sound, and lay listlessly on the ground, flapping his tail once and for all.

He looked very frustrated and aggrieved.

Lu Hanqian stayed at home for two days, and couldn't bear the empty-nest life with one person and one dog, and started driving around the city when he was free.

With Lancheng being such a big city, the chances of meeting Lin Yan are extremely rare.

But Lu Hanqian always thought by chance, maybe he just ran into him?

He said to himself in his heart that even if he saw him, he would definitely not bother Lin Yan. It was enough to just look at him from a distance for a while, or even just one glance.

Lu Hanqian always felt that, with Lin Yan's style of litigating, something would happen without him.

But it wasn't until now that he realized that it wasn't that Lin Yan couldn't leave him, but that he couldn't leave Lin Yan.

He was the one who forced people to play with them, and he was the one who got stuck.

He was the one who put himself in his pocket, and it was his own fault.

Probably it was really luck, after Lu Hanqian wandered around for a few days, he really ran into Lin Yan again.

It was in the urban park, and Lin Yan came out to exercise near the evening.

He also knew that he was not in good health, and after finally leaving Lu Hanqian, he wanted to live a few more days after all.

He was wearing a white sweater, black slacks, and a wristband on his wrist.

When Lu Hanqian first saw it, he almost didn't realize that it was Lin Yan.

...After all, this is too inconsistent with Lin Yan's style, and this is the first time Lu Hanqian has seen him dressed like this.

In his impression, he always felt that Lin Yan was not very active.I didn't expect Lin Yan to have a special taste in sporty clothes.

He probably goes out for activities every day after eating, he doesn't participate in the strenuous type, and only uses some simple equipment.

Stretch your legs, do sit-ups, sit next to you and play with your phone when you are tired.

Lu Hanqian looked at Lin Yan like this, for some reason, when he saw that Lin Yan was also sweating, his cheeks became red, panting and swaying to the side to rest, he suddenly felt very at ease.

There is a sense of reassurance that this person is still in the world.

The only thing that made Lu Hanqian slightly upset was that there was a flyer in the park.

Every time Lin Yan sat on a chair to rest, he would come over after a while.

There are so many chairs in the park, can't you take a few more steps and change chairs to rest?

Lu Hanqian thought angrily, you are wearing such a big doll costume, and your butt is so big, it takes up too much space to sit down, it will squeeze Lin Yan!

Lu Hanqian endured it for several days, holding his breath and hiding in the dark every time, watching the leafleter sitting next to Lin Yan.

Can't tell if it's jealousy or jealousy.

On the sixth day, he finally couldn't bear it any longer. Before Lin Yan showed up, he found the flyer and asked:

"How much do you get paid for this?"

The one in the puppet suit is a college student who came out to work part-time. The boy took off his hood, sweated profusely, his forehead was sweating, and he said out of breath:

"twenty."

So Lu Hanqian took out 2000 yuan and handed it to him:

"Don't come after this Friday."

The boy hesitated slightly: "...Huh?"

"Three thousand."

Lu Hanqian added another stack, and said with a blank expression, "Is it enough?"

"enough!"

The boy immediately took the money: "Deal!"

He was about to leave, but Lu Hanqian stood there, paused for a while, but stopped him:

"Wait—give me that doll costume of yours!"



An hour later, when Lin Yan came this time, he was a little surprised to find that the person who distributed the leaflets before was already sitting on the rest chair this time.

He still had a large stack of leaflets in his hand, but he sat silently on the chair, as if he was very tired today.

But Lin Yan didn't pay much attention to it. In this city, not many people lived an easy life.

He put on his forehead and wristbands, and went to do sit-ups as usual.

But in fact, Lu Hanqian was so stuffed in that huge Kumamon headgear that his heart almost jumped out of his throat.

This was the first time in several days that he had been so close to Lin Yan, almost within ten meters.

The toy clothes were heavy and hot, and Lu Hanqian was sweating like a waterfall, but he didn't feel uncomfortable at all.

All his attention was focused on Lin Yan, he was both joyful and nervous, he didn't dare to move, he put his hands on his knees neatly, for fear that Lin Yan would see the clue.

Since the last time they were separated, Lin Yan seemed to be looking a little better, and his lips were not so blue anymore.

Lu Hanqian carefully observed Lin Yan, seeing his fingernails from every strand of hair, carefully judging Lin Yan's health, trying to figure out whether he had taken his medicine properly.

It was too hot in the hood, sweat flowed from Lu Hanqian's forehead and into his eyes, making him blink continuously.

No matter how people do this kind of ghost work, Lu Hanqian was almost suffocated to death, and he was reluctant to leave, he kept hinting in his heart, if he persisted for a while, Lin Yan would be sitting next to him.

Lin Yan moved around for about half an hour, and as expected, after stretching his legs, he wiped his sweat and sat down on the rest chair.

Lu Hanqian's heart "thumped" in an instant, and he moved his hands and feet to the side without knowing where to put them——

Although he was already extremely nervous, he still remembered not to squeeze Lin Yan.

After putting on the hood, the range of vision narrowed a lot. Lu Hanqian froze his body, not daring to move. Out of the corner of his eye, he could only see Lin Yan's left hand on his lap.

A thin wrist, very white, wearing a peacock blue wristband.

Lu Hanqian couldn't help curling his lips, thinking why Lin Yan was so interesting, he came out to do sit-ups and wore wrist guards.

Just like when a school organizes a visit to the ecological park, it is like children who have prepared all the water bottles and sleeping bags seriously.

"...Flyer, can I have one?"

Just when Lu Hanqian looked down at the small theater in Lin Yan's wrist, Lin Yan suddenly said softly.

Lu Hanqian was stunned for more than ten seconds before realizing that Lin Yan was talking to him.

He looked at the pile of "Learn about swimming and fitness" leaflets in his hand, and almost scattered them all with a trembling hand.

"It's getting late, let's send it home early."

While Lu Hanqian was in a daze, Lin Yan took one out of his hand, smiled, and said, "Goodbye."

He left after speaking, but Lu Hanqian didn't react at all.

He originally thought that today he would just sit silently with Lin Yan for 15 minutes, then Lu Hanqian would be very satisfied, but he didn't expect Lin Yan to open his mouth and say a word to him!

Maybe it was out of simple kindness to strangers, maybe it was because he really wanted to know about fitness registration, but for Lu Hanqian, this was a huge surprise that was completely unexpected!

Lin Yan walked a long way, he was still repeating Lin Yan's smile just now in a trance, very friendly, without a trace of sarcasm and indifference, Lu Hanqian hadn't seen him for a long time.

Just like a farmer possessed by a demon had tasted the sweetness, Lu Hanqian appeared in the park in a doll costume the next day by a strange coincidence.

He waited nervously and expectantly for Lin Yan to come over, and even couldn't resist bringing Lin Yan a bottle of Pulse.

He thought for a long time how to pass the bottle of water and what to say, but in fact, when Lin Yan walked over, Lu Hanqian's mind was completely emptied in an instant, and he just sat there stiffly. All the words that have been brewing can't be said.

He just pushed the water towards Lin Yan like a fool, until the Bingbing bottle touched Lin Yan's hand, he didn't dare to turn his head.

"..."

Lin Yan tilted his head and looked down at the bottle of pulse: "...Huh?"

"Give you."

Lu Hanqian's voice sounded muffled, and he could hardly distinguish the original tone, but when Lin Yan looked at him like this, his palms were still sweating from nervousness.

Lin Yan seemed a little puzzled, but he still accepted it: "Thank you."

He couldn't help but look up at this Kumamon doll who didn't look at him at all. The cheeks of the huge headgear were painted red, and it looked cute.

"Are you a part-time college student?" Lin Yan asked.

Lu Hanqian nodded.

Nearly snapped his neck off - the hood is so fucking heavy.

"Which university?" Lin Yan said, "This part-time job is very hard."

"...I'm a specialist." Lu Hanqian paused for a while, and said nonsense.

He knew little about domestic universities, and he was afraid that he would show his timidity if he talked too much.

Lin Yan nodded, and sure enough, he didn't ask any more questions, fearing that talking about it would embarrass Lu Hanqian.

"how about you?"

Lu Hanqian couldn't help opening his mouth, and wanted to say a few more words to Lin Yan from the bottom of his heart: "What do you do?"

Lin Yan smiled, and said seriously, "I'm the hotel server."

"..."

"Really...?"

Lu Hanqian couldn't take it anymore: "You won't lie to me..."

Lin Yan said lightly, "Well, really, I won't lie to you."

"you......"

Lu Hanqian was a little hesitant, but he pinched his palms and asked softly, "How have you been recently?"

At that time, Lin Yan was sitting on a bench in the park. The evening sky was orange-red, and the afterglow of the setting sun dyed his dark and soft hair with a soft warm color.

Lin Yan seemed to pause when he heard the sound, but then he laughed, very calm and gentle, Lu Hanqian said without any strangeness:

"I've been doing fine."

Lu Hanqian was covered in sweat, and when he heard these words, a drop of sweat happened to flow into his eyes, which was so hot that Lu Hanqian's eyes turned red instantly.

His nose was very sore, so sore that he wanted to cry, and a place in his heart was swollen.

"is it?"

Under the happy Kumamon doll costume, Lu Hanqian felt sore in his heart, and said hoarsely, "...you will have a good life in the future."

Lin Yan didn't say anything, just stood up with a smile, and gave Lu Hanqian a hug before leaving.

Through a thick costume, he hugged this sad stranger and said softly:

"Life will get better and better. And so will the future."

These are two common words.

But when Lu Hanqian thought that this was Lin Yan's efforts to strangers when he knew that his life was only a few months away, and he didn't even know when it would stop at any time, he felt so heartbroken that he was about to suffocate.

"......it is good."

Lu Hanqian said hoarsely: "The future will get better and better."

For the next ten days or so, Lu Hanqian would carry a bottle of pulse like this every day, sitting on the bench and waiting for Lin Yan.

The thick doll costume was like a piece of armor. Although it was hot and stuffy, it gave Lu Hanqian a brand new opportunity to stay by Lin Yan's side as a stranger.

He can ask Lin Yan how he is doing today, like a most ordinary friend, and if there is anything uncomfortable, see Lin Yan laughing with him, and talk to him happily.

Those few words are almost the driving force for Lu Hanqian to live in the rest of the day.

When he was alone, he would keep replaying it in his mind, thinking about Lin Yan's expression when he spoke, his low and gentle voice, or pondering over and over whether his answer was good at that time, and whether there was anything that would make Lin Yan unhappy.

This brief fantasy was so intoxicating that Lu Hanqian almost forgot that Lin Yan had booked a ticket to Beijing.

He still stayed in Lancheng for half a month, just doing some final handover work.

On the 12th day, Lin Yan really proposed to Lu Hanqian that he would leave Lancheng without bringing Pulse tomorrow.

He handed Lu Hanqian a business card, which belonged to his assistant:

"You can call this person. I told him. If you want, he will help you find an adult university to learn some legal knowledge. After you get your lawyer's certificate, you can enter a firm for an internship."

He smiled and added, "That would be a lot easier than handing out flyers in a doll costume."

Lu Hanqian's whole body was icy cold, as if someone had poured cold water on him from the beginning to the end.

But he could only accept the business card stiffly, and even tried his best to smile, saying to Lin Yan, "Bon voyage."