To die

After Gu Zhao left that day, Lin Yan really started to eat slowly.

But since he hasn't eaten for so long, Lu Hanqian only dared to cook some easy-to-digest porridge for him, and he didn't even dare to put more hawthorn and bananas.

Lu Hanqian brought the bowl to his bedside, but Lin Yan didn't look at him at all, but sat up by himself and ate little by little.

Lin Yan didn't talk to Lu Hanqian, and Lu Hanqian didn't talk to Lin Yan either.

As if angry, neither of them spoke first.

In the end, it was Lu Hanqian who couldn't bear it first, was defeated, and took the initiative to talk to Lin Yan.

"...I didn't find the medicine you mentioned last time."

He said: "But Gu Zhao introduced a psychiatrist and said that he can re-prescribe some other medicines for you. You can eat and see first, and then change if you can't."

However, Lin Yan lowered his eyes lightly, and put the bottomless porcelain bowl on the bedside table:

"No. When we separate, I won't need to take medicine."

"..."

Lu Hanqian choked up and did several days of mental construction, but was choked into ruins by Lin Yan's words in an instant.

He rested his hands on his knees, unnaturally scratching at the fabric of his trousers.

Lu Hanqian tried his best to put on a nonchalant appearance, nodded, "... oh", trying to appear calm.

But I don't know that a person's expression and mood can't be hidden at all. He doesn't know what to say at this moment, and he just sits there awkwardly and sadly, not knowing how pitiful and ridiculous he looks.

"...what would you like to eat tomorrow morning?"

Lu Hanqian dryly changed the subject: "Recently, Li Nan said that there is a delicious noodle. I'll buy the ingredients tomorrow, let's try it together?"

——"Cook a meal with the person you like", this is the 99th article in "13 Little Things in Love".

They clearly knew that Lin Yan was leaving, and they would never be able to finish those 99 small things.But for some reason, Lu Hanqian still didn't want to give up.

I always think that it is one thing to be able to do one more thing.

"I'm tired."

However, Lin Yan didn't answer him at all, he just put the magazine aside, and said with an attitude of obvious refusal: "Let's talk about it."

"..."

Lu Hanqian pursed his lips, lowered his head, stood up stiffly and put away the bowl on the bedside table, and smiled dryly: "Okay, let's talk about it later."

Lin Yan watched him exit with a blank expression, closed the door, and after confirming that he would not come back, he opened the magazine at hand again and tore off a blank page inside.

The sixteen-moment white paper is just right for drawing tables.

Lin Yan wrote down a series of numbers on the first line with a black signature pen, and then began to fill in line by line.

The memory of liberal arts is not too bad, not to mention Lin Yan read those emails countless times in order to check the accounts.

Where there are doubts, where there may be tax evasion points, and where there is suspicion of bribery, they have all been printed in his mind.

Lu Hanqian thought that it would be enough to simply take away the USB flash drive, but he was completely wrong.He didn't understand how difficult Lin Yan was at all.

Perhaps it was because of Lin Yan's appearance that he always forgot that Lin Yan was not a weak canary, but an amazingly talented young lawyer.

The days passed day by day, even though Lu Hanqian spent each day on his fingers, hoping that the time would pass a little slower, and that Lin Yan would gradually recover.About to move out.

At this time, they were living in a bungalow in the suburbs. The large flat was in the city center earlier, with a noisy environment and insufficient daily sunlight, so Lu Hanqian took Lin Yan to change their residence.

On this day, Lu Hanqian drove to the city to do some shopping. He wanted to buy some clothes for Lin Yan and some canned meat for Humbert.

As a result, as soon as he left, Lin Yan started to collect things at home.

When Lu Hanqian returned at noon, he had already packed all his suitcases and was sitting on the sofa in the living room, waiting for the little assistant to come and help take them away.

"......what happened?"

Lu Hanqian stood stiffly at the door, staring at him blankly, holding the newly bought clothes for Lin Yan in his hand: "Where are you going?"

However, Lin Yan raised his eyes and looked at him calmly: "I've almost recovered, it's time for us to break up."

"..."

Lu Hanqian felt as if something was choked in his throat, which made him almost out of breath.

He had known that this day would come, but he didn't know that it would come so fast; no matter how he tried to build his mind, it still caught him off guard.

"This, this is leaving..."

Lu Hanqian closed the door with his backhand, and said dryly, "You haven't recovered yet, the last time you weighed only a few kilograms. You said earlier that you weighed a lot at the beginning?... No matter how you get over it Let's go one hundred and one..."

"no need."

However, Lin Yan said: "I just hope that Mr. Lu will keep his word in the future, make a difference, and never see each other again."

Lu Hanqian didn't say a word, just stood stiffly at the door, blocking Lin Yan's direction of departure like an insurmountable barrier.

"...Is that why you don't want to stay?"

After a long time, he looked at Lin Yan quietly, and said in a hoarse voice, "Don't you want to stay for a minute longer?"

Lin Yan didn't speak, but that unusually cold expression was already an answer.

He was wearing a beige windbreaker today, his hair was black and soft, and he looked carefully groomed.

Except that the lips are still a little bluish, she looks more energetic than before.

"I thought I was doing pretty well these days..."

Lu Hanqian looked at Lin Yan and smiled:

"Look how you live every day. You wake up in the morning and read a book. You spend the afternoon in the sun. You play Frisbee with Humbert... At night, you watch a movie and sleep. If you don't like to see me, this house It's so big, and it's quite difficult to meet...why do you have to go?"

However, Lin Yan frowned, and when Lu Hanqian was speaking, he even looked down at his watch, as if he didn't have time to listen to his lyrical confession.

"Sorry, I have an appointment to help me move things. If Mr. Lu has anything to say, let's talk about it next time."

"..."

Lu Hanqian pursed his lips tightly, his cheeks puffed up, he gritted his teeth and turned his head, his Adam's apple rolled down slightly.

"You can't go."

After a while, Lu Hanqian said: "You are not well yet, Lin Yan, you can't leave today."

"Whether I'm good or not is up to you."

Lin Yan's eyes were cold, and he said indifferently: "Lu Hanqian, we will part ways sooner or later, and in the end, don't make it so ugly."

"...we will not part ways."

Lu Hanqian gritted his teeth, and said harshly: "You copied Jin Ye's emails and financial transactions, how could I let you go? Lin Yan, I know you have memorized the data a long time ago, every day Write it silently on the inside page of the magazine, do you think I will just forget it?"

"Then what do you want to do? Let me go when I recover, it was agreed a long time ago—"

"I lied to you!"

Lu Hanqian couldn't collapse anymore, he was like a lion on the brink of collapse, he no longer cared about the disguise of wearing sheepskin, he only pointed at Lin Yan's box, and said viciously:

"You want me to let you go? How is that possible? - Watch another guy or girl walk into my house, hold the hand of the person I like, and take him away in front of me, and you think I'm going to Are you looking at me so helplessly? Lin Yan, how naive are you to think that I can keep my word?"

"...you've been—"

"I lied to you from the beginning!"

Lu Hanqian looked at Lin Yan's packed suitcase, and saw him neatly dressed waiting for his friend to pick him up. The great panic of losing Lin Yan completely gripped his heart.

He knew too well that if Lin Yan left today, then they would be completely finished, and there would be no way to bring Lin Yan back in this lifetime.

Lu Hanqian felt terrified, flustered, and at a loss, so he had to rely on bravado to cover up his guilt.

"...A scum like me, is it difficult to understand lying?"

Lu Hanqian's nails cut deeply into his palm, and under the huge impact, he was almost at a loss for words: "That's because Gu Zhao and I lied to you at the time, seeing that you were dying."

"How could I break up with you, Lin Yan," Lu Hanqian said, "You don't want me to let you go in your life, we have to be together forever, and no one wants to take you away...you are me Yes, it can only be mine!"

As he spoke, he was about to walk over to hold Lin Yan's hand and snatch his box away, but Lin Yan's fingers were clenched so tightly that he couldn't break it apart no matter how hard he tried, and Lu Hanqian even trembled angrily:

"You crazy, crazy, bastard...!"

"Isn't scum's love love?"

But Lu Hanqian said: "I'm stupid, I don't know how to like you, but you have never told me what you want!...Lin Yan, I would die for you, but you just leave, In terms of cruelty, you are much more cruel than me!"

"Is scum worthy of talking about love?"

Lin Yan was already furious to the extreme, Lu Hanqian's rascally behavior made him so angry that his heart beat fast several times, and all the blood rushed to his head.

"Whoever you like will be unlucky. To be liked by you is a terrible thing in the world."

Lin Yan stared at Lu Hanqian, his lips were trembling with anger, but his words were still sharp: "The one thing you do every day is not to love anyone. There is no distinction between high and low, but people! Lu Hanqian, you are so selfish The scum of the world is not worthy of saying love, you don't understand the meaning of liking, and even saying these two words is a defilement to it!"

Every time he said a word, his emotions became more and more excited. At the end of the speech, Lin Yan could hardly hold his heart and squatted down slowly, clutching the collar of his shirt tightly to breathe and calm himself.

"...that's how you see me."

Lu Hanqian said in a daze, looking at Lin Yan who was squatting on the ground, his Adam's apple rolled slightly, and said slowly, "No wonder you lied to me."

"When I liked you so much...and wanted to grow old with you, you lied to me like a fool."

Lu Hanqian smiled and said in a hoarse voice: "It turns out that in your heart, my likes and feelings are not worth mentioning. They are so dirty that I wish you could throw them on the ground and step on them."

Lin Yan frowned tightly and panted, trying to fight back with his tongue, but he didn't have the strength.

Lu Hanqian pushed away the trolley case and squatted down in front of Lin Yan. He looked at Lin Yan and said softly, "What about you, Lawyer Lin?"

"...Whether I'm a bastard or a scumbag, is it a glorious thing to deceive my feelings?"

Lu Hanqian was covered in bruises, and there was not a trace of reason left to keep him calm.

He looked at Lin Yan, like a poisonous snake spitting out a letter, two dying beasts were trying their best to hurt each other:

"Lawyer Lin became famous at a young age, and his ability to argue is unparalleled, but in fact, like MB, he sleeps with men to check information. Do the seniors in your firm know this?"

Lu Hanqian stretched out his hand, and gently held Lin Yan's pale face, his eyes wandered over his graceful and lingering eyebrows, and his bland and sharp facial features.

"I'm making you feel good, huh?"

Lu Hanqian asked in a hoarse voice: "When I pressed you on the floor, on the dining table, in front of the mirror, in the bathtub, and played tricks with you, did you feel comfortable, Lawyer Lin?"

Lin Yan's eyelashes trembled, everything Lu Hanqian said was his most unbearable and painful memory.

He shudders, curls up, his wrist hurts just thinking about it.

However, Lu Hanqian still forced him to watch the scars being provoked at this time, frame by frame slow-moving, remembering how bloody there was under that memory.

"You don't know how comfortable you are inside."

Lu Hanqian said: "You also sound good when you bark. Lin Yan, why do you only want to bark when I hurt you every time? Are you a pain addict or a bitch?...Look, you are so good at copying emails. , Stealing information, what are you still doing as a lawyer? Why don’t you change your career to become an MB, and then you want to know what you can’t get? I’ll spend 2000 million, and I’ll cover you for a year, okay—”

Lin Yan raised his hand tremblingly, and suddenly slapped Lu Hanqian hard across the face.

He stared at Lu Hanqian with a pale face, with suppressed tears in his eyes, and said hoarsely:

"roll."

It is said that the more people in the world know each other, the more painful it will be when they hurt each other.

Because every cut is the most vulnerable weakness.

In this relationship, if Lin Yan had to say that there was something wrong, he was the only one who really used Lu Hanqian.His self-loathing also arose from this.

Lu Hanqian didn't know that every word he said at this time was forcing Lin Yan to a dead end.

"What right do you have to talk to me like that?"

Lu Hanqian asked: "Lin Yan, you really don't know how MB is treated here, do you? Have you ever seen anyone play MB? How about I let you know today?"

Lu Hanqian suddenly pulled Lin Yan to stand up, strangled his neck and pushed him onto the sofa. Lin Yan was staggered by his pull, and his head just hit the inner frame of the sofa, and there was a "clang" immediately.

Lin Yan yelled "Ah", his eyes turned black and he shivered into a ball, but Lu Hanqian stretched out his hand to pull his collar.

Lin Yan grabbed his clothes and refused to let go, so Lu Hanqian took out a large handful of cash from his wallet and threw it on Lin Yan's face:

"Enough!"

Lin Yan stared blankly at him, the banknotes were thrown all over his body, he looked at Lu Hanqian, and suddenly his whole body couldn't help shaking, the tears that he had endured for a long time just fell from the corners of his eyes.

Lu Hanqian easily opened Lin Yan's fingers, and Lin Yan seemed to be drained of strength, only trembling and coughing, as if he was choked by something, and he let Lu Hanqian toss and fiddle without any resistance at all.

Lu Hanqian was also in a state of stress, as if possessed by a demon, torturing Lin Yan without a trace of reason.

He didn't notice at all that Lin Yan's pupils had lost a gleam of brilliance, and he just stared blankly ahead. After tears flowed for a while, he frowned and closed his eyes wearily.

It's been a very messy, bad affair.

In the end, Lu Hanqian looked at the unresponsive Lin Yan and didn't know what he was doing.

He held Lin Yan in his arms, hugged him, kissed his cold back and neck, and stuck to him through the messy clothes.

do not go.

Lu Hanqian said in his heart that he no longer had the face to say this to Lin Yan, but silently begged: Please, don't go...

Lin Yan was as quiet as if he had fallen asleep, and the sofa cover that had started to get wet under his cheeks was already half dry.

Lu Hanqian picked him up and took him to the bathroom to clean up.Then put Lin Yan under the quilt, as if nothing had happened, they hugged each other and fell asleep as before.

Until around twelve o'clock, Lu Hanqian dimly stretched out his hand in his sleep, wanting to check if Lin Yan had a fever, but suddenly found that his side was empty.