To die

When Gu Zhao heard that Lin Yan was about to starve to death, he couldn't believe it.

Standing in the kitchen, he almost dropped the porcelain bowl that Lu Hanqian asked him to hand over, and asked:

"How long has he not eaten?"

Lu Hanqian's eyes were bloodshot, and there was an unshaven beard on his chin.

While washing the rice, he skillfully peeled and cut the hawthorn into a bowl, lowered his head and said in a hoarse voice, "Six days."

Gu Zhao took a deep breath: "It's amazing."

He stared at Lu Hanqian's unusually quick movements, and always felt that there was an indescribable sense of disobedience.He frowned and asked:

"Then you just give him nutritional injections?...But since Lin Lu doesn't eat, why are you still busy?"

Lu Hanqian pulled out the boiled kettle, poured hot water into the rice cooker, prepared it carefully according to the scale, and pressed the switch:

"I'm doing it. If he suddenly wants to eat, he doesn't have to wait."

Gu Zhao crossed his arms and shook his head in a "tsk tsk tsk", feeling deeply: "I really didn't expect that Young Master Lu, who can only boil water after living for 27 years, can learn to cook porridge in just six days."

"——You have so many stinky problems that your parents can't get over, Lin Lu actually cured them all for you. It's really good enough to teach."

However, Lu Hanqian looked haggard and tired, and did not speak.

He looked at the rice cooker silently, put one hand on the lid, and after a while, said very softly: "He is going to die."

"Gu Zhao, Lin Yan is going to die."

Gu Zhao looked up, but he heard Lu Hanqian continue: "I've been having nightmares recently. It was the same last night."

"I dreamed that he went over mountains and ridges, and traveled far, far away. No matter what I called him, he refused to turn back."

Lu Hanqian murmured in a low voice, fascinated: "He stopped by a river, and he was about to get on the ferry, and the river was covered with fog... I said, Lin Yan, you can't go there, it's the River of Forgetfulness. Not coming back. But he ignored me."

The corners of Lu Hanqian's eyes were red, and his height of about 1.8 meters, standing in the kitchen with an apron on, looked a little funny.

But Gu Zhao looked at him at this moment, no matter how much he talked, he couldn't say a joke.

Unlike Lu Hanqian at any time in the past, Gu Zhaoneng can feel that now he is not in any mood to make jokes.

As Lin Yan's condition got worse and worse, Lu Hanqian also took on some kind of gloomy defeat.

Like a fragile beast battered from the inside out.

Gu Zhao listened in silence, Lu Hanqian continued hoarsely: "...you don't know how lucky I am."

"When I woke up from this nightmare in the middle of the night, Lin Yan was still lying next to me, breathing and heart beating. Gu Zhao, you don't know my mood at that time... It's really the afterlife."

Lu Hanqian smiled woodenly—but due to recent anxiety and irritability, his lips were very dry, and even cracked in some places. This smile did not have the arrogant and ruthless demeanor of Mr. Lu in the past.

Even a little weak.

"But I'm afraid that one day, this dream will come true."

Lu Hanqian choked up, his Adam's apple rolled up and down slightly. "I'm scared... What should I do if one day my dream becomes reality?"

He looked at Gu Zhao helplessly, with a bewilderment in his eyes that Gu Zhao had never seen before. Counting from the time when the two of them were playing together when they were still wearing crotch pants, Gu Zhao really saw Lu Hanqian like this for a while. .

"...You know how to boil an eagle, Han Qian?"

Gu Zhao thought for a while, and chose a more euphemistic metaphor: "It is the nomads in the past. In order to hunt, they would catch young eagles and return them, and lock them on the beam with iron chains. Trapped them, beat them, and did not let them sleep. , do not give food to eat, until the wildness is gone, and become my own pet."

Lu Hanqian nodded, and gave a low "hmm" without much energy.

"Nowadays, there is also a mental illness called 'Stockholm Syndrome'. It means that the perpetrator will have a deformed affection for the criminal and rely on him. Not only will he not hate him, but he may even fall in love with the criminal."

Gu Zhao said: "But both of these situations are only for some people. Whether it is a young eagle whose edges and corners have been worn away, or a Stockholm patient who is attached to a criminal, it is a very small number of cases... ..Hanqian, do you understand what I mean?"

Lu Hanqian lowered his head silently, staring at the stove with downcast eyes.

Gu Zhao sighed: "In the end, there were only one or two little hawks that were turned into pets. The other chicks in the nest all died from beatings and pain."

"...Hanqian, from the time you used the overlord's forceful bow to get Lin Lv into your hands, you should know that he can't be tamed—you can either let him go after playing for a while, Or watch him being boiled to death by you, there is no other way out of this matter."

"......I have no idea."

The porridge in the pot is ready, and white mist is bubbling from the air holes.

Lu Hanqian looked at the mist, like a stick in his throat."I really didn't know that was going to happen," he repeated.

"Grab what you want, and keep what you like. This is what my mother taught me."

Lu Hanqian raised his head: "I didn't know it would become like this."

"..."

Gu Zhao was stared at by him, and he was so blocked that he couldn't say a word.After a long while, he said: "Lu Hanqian, Lin Lu met you, it was really a fucking disaster."

In this world, it's not scary to meet a bastard, what's scary is to meet a muddled bastard like Lu Hanqian.

He can hurt you without realizing his mistake.

His birth, growth environment, and living conditions determined that he was destined to be the son of evil from the abyss.

Naive and cruel.

"It's useless if you don't know."

Gu Zhao said: "You and Lin Lu have come to this point. You can only break up with him; or hurry up and spend more time with him, and be mentally prepared to watch him die in a few days. Choose your path."

"..."

Lu Hanqian was silent, his eyes were bloodshot.

After a long time, he closed his eyes and said in a very soft hoarse voice: "This is not a choice. Gu Zhao, your two paths are both to kill me."

***

Except for a strong sense of hunger in the first two or three days, and an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, Lin Yan actually didn't feel anything after he was hungry.

He became sleepy, weak, unresponsive, and lethargic.

Sometimes when he opened his eyes, he saw Lu Hanqian sitting on the edge of the bed staring at him blankly, and when he woke up, he hurriedly asked him if he wanted to eat, but Lin Yan just turned his head tiredly, rolled over and shrank into the bed and ignored him.

Lu Hanqian no longer handcuffed him, but the moment he put it down, Lin Yan's left hand was already numb, and he couldn't even curl his fingers voluntarily.

He felt empty, bored, dull and didn't want to talk or stay awake.

I just want to sleep, and it doesn't matter when I stop breathing directly in my sleep.

At first he hated Lu Hanqian, this hatred became more and more obvious after the conflict with Lu Hanqian.It made Lin Yan want to avenge him with death.

But gradually, Lin Yan felt more and more tired, anorexia and world-weary.

He felt that life was really boring, especially after Gu Li killed Zhao Yu, Lin Yan felt as if there was no point in doing anything.

He couldn't distinguish between day and night, sometimes Lu Hanqian hugged him, hugged Lin Yan tightly in his arms, kissed his neck, his thin shoulders and butterfly bones.

Lin Yan was also sleepy, didn't move, just closed his eyes and let him kiss without any reaction.

He was tired of the body, tired of the world, tired of being alive.

Like the previous 24 years, I was too tired, and I finally had a chance to take a break, and I wanted to sleep for a long time.

In fact, this kind of depressive illness had already shown signs when Lin Yan had self-harmed behaviors.

But he has been suppressing himself all the time, and because of Lu Hanqian's existence, not only can't show it, but he has to flatter him, until now it's out of control.

"woke up?"

After opening his eyes one time, a blurry figure approached Lin Yan. Lin Yan frowned and blinked before he saw that it was Gu Zhao.

Gu Zhao sent a WeChat message of "see you later" to his little lover, then closed his phone, and then focused on looking at Lin Yan, heaving a sigh of relief:

"Lin Lu, you are really amazing. I thought you weren't going to wake up anymore."

Lin Yan closed his eyes numbly, ignored him, and was about to tuck into the quilt and fall asleep again.

Gu Zhao hurriedly grabbed Lin Yan, smiled and said, "Don't rush to sleep, I'm here to tell you good news."

He held Lin Yan's wrist, Lin Yan frowned and hissed, Gu Zhao lowered his head, only to find that there was a wound on his wrist.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Gu Zhao immediately let go of his hands and apologized: "I didn't know that bastard Lu Hanqian did such a bastard thing."

Lin Yan's face was very pale, and his lips turned blue. Gu Zhao's heart skipped a beat when he saw it, and felt that something was wrong, but he couldn't tell what was wrong.

His eyeballs moved slightly under his thin eyelids, and Gu Zhao knew that Lin Yan was listening.

"That idiot Lu Hanqian has no face to tell you, so I'll embarrass him for him."

Gu Zhaodao: "He agreed to separate from you. As long as you take care of your health, eat well, and be active, he will let you go. After that, you will be separated from each other, and you will live happily ever after without disturbing each other."

He finished speaking with a smile, waiting for Lin Yan's reaction.

From Gu Zhao's point of view, he felt that Lin Yan would be very happy to hear the news.

After all, since Lin Yan doesn't like Lu Hanqian, and he was forced to stay by his side for so long, isn't it a matter of congratulations that he can finally leave?

However, Lin Yan lay extremely calm, without the slightest wave of joy on his face, and only smiled very lightly.

"Oh."

Lin Yan said in a low voice, he hadn't spoken for a long time, and his voice was a little hoarse: "He finally got tired of me, and now I'm afraid that I will really die with him, isn't it fun to make trouble?"

"..."

Gu Zhao paused: "Hey, no... What are you thinking, Lawyer Lin?"

"Hanqian really wanted you to have a good life in the future, and I persuaded him for a long time before agreeing."

Lin Yan bent his lips, as if smiling, but his eyes were very cold and indifferent.

"...No, Lin Lu, are you unhappy?"

Gu Zhaodu was a little confused by him: "This is a good thing, maybe you really don't want to leave here?"

"...good thing."

Lin Yan lowered his eyes and repeated the word in a low voice.After a while, he looked at Gu Zhao and asked, "For me, the good thing is that the Lu family was overthrown and Lu Hanqian was imprisoned. Neither of these things happened, so why should I be happy?"

"...The Lu family is overthrown...?"

Gu Zhao laughed awkwardly, as if he had heard a cold joke: "Then, Lin Lu, you should change your wish. Otherwise, you probably won't be able to realize it in this life... The Lu family is deeply rooted in Lancheng. Even if it is killed by one head, it will not be able to shake half of its branches and leaves."

Lin Yan didn't say a word, he was really not in good spirits, and after talking to Gu Zhao for a while, his eyelids felt sore and he wanted to fall asleep again.

"I just went to Yundu to handle a case."

Lin Yanqiang braced himself from his fatigue and tried his best to pull himself together and said: "When Lu Hanqian saw him, he chased and pestered me like a mad dog for more than a year."

"He almost destroyed me. Mentally, physically, it left scars that never recovered."

Lin Yan said: "But even if he is willing to let me go now, he will still not be punished. To me, what kind of good thing is this...?"

Gu Zhao was choked, he found that Lin Yan's way of thinking was different from theirs.

As Gu Zhao thought, it would be nice to be able to persuade Lu Hanqian to let Lin Yan go, how dare he expect that good and evil will be rewarded and everyone is equal.

The freer the thought, the more painful the reality.

If you think so much, isn't that just embarrassing yourself?

"...I don't know why Lin Lu suddenly, uh, got into such a fight with Han Qian."

Gu Zhao considered his words carefully, and said cautiously, "But why don't you think about the original intention that supported you to go on?"

"During the past year, you and Hanqian bumped into each other, didn't you have the idea of ​​not wanting to live anymore? Then how you persisted, you might as well think about it now."

He looked at Lin Yan's eye sockets that became more profound due to his weight loss. He must have been ill for a long time. Those dark and clear eyes were much less aloof and arrogant than before, and more lingering and weak.

With a weak and sick air, it makes me feel sad and pitiful.

"Anyway, here's what I said."

Gu Zhao stared into Lin Yan's eyes in rapt attention, and when he came back to his senses, his heart skipped a beat. "...As long as you get better, Hanqian will let you go. But if Lin Lu, you really feel that life is meaningless, then...no one can stop you, right?"

"......you sure?"

After a long time, Gu Zhao almost thought that he couldn't wait for Lin Yan's answer, and then he heard Lin Yan say dryly, "I want Lu Hanqian to promise me personally."

——He still wants to finish things before leaving after all.

A mantis' arm acts as a cart, and a mayfly shakes a tree.

Lin Yan has been doing this kind of things that he knows he can't do.The last thing he wanted to do for himself.

"Okay, I'll call Hanqian in to give you a guarantee!"

Gu Zhao immediately said: "Let me just say, it's good to be alive, no matter how hard you think about it, you can't seek death, is it Lawyer Lin? You can change the city later, and you can start a new life immediately!"

Lin Yan didn't smile, he stared blankly at the ceiling, his eyes dull and tired.

And Lu Hanqian, who had been quietly standing outside the door eavesdropping, couldn't laugh even more. He silently listened to all the conversations in the room, until Lin Yan agreed to break up with him and eat something, then he walked softly along the door as if drained of strength. Sitting softly on the ground.

He stared blankly at the empty air, and even thought, if only he hadn't told Lin Yan about the USB drive a week ago.

Why did he tell Lin Yan about the USB drive?

After all, he and Lin Yan were really like a couple when they were together.Cook porridge together every day, watch TV in our arms, and sleep in each other's arms at night.

Lu Hanqian numbly took out his mobile phone and stared at the "99 little things lovers must do" in the memo.

They still have more than 70 unfinished.

Lu Hanqian thought a little sadly that he might not be able to finish with Lin Yan again.

In fact, what is the relationship between illusions?

For Lu Hanqian, even if it is an illusion constructed by lies, it is nothing more than a rare and precious dream.

But he ruined it all with his own hands.

Lu Hanqian thought, he is really an idiot.