To die

Like a person about to drown, Lin Yan tried his best to resist at least at first.

He resists the abyss, resists accepting fate, resists being dragged down by fate like this cowardly and incompetently.

But today, when he was forcibly teased by Lu Hanqian to climax, Lin Yan found sadly that his body had betrayed him.

It turned out that no matter whether it was willing or passive resistance, whether it was pleasing two people or taking it by force, this body trembled as if it couldn't bear it when it was stimulated so shamelessly, and was played with in the hands of others in a despicable way.

At that moment, Lin Yan's disgust towards himself almost reached the extreme.

"Why are you crying?"

Lu Hanqian lowered his head, looked down at Lin Yan, slowly kissed away his tears, and then frowned involuntarily: "Fuck, it's so fucking painful."

Lin Yan closed his eyes, didn't answer, and turned his face slightly, his black and curly eyelashes were wet with tears, like damp flowers blooming in the corner of the wall in early spring.

Looking at his pale and beautiful face, Lu Hanqian felt pitiful and cute, and couldn't help but like a wolf dog, leaned down to kiss Lin Yan's eyelids non-stop, and laughed softly:

"How can it be cheap? If you feel comfortable, it means that I am doing a good job."

"When I used to play outside, I don't know how many times I was served by others. Who dares to say that I'm cheap? ——I even threw my skull over!"

Lu Hanqian said with a hippie smile: "Dear boy, I am your partner, what is there to be shy about?...Don't cry, I see you like this, I don't know what's going on in my heart, I'm sore and swollen, but he Mom is suffering."

...do you feel bad too?

Lin Yan closed his eyes, chuckled softly, and thought silently: Your discomfort is the crocodile's tears, the fake rabbit's death and the fox's sorrow, and the most hypocritical posturing.

"Lu Hanqian, if one day I die, what will happen to you?"

In the silence, Lin Yan suddenly opened his eyes, and with a slightly nasal voice, asked softly as if in a trance.

"die?"

Lu Hanqian was slightly taken aback, and then smiled indifferently: "What are you thinking. I won't let you die—even the god of death, there is no way to snatch you away from me."

"I'm just saying if."

"If..."

Lu Hanqian frowned, as if he had never thought about this question.

But it was okay if he didn't think about it before, but now that he thinks about it, Lu Hanqian can't imagine what it would be like to lose Lin Yan forever.

He didn't escape to some place in the world, but separated from yin and yang, and passed away forever.

Since then, I have searched all over the mountains and rivers, and I will never come back.

"...I can't imagine that."

After a while, Lu Hanqian said in a hoarse voice, he hugged Lin Yan tightly: "I may remember you for half a month at most, and then I'll find a new girlfriend and drink and have fun... I won't be sad if you die, I won't remember you—"

"Lin Yan, let's have a good time together, don't keep thinking about these messy things."

At that time, Lu Hanqian hadn't realized that, in fact, he had already vaguely noticed the difference between Lin Yan and the past.

It's just that he didn't think deeply, and he didn't dare to think deeply—his instinct told him that it would be an answer he couldn't bear.

His answer to Lin Yan's question was almost Lu Hanqian's subconscious effort to persuade Lin Yan to stay.

Early the next morning, Lin Yan went to work.

Lu Hanqian lazily leaned against the head of the bed, wearing a nightgown, and took out a newly purchased tie from the paper bag next to the bed:

"Use this today. I asked Li Nan to buy it yesterday."

Lin Yan glanced lightly, it was a couple model.

"I'll tie it for you."

Seeing Lin Yan approaching, Lu Hanqian took the opportunity to grab his hand, pulled Lin Yan staggeringly, and bit his neck again.

Like a ferocious beast biting the neck of its prey.

Lin Yan lowered his eyes without any struggle, only frowned when Lu Hanqian tried too hard and almost bit his skin, and gasped slightly.

"Stamp it."

Lu Hanqian smiled and loosened it, then pulled out the tie, and tied it on Lin Yan himself:

"Otherwise, there are too many brave little girls in your office, and they all dare to rob people from me."

Lin Yan didn't answer, and let him play with himself. Before going out, he quietly put a band-aid in the file bag.

Lu Hanqian watched him go out, and after confirming that Lin Yan had left, he called up the memo from his phone——

Inside it seems to be the "What You Have to Know!"99 sweet little things couples must do! ".

Lu Hanqian crossed out the third item "Own a couple's item", and the fourth and fifth items immediately next to it are "go together to ask for a lottery once" and "ski together once".

Lu Hanqian recalled his schedule, and felt that Li Nan might be able to finish with Lin Yan this month if he asked Li Nan to push back some social engagements.

After finishing these, he set an alarm for 08:30, then retracted into the quilt, and went back to sleep contentedly.

However, at this time, Lin Yan came out of Shengxue Bay and stood in front of the trash can on the street.

Expressionlessly, he took apart Lu Hanqian's carefully tied tie, rubbed it together, and wanted to throw it into the trash can.

But after hesitating for a moment, after all, he was still afraid that Lu Hanqian would not be able to answer when he asked again, so he just stuffed it into the bag hastily.

Then he groped to find the place where Lu Hanqian left the hickey, and pinched it there for a long time, using reason to suppress the urge to peel off this piece of flesh, and calmly tore off a band-aid to cover it.

In the city in the early morning, everything is just waking up.

The old man who sells fried dough sticks and tofu nao set up a stall on the street, happily humming an old song from more than ten years ago:

"...

Why don't we distinguish between east and west

A moment of joy

good and bad dreams

..." "Note 1"

This was just a very common Cantonese song, but when Lin Yan heard it now, he felt a sense of desolation and desolation for no reason.

...Why is there no distinction between East and West?

Because life is proud of the spring breeze for a moment, and it will be good or bad at any time.

20 years ago, Lin Yan's mother went from being a famous actress to dying without anyone caring about her;

Twenty years later, Lin Yan's young man was stunned and brilliant, but he was also experiencing the same despair and pain.

This world is like a huge playground, the rich and powerful with "capital" are the players, and countless ordinary people like Lin Yan are the companions.

The meaning of the existence of accompanying guests may just be to provide fun for the players' game experience.

No matter how hard they struggle, they are just played to death in the end.

***

In the afternoon, Lin Yan received another notice from the court at the office that the hearing of Gu Li's case would be postponed.

Zhao Yufang keeps submitting new evidence, and each submission will affect the court hearing time.

That's more than four months behind initial expectations.

After all kinds of efforts have been tried, Zhao Yu did this just to kill Gu Li.

When Gu Li passed away due to illness, and then asked her ex-husband for compensation, the man who had been divorced for decades would naturally be willing to use the death of a cheap daughter in exchange for a son born later with enough money to buy a house and a car.

But the current situation is that if it drags on, Zhao Yu may still reap the unexpected joy of Lin Yan being boiled to death together.

Lin Yan let out a long sigh, his headache was about to split.

The commissioned private investigator also sent a feedback email.

Lin Yan copied the materials into his notebook while thinking about countermeasures.

The email sent by the private detective this time shows that Chen Xi was admitted to a mental hospital in 1999.

At that time, Lin Yan's mother had passed away for two years.

Before being hospitalized, she worked as a gardener in Lu's family for four months, and then she was fired.

The family also sent her to the mental hospital in the suburbs on the grounds of mental problems.

The cause...is delusional disorder.

Chen Xi always felt that she had a child, but someone snatched it away, but in fact, she didn't even get married.

The family thought she was crazy, but the private detective found out that Chen Xi did have a child.

A dead baby.

She conceived before marriage, and no one knew who the father of the child was.

Twenty years ago, people were conservative, but Chen Xi would rather resign for a period of time and hide in the countryside than kill the child.

However, the medical facilities in black clinics in remote rural areas could not keep up. When she was in labor, there was a problem with the delivery of the child, and she suffocated to death.

Since then, Chen Xi has been looking for children everywhere.

She said that she clearly heard the cry of the child, and it could never be a dead baby, someone must have snatched him away.

Seeing this, Lin Yan couldn't help recalling that when he visited Chen Xi in the mental hospital that day, she had indeed been curled up on the ground to draw a family portrait.

Children's puzzles and literacy cards were scattered around, and Chen Xi kept humming nursery rhymes, as if she was playing with a child in her fantasy.

...It's just that the family portrait was too strange, Lin Yan recalled, when he glanced over from a distance, he saw that the "father" in the family portrait was all black, like wearing a suit, but with a long mouth. With two huge fangs.

He bit the child's mother, who smiled and stared at the boy in her arms.

Then the timeline should look like this.

Lin Yan opened an empty page in his notebook and drew a timeline on it:

In 1989, Lin Yan's mother went abroad to practice in order to prepare for entering the music scene;

In 1990, Chen Xi gave birth to a dead baby whose father was unknown in a black clinic;

In 1993, Lin Yan was born in Paris with blessings and expectations;

In 1997, Lin Yan's mother slipped and fell from a small mansion and died;

In 1999, when Lu Hanqian was nine years old, Chen Xi went to work as a gardener at Lu's house instead of being a manager.

But just four months later, she was fired and sent to a mental institution, where she remains today.

Lin Yan stared at this timeline silently, and suddenly, he discovered an extremely weird coincidence.

This is a very absurd conjecture, but at the same time extremely terrifying.

He couldn't help stretching out his hand, pressing on each line of the timeline, and recalculated in his mind.

...this is ridiculous.

Lin Yan couldn't help thinking, how could such a groundless and preposterous idea appear in his mind?

Lin Yan tried to drive it out of his mind, but it seemed like some kind of taboo, the more he was not allowed to mention it, the more he couldn't help thinking about it.

Until Lu Hanqian called him in the evening, Lin Yan still had this guess in his heart.

"Are you working overtime today?"

Lu Hanqian asked on the phone: "What time will you be home?"

"Around six o'clock."

Lin Yan said: "There is a party in the office today, I won't go, and I won't work overtime."

"..."

Lu Hanqian was silent, and said in a rare way: "Go, Lin Yan, how can you be so out of touch with your colleagues all the time? You must actively participate in group activities!"

Lin Yan was baffled, he had always disliked those drinking parties where he flattered each other, and it was very embarrassing to go there, and Lu Hanqian was always happy for him to go home early, why did he suddenly change his mind today?

"Or shall we go out to eat today?"

Lu Hanqian tried his best to prevent Lin Yan from going home immediately, and tried his best: "I know there is a new Japanese food restaurant, it's pretty good, how about ours today...?"

"I feel sick to my stomach recently, and I don't want to eat Japanese food."

However, Lin Yan said, "Just go back and cook some porridge."

"How about cooking at home? I'll take you to the Four Seasons Porridge Shop—"

"What's the matter?"

Lin Yan frowned, and could hear a different kind of nervousness in Lu Hanqian's voice, and he was pulling him to talk nonsense again, a little impatient.

"..."

Lu Hanqian was silent, at a loss, standing between the glass shards and the water in the living room, wanting to cry but feeling guilty.

The silly dog ​​didn't know what happened, squatted in front of Lu Hanqian, wagging his tail, grinning and exhaling.

Judging by that expression, he seems to be a little proud.

Lu Hanqian simply didn't know how to describe to Lin Yan what he saw just now when he entered the door.

After brewing for a long time, Lu Hanqian finally plucked up the courage, and said softly:

"That's what... Humbert, it ate your fish..."