To die

Lu Hanqian is like a victorious hunter,

Lu Hanqian was out all day today and just came back.

He had an indescribable feeling in his heart. He wanted to go back and see Lin Yan to see if he was awake, but he was also afraid that if he really went back, he would run into Lin Yan.

The kiss before parting in the morning, he could not help but bend down, as if possessed by a demon.

Before the consciousness even realized it, the body had already made a move.

But when he was about to touch it, he found that Lin Yan's eyes could not help turning slightly under his thin eyelids——

He is awake.

At that moment, Lu Hanqian was like a thief caught in the act.

Embarrassed, ashamed, overwhelmed, at a loss, almost slamming the door like fleeing.

...it turns out he was awake.

...Turns out he found out.

In the past so many late nights, the kisses he quietly left on the forehead after Lin Yan fell asleep; the long-term gaze in the dark;

Does Lin Yan also know everything?

Thinking of this, Lu Hanqian never wanted to see Lin Yan again.

He ran to find Gu Zhao, but Gu Zhao was in the hospital with his cousin, seeing a psychiatrist.

"Ayi, this kid is too ignorant!"

Gu Zhao sighed on the phone: "She was alone in her room yesterday, and she cut her arm more than a dozen times. My uncle and aunt were so distressed that they insisted on me taking her to see a psychiatrist."

"Does this also need to see a psychiatrist?"

Lu Hanqian wondered: "When I was a child, my mother stabbed countless needles in my arms. I have never seen a psychiatrist."

"..."

Gu Zhao was taken aback, and said, "I/fuck! Didn't you, your own mother stabbed you? Mrs. Lu!?"

"correct."

Lu Hanqian lazily nestled in the car seat, stretched out one hand out of the car window, held a cigarette between his fingers, and said nonchalantly, "But it hurts, I still remember it now."

"...Master Lu, I think you know why you are so distorted now."

Gu Zhao choked for a long time, not knowing what to say: "Then your dad doesn't know? He just watched your mom stab you like this?"

"I was young at that time, so I was not sensible."

Lu Hanqian said: "I was frightened at first and didn't dare to tell my dad. Later, when I grew up and knew that I had filed a complaint, my dad came back and beat her up. After that, it didn't hurt."

Hearing Lu Hanqian's casual and indifferent tone, Gu Zhao was speechless.

"...This is too cruel."

He said: "How can you look like a real mother? She is almost more sinister than a stepmother. Fortunately, your father is okay and can support you."

"He's not a good guy either."

Lu Hanqian lazily said: "He made me almost ask my school girl to call her Xiaoma, she's just an old beast."

Gu Zhao laughed, and couldn't help but laugh: "However, you father and son have similar aesthetic concepts. I've seen that elementary school girl, don't you think she looks like Lin Lu?"

"Especially the eyes, they are really similar to Lin Lu!"

As soon as Lin Yan was mentioned, Lu Hanqian suddenly fell silent.

He remembered the kiss in the morning, and the look in Lin Yan's eyes when he slapped him last night.

Gu Zhao felt a little bad: "..."

"...my cousin called me."

Driven by the desire to survive, Gu Zhao carefully prepared to slip away and said, "I'll hang up with Young Master Lu first..."

"He said he wanted me to die."

Lu Hanqian said suddenly.

"..."

Lu Hanqian raised his head, leaned on the back of the driver's seat, and took a deep breath:

"Because I forced him to bite me once."

"...fuck me."

Gu Zhao blurted out, almost dropping the phone in fright: "You are an idiot, Lu Hanqian!"

"He despises me. He hates me."

Lu Hanqian quietly, with his throat rolling slightly, said word by word: "Gu Zhao, I can accept it—but why is that little nurse liked by him?"

Lu Hanqian's voice was hoarse, and he said slowly: "In terms of family background, appearance, knowledge... I am not better than that little nurse in any of them-then why does he like that little nurse, why the hell can't he like me?"

"..."

Lu Hanqian closed his eyes and paused as if he wanted to calm down for a moment.

"...He may not like me, but how can he like someone who is not as good as me?"

"—I fucking disagree!"

Listening to the sound of breathing in the microphone, Gu Zhao didn't know what to say, so he took out a cigarette from his pocket in distress.

He squatted in the corridor of the hospital, and laughed dryly: "No, Young Master Lu, don't you and Lin Lu have a pure physical relationship... just don't worry about Lin Lu's heart... "

Lu Hanqian remained silent.

"If you want me to say, don't force him."

In the silence, Gu Zhao thought for a while, and decided to risk his life to persuade him again: "...Hanqian, you will kill Lin Lu."

"The last few times I saw him, I saw scars all over the palms of his hands. Was that scratched by himself?"

Gu Zhao scratched his hair, looking worried: "I took Ah Yi to see a psychiatrist, and the doctor said that harming one's own body is one of the manifestations of excessive depression and inability to relax the mind."

"As for being overly depressed, there are even suicidal tendencies... You see, Lin Lu has drawn himself like that. It's really dangerous."

"suicide?"

Lu Hanqian paused when he heard the words, and suddenly laughed, as if he heard something interesting.

"Come on. Lin Yan will commit suicide?"

He said frivolously and nonchalantly: "No - he just wants me to die."

That's right, how could a lonely and indifferent person like Lin Yan commit suicide.

Lu Hanqian thought, from the first day I knew him, he was as cold as a small knife, stabbing anyone who came close.

Such a sharp and proud energy, there is no second one in this world.

"But doesn't being angry for a long time hurt your body?"

Gu Zhao still continued to persuade: "Look, Lin Lu is not in good health either, he is so thin..."

"No, you don't know him, Gu Zhao."

However, Lu Hanqian interrupted and said, "You really don't understand him, Lin Yan is not as fragile as you think."

Although his face was always pale and he looked like he had just recovered from a serious illness, there was an indestructible energy in Lin Yan that could not make him succumb to anything.

Lu Hanqian thought that he had seen many people who were stronger and more powerful than Lin Yan, but none of them were as brave and fearless as this thin and thin body.

Lin Yan's back is always straight.It seems invincible, fearless of all storms and showers.

Standing there alone, he had a feeling of "one man guards the gate, and ten thousand men cannot open it".

When he first fell in love with Lin Yan, Lu Hanqian often went to see Lin Yan's defense in court.

At the age of 23, a young lawyer who is single and flimsy, but always stands alone in court again and again.

His clients are all kinds of things: a student disabled by corporal punishment by a teacher, a doctor caught in a medical dispute, a wife who was raped by a family, a newcomer who was sexually harassed...

But without exception, those who stood in the dock opposite were always the upper class that the plaintiff could never reach in his lifetime.

The relatives and friends of the other party attended the event in a large number, and almost all the seats were filled.

On Lin Yan's side, there are only one or two here and there, and he can't even make up the numbers.

Every defense is a desperate situation with no chance of winning.

But Lin Yan always stood there without flinching, standing there by himself, he had the aura of commanding thousands of troops and being able to do nothing to me.

Ren came aggressively, and he did not retreat half a step.Thinking carefully and quickly, step by step, with a tough and calm expression, until the other party was questioned speechlessly.

A prosecutor once said in private that Lin Yan was the only person he had ever met who could truly afford to argue.

A young man who becomes famous is an inexhaustible talent.

At that time, Lu Hanqian was sitting in the crowd watching him, watching him from afar.

Look at his slightly frowning eyebrows from time to time; look at his soft and gentle eyes when he comforts the client; look at his beautiful eyes that sometimes coldly look down on the other party.....

Such a high-spirited young man, full of passion and vigor.

It's just so beautiful you can't take your eyes off it.

Lu Hanqian has seen countless awards ceremonies in the entertainment circle, and every attendee is heavily made up and beamed with light.

But he had never seen one like Lin Yan.

Obviously wearing the most common snow-white shirt, but as soon as he walked into the court, he seemed to become luminous.

When he defended his belief, the whole world went dark, and Lu Hanqian could only see him. He was the last knight who stuck to the bottom line of morality and justice in this world.

"That's all I can say."

Gu Zhaodao: "Hanqian, in short, you have to know that human life is very fragile."

Just as Lu Hanqian was about to answer, he heard Gu Zhao continue to say sincerely: "Not everyone is as resistant as you. Being raped by a mother like a stepmother from childhood to adulthood, you can still bear it."

"..."

"In Lin Lu's profession, he has seen more dark sides of society than ordinary people."

Gu Zhao said: "If you force him to make him feel that there is no good in this world, something may really go wrong."

"It's alright, alright, I know."

Lu Hanqian was a little irritable, the cigarette between his fingers was almost burned out, and he pressed it on the car body all at once.

He raised his hand and hung up the phone. For some reason, what Gu Zhao said repeatedly came to mind.

——Life is very fragile.

This sentence made Lu Hanqian slightly startled.

Death is like a lamp going out, life is like a thin snow in early winter.

When spring comes and the snow melts, the land is really empty and clean.Not a single trace left.

But for some reason, Lu Hanqian never thought that Lin Yan might also get sick and die.

That's why he was always tossing him endlessly.

At this moment, he suddenly realized that he felt a mixed feeling of bewilderment, guilty conscience, vague worry, and bewilderment.

After a long time, Lu Hanqian cursed "Fuck", stepped on the accelerator, and drove away.

***

Lin Yan was sitting on the sofa alone, only one wall lamp was turned on in the living room, it was dim and obscure.

Looking at it at a glance, Lin Yan's outline is a bit blurred, and half of his body is shrouded in shadow.

Lu Hanqian couldn't see his expression clearly, and changed his shoes at the entrance in silence.

Lin Yan's eyes were lowered, and he also remained silent, but his eyes fell on a fruit knife on the coffee table.

His fingers were tightly gripping the edge of the sofa. In order to forcefully maintain his composure, his knuckles were almost livid.

...Is it him?

The culprit who he had been looking for for so long, caused him to lose his home and everything.

The beginning of all his pain...

The sinner who deserved to die immediately.

Lin Yan's eyelashes trembled violently. Under his calm appearance, his fingernails were about to snap.

"Have you eaten yet? I brought you Four Seasons dumplings."

However, in the silent atmosphere, Lu Hanqian suddenly took the initiative to speak.

He walked towards Lin Yan, carrying a packing box in his hand.

Lin Yan doesn't know how to cook, he only knows how to fry and boil eggs.Occasionally the eggs don't cooperate and fry into ribbons in the kettle.

Startled by Lu Hanqian's footsteps, Lin Yan suddenly looked away, and his body trembled involuntarily.

No...no.

There are still many things that are not clear...

The old lawyer said that there were no traces of others pushing and shoving at the scene, but how could the mother jump off the building by herself?

At that time Lin Yan was only four years old, if someone did not force her, she would never have abandoned her young child and chose to die.

Who persecuted her, Lu Hanqian's father, or his jealous Mrs. Lu?

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Seeing Lin Yan's strange expression, Lu Hanqian laughed.

"Are you still angry?"

Lu Hanqian opened the packing box, and a burst of white hot air rushed out instantly.

While lowering his head and tearing the packing bag, he paused, hesitated for a while, and couldn't help but lean into Lin Yan's ear and whispered:

"If you're really upset, how about I bite you tonight?"

"..."

In Mr. Lu's language world, this is basically the limit of his apology.

The lowest thing he ever said in his life was "xxxx, how are you doing?"

They all told Lin Yan.

It's just that Lin Yan never bought it.

He looked at Lin Yan's silent expression, thinking that he hadn't recovered from the shock from yesterday.So he couldn't help leaning forward, tried his best to put on a kind and casual look, and asked:

"What time did you wake up this morning? I didn't disturb you at work, did I?"

——Didn’t realize that I wanted to kiss you secretly?

However, Lin Yan was quiet, his face was very pale, almost blue.

He lowered his eyes and didn't answer a word, not knowing where his eyes fell.

Lu Hanqian looked at him carefully, and felt that Lin Yan's appearance was a bit strange.

He had never seen Lin Yan like this before.

He didn't choke him with eloquent teeth, but he got so close, and he didn't open his hand with a slap, and said coldly: "Stay away from me."

It was eerily silent.

"..."

Lin Yan sat on the sofa without saying a word, while Lu Hanqian squatted in front of him, quietly looking at Lin Yan with a little inquiry.

After a while, seeing that Lin Yan hadn't responded, Lu Hanqian stood up.

"I put the dumplings here, you can eat them when you are hungry."

He put this sentence down without a tone, and went back to the room alone.

Lu Hanqian was probably a little angry, he condescended to reconcile, but was rejected again.

He purposely made the door close loudly, but Lin Yan didn't notice it at all.

Lin Yan's thoughts were still stuck in the old lawyer's words——

"The victim has serious mental problems. So the police believe that she may have slipped and fell from the building."

How can it be?

Lin Yan thought that although it was a long time ago, in his impression, his mother was always beautiful and gentle.There is always a faint jasmine fragrance on the body.

It doesn't look like you have a mental problem.

Lin Yan still remembered that she didn't like to take a nap when she was a child, so she hugged Xiao Linyan on the balcony of the small foreign building, basking in the sun and humming nursery rhymes.

The soft and warm embrace, the low and clear voice, these should have been with Lin Yan throughout his childhood.

But it stopped abruptly when he was four years old.

There's no way she'd developed a mental illness within just three months of leaving home to film.

...Even if it was true, what exactly did she experience during those three months?

These secrets have been sealed in the dark box of the old time.

And the only key in Lin Yan's hand is Lu Hanqian.

He exhaled lowly, sank into the sofa, and closed his eyes.

Meanwhile, in the room—

"Mr. Lu, how is the progress?"

Lu Hanqian took a shower, rubbed his hair, and turned on his phone.

He glanced at Gu Zhao's WeChat, and replied, "Ignore me."

After Lu Hanqian hung up Gu Zhao's phone in the morning, he thought about it, and there was always a place in his heart that felt uneasy.

Gu Zhao's sentence "Human life is very fragile" seems to have hit his Achilles' heel, making Lu Hanqian shudder when he thinks about it.Unable to bear it, he drove back and consulted a psychiatrist with Gu Zhao.

"Why did you ignore you?"

"..."

Lu Hanqian was silent for a long while, but still let go of his face, and said honestly: "Don't say a word and ignore me."

"...Then I'll bring you the medicine tomorrow?"

Gu Zhao said: "But the doctor said that it is better to look at the psychological problems before prescribing medicine. These can only temporarily relieve anxiety and depression."

"Row."

While replying to WeChat, Lu Hanqian walked to the closet, looking for Lin Yan's clothes one by one.

"Is your thing reliable?" He asked, "If something happens to Lin Yan, your stuff is useless, Gu Zhao, I'll kill you."

Gu Zhao immediately gave him a "thumb" back: "Master Lu, if this thing doesn't work, I'll kick my head off and use it as a ball for you."

Lu Hanqian smiled, and finally found the trench coat that Lin Yan had ironed and was about to change.

He carefully turned the cufflinks over, and pasted a tracker the size of a grain of rice with a wiretapping function on the back of the cufflinks.

"...That's what, Hanqian, isn't your method a bit extreme?"

Gu Zhao couldn't help but said again: "If Lin Lu finds out about this, you will die."

"I'm doing it for his own good."

However, Lu Hanqian said casually: "He doesn't tell me anything, if one day he really can't think about it, someone will run to save him."

"..."

"Okay, go to sleep."

Lu Hanqian put the tracker on, checked it again, put on every piece of Lin Yan's clothes one by one, and then went to sleep in peace.

——However, what he never expected was that Lin Yan went to meet Zhao Yu wearing that windbreaker the next afternoon.

He still remembered the sentence on Zhao Yu's text message:

"Lin Lu, do you want to leave Lu Hanqian?"