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He counted the hours until the fifth morning, when the night faded and white light followed the bright yellow sun through the narrow vent.Shen Baizhan almost lost the ability to speak, every time he blinked he had to use up all his accumulated strength, he was even a little thankful that he could still breathe at this moment.

Even if the nose is full of uncomfortable damp and disgusting musty smell.

With his eyes open, he gave off the feeling of being dead, so that those who watched him would come in every hour to sniff his breath, in case he really died.

After Shang Yao left, someone came in and removed the iron chain hanging from his arm. His right hand was hurting from his shoulder all night, and when he finally fell asleep, he couldn't tell whether he was asleep or fainted.

He dreamed that the night before his freshman year in high school, Shang Yao was walking with him on the river bank. A small fan blows against your face.

In fact, going to high school is just moving from the junior high school to the next door. Shen Baizhan doesn't have much expectations, and going to school every day is just walking the familiar road that can no longer be familiar.

He looked at his back, the refraction of the setting sun and the river made him unable to open his eyes, he blocked the light from his eyes with his hands, Shang Yao answered the phone while walking, and looked back from time to time to see if Shen Baizhan had followed.

Shen Baizhan stretched out his hand and scratched lightly at the air, but he didn't grab anything.

The flying catkins are the last stubbornness in spring, and there is nothing in summer, and it slips away quietly.

At the sidewalk in winter, the hand that the man stretched out to him was so warm that he wanted to cry.The traffic lights appeared alternately, and the yellow light only stayed for two or three seconds. During these two or three seconds of hesitation, Xie Jiangyu reached out to him.

When the green light is on, pedestrians are allowed to walk together.

He woke up from the dream, quietly.

Shen Baizhan looked at the hanging pin on the back of his hand, the snow-white ceiling, and the warm-toned ceiling lamp.He wanted to laugh, but as soon as he uttered a sound, he coughed violently several times. When he coughed, all the nerves in his body seemed to convulse, and the pain was terribly painful.

An Yuyao was still afraid that he would not be able to explain if he was really dead, shouldn't this be the time to rush to save his life?

In the final analysis, it was all Fesli's fault. If his son hadn't been brought back, these things would never have happened.

Shen Baizhan felt that he would be dismissed by Anbei and put on the blacklist when he went back. He asked for leave every now and then, and this time he was absent from work for many days without reason.

He hasn't had any serious illnesses for so many years. This year, these illnesses, together with bad luck and blood loss that almost exhausted his entire life, rushed towards him, telling him that your life is in our hands.Shen Baizhan lamented that his fate was hard, but he had to worry about whether he could open his eyes tomorrow if he closed them today.

After moving here, Shen Baizhan spent much more time sleeping than waking up. Every time he woke up, he could see someone guarding his bedside, and occasionally he could see Shang Yao, but if Shen Baizhan When she opened her eyes and saw that it was him, she quickly closed her eyes and forced herself to continue resting.

He didn't give Shang Yao a chance to talk to him. Sometimes when Shang Yao clearly saw him wake up, and just called Shen Baizhan's name, Shen Baizhan would close his eyes and turn his head to pretend that he didn't hear his voice.

He has pointed out the way for Shang Yao. Since Shang Yao doesn't appreciate it, he doesn't need to talk nonsense. What's the point of waking up a person who pretends to be asleep?

Shang Yao just stood on the opposite side of Shen Baizhan for his own benefit, and the funny thing is that that interest happened to be Shen Baizhan himself.

It's also quite boring, at least in Shen Baizhan's view, he was just venting his anger towards Xie Jiangyu through himself.He was taking revenge on Xie Jiangyu, there were so many paths he could take, but he chose Shen Baizhan's path.

Shen Baizhan could feel that Shang Yao didn't really want to hurt him. Throughout the ages, perpetrators would use all kinds of magical and logical reasons to impose their misfortunes on the victims, and Shang Yao's slant was just right. Standing on the edge to test directly caused Shen Baizhan to suffer.

Shen Baizhan admitted that he was a scumbag, and he also regretted that Shang Yao was so green, but when he decided to be Xie Jiangyu's lover, he immediately proposed to break up with Shang Yao, which seemed to be fine.

He has also admitted to suffering from those mental illnesses, there is nothing to be pitied about.Shen Baizhan felt that as long as he had a good life, what was the mental illness?In the eyes of outsiders, he must be dominated by these diseases, and everything he does now is not voluntary.

So what if the disease took over his brain?

He still wanted to get close to Xie Jiangyu.

Obviously, the person involved didn't think there was a big problem, but the bystanders around him wanted to label Shen Baizhan as miserable.

Being a lover is what he wants, and he also sent the breakup text message. Before making a decision, Shen Baizhan already wanted to separate from Shang Yao, and Xie Jiangyu happened to be the carrier of rejection.

He closed his eyes, and Shang Yao was rubbing his body to prevent Shen Baizhan from atrophying after lying on the bed for a long time.

Shang Yao said, "Did you still have nothing to say to me after so many days?"

Really not, Shen Baizhan said in his heart.

"I went back to your apartment in Anbei, found a medical record, and went to the heart clinic. I invited the doctor here. Whenever you want to talk, I will call the doctor."

Shen Baizhan frowned. It would be a matter of time before he was found out and went to a psychological clinic. He was not afraid to know, but he never expected that Shang Yao would also arrest Ye Huayan.

This is not the Shang Yao he knows, let alone what Shang Yao did.

He opened his eyes and looked at Shang Yao. When did Shang Yao no longer recognize him?

After so many days, Shen Baizhan finally had some reaction, and Shang Yao said with a bit of regret in his tone: "It seems that others are always more important than me, and you will jump up immediately when you mention others."

"Don't worry, she's staying in the room well, but she's not allowed to come in and out at will, she can go back as long as you want."

"Why didn't you tell me you got PTSD?" Shang Yao stopped what he was doing, and looked up into Shen Baizhan's eyes.

Shen Baizhan's eyes were dull and dull, as if covered with a faint layer of gray.

Ye Huayan was preparing to welcome her first patient that day, but the first person who stepped into her consultation room was a strange man who called himself Shang Yao.

Ye Huayan suddenly realized that Shen Baizhan would always mention Shang Yao, but he never told her what his uncle looked like.

"So you are Mr. Shang." Ye Huayan made tea for Shang Yao.

Shang Yao smiled and said, "Bai Zhan never told me that he would seek a psychiatrist."

"You are also a doctor. You should understand that a normal person is more or less unhappy. In fact, a large part of them coming to see a psychiatrist is not because they are sick, but because they lack a listener. We happen to be listeners. "Ye Hua researched.

"Do you think he is seriously ill?"

Ye Huayan shook her head, "I am his doctor, and it is my responsibility to protect his privacy."

"I have read his medical records. He has been treated with you since he was a student until the end." Shang Yao said, "But I made an appointment to chat with you during this time. I am not interested in the latest treatment, but His student days must be related to me, I just want to know the part related to me."

Ye Huayan hesitated for a moment, then said in deliberation: "I can only tell you that his feelings for you once made him very confused."

"It's approaching pain." Ye Huayan sighed while watering the flowers with a watering can, "Until the end, he told me that he was finally with you, and he figured out that people need to have fun in time."

Shang Yao got up and walked to Ye Huayan: "What kind of pain."

Ye Huayan looked at Shang Yao, and suddenly laughed, "Actually, Shen Baizhan's description of you in high school has changed a lot from the description of you now. I know you all from his description I learned that his description of you is exactly the same, although I don't know what you were like before, but from my point of view, you have indeed changed a lot."

"Tell me." Shang Yao said with interest.

"You are allowing Shen Baizhan to run around in your world, but suddenly one day he ran out of your observation range, so you are anxious, you think he is out of control, so you want to come to me Find out why it became what it is now.”

Ye Huayan hit the nail on the head, Shang Yao still smiled, he said with a smile: "Shen Baizhan is not well right now, please go for a walk."

Ye Huayan had long seen people wearing black clothes outside, she was not surprised at all: "Wait, let me prepare."

The woman took off her white coat, put all the electronic equipment in drawers and locked them, and walked out of the consultation room with her bag.

Shang Yao was threatening Shen Baizhan, and Shen Baizhan didn't have any words to describe this disgust from the heart.

"Doctor Ye told me that you were very miserable in high school." Shang Yao kissed Shen Baizhan's eyelids, and Shen Baizhan tightly clenched his hands under the quilt.

"Yes." Shen Baizhan said bitterly.

"I am in so much pain, you are my uncle and I want you to respond to my feelings completely against morality. I never tell you I love you, you can't be my love, you don't know what I want What do you want?"

"Can Xie Jiangyu give it to you?"

"I'm going to walk out of here alive and tell him I love him."

"Your illness is very serious." Shang Yao lifted Shen Baizhan's quilt, and Shen Baizhan was only wearing pajamas.

Shang Yao went out for a meeting and locked the door of the room when he came back. Shen Baizhan had a premonition of what was going to happen next. He watched Shang Yao lying in front of him and unbuttoned his buttons one by one. He said powerlessly: "Don't let Our relationship is completely ruined in your hands."

"We have been doing this before, if you don't move around, nothing will happen."

Shen Baizhan's body swayed with the rhythm of the mattress, he stared blankly at the chandelier above his head, Shang Yao clasped his chin and forced him to look at him.

Shang Yao said, "I love you."

Shen Baizhan said softly.

"Thank you Jiangyu."

He took advantage of Shang Yao's cleaning time to get up and hid the brooch on Shang Yao's clothes under the pillow. After Shang Yao came out, he carried him into the bathroom to wash. Shen Baizhan was physically tired but energetic.Shang Yao took care of him to sleep well again, Shen Baizhan said before Shang Yao left: "I'm a little hungry, please cook me some porridge."

These few days, Shen Baizhan never took the initiative to ask for a meal. Now that he wants to eat some food, Shang Yao naturally prepared it. Shen Baizhan supported his tired body and sat on the head of the bed. The passive love just now made him completely Lost the last bit of hope and nostalgia for Shang Yao, it really is easier to destroy someone who likes someone than all hatred.

Shen Baizhan took out the brooch under the pillow. The needles of the brooch were sharp and long. He straightened the needles of the brooch completely, and then gestured to the air several times.

Then he cut off his wrist without hesitation.