After My Ex-Boyfriend's White Moonlight Proposed to Me

Zhuang Yan and Yan Xi meet at a cafe.

When Yan Xi came, Zhuang Yan was already waiting, he didn't pay attention to Yan Xi's arrival, and quietly stared at the coffee in his hand in a daze.

He didn't raise his head until the chair opposite was pulled away by Yan Xi: "Come?"

Yan Xi frowned, glanced at the empty seat next to Zhuang Yan, then looked at the cup of coffee on the table, and asked in a low voice, "Where is Xie Ning?"

Zhuang Yan asked him out in the name of Xie Ning, and Yan Xi was obviously impatient when he didn't see Xie Ning's people at the moment.

But Zhuang Yan has no other choice, his plane tonight, not under the guise of Xie Ning's name, Yan Xi may not be able to attend the appointment.

"He didn't come." Zhuang Yan handed him the menu on the table, "I have something to talk to you about."

Yan Xi didn't take the menu, and even stood up: "I don't think there is anything we need to make a special appointment to talk about."

Zhuang Yan said, "Xie Ning went out this afternoon."

Yan Xi frowned.

Zhuang Yan added: "If I'm not mistaken, I should see Dr. Ji."

Yan Xi sat down: "What do you want to talk about?"

He was willing to talk, but Zhuang Yan paused for a moment.

He took a sip of coffee and frowned slightly, as if he was thinking about where to start.

While waiting for Yan Xi to come over, he has been thinking about this matter, and he has thought of several insincere methods, but when he meets people, he feels that if he becomes tactful, Yan Xi might be as close to him as before. Do Tai Chi.

He didn't have much time to wait, so he asked Yan Xi directly: "Xie Ning committed suicide before, didn't he?"

When the voice fell, he felt that the whole cafe was quiet.

Yan Xi, who was sitting across from him, was also stunned, and Zhuang Yan saw his hand that had been relaxed on the table suddenly shake it.

"How do you know?" He didn't deny it.

"That's not the point." Zhuang Yan said, "Besides, it's not hard to guess, Xie Ning has a bird tattoo on his left wrist, isn't there?"

Yan Xi let out a "hmm".

Zhuang Yan: "But Xie Ning's personality is not like someone who knows tattoos. He doesn't have such a sense of rebellion. Before, I kept thinking that the bird has some special meaning. Xie Ning said it meant freedom. "

Yan Xi bowed his head and did not speak.

Zhuang Yan added: "Later I remembered that many people get tattoos not because they like it, or because they want to declare something, but to cover their scars... From this perspective, the wound on the wrist, What else could it be?"

"It makes sense for you to guess that way." Yan Xi nodded expressionlessly.

"Of course it's not just because of this." Zhuang Yan looked at him, "I also said that this is not the point."

Yan Xi leaned back in the chair and asked him: "Then what do you want to know from me?"

Zhuang Yan was quiet for a few seconds, then said: "I want to know—why did he commit suicide."

Yan Xi sat there and asked without answering, "Why don't you ask Xie Ning?"

Different from Yan Xi's whole body leaning on the back of the chair, Zhuang Yan sat upright with a dignified look on his face. He said slowly: "I don't want him to recall the past... After all, it wasn't a good thing. It’s even painful. Every time I mention it, it’s like uncovering the scar again, even though it doesn’t hurt anymore, it still looks hideous.”

"I hope he will always be happy in front of me," he said.

Yan Xi on the opposite side smiled inconspicuously, and quickly retracted it: "I told you before that Xie Ning is very against psychotherapy, do you know why?"

Zhuang Yan frowned slightly: "He also received psychotherapy before, but the counselor Xia Wan found was not regular."

Yan Xi sneered: "He has received treatment, and it is very extreme mental treatment."

Zhuang Yan paused, looked directly at Yan Xi, as if he didn't quite understand: "...extreme spiritual treatment?"

Yan Xi closed his eyes: "It's all you can think of, compulsory medication, electric shock correction... and other aversion treatments."

"Electric shock?" Zhuang Yan looked at him incredulously, but was speechless for a moment.

At this time, the waiter happened to come over and asked Yan Xi if he needed anything.

He didn't pay attention to what Yan Xi ordered at the end, and he didn't swear a word until the waiter left.

"I don't know." He whispered, "I checked his previous counselor, and he didn't use any drastic methods."

Yan Xi smiled mockingly: "Of course it didn't happen at that time, probably earlier, you probably didn't find out?"

Zhuang Yan shook his head: "I didn't investigate too deeply."

"That was the earliest time when Xie Ning came out to his parents." Yan Xi said, "In the summer vacation of that year, he was sent to a correctional center... or a summer camp? I don't remember the specific name, but it was you What can be imagined, discipline and take care of disobedient children, cure Internet addiction or other problems...Of course, they also claim to be able to cure homosexuality."

Zhuang Yan's face turned cold, and it took him a long time to hold back his curse.

Yan Xi went on to say: "It's not a place for normal people to stay there at all, even if you are not sick, you can get sick...Since then, Xie Ning's character has completely changed."

"Do you know how long Xie Nin was sent to stay?"

Zhuang Yan shook his head.

Yan Xi said: "Three months... more than 100 days."

After a pause, he asked again, "Do you know how Xie Ning got out?"

This time without waiting for Zhuang Yan to respond, he replied by himself: "It was because of an accident."

Maybe there are some things that have been kept in his heart for too long. Once he opens his mouth, it is like a flood that has opened the gate. He can talk about it all without being asked.

"There is another person who received treatment with Xie Nin, who is also gay..."

"One day, maybe after being shocked by the electric shock, he probably had a nervous breakdown. In short, he couldn't bear it and jumped out of the window in the corridor."

"It was on the fourth floor. The person disappeared on the spot. They said it was suicide."

"Because of the incident of human life, the correctional center attracted local attention and was banned."

"Xie Ning...was there at the time."

Zhuang Yan looked at him sharply.

"He saw it with his own eyes..." Yan Xi's voice was a little hoarse, "I saw how that person jumped from his eyes."

Zhuang Yan couldn't imagine that scene.

He only felt that his chest was very tight, and his whole body seemed to be sunk to the bottom of the water, making it difficult for him to breathe.

He was silent for a long time, and finally asked with difficulty: "Xie Ning's fear of heights... is also because of this?"

Yan Xi froze for a moment, then nodded: "It should be."

Zhuang Yan didn't open his mouth again, the coffee suddenly became very bitter, he took a sip, and a bitter and sore feeling flowed into his stomach.

"You guessed right before, he committed suicide." Yan Xi's topic changed a little quickly, "It almost succeeded... If it wasn't for the day I wanted to find him on a whim."

"I used a small knife for cutting fruit. When I arrived, he had lost consciousness, and the whole bathtub was bloody..." Yan Xi choked up, "That scene has been my nightmare for a long time. I was always very worried about him, and others would mock me for being like an old woman, worrying about everything for him, but I was really afraid... Every time he lost contact, it reminded me of the scene I saw that day."

"Even if his mood has stabilized later and he no longer has suicidal tendencies, I always advise him to go out for a walk, communicate with people more, and not close himself up. I am really, really afraid that when he is afraid of everything around him. They are no longer interested, and have no nostalgia for this world."

"I hope he can get involved with this world a little more, maybe it's me, maybe Mr. Xie, or a lover who can hold him back."

Yan Xi's voice was hoarse as if he was crying: "Do you know what makes me sad the most?"

Zhuang Yan: "What?"

"I know that the Xie Ning I knew at the beginning can't come back."

Yan Xi mocked lightly: "Have you seen the photos of Xie Ning when he was a child?"

Zhuang Yan shook his head: "No."

Yan Xi paused for a while, and took out a photo from the middle layer of the wallet.

He flipped through for a long time before carefully placing the treasured photos on the table: "Then you must not be able to imagine what Xie Ning was like before."

"He is very cheerful and loves to laugh. He is happy from morning to night. It seems that nothing can make him lose his vitality. Just by staying with him, you can absorb a wave of energy." Yan Xi said, "Like a little sun."

Zhuang Yan lowered his head in a daze.

In the photo, the two boys with their shoulders crossed shoulders are smiling brightly when facing the camera. Just by looking at them, one can feel the vigorous vigor.

For a moment, Zhuang Yan failed to recognize that one of them was Xie Ning.

"Tell me, how did he become like this?"

Why did his little sun go out little by little?

Yan Xi finally couldn't help crying: "Sometimes, I really hate..."

"Xie Ning..."

"What did he do wrong that he was forced to be like this little by little."

……

"Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong to have to suffer."

Xie Ning looked at Ji Wenbin and said in a calm voice: "Countless nights, I have asked myself, is it wrong that I was born into this world to like the same sex?"

"You are not wrong." Ji Wenbin smiled.

"En." Xie Ning sat quietly opposite him, and repeated firmly, "I'm not wrong."

Ji Wenbin said: "You are willing to confide these things to me now, maybe it means that you have come out of the past."

Xie Ning: "I don't know."

"Just now your voice was calm and your emotions were stable." Ji Wenbin's voice was gentle, "Even if you think about it, you won't be swallowed by that pain, will you?"

Xie Ning was quiet for a few seconds, as if he was thinking.

After a while, he said with a smile: "Probably, something sweeter has appeared in life, making all the pain in the past become insignificant."

"Maybe I endured all these pains just to cherish this hard-won happiness even more."

"Really?" Ji Wenbin asked.

"Yes." Xie Ning said, "Doctor Ji, I'm getting married."

Ji Wenbin raised his eyebrows in surprise, and then blessed him, "Congratulations."

He said: "Your marriage partner must love you very much."

"Yes, he loves me very much." Xie Ning's expression became gentle, and the corners of his lips curled up slightly.

He was sitting on the sofa, his face looked fair under the soft light, but this fairness was not sick, and there was a healthy rosiness on his cheeks.

Thick eyelashes cast a shadow, covering his slightly shy eyes.

"As long as I am by his side, I feel very at ease. He is like my light, driving away pain and darkness."

Xie Ning said slowly, "I love him too."

The author has something to say: the one who committed suicide in the corridor... Chapter 53 mentioned it cryptically.

The ending is also compared with Chapter 53.

He is my light.