Ode to Joy - Healers don't heal themselves

Looking at the familiar yet unfamiliar scene in front of her, Su Yaqing was a little dazed. What was familiar was the young students who came and went as before along the way. She didn't know if they were rushing to class or to make an appointment. What was strange was her two friends at school. Nian has never stopped to take a good look at this profound academy

Su Yaqing took Su Ma to walk on the school road, from the teaching building to the dormitory building, from the library to the wide angle, the two just watched in silence, occasionally lamenting the power of the builders

"Yaqing, you don't enjoy the beauty of campus like other youthful girls, do you blame your parents for their incompetence?" Su's mother sat on the rest chair and looked at the youthful and smiling girls on the main road, seemingly unintentionally. Su Yaqing

"Hehehehe, when did you become so sentimental? No one is born a perfect parent. You are also parents once." Su Yaqing looked at the playground in front of her and joked with a smile.

"I know that your life during that period was difficult, but as a mother, you were helpless. It was your parents' failure to spend your youth running around for a living." Su's mother turned her head and looked at Su Yaqing distressedly.

"I can't choose my background. Although I had a difficult time during that time, it also made me who I am now. I have never complained to you, I only avoided it, just like I have no regrets but only regrets when I was a student." Su Yaqing Seeing Mama Su's rare serious look, she spoke with emotion about her state of mind over the years

"Escape, regret" Su Ma repeated two words

"Yeah, during that time I chose to be an ostrich, escaping from your relationship, escaping from real life, and immersing myself in books, deceiving myself as if these didn't exist." Su Yaqing stated lightly, as if these were not her past

"My regret is that in this school with profound cultural heritage, I didn't feel and appreciate it well. My steps are always in a hurry, and the time is never enough. I wish I could break 24 hours a day into 48 hours. What's more, I regret the whole decade I didn't have close friends when I was a student, so I don't know what a class reunion is like." Su Yaqing said regretfully

Maybe it was the surrounding environment that gave the two close blood relatives a feeling of closeness and warmth. Maybe it was the approaching depth of winter, and the feeling of homesickness interfered with people's thoughts.

"Actually, when you were young, your father and I both wanted to give you the happiest family, especially your father, who regarded you as a treasure, but family conditions did not allow us to be together as a family. We had to go out to earn money to support the family." Su Mom said with a smile

"Mom, I really don't understand, why do you still miss Dad? Do you really love him that much?" Su Yaqing looked at Su's mother curiously.

She didn't know what kind of feelings Su's mother had for Su's father, she followed through hardships all the way, and was 'abandoned' when she arrived, and now she can still take Su's father's kindness to heart

"Love? I don't know, maybe I had it when I was young, but later I just didn't want to be reconciled to it." Su Ma sneered.

"What are you unwilling to do?" Su Yaqing was puzzled

"I'm not willing to be reconciled to myself for decades, so even though your father mentioned countless divorces, I tried my best to keep them at first. You know that at that time, divorced women would be looked down upon. Later, as society progressed, people who divorced I don’t take it so seriously, but in rural areas, it is always women who are scolded and sympathized for divorce, and I always knew that your father’s divorce later was more because he didn’t want to hurt me, because your business is not good, and the family owes dozens of dollars. Wan's debt, he doesn't want me to be scolded with him, and even have a quarrel with your uncles, so even if he was sluggish in those years, all kinds of lace affairs, alienated and ignored me, I will bear it and let your grandma I persuaded him with my uncles and aunts. During this period, I felt helpless, disappointed and hopeless, but there was a voice in my heart that urged me to persevere, and I also wanted to help you share a little bit. This is the nature of a mother. When you were just born I don’t really understand the meaning of mother, when you understand, you will grow up and leave me to live independently.” Su’s mother recalled the past with tears, and smiled with relief after speaking

"Why did you choose to start a family with him?" Su Yaqing seemed to be talking about friends

"Young and ignorant? Hehe, maybe it's his appearance, maybe his righteous character, or too little experience, he is my first love, but I am not his first love" Su Ma smiled self-deprecatingly

"His first love is Aunt Li?" Su Yaqing asked curiously

"Yes, they are classmates. You were in the same class as her son in junior high school. You don't remember it. She participated in your 10th birthday and graduation wine." Su Ma said calmly with a smile

"Su Ming? Then why did they separate?" Su Yaqing thought of the only boy in junior high who was not blocked by his father

"At that time your father's family was too poor, and several uncles owed a lot of debts when they got married. Her parents would definitely not agree with her daughter marrying and suffering, and in the end it was nothing." Su's mother also let go of the past, as if telling a story. Listen to Su Ya

"Then why would grandpa and grandma agree with you to marry dad, and the two families are still so far away from three towns?" Su Yaqing listened to the past of her parents with a smile, and seeing Su's mother put it down, she had no scruples

"Our family's conditions are much better than those of your grandma's. At first they didn't agree, and your father also flinched. It's just that I insisted on marrying him at that time. My grandparents couldn't resist me and finally agreed. So after all these years, you Uncles and aunts have problems with your father." Mama Su knows that she is determined to go her own way, so it's no wonder people from her natal family will be angry with her now

"It's no wonder that every time I went to my grandfather's house, my uncles had different attitudes towards us and my aunt's house." Su Yaqing originally thought it was because of the difference in language, but she didn't expect it to have such a meaning

"Don't be heartless. The uncles are just not that close to your father. They really love you two more than the children of the aunt's family. You only see each other once or twice a year. Every time you go, they can't wait to see you. Take out all the delicious food at home, and start preparing your favorite dishes one day in advance." Su Ma poked Su Yaqing's forehead with her hand and said with a smile

"I know they treat me well, but the environment is different, so they must not be so close." Su Yaqing was taken aback by Su Ma's intimate behavior

"Then what kind of person do you think father is?" Immediately, he overcame the strangeness in his heart and leaned his head on Su's mother's shoulder

"He is affectionate but indifferent, he is soft-hearted but unfeeling, he is suitable to be a friend but not a husband." Seeing Su Yaqing's physical closeness with her, Su's mother smiled gratifiedly

"Then do you regret marrying him?" Su Yaqing asked Su's mother, but she was looking for an answer to her emotional doubts about Tan Zongming

"No, I also got the best love at the best age. Even if it doesn't end well, who's life can be smooth sailing? Sometimes an unforgettable past is a precious memory." Su's mother looked at the corner of her mouth slightly raised in the distance. rise

"Are you sure you thought about the future when you were father, did you think that it will be like this now!" Su Yaqing ignored the hair that would be blown by the wind

"Life is unpredictable, as long as you can bear the consequences, just follow your own heart." Su Ma comforted Su Yaqing's hair that was blown wildly by the wind

"Follow your heart." Su Yaqing closed her eyes and felt Mama Su's touch, as if she was soothing her restless heart

Su Yaqing never knew that Mama Su was as wise as a fool. In fact, she gave more silently. She always believed in beauty in her heart, so she always had illusions about Papa Su's feelings. She was imprisoned by rural customs, so she Resigned to his fate, he will never leave Father Su and his family!

To say that this is a misfortune left over from feudal ideology, or a "women's way" kidnapped by fearful words and morality, but she is one of thousands of women who accept their fate, Su Yaqing doesn't know whether to applaud her or mourn for her, But Mama Su is braver and more decisive than her. She recognized Papa Su when she was young, and married her love bravely without any scruples.In Su Yaqing's view, parents are like two parallel lines, forcibly intersecting will only destroy the original beauty. Su's mother is economically pragmatic, while Su's father is romantic and ideal!One is a person without a sense of ritual, and the other is a person full of a sense of ritual in his heart!A person who thinks about how to live a stable life in the same place, and a person who thinks about rushing forward and is uneasy about the status quo!

"Yaqing, I want to go home in two days." Su's mother turned to look at the top of Su Yaqing's head and said gently

"Go home?" Su Yaqing opened her eyes and looked up at Mama Su in surprise.

"Well, although Shanghai is good, it's not my roots. I want to go back to the place where I grew up. That's the right place for me to live." Su Ma looked at Su Yaqing lovingly and said

At the beginning I followed Su Yaqing to Shanghai, but I didn’t want her to think too much. Now Su Yaqing is stable. Although Shanghai is bustling and lively, it is suitable for her life. There is no familiar language, no familiar people and things here. She wants to be free for the rest of her life. be yourself

"How do you live there?" Su Yaqing looked at Mama Su worriedly.

She has been away for so many years, and her thinking is not as conservative as her hometown, but she knows the customs of her hometown. Su's mother must not live in her grandfather's house and can only find another place to live. The key is that now their mother-daughter relationship has finally merged. , when Su's mother goes back, she doesn't worry about Su's mother living alone

"Didn't I still live well in Guangdong for so many years, without the burden of your father, besides, I am still young and can find a job to support myself" Su Ma joked with a smile

"Well then, if you have any problems, go out with my sister-in-law. After all, she has lived there for decades, so you don't need to look for a job. I will send you money every month." Su Yaqing didn't stop her, she could only do her best. Arrange Su's mother's life as possible

"You don't need to send me any money. A girl needs some savings to feel safe. Besides, you'll be 27 soon. It's time to think about your own life." Mama Su held Su Yaqing's sign language and said earnestly

"My job is my sense of security. You and Junchao can still afford it." Su Yaqing's income is much easier now than before, and it is still no problem to support Su's mother and younger brother. Now she can't let Su Mom or Su's father will bear the tuition and life of the younger brother

"Your hospital has a suitable doctor who you can get along with first. I know you were afraid of dragging others down, but now you are back on track. It's time for you to open your heart. The only downside is that we are a divorced family." Su's mother looked worriedly Su Yaqing

"Oh, there are many divorced families in the world. People nowadays don't care about these. Besides, I don't like such people." Su Yaqing smiled helplessly

She knew Su's mother's thoughts were nothing more than being in her hometown. If one family was a divorced family, the other party would worry about whether their children would also get divorced in the future. The old family thought that being married was a lifetime. thinking is conservative

"That also..."

"Okay, we have to go to uncle's house quickly, or we won't be able to come back until midnight." Su Yaqing interrupted Su Ma's worry, and pulled her out, preparing to catch the high-speed train

The author has something to say:

I suddenly felt inspired and wrote it!