Bamboo Horse Cultivation Manual [Rebirth]

Life is never equal.

Some people have no worries about food and clothing and have a happy family; some people are skinny and live in poverty;

This is a label that everyone puts on their body when they are born. They cannot be changed and selected, and can only be changed through acquired efforts.

"I am Qiu Mu. Autumn in autumn is like Mu in the spring breeze."

When I heard this sentence for the first time, I was fighting for pencils with Ma Bin.It never occurred to me that the person I met next would change my life so easily.

Living in a small dark and narrow house, I lived a poor life with my mother. As I grew older, I realized day by day that life is not so easy.

So at first sight, seeing that carefree, well-dressed child, I was disgusted.

He has everything I don't have, a happy family, a good environment, a family that takes care of him, and a life without worries.

Why is there such a big difference between people?

The self-talking help, the inexplicable helping hands, the friendly and loving eyes, the cordial and friendly greetings, everything about him makes me hate it.

Anyway, it won't be long before he will leave consciously like everyone else.

Say a few harsh words, and then stare hard, and this annoying guy will leave.

He is no different from those fake people.

...as it should be.

"If you can't persevere, don't treat me so well at the beginning", "If you can't bear it to the end, don't give others hope." After saying these words, Qiu Mu's answer exceeded my expectations.

He "didn't do it on a whim," he said.He said he "wouldn't be like other people who find you annoying and leave you alone".

It was the first time someone said that to me.

I felt my nose start to feel a little sour. After hearing this sentence, the ashes of hope that had been completely given up in my heart unconsciously ignited sporadic fires again.

Is it okay to trust him a little bit?

Being followed by him to the house, watching him feed my mother carefully, is such a picture, I don’t know why, it has always remained in my heart, and I have remembered it for many years.

The annoying guy seemed to suddenly become less annoying.

After getting along for a while, I began to observe Qiu Mu carefully.

He looked very different from the people I knew around him, with a different aura and an "elite" vibe.He spoke with a natural authority that made people want to believe him.

His thinking is very clear, his speech is orderly, his decisions are basically correct, and the things he decides have his reasons.

If possible, I would like to be such a person.Become powerful quickly, and then protect the people I want to protect, and don't let them be wronged.

Although before that, I always seemed to be protected by Qiu Mu inadvertently.

He started sneaking money to me in various ways, although this kind of behavior made him look like a person who took too much money, and I can't understand why there are such people in the world.But honestly, this kind of help—I don't want to say it's help, but it's what it is, and I can't help but admit it—has been a huge help to me.

Not only that, but there are lunch boxes in the school cafeteria at noon, free tutoring on Saturdays and Sundays, and many more.

Worried that I would continue to be withdrawn, he always dragged me to chat with my classmates.Whenever he turned the topic on me and wanted to change everyone's bad impression of me, I couldn't help but wonder why a good person like him would care so much about a guy with a bad personality like me.

I don't deserve his attention.

As he thought about it, his gratitude to him also increased.

I thought that would be good enough, that with all this help, I would be able to take a break from the stressful life of poverty.But then, Qiu Mu told me with his actions that what he did for me was far more than that.

He helped my mother find a place where she could live with peace of mind and gave it to someone to take care of her, which freed me from the enormous pressure.

This is really something I never even dared to think about.

Standing on the shaded path in the nursing home, humming a nursery rhyme, looking at Qiu Mu standing in front of me, her black hair swaying in the wind, and a gentle smile on her fair and clean face.At that moment, I silently swear in my heart that in this world, apart from my mother, Qiu Mu is the most important person to me from now on, more important than myself.

We must repay him well in the future.

Send mom to a nursing home.Returning home alone, looking at the pitch-black room, suddenly felt that the room was too quiet.

Does the sound of air flow sound so dry?Is the sound of dripping water from a broken faucet that loud?Is the narrow and hard bed so empty and annoying?

Obviously the layout of the house is no different from the past, but when I think about the next year, years, or ten years, I may be left alone, and I suddenly feel terrible.

The familiar darkness is like a wild beast that is ready to go and may pounce on it at any time, constantly eroding my restless heart.

Hiding under the blanket, curled up into a ball, I kept telling myself "it's okay, it'll be fine, if you get used to it, it's nothing to be afraid of", then I opened my eyes hard and looked at the walls around me.It wasn't until the moment when I couldn't hold on anymore that I fell into a deep sleep.

In the dream, I saw my mother.She told me in that spacious and bright nursing home room that she was doing well.

I finally feel at ease.

Early the next morning, Qiu Mu knocked on the door and woke me up.Because I slept too late yesterday, the lack of sleep made me not very clear-headed, and my temper was more aggressive than usual.

Qiu Mu was not angry, but still looked at me with a smile.Seeing the things Qiu Mu took out and hearing him say "I'm going to live here tonight", my originally chaotic brain instantly became clear.

- He really is the nicest and nicest guy I've ever met.

I wanted to say nice things to thank him, but my stubborn temper said "whatever you want" insincerely.After hearing this, Qiu Mu smiled at me. That smile was so beautiful, my heart couldn't help but softened.

For a while, I even thought that Qiu Mu was an angel sent from heaven to save me.With white wings growing on my back, it descended from the sky, and with warm arms and crisp voice, it helped me escape from the dark and hopeless life.To a relaxed and happy new life.

To me, he is such an existence, no exaggeration.

The summer vacation after graduating from primary school was really the happiest summer vacation I have ever had.

The first time I slept in the same room with Qiu Mu; the first time I made a delicious meal together; the first time I was reprimanded by Qiu Mu on the street, "You can rely on me more"; the first time after being told to break up Feeling helpless and scared; the first time I accidentally punched Qiu Mu; the first time I went to Qiu Mu's house to stay overnight; the first time I went out to play with Qiu Mu; the first time...

The first time I really fell in love with someone.

Before, it was just an ordinary liking, but now it is a thorough liking.

When I first learned the term homosexuality, I didn't feel anything wrong.Apart from being surprised, I can't even understand the bitterness and tears behind this word.

Because no one came to tell me what "love" means, and no one told me that boys and boys can't be together.The teachers and textbooks didn't talk about it, and my mother didn't have a chance to teach it.

I thought that the friendship between Qiu Mu and me was an irreplaceable love.

Since I regard him as an important person, then I must love him.

Although it didn't take me long to find out that Qiu Mu also loved Gu Yu, and he put me far behind Gu Yu, even so, I didn't change my mind.

What does it matter, a person does not only love one person in his life, love also has a front and a back, heavy and light.Although I care about Qiu Mu, I will not ask him to care about me as well.I am different from those classmates who must be rewarded for their friendship. I know what true "love" is.

Love cannot ask for anything in return, just like Qiu Mu never asked for anything from me.

I decided, I want to help Qiu Mu, watch him silently behind him, stand behind him for the rest of my life, and be his strong shield.

If Qiu Mu is a high-ranking king, then I am a knight loyally guarding him.That's enough, I'm satisfied.

So during the autumn outing in junior high school, I deliberately walked away so that Qiu Mu and Gu Yu could spend some time alone.I want Qiu Mu to have a perfect memory with Gu Yu alone.I don't need me in this memory, I just need to show up when Qiu Mu thinks of it, and then help him is enough.

Qiu Mu quickly noticed my approach and intentions, he approached me, and I confessed to him.

After confessing, I gained his trust and heard his truth.

It feels good to be trusted and even relied on by him.His happy appearance is more pleasing mental drug to me than anything else.If he is happy, I am happy.He was comfortable and I could be redeemed.

I would like to stay by his side for the rest of my life.

......

Unfortunately, later, I found out that I was wrong.

Very wrong.

People are different. Some people are born with a good deck of cards, they are lucky, and they can win by playing casually.Some people are only good players, and they have to rack their brains to think of ways to play the bad cards well, and struggle all the way to see the hope of victory.

Although I think the starting point is lower than most people, I never waste time complaining about myself.Spend all your precious time on useful places, dare not rest, act like a baby, dare not complain, try to do everything you can, exert [-]% of your energy, and never make any compromises. Things you regret.

——But some things can't be won by hard work.

I don't understand how I am worse than Gu Yu.

Is it because she looks uglier than Gu Yu, and her figure is worse than Gu Yu?

Or is the condition worse than Gu Yu's, and his head is dumber than Gu Yu's?

Or maybe her popularity is lower than Gu Yu's, and her personality is worse than Gu Yu's?

Seeing that Gu Yu with a bright smile appeared in front of him, he could easily grab Qiu Mu's attention without doing anything, with a sunny and cheerful appearance, with a calmness that only a loved one can have.

Why are all the good things taken up by you alone, why are you treated differently by Qiu Mu, who are also partners who grew up together.

For the first time, I understood what it was like to be jealous.

It must feel good to be able to appear in Qiu Mu's dream at any time, to be hugged by him, and to be told of his love.

The unspeakable anguish drives me crazy with envy.

What "as long as Xiao Mu is happy, I will be happy" is simply impossible.

Love is not selfless devotion, love is jealous possession.

It is selfish, unreasonable, and willful.

I don't want Qiu Mu to be snatched away, I don't want Qiu Mu to look at other people, I don't want many things.

If Gu Yu is outstanding, so outstanding that people look up to him, maybe I can feel a little more balanced in my heart.

After all, he is the person Qiu Mu likes, so he must have many amazing advantages.

Since there is, then I will analyze, learn, improve, and strive to get closer to Gu Yu, and become the person who makes me deeply jealous and repelled from the bottom of my heart, but the only one who can attract Qiu Mu's attention.

It's just hard work, which I'm good at.

but.

I can't find a place where Gu Yu is better than me.He doesn't even have a few advantages that I can surpass, nor does he have any specialties that make me shine.Just an ordinary high school student.

I've researched for a long time, but I didn't find out what I did worse than Gu Yu.

Thinking of this makes me despair.

Even so, Qiu Mu still chooses Gu Yu, thinking that Gu Yu is the best.

Then what should I do?What am I doing wrong!

If people are born equal, of course I also hope to be born in such a happy family as Gu Yu.In this way, maybe I can become like Gu Yu, carefree, kind and gentle.It won't be as lifeless and lifeless as it is now, and it won't be so fussy, and everything can only be obtained through fighting for it.

I can't have the "advantages" of Gu Yu that Qiu Mu likes. If I really want to become like Gu Yu, I guess I don't even have the qualifications to stand with Qiu Mu now.

Why is Gu Yu so lucky? Why is it that Gu Yu can live happily without reason, and is naturally loved by Qiu Mu without conditions.

It's also a group of three, so why does Qiu Mu like Gu Yu but not me.When I think of Qiu Mu's kindness to Gu Yu, I can't suppress the discomfort and jealousy in my heart.I can't help but compare, I keep thinking that I am no worse than Gu Yu, and I keep saying that I am more worthy of Qiu Mu than Gu Yu.

But Qiu Mu just refused to look at me, and refused to put her eyes on me.

No one can understand this feeling.I didn't dare to say a word, and I didn't even dare to write a diary. I was afraid of leaving a trace of evidence, so I could only hold it in my heart.

Seeing him say Gu Yu is good in front of me with a smile on his face, I was jealous and envious. I thought about impulsive confession, but I was afraid that it would be irreversible after I finished speaking.After putting up with it, I could only smile and say, "That's great."

During that time, I was really desperate. I wanted to find some evidence that Qiu Mu actually cared about me, and that he and I were a good match.But after searching for a long time, I only found a joint photo of me and him.

It was a group photo of Qiu Mu and I standing on the steps in Luoxia Mountain.

At that time, I didn't dare to take a photo with Qiu Mu. I felt that I was not qualified, so I stood beside Qiu Mu like a guard, trying to set off him.But he took the initiative to approach me, and the photo captured the moment when he walked towards me and looked at me.His eyes are very gentle and his smile is beautiful, I like it very much.

So when I got this photo, my immediate reaction was to use it as my phone desktop, so that I could see Qiu Mu looking at me when I turned on the phone anytime and anywhere.

But I have never dared to do so.

I really want to, but I dare not.

If there is an opportunity, I must show this photo openly in the future.If given the chance.

Then this opportunity passed day after day, year after year, and never came.

In the second year of middle school, Gu Yu fell in love with a girl in the first grade.Qiu Mu came to talk to me.

Hearing him say "Why doesn't he like me" with a sad face, I was actually a little happy at the first time.It's a pity that after jumping with joy for a second, there was an uncontrollable distress in my heart that couldn't be ignored, and it made me feel suffocated just thinking about it.

Even if I know that he doesn't like me and likes others, I will feel sorry for him because of this. It's really sad for me to think so.

Seeing Qiu Mu sitting in front of me with his head bowed, his voice lost and tears in his eyes, I even had the desire to rush to Gu Yu, point to his nose and ask, "Why do you want to make Xiao Mu sad?"Because I am really angry, there is someone who made Qiu Mu, whom I love so much, so sad, it is too unforgivable.

If it were me, I would never let him do this, and I would definitely dedicate all the good things to him to make him happy.

Unfortunately, no matter how turbulent and intense my inner emotions are, in the final analysis, these thoughts can only be thought about in my heart.No matter what I think in my heart, there are some things that I can only hide, endure, and hide, and then I can't do anything.

I have to take on the responsibility of a "good friend" to comfort him, persuade him, and even advise him.

After all, I have no "position" other than this.

Obviously the distance between the bodies is only half a meter away, but the heart seems to be separated by a world, untouchable.

Not long after that, one day after school, Qiu Mu told me that another girl asked him to deliver a letter to me.

I was so angry that I tore up the letter in front of him.

So I deliberately put on a cold look and said "oh" to him.

Qiu Mu saw my unhappiness and said, "I think you seem to be very troubled."

"...Where is it?" I replied.

Qiu Mu found the letter from her schoolbag and handed it to me.

"So——" I took the letter and put it back in my schoolbag in front of Qiu Mu. I tried to calmly say the irony that I couldn't bear it: "Whether I am sleepy or not, you will still help me." Turn it over, isn't it?"

Qiu Mu looked at me with eyes that didn't understand anything, showed an embarrassed smile, and begged for mercy, "I can't help it, they keep pestering me, so I have to accept it."

I feel very tired physically and mentally, and I don't want to say anything.

To be honest, sometimes after suffering for a long time, I will think about why Qiu Mu is so angry sometimes, but I still like him.

Because of his appearance?Because of his character?Because of his intelligence?Or is it because he is kind to himself?

In retrospect, I realize that these things really didn't matter at all.Because I like this kind of feeling, there is no way to express it with accurate words.

Every time I think of Qiu Mu, what comes to my mind are all the little things about getting along with Qiu Mu.Those bits and pieces, insignificant little things.

As soon as I recall it, I feel warm in my heart.Faint emotions rippling in my mind, I just feel numb all over, very comfortable.

I can't explain how good Qiu Mu is, because wisdom and charm are all external factors.There are definitely people who are better than Qiu Mu, but those people are not Qiu Mu.While they certainly might have been what drew me to it in the first place, they definitely aren't now.

What really made me think "I have to be Qiu Mu" is more of those small and trivial things that may not be worth mentioning in the eyes of others when the two of them are together.

In the memory of Qiu Mu, when he ate his favorite dish, his eyes would unconsciously narrow slightly, and his expression was softer than usual.

When I catch a cold, I cry unconsciously like a child, but I don't know it at all.Looking at me with moist eyes, soft bangs sticking to his forehead, it looks a little stupid, but it makes me feel sincere love.

When I am angry, the corners of my eyes will hang up subconsciously, the expression changes very slightly, and the tone will not change much, but I can tell it right away.

When encountering something that troubled or embarrassed him, Qiu Mu would stretch out his thumb and forefinger to rub the broken hair around his ears, that action was really cute.

And when he was confused, sad, happy, and lost, I can remember every detail and every expression clearly.

All of them, these small pieces of information gather together to form Qiu Mu in his heart.

If possible, I really hope that ten or twenty years later, I can still be by Qiu Mu's side, to continue to observe his every move, to remember every bit of him, to discover more about him little habit.

Because I am sure that there will never be another person in this world who can take all these things seriously and keep them in mind like me.

It's impossible to give up or something.

Qiu Mu was standing in front of me, attracting my attention for no reason, making me reluctant to give up.

I like him, I love him, so I don't want to lose him.

But this is not going to work, if I continue to let Qiu Mu chase my love, one day I will lose him.

I can stand everything else, but absolutely not this alone.

So, I acted.

Gu Yu and Chen Siqi were together during the summer vacation of the year they graduated from junior high school.I knew then that my chance had finally come.

I took Qiu Mu to the amusement park, trying to make him temporarily forget the existence of Gu Yu.I thought to myself that since he doesn't pay attention to me, I just need to find a way to get his attention.Knowing that Qiu Mu plans to start a business in the future, I went to learn how to do business with all my might, so that I could be useful by his side in the future.

Facts have proved that my approach is effective.During the summer vacation, Qiu Mu was going to Shanghai for a study visit, so he took me there.I managed to accompany him for more than a month in a place where he couldn't see Gu Yu.During that month, Qiu Mu didn't mention Gu Yu's name much, as if she had temporarily given up on Gu Yu because of Chen Siqi's reasons. Those days were really good.

Anyway, as long as Gu Yu and Chen Siqi are on good terms, it is impossible for Qiu Mu to do anything to Gu Yu.I just need to leave a deep impression on Qiu Mu during this period of time.

Make him a cup of delicious coffee, study with him at home and school, keep an eye on his needs and needs at all times, run with him on the playground before the sports meeting, protect him from getting hurt, go to the gym to shape Body shape, everything, is for Qiu Mu.

My idea is very simple, as long as I do a hundred things and one of them is noticed by Qiu Mu, it will be a success.As long as it is useful, then I will have the motivation to do the next two hundred, three hundred, and four hundred pieces. One day, Qiu Mu will understand my intentions and turn his eyes to me.

Suddenly in the gym, he asked me if I had someone I liked, and I lost my temper after I refused to answer.When I consciously alienated him because of my grandfather, I couldn't help asking loudly on the road, "Do you hate me?"On Valentine's Day, I misunderstood that Ma Bin and I were going out on a date. After getting angry, he asked me to run errands for him, but he chased him out and said "forget it".This is the result of my hard work.

I am really happy to see the change in Qiu Mu.

Just when I thought that as long as this continues, Qiu Mu will fall in love with me completely sooner or later.An accidental kiss after drinking woke me up from a beautiful dream and told me with cruel facts that it was not enough.

Although it is certain that he has fallen in love with me, it is obvious that Qiu Mu cares more about Gu Yu, whom he has loved for many years, than me.If he is allowed to make a choice at this time, there is no doubt that I will be eliminated.

His parents found out that Gu Yu and Chen Siqi were dating, and they might break up soon.I have to hurry up before then.

The meek way before is no longer effective, I have to do something real.

The company in Shanghai sent a contract with the intention of signing. At this time, I am really grateful for the hard work of the past so many years, day and night, so that I can leave Guangling with Qiu Mu, stay away from Gu Yu and be alone with him Opportunity.

The distance is far away, and I can only be seen in the place where the eyes can see, so Qiu Mu's attention is naturally more on me.The front foot was still talking to me about serious business work, and the back foot was attracted by childish and funny things.Holding scallions and making faces and joking with me.

It must be because he regards me as the closest person, so he will do this kind of thing.He is obviously a very shrewd, capable, stable and mature person, but he will only show this childish side in front of me. This feeling of "you are a special existence" makes me irresistible.

When I got home, I looked at the project plan that Qiu Mu showed me.Finding that Qiu Mu fell asleep next to me unknowingly, looking defenseless, I really wanted to touch him, touch him, or take out my mobile phone to take a picture of him as a souvenir.

It was at this time that I suddenly remembered the wish I had been unable to realize for so many years.

I want to use Qiu Mu's photo as my mobile phone desktop background.

Although the appearance of sleeping so peacefully is cute, but if you use it directly, you will definitely be discovered by Qiu Mu in a short time, and then you will feel that something is wrong.

So I asked Xiaoping to take the green onions that I bought to trick me, and took a funny and funny photo.In this way, I can finally see him anytime, anywhere openly and aboveboard.

It wasn't long before Qiu Mu saw the photo, and it was impossible to say that he wasn't nervous, after all, there were secrets and thoughts in it that I couldn't tell him.Fortunately, he didn't feel that something was wrong, and he started fighting with me.

I thought this kind of life was really good, but when Qiu Mu and I were laughing and playing, Qiu Mu felt scared because his mother saw the scene of the two of us touching, and said to me, "Fortunately, it was you just now." It's not Xiaoyu, otherwise I will definitely be scared and stupid."

At this time, I suddenly realized that I was almost confused by this warm appearance again, and the reality was still cruel and inferior to me.

So I despicably took advantage of Qiu Mu's fear that I would alienate him in the past, and his jealousy of Ma Bin's relationship with me.Qiu Mu soon noticed a little sign of this, and then began to feel very uneasy.

The years of being together increased my status in his mind. While I gave affection, Qiu Mu also gave me corresponding affection. He couldn't do without me even more than before.After a little poking and hinting, Qiu Mu immediately understood his feelings for me.

This time it's okay, I've made it so obvious.As long as you reach out and take a step towards me, I can let you get the love you still long for, and I will never let you down.

.....

It's a pity that Qiu Mu is still the same as before, shrinking back in emotional matters.

I don't know if it's because he still cares about Gu Yu, or because he's worried that I don't love him enough, or because he's afraid that I'll think he's half-hearted and willing to change his mind.Maybe both.

Anyway, no matter how much I wish, Qiu Mu still hasn't said what I've been looking forward to for many years.

Although I was very disappointed, since he didn't show resistance to me, or directly deny my intention, then I still have hope to continue waiting.

It's just waiting. So many years have passed, and now that I have finally reached this point, I will naturally wait.

But before that, Gu Yu, the rival in love, must be driven away first.

That was such a weak enemy that he was stunned by a simple kiss.

Hugging Qiu Mu in my arms, I feel as if I have embraced the whole world, contented, and want nothing more.

I can feel that Qiu Mu after that is constantly approaching me.The clumsy and hard-working look is really cute.

During the exam, the two of them lived together and depended on each other, and it felt good not to be disturbed by Gu Yu.Qiu Mu began to gradually forget about Gu Yu's existence. In daily life, she rarely mentioned Gu Yu's name on her own initiative, let alone expressing her love for Gu Yu in front of me.

Between us, there is only a layer of paper that is within reach.As long as there is a force to gently push Qiu Mu from behind, he will take the initiative to walk into my open arms.

No matter what this power is, I believe that the day when dreams come true will not be far away.