Ice and charcoal in the same furnace

To my son Min Pei:

hello my child.

I am very happy that you have reached the time when you can read this letter. For me, you must have grown up or passed through countless things before I will take the initiative to deliver this letter to you.As a mother, every time I think of writing such a letter to you, I can’t start writing, and it’s also difficult for me to organize the thoughts in my heart into words. , In the end, I can only write such a shallow language.

Mom is sorry for you.

This sentence has flowed in my mind several times. When you were young and cried for the first time asking me for a father, when you rebelled and didn’t want to go home for the first time, when you faced doubts and ridicule from the outside world When I chose to be silent, I always wanted to say this sentence to you: Mom is sorry for you, not because I didn't give you a father, nor because I regretted the original choice many years later, no.

Min Pei, you are the most beautiful and luckiest miracle in my mother's life.

I have thousands of words to say to you when I write, but in the end I can only write this simple sentence. I have always thought of myself as a strong, independent woman who is difficult to be moved by anything outside, no matter Whether it was when your grandfather left or when the Min family’s business encountered difficulties, I never hesitated or felt extremely afraid. However, when I wrote this letter, I realized that hesitation and fear are two things that go hand in hand. Everyone has it.

Mom I'm scared.

You have been with me for many years. Some people describe me as a brutal and decisive judge. Yes, my mother sometimes feels like this. I have made many, many decisions in my life, and rarely because of I regretted some decisions, but when I saw you, the little person who is closest to my blood in the world, coming home alone, I was scared.

I regret and fear at the same time, this is not to say that I regret bringing you into this world, you are the best and most beautiful miracle of my life, the treasure of my tyrant who is decisive and arrogant, and I regret the most in my life The biggest thing is not giving you a complete and happy home.

But marriage is not my choice. When I ended my first relationship, I realized that this kind of thing never appeared in my life arrangement. I have communicated with your grandfather for a long time, constantly I assured him that in the end he was persuaded by me, so he had Jinxiling, so he had you.

I am proud but lonely. The reasons for your grandfather's objection seemed ridiculous and simple to me at the time, but many years later, when he gets old, when the Min family has few blood relatives, and when one year's New Year's Eve will be able to gather together The number of people can’t fit in the small dining table at home. When you grow up, I know it’s wrong. Some of the knowledge of the elders can only be understood when the time is heavy. When I’m old, I know it’s wrong.

Some people have said that people can choose their friends, but they cannot choose their family members. When I gradually understand this and how much the integrity of a family affects you, it will be too late.

You are the most beautiful and luckiest miracle in my life. Mom, I disdain the profits brought by those in-laws, but I don’t want to see you alone when I grow old. I don’t want you to be wronged at all, no May your life be without the support and guidance of your parents, but by the time I understand this, it will be too late.

Only then did I understand that when Min Zhangying made that decision, it meant that there was a little angel in this world who was connected by her blood and would never find his father.

By the time I want to make it up, you've grown up.

So for so many years, I have never said a word to you, and I don’t want to ask you anything in this matter. When someone persuades me to have another child, I don’t want to see another child born with the same fate as you , I don't want, I don't want Min Pei to feel wronged because of your younger siblings in the future, I hold you in the palm of my hand, I don't want you to feel unhappy because of the slightest injustice from the outside world, I lack you a lot in this matter , because it was mother's mistake.

So when I knew that Li Haisheng approached you in such a ridiculous and full of loopholes, I laughed.But soon I couldn't laugh anymore, because knowing a child is like a mother, when I think about these things carefully, and when Li Haisheng really walks in front of you, I think, you will definitely believe Li Haisheng.

The truth is brutal and terrifying.

You are a very smart child. When you were young, you could not speak for a long time. Your grandfather was so anxious that he sought medical treatment and worshiped God. Later, someone pointed it out. You can’t speak, you are too smart. too lazy to say.Everyone revolves around you, even if you are still young, you will gradually understand that even if you don't speak up, someone will follow your wishes and make everything right.

My mother always remembers this incident, so when Li Haisheng appeared, when people around you went astray, I questioned myself and kept thinking about you when I was a child. No matter how well I can protect you, when you After one Li Haisheng leaves, countless Li Haisheng will appear, and when one Zhang Luo falls, there will be countless Zhang Luo beside you.

You have to learn to open your mouth and squeeze out the first words of your life.

I set a few traps for you, and I know you will jump off with great interest. After you really jump, you have to face the jackals and tigers I gave you, and you have to learn to heal the wounds yourself. Picking out the carrion inside, you take countless injuries, and finally realize one thing, you have to—

Personally cut off those non-existent father relationships that you worship.

This is the thing I am most sorry for you, and it is also something I must ask you to learn to do. I will always grow old, and I will face death, and you will gradually grow up, with your own family and blood, you must learn Choose and choose, learn to realize a truth.

This is what I have written countless times and I can only write a few things in the end. I love you. I am destined to grow old alone in this life, but you are not. This cruelty is all I can do. One last gift.

I am sorry.

Min Zhangying