In the Same Boat

Qu Yiheng never revealed to Yao Zhan what his work looked like, and he kept it a mystery during the period of his creation.

He has been looking forward to the day when he can walk into the exhibition hall holding his lover's hand, walk to his own work, and then tell him proudly: "This painting was created because of you and me."

There were many people who came to see the exhibition, but it was very quiet, and everyone quietly enjoyed this artistic feast.

Qu Yiheng took Yao Zhan to look for his paintings together, and walked from the door along the wall where the paintings were hung. Although Yao Zhan couldn't understand the deep content, he could vaguely feel the power conveyed by each painting.

They stopped before a picture.

Yao Zhan first glanced at Qu Yiheng inexplicably, then suddenly realized, and turned his head to look at the painting.

To be honest, he couldn't quite understand it, there were layers of oil paint, and there were a few strands of hair in the lower left corner.

He said, "A very stupid question, what does it mean?"

Qu Yiheng stood beside him and smiled: "Look at the name of this painting."

Yao Zhan took half a step forward and saw that the introduction below read "Blowing in the wind".

"The answer is blowing in the wind?" He thought of the tattoo on Qu Yiheng's shoulder, and vaguely felt that something was about to surface.

Qu Yiheng nodded: "Do you remember that time when you saw a painting on the wall of my school? The name on it was "In the Rain", but I said, it was originally called "The Answer Blows in the Wind"?"

"I remember." Yao Zhan still felt strange at the time, the painting was a street in the rain, and the title was "In the Rain", which was intuitive and appropriate, but Qu Yiheng said the name was wrong.

He was curious at that time, but Qu Yiheng acted as if he didn't want to mention it, so he didn't ask any more questions.

"That painting was the winning work of a very important competition in my junior year, and the original painting was drawn by me in my sophomore year."

Yao Zhan frowned, because he clearly remembered that the painting was not signed by Qu Yiheng.

"At that time, I had a teacher who admired me very much. Every time I finished a painting, I would show it to him, and he would patiently point out my problems to me." Qu Yiheng was looking at his own paintings while talking , "We got along very well at the beginning, and he was proud of my progress. He had his own gallery, where he would hang his paintings and some of his students' paintings for sale. A person with a high status came to select paintings, and he strongly recommended his new works to the other party, but the other party chose mine."

Yao Zhan can probably guess the future development. The students are better than the blue, but the teacher's mentality becomes unbalanced.

In the past, I always heard that "literati look down on each other". In fact, this is the case in all walks of life. Many people can't accept that their juniors surpass themselves, even if they are the students they have taught themselves.

Qu Yiheng said: "Actually, that incident really made me very happy. It was a recognition of my ability, and that person gave me a lot of money. For me as a student, it was really a lot of money. In order to thank the teacher, I took all the money to buy him a gift, and he accepted it without saying much at the time, but then our relationship became more and more strange, and I showed him the work. He will no longer be as patient as before, but will continue to mock me and humiliate me. He said that I am proud and impetuous, that I have no aura, that I am not serious and perfunctory, and that I am not as good as I have been for a few years. Well done before."

Qu Yiheng is a person with strong self-esteem, Yao Zhan knows it all too well.

How sad it must be for someone like him to be reduced to nothing in what he loves most.

He squeezed Qu Yiheng's hand tightly to comfort him.

"I am a very strong person. When I am denied by others, I will work harder than before to prove that I can actually do well. I am eager to be recognized by others. Only when others like me and think that I am excellent , I can feel a little bit that I am a pretty good person."

This is an obvious manifestation of a serious lack of security, and the more Yao Zhan hears it, the more distressed he feels.

He began to regret that he didn't try harder to contact Qu Yiheng when he was in college. He would imagine that if he was there at that time, would Qu Yiheng feel better.

"Perhaps people like me care too much about what other people think of me, so ten compliments are not worth one reprimand. I was rejected by that teacher every day, and gradually I really felt like a useless piece of trash. And the things I draw are all rubbish." Qu Yiheng closed his eyes, recalling that time, "It was very painful. The harder I worked, the more painful I felt. I always felt that I could surpass myself, but every time I got All evaluations are shaking their heads."

Yao Zhan hugged his shoulder and squeezed it, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"I have always trusted that teacher, so I really listened to his words at the time. He said that I was not good at painting, so I felt that I was really not good at painting. I experienced the negation and self-denial of others every day. , After a long time, the mentality will collapse."

Speaking of this, he paused for a long time. Those days were really hard. Every morning when he opened his eyes, he would be afraid, and he would be afraid when he saw the drawing board, and he even dared not pick up the paintbrush.

He felt that he was not worthy of these painting tools, that he had insulted them by his lack of talent.

"Later, another incident happened, which made me completely lose confidence in people." Qu Yiheng said, "The painting on the school wall was painted by my teacher, but I am a college student. I showed it to him in the second year, and he participated in the competition when I was in my junior year, and won the prize with almost the same painting.”

Qu Yiheng turned to look at Yao Zhan: "Do you understand what I mean?"

Yao Zhan finally understood why Qu Yiheng said that the painting was originally called "The Answer Floats in the Wind", because he named it that.

And that "In the Rain" is plagiarism.

"After I found out about this, I went to that teacher, but I was not only humiliated, but also bitten back. He said I was in front of other teachers... In short, that teacher announced that I was no longer his student from that day on. He drew a clear line with me, and he even said that in this circle, there is him without me, and there is me without him." Qu Yiheng smiled, "It's been more than ten years, and now I really don't know where he is doing."

That last sentence is really embarrassing.

Yao Zhan seemed to be able to see that Qu Yiheng had been trampled in the mud, and then struggled to get up again.

"Later, another teacher of mine encouraged me all the time. He should be my noble person just like you. If it weren't for you, my works would not be exhibited here."

"Then the tattoo on your shoulder was done at that time?"

Qu Yiheng nodded. He kept these things from Yao Zhan for so long, and the purpose was to hope that when talking about these things again, he could stand in front of Yao Zhan as a winner instead of a loser.

He knows that he is always too weak and is always protected by Yao Zhan, but as a man, he also wants to make himself stronger.

"During my most painful period, I spent every day listening to this song, 'How many times does a person have to look up before he can see the sky,' For a long time, even if the sky was clear outside, I felt that the dark clouds weighed on me. City, I asked myself countless times why, why did I encounter these things, I was denied, deceived, and treated like this by the people I trusted and respected the most, I kept thinking about what I did wrong and what I did wrong Well, I kept asking, where should I go."

"The song sings: The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind."

After the story of the past was finished, Qu Yiheng said to Yao Zhan: "This painting was inspired once when we were making love."

Yao Zhan looked at him in surprise, Qu Yiheng and him looked at each other, eyes full of affection and affection.

"So, this painting is because of you." Qu Yiheng told him, "This painting is called "The Answer Flying in the Wind". He knows how to define himself, but he doesn’t know where to go. He thinks about the issue of spirit and body, whether people should be dominated by the soul or the flesh/body.”

"No one can give him an answer," Qu Yiheng said, "The answer is flying in the wind, and he needs to reach out to catch it."

Only now did Yao Zhan understand that the color in this painting is mostly wind.

"When we made love at that time, I always felt that it was not only my body that was hit. Every time you moved in my body, it seemed to involve all my nerves. Your entry and departure were deeply It deeply affects the part of me except the flesh/body.” Qu Yiheng said, “It was that feeling that gave birth to this painting.”

Yao Zhan smiled, pressed his ear, and asked softly, "So, when you were painting, you were actually remembering the feeling of our love?"

Qu Yiheng's ears were burning, but he still nodded.

It was already evening when we left the exhibition hall, and it was raining again in Paris.

The rain was not heavy, they walked on the street holding hands, without umbrellas, feeling the rain and wind.

Yao Zhan asked him, "Do you like this place?"

"I like it." Although I didn't meet Picasso or have a cup of coffee with Gauguin, Qu Yiheng still likes this place very much, dreamy and romantic.

"like me?"

Qu Yiheng turned to him and asked, "What do you think?"

A gust of wind blew past, and the faces of both of them were covered with rain. Yao Zhan said, "Do you love me?"

Qu Yiheng asked him, "What about you?"

"We two, each other each other."

This answer couldn't be sweeter.

"In that case, I have something for you." Qu Yiheng opened the backpack he was carrying, and took out an envelope from it.

"Letter?" The two of them wrote letters to each other during the New Year's Eve, but they agreed to read them when they went back.

"No." Qu Yiheng said, "Open it and have a look."

Yao Zhan took it, and squeezed the thickness first: "Is it a red envelope?"

he said jokingly.

Qu Yiheng nodded: "Really."

Yao Zhan didn't believe it and opened the envelope.

Inside the envelope were two marriage certificates, all hand-painted, with their portraits painted on them.

Qu Yiheng said: "I have already signed the contract, how about you? Will you marry me?"

The author has something to say: the countdown to the end