[HP] Raven

Episode 25

Lily-Evans hadn't expected to see Alex in Hogsmeade so soon.That day, the probable members of the Order of the Phoenix gathered in the Three Broomsticks for a meeting, reporting on the latest Death Eaters' whereabouts and mission progress.

At this moment, the door was suddenly opened from the outside.

Alex stood outside the door drenched. She looked like a water ghost who had just crawled out of the black lake. Her hair was all wet, sticking to her face in strands. His hair made his face even paler, and his cheeks were still dirty.

Only then did Lily realize that it was raining heavily outside.

All the potential members of the Order of the Phoenix saw Alex, and Lily glanced at Sirius who was sitting across from her. He let out an "ah" in surprise, as if he just remembered and forgot something, but it didn't appear. Express a strong sense of shame.

"Sorry, are you free now?" Alex walked up to Sirius with a voice as soft as a puff of smoke floating on the ceiling, "I'll wait for you outside the door, if you want, we should talk talk."

Then she floated towards the door like a ghost.

Things were going well for the Order then, and more importantly, Dumbledore wrote in his latest letter that he allowed them to become full members immediately after graduation - nothing is more encouraging than that up.

After the meeting, James graciously treated everyone to a cup of hot butterbeer, and everyone cheered. Sirius took a few sips before realizing that Alex was still waiting for her at the door, and he walked out, her hair It was dry, but there were still two gray blotches covering her face, which Lily felt like ink that hadn't been wiped off.

Lily saw Alex say something in a low voice, Sirius said something, and then he slammed the Three Broomsticks door shut.

They talked in a low voice and fast, everyone was pretending to talk, discussing some irrelevant topics, and then from time to time, sneaking a few glances at the door, wondering what they were talking about .They all knew Alex, and they knew that they were lovers. Sirius Black was so famous in Hogwarts, it was hard for everyone not to know who he dated and what he did.

Lily heard a heart-rending altercation suddenly behind the Three Broomsticks' door.

"We're not from the same world anymore, Alex."

"Why? Just because I didn't join the Order of the Phoenix? Sirius, to be honest, I often suspect that I am the third party between you and the Order of the Phoenix."

They confronted each other in silence for a while. There was nothing but the sound of rain outside the window, and the conversation in the room stopped for a moment as if in tacit agreement. The fireplace in the room was burning very vigorously, and the hot air was blowing on everyone's faces. .James and she looked at each other and sat there bewildered.

Lily heard Alex's faint, almost broken voice through the door.

"... Sirius, do you want to go to the front line if you love you?"

Then there was the sound of footsteps fading away.Sirius slammed open the door of the Three Broomsticks and walked in. He sat back in his seat with a blank expression on his face, the glass of butterbeer in his hand was still warm.Who knows who suddenly started to find a topic that everyone accepted, and the atmosphere on the scene was quickly heated up deliberately.Sirius also started talking to everyone as if nothing had happened, and everyone went back to school together after having dinner in Hogsmeade that night.

Lily always felt that she and Alex should have a heart-to-heart talk as friends about Sirius and the relationship between Sirius and Alex.Of course Lily knew Sirius didn't mean it, no matter what he forgot, date, meal, self-study, or anything else.He was just too busy, they were all too busy, the Order of the Phoenix swallowed up everyone's spare time, and the NEWTs exams that were getting closer and closer made people feel overwhelmed.She was convinced that Sirius still loved Alex, and Alex still loved him.Neither of them did anything wrong, they just needed to understand each other more.

But Lily did not find Alex, and only saw Alice Burns holding a book at the door of the common room.She knew Alice, and after Alex mentioned the name, Lily paid more or less attention to this girl who was almost killed by Death Eaters.

"Pence, do you know where to find Alex?"

Alice Burns looked at her worriedly and guardedly, and shook his head hesitantly.

Lily sighed. "I have something to find her, something very important."

"She shouldn't be playing with Gryffindors anymore," Lanica, who was standing next to Alice, interjected.

"Lanica." Alice stopped her voice, and gave her a gentle tug.

Lily asked. "Excuse me, what does this mean? Is Alex getting into trouble with people from Gryffindor?"

Alice sighed, looked at the students passing by, and took Lily to a corner before speaking quietly. "Parkinson united seven or eight girls in the grade to take revenge on her."

"Revenge?" Lily's heart twitched.Alex never mentioned it.

"Well," Alice nodded with a frown, "it was just throwing paper balls into her bag at first, and this has always been there until recently..."

Lily thought of Alex who was like a ghost that day. "Tell me, what did they do to her?"

"Parkinson and five other girls teamed up and knocked off her wand, poured water on her, and wrote... well... very bad things on her face."

"God," Lily was shocked, "where is she now?"

"I don't know, I haven't seen her for a long time," Alice paused, "but maybe, she will study by herself in the suburbs, when the weather is not so bad."

--

It was past noon when Alex left the common room full of resentment. Parkinson's revenge made her upset. Of course, she would not be afraid of a direct confrontation, but it was a sneak attack that day, and she was still studying for the NEWTs exam. In the early morning after staying up all night to study, her consciousness was covered with at least three layers of clouds, and she easily knocked off her wand.

She walked under the tree by the lake and sat down in the familiar place.She took out a few books from her desk and planned to spend the whole afternoon here today.She picked out a random one, looked at the Charms notebook for a while, and fell asleep hugging her knees because she was too sleepy.

When she woke up, Sirius was standing in front of her. Maybe everyone was too busy recently, he looked thinner than before, and he was looking through a book with a blank expression on his face.

"Siris!" Alex was a little surprised, she didn't expect to see him here again.

"Alex," he shook the copy of "Rotten Corpses Don't Disappear" in his hand, "this is yours, right?"

Her voice is very soft. "Siris, this is just a book..."

"But you're done," he cut her off, his gray eyes fixed on her as if to burn a hole out of her. "You're studying the Dark Arts, aren't you?"

Alex's heart began to sink.

"Answer me, Alex." His tone became harsh.

Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Don't you already have the answer in your heart?"

He starts to frown. "That time you were in front of James, I found out that it was black magic, but I thought it was your family's ancestral curse and you didn't know it. I kept making excuses for you."

She looked him straight in the eyes and admitted with a broken can. "I know it's black magic, I've always known it."

"I thought you were different from those Slytherins, Alex."

Alex began to argue: "For Merlin's sake, it's just black magic, Sirius, your Defense Against the Dark Arts is so good, you know, can't white magic hurt people—"

"Then why is the dark arts banned in England?" he interrupted her again.

She said hurriedly: "Because most people can't control it well."

"Dark magic is evil, and the first 17 years of my life have shown me that over and over again."

Alex sighed weakly. "Sirius, I don't know why you take this issue so categorically. Is everything in the world black except white?"

Sirius looked at her helplessly, as if looking at a terminally ill patient. "For Merlin's sake, you're just making excuses for yourself, Alex, when will you really wake up and see what's going on now. Black magic is something only Death Eaters can use, Why don't you understand."

Alex thought Sirius would throw a tantrum, but he didn't.

She smiled sadly.

"Are you going to judge me? Put me in Azkaban, or send me to the Wizengamot, so that I can have another chance to defend myself?...Could it be that in your eyes, I am also Death Eater Are you a disciple?"

"You weren't like this before, Alex."

"...What if this is already the best version of me?"

Why does he have to accuse her like this every time?She also understands that the truth is very simple and cruel, and Sirius has always been too far away from the real her.

Alex shook her head silently.

"Maybe you didn't know me well enough before, Sirius, I've never changed."

"Now, I think I understand you," he looked at her indifferently, as if looking at a stranger, "let's break up."

Alex was stunned, her eyes widened, and she asked him in disbelief. "Is it because I study black magic?"

He looked at her coldly. "Because of everything, Alex."

For a moment, Alex would rather be in Azkaban or the Wizengamot.The setting sun in the evening sprinkled among them like gold leaf through the tree branches, separating them with a sharp boundary.Many sentences jumped out of her mind. "What if this is me who has tried my best?" "Forgive me." "I'm sorry." "I love you." She mechanically grabbed the most logical and most appropriate one, and when she spoke again The voice began to tremble uncontrollably.

"I see, Sirius. Maybe it's long overdue."

Sirius left.Alex stood alone.

She doesn't want to break up.But it's all wrong.She finally understood that her actions had been repeatedly proving one point - she was impossible and not qualified to stand by his side.It was she who opened her arms whimsically since she was a child, and vowed that she could hold the wind.She even thought she did it.But she didn't realize that they never really understood each other.Alex loves Sirius, but is unwilling to follow him desperately.And Sirius...maybe he once loved himself, but he couldn't help him to go to the light and become a braver person.

The lion cannot understand the snake's situation, and the snake cannot transform itself into a lion.

When Sirius broke up, she even felt a strange sense of relief, as if the second shoe upstairs finally fell off and hit the ground firmly.She no longer has to worry about Sirius while watching the like-minded James and Lily get closer.

She finally lost him forever.

--

Lily only remembered Sirius rushing into the Gryffindor common room like a whirlwind of sadness one evening, telling them it was going to rain tonight. "Alex and I have broken up."

James was in an uproar, and Lily pulled his sleeves to stop expressing his opinion—that probably wasn't a brilliant suggestion, and if James could think of it, it was probably just a poor and simple consolation.

Lily sighed, feeling really sorry for them.

She was Alex's friend for many years, and she and Sirius both worked in the Order of the Phoenix. Of course, it was impossible not to see any signs. She still tried to talk to Alex.It's hard to fall in love with someone like Sirius. Alex has done more than half of it. She doesn't want Alex to withdraw from his world. She still has hope, at least Lily thinks so.

Which is more important, loving him or loving the Order of the Phoenix, Sirius just can't tell the difference—but he will sooner or later, Lily knows, he just wants to devote himself to the Order of the Phoenix too much now, and he has feelings for emotional issues. A little bit of confusion unique to adolescent boys, he is too casual and doesn't think carefully enough to make such impulsive and reckless decisions.Sooner or later he will come back.

However, in the days that followed, Lily could no longer see Alex at school.She seems to have disappeared from this world.

Lily had to face the unfriendly eyes of the Slytherins again, and went to the cellar door to find Alice Burns.

The Slytherin girl was holding the book, her big amber eyes were round and lovely, when she saw Lily Evans from Gryffindor walking towards her, she couldn't help dodging for a while. "Alex is not coming to school, and Professor Slughorn gave her a leave of absence, allowing her to show up again during the exam."

Lily was taken aback. "Is she sick? Or... those people make it difficult for her to live?"

"The latter. In fact, Professor Slughorn actually helped her with some words, but it didn't work. Seventh grade students are always more... rampant," Alice continued after thinking for a while, "but the specifics I don't know, Alex hasn't said any of this to me, not a single word. The last time we met was two weeks ago, when she was about to leave school and left a lot of review materials before she left Gave it to me."

Lily asked anxiously. "And then? She left Hogwarts?"

"Yes," Alice nodded. "She never showed up again. If you want to see her, maybe you have to wait until the final exam days. She should show up."

--

Lily finally met Alex at the end of the Potions test. She quickly finished all the test questions, stuffed the test papers into her bag, and left directly with a very haggard face.

"Alex!"

Alex turned around and Lily hugged her. "I know, don't tell me, I know. Oh, Merlin."

"I will miss you, Lily." Alex hugged her back, speaking softly in her ear, "Sorry, I didn't join the Order of the Phoenix."

"I don't blame you for that, well, I know it's because of this..." Lily patted Alex on the shoulder and found that she was thinner than usual, "We will always be friends, Alex."

Alex put his chin on her shoulder, closed his eyes and fell silent for a moment. "Lily, thank you."

"Leave me an address." Lily took out a pen and parchment and stuffed them for her.

Alex scribbled an address hastily on a piece of paper and handed it to Lily.367 St. Catherine Avenue.

"I'll write to you, we can't lose contact." Lily put the parchment away and said.

She patted Lily on the back, trying to reassure her, but maybe herself. "I will too."

Lily heard James calling her, she should go.The activities of the Order of the Phoenix are about to begin.

"Go, Lily, protect yourself." Alex smiled at her, nodded and watched her leave.Lily suddenly felt a panic for no reason, as if in the next second Alex would be swallowed by a deep black mist and disappear forever.

"Alex," Lily couldn't help calling out to her again, "Remember to hide yourself when you are in danger."

"Okay. You know, I'm good at this."

Lily suppressed the uneasiness in her heart and asked, "We will meet again, right?"

Alex opened his hands, hugged his friend again, and soon let go. James was already waiting for Lily to leave with him.

"Of course, Lily. We shall meet again."

--

After passing the NEWTs, she officially became the youngest assistant in Professor Slughorn's potions laboratory.Her life has returned to a normal state, and she can not talk to anyone for a whole day, and Professor Slughorn does not come often. He is still a teacher at Hogwarts and almost handed over the potion laboratory to Assistants take care of it, except for occasional weekend appearances.

Later life continued as usual, experimenting, sleeping, and eating.The mental state is only exhausted and more exhausted. She has always forgotten to organize her things before graduation, and piled them all up in her current residence, cardboard boxes on top of each other, and then never opened them again, pretending that those boxes did not exist.There are several assistants working in Professor Slughorn's laboratory, and she is probably the only assistant who has no private life. Everything revolves around potions, and her work and rest are very irregular.

When Alex woke up, she found that it was almost dawn. She was lying on the operation table of the potion laboratory, and the glass beaker was soaked with reacted lime water, two-eared grass, sap grass, and soundless bird. feathers, showing a cement-like off-white color.She added a bit of wood to the fireplace and lit it with a spell, trying to warm her frozen fingers back to consciousness.

She occasionally wrote to Lily, but they quickly lost contact—there were almost no responses to her letters to Lily, and she speculated that the activities of the Order of the Phoenix caused her to change her address.She prayed in her heart.for each of them.

Professor Slughorn was very pleased with her neutrality.Of his three best students, one was a Death Eater and the other was an Order of the Phoenix, so he kept the least troublesome one as his assistant.As Alex should know, Professor Slughorn was always the last one to get into trouble.And standing in line is the most troublesome thing.So she avoided trouble too...and something that she had really expected.

When the first ray of sunlight entered the laboratory at sunrise, after washing up, she started the first potion experiment of the day.When she wanted to record the reaction of the experiment, she found that the quill in the laboratory was broken, and she reached into her bag to find a spare.

The dark red quill lay quietly in her bag.The bright colors are like a monstrous fire.She put it in the pen holder in the laboratory and watched it quietly.She had thought that the pen had been lost, like so many other things in her life that flashed and were never seen again.

Alex thought that she would never cry about everything related to Sirius again. He was very, very far away from her, and the past was as invisible as if separated by a layer of mist. She also often felt that she was about to die. Can not remember.But at this moment, she still lowered her head, buried her face in the palm of her hand, and cried quietly.

The author has something to say: "...what if this is already the best version of me?"—Oh, this is too heart-wrenching

Next time will be in 1979, 2 years later... I'm so tired I can't write (x