beauty and money

Facing Miss De Bourde's straightforward questioning, Mary's face turned pale instantly, and she didn't know how to answer for a while.Seeing Mary's reaction like this, Miss de Bower had already guessed her not too restrained emotions.This kind of embarrassment made Mary seem to return to the incomparable embarrassment and embarrassment that she felt when she was Cousin Collins.

"Miss Mary, you don't have to worry about it. I will never tell anyone about it. I just feel the same way when I see you falling into a bitter love. I hope you don't feel too sad." Sad, she seemed to be caught in some kind of memory, lamenting endlessly.

After hearing Miss de Bourgh's words, Mary's embarrassment subsided a little. Thinking of the current situation of this sympathetic woman, she also felt powerless. In this world, a woman can't control her own life, she can only follow the trend, She is as beautiful as Georgiana and as rich as Ms. De Bourgh, so she really shouldn't fall in love because she has no money and no looks, and that kind of bitterness is not something she can bear.

"Miss De Bourgh, it's just that you are worrying too much. That kind of unnecessary speculation is unnecessary." Mary didn't want to talk too much, she repeatedly warned herself to be restrained, but she still showed signs of Mr. Yang's matter. Fortunately, Mrs. Bennet was so absorbed in her fantasies about her marriage with Mr. Benest that she didn't realize that she was wrong, otherwise the consequences would be unimaginable.

"Miss Mary, you should know that if love can fade because of our patience and end because of our refusal, then it is not love." Miss De Bourgh didn't go into it, even if the two people present knew it well.

Her eyes seemed to fall on the blooming midsummer garden outside, but there was lingering sadness in her whole body, her pale face was expressionless, but it was as sad as if she was about to lie down in a cemetery.At this moment, Mary suddenly understood that this girl had also lost her love just like herself.

Mary knew that she shouldn't say anything more, they didn't have a deep friendship, they were just birds in a worldly cage, but she still said this, whether it was to Miss De Bauer or herself: "Ms. , I am a woman without beauty or wealth, with a disability and an unlovable temperament. But because of this, am I worthless? Should I be ridiculed and despised? No matter what others think, I know that I am For myself, I have a noble character and a pure soul, and I try my best to do what I think is right, and the negation and ridicule of others will not make what I do meaningless, and it is impossible for me to be depressed forever." Mary is saying this Tears flowed quietly when she was speaking, the suppressed love and pain, the grievance of being misunderstood and hated all broke out, she knew that she should keep calm, and she could not complain to a stranger, but no matter who it was, it was absolutely Whether it is an unfamiliar stranger, a pastor of a church, or Miss De Bauer who is about to fall into the arms of death, she only needs one person to confide in.

"You asked me if I like Mr. Yang, I hope I am no, but I can't lie, yes, I like him, and I have fantasized about future happiness, but all these are my delusions, and I destroyed it with my own hands before. A friendship, because it is not as noble as I imagined, I was once depressed and unable to extricate myself, and now I feel that there is no pity even if I die immediately, but I have many things that are hard to let go, instead of suffering from loss, I just hope for the future Only when you get what you want can you have the courage to live, this is my responsibility, the responsibility I must bear, people can’t just live for themselves.”

After listening to Mary's words, Miss de Bower was silent for a long time. She got up from the armchair and went to the window. She sighed and said: "But what can I do? Thinking of marrying someone I don't love in the future , I can’t be happy.” Miss de Bower loves Darcy, she thinks her love will be no less than Elizabeth, but some people are doomed to lose love, God is always so unfair, she has not treated her for a long time People have said their minds, even if it is Charlotte who is with her all day, some people just have a shallow conversation, pouring out their troubles to each other and then parting ways will not interfere with each other's lives.

Mary couldn't answer this question, and she was not qualified to answer it. She could only avoid it. No one could give any other answer when she couldn't let go. "I would love to tell you to go out of your grief, but I can't heal myself, I think time will heal me, but wounds won't heal, I can't go back, I can't pursue what I can never have, maybe I will find A new goal, whatever it is, supports my goal of going on."

Miss de Bourgh sighed, her whole life was like a doll in a velvet box, her too weak character and the depression of living with Mrs. de Bourgh for a long time made her lose her nature. "Maybe it's time for me to leave. I don't want to move or play games here. Life has become like a day." Her eyes met Mary's, and she saw deep pain in the eyes of the unattractive girl, but this hurt In addition to the pain, there is also a kind of stubbornness, which is the biggest difference between her and Mary. Even though she is equally sad, what she wants is to leave this painful world early, while Mary, she is stubborn and stubborn, with a wolfishness and loneliness. And refused to give in.

"Perhaps, Miss de Bower, I once left home to live outside. I have no time to recall the grief. The whole day is full. I have to learn to survive independently and fight this disgusting world. My hypocritical memories It’s really ridiculous, it’s better to think about what to eat every day.” Mary wiped away her tears after speaking, and the grievances and pains of these days disappeared, and she found that as long as she said it, most of the pain would disappear , Losing love is not as painful as she imagined, she still has a lot of things to do, and the despair of being abandoned by the whole world seems a bit ridiculous.She twitched the corners of her mouth in a self-deprecating way. Her little love was so innocuous, and her broken friendship was not so pitiful.

Miss de Bourgh turned around, a faint smile appeared on her pale face, and she seemed to be a little more cheerful. She had already made up her mind to go to recuperate, to get rid of Mrs. de Bourgh's cursing and ridicule to Elizabeth day and night, and not to listen to The servants talked a lot.

"I like you to read very much. I wish you would stay a little longer. It would make me feel better." Miss de Bourgh's words were telling Mary that they didn't say anything between them, but just read It's just a paragraph of a book, please rest assured.

Mary said: "I also hope to stay with you, you are a good listener, but I have already accepted the invitation of another lady, and I will leave soon."

The conversation between the two ended here, and Mary bid farewell to Miss De Bourgh. After Mrs. Bennet recovered from her illness, they officially left Rosings Manor.Man is such a strange creature, if a person feels sorry for himself, he will become more and more depressed, if he shares the pain with others, he will let go, if someone says I need you, then even the painful one will immediately want to go Even if you die, you will rise up again.

Not long after returning to Longbourne, Mary packed up her things and set off for Nemer Manor. She had lost the excitement and apprehension of her first trip this time. Because she needed to keep it secret, she didn’t bring a maid with her. Mr. Bennet said he was going to visit Nemer.After Kitty’s incident, Mr. Bennet deeply felt that among the five daughters, the one who most resembled his stubborn personality was actually Mary, and her character needless to say, since she didn’t want to take the maid to Nemer alone, there must be some He didn't ask why.

At this time, a third of the summer vacation has passed, and she really did a good job of mental construction so that she was not timid. The fact that she faced the death threat that night made her feel lingering, but since she had already agreed to this errand, she could only Bite the bullet.Before that, she had also read many medical books, and generally understood that this disease is a mental illness caused by psychological factors, and the patient lives in his own world and cannot get out.

There is no effective treatment method for this in the current scientific journals or specialized books.There are not no cases of recovery in history, but very few, and it is very likely to relapse due to certain stimuli. In order to prevent others from being hurt, such patients are all locked up. It is unlikely that they will return to normal.

Mary's lovelorn mood has been replaced by anxiety. After she set off, she took the stagecoach alone with her luggage.Seeing that she was alone, people probably guessed that she was a governess, so they neglected her in speech and behavior, and lost the respect she received in the boudoir. The more you have, the more you will have the material to write.

Since the end of Sense and Sensibility, she did not send any new works because she was going home during the summer vacation, and she was not in the mood to write for the time being. Although the newspaper had several draft requests, they were all declined. How inconvenient it is, it is easy to be exposed.For this reason, John, the editor-in-chief, had a few gray hairs, and the sales of the newspaper had declined. He didn't know who to find to fill this gap, and the quality of other people's manuscripts was not high.

Not to mention the matter of Oxford, Mary is only carrying a small suitcase this time. She is not dressed in fashion but is completely different from the old-fashioned look before. In addition, when she pretends to be a man, she has to straighten her back and hunchback. Before I knew it, it was fine, the whole person's aura was different.This surprised Nemer's servants, and some of the old servants had suspicious eyes, as if they were afraid.

Nemer was still as lonely and tough as before, looking gloomy in the wilderness and highlands.Few of the servants were dressed in bright colors, and the summer flowers set off a bit of popularity, unlike the magnificence of autumn.Unlike the previous visit, this time Madam Grace did not come to greet her in person, she just ordered the servants to settle down with Miss Mary.And she didn't live in the gorgeously decorated suite last time, but lived in a relatively small servant's room, which she claimed to be a governess.

Looking at her significantly reduced salary, Mary didn't feel anything. She didn't feel wronged or angry. Since there was only an interest relationship between them, it should be considered as a tutor's salary. She waited all afternoon. Mrs. Graillis didn't even send anyone to invite her. It seemed that she didn't intend to meet Mary to appear awkward.

Mary, who was tired enough to sleep that night, slept very deeply. She didn't even know that Mrs. Graillis had already ordered everything. The servant drove away overnight.