Balancing

Lu Heng scratched his head and didn't expect that the first thing Jian Ming asked him to do was to take him to his mother's cemetery.

In the past three years, Lu Heng has only been to the cemetery three times, not on the date of his death, but on his birthday. The tombstones of his parents are connected together. When his father passed away, his mother bought two adjacent ones. She said that this is called a husband and wife position, and it would be much cheaper to buy together. At that time, she was still young, but she also knew that his father's departure meant that he and his mother would start to live in poverty, and from that day on, he swore that he would replace The father became the mountain behind the mother, the sky.

However, this mountain has never been able to become the mother's support from the beginning to the end, and it will never be possible again...

The next day, Jian Ming drove the new car he just picked up to the downstairs of Lu Heng's house. Lu Heng came out of the corridor with a gloomy face and stood in front of the car looking at him, but didn't get in the car.

Jian Ming turned off the engine and got out of the car, deliberately turning a blind eye to his expression, walked around to the other side and opened the car door, with a relaxed tone, "The address you sent is easy to find, I usually have a bad sense of direction." He said with a smile, "By the way, you should be resting today, so you don't need to ask for leave?"

"Jian Ming, I don't want to go." Lu Heng's voice was a little sad.He really looked down on himself, he knew that he made the decision, and Jian Ming's request was also agreed to by himself, all of these were said by himself.But at the last moment, I still dare not go, feeling the fear from the bottom of my heart.

Jian Ming had already read the cause of his illness in Lu Heng's file before, and knew that his mother was the crux of his problem. When he made this request, he didn't expect that he would quickly agree, but the other party was unexpectedly straightforward.Now it seems that yesterday's promise was only to express his determination to trust himself.

"Officer Lu, you haven't celebrated your birthday in the past three years, right? You want to punish yourself, so you only go to the cemetery on that day, accept the cruelest trial in your heart, and voluntarily endure the most painful physical torture on your birthday, right? Since you are willing to do so, then why do you need treatment?" Jian Ming's voice was agitated, and he didn't know why he lost control of himself who had never been influenced by the outside world, seeing Lu Heng wanting to retreat and hide, his emotions were also restrained with.

Lu Heng really wanted to refute, wanted to curse and get angry, but when he opened his mouth, he couldn't say a word.The clairvoyance instrument in front of him saw through everything, every word was merciless, so tired, Lu Heng felt tired like never before, and the stone on his chest seemed to crush him.

"You're right, every time I go, I wish I was the one lying in it. Is it useful? Can I change it? Jane Tutor, Dr. Jane, Dr. Jian, you have great powers, why don't you change it for me!" Lu Lu Heng's eyes were bloodshot, and the second half of his words were basically roared out.

He crouched on the steps at the exit of the corridor with his head in his arms, curled up like a child.

Jian Ming simply parked the car, walked to Lu Heng, sat down on the steps beside him, and put his hand on the back of his shoulder lightly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those words as your psychological counselor...but As your friend... I hope you can listen to it..."

friend?Lu Heng's heart trembled, he looked up at Jian Ming in disbelief, his eyes were full of doubts.

Jian Ming returned his sincere eyes, but didn't speak again, because he felt that Lu Heng seemed to have something to say. As expected, after a minute of silence, Lu Heng finally took the first step towards himself.

Today is August 2018, 8, Saturday, under the corridor of Lu Heng's house, Jian Ming silently recorded this in the file he rebuilt for Lu Heng in his heart.

"My mother is a very honest woman. After my father passed away, she took me through a lot of hardships, but she never thought about getting married again. I know she didn't want me to be wronged or angry. Jian Ming Did you know? In the three years of my junior high school, because my home was far away from the school and I had to transfer twice, my mother took the bus four times a day to wait for me at the platform at the transfer point. She said that it was dark after class, so she didn’t worry about me , Sometimes when I finish class late, she just waits for me for an hour or two, every day, rain or shine." Lu Heng looked far away, as if returning to the old days, talking.

"I always brag to her brazenly, I say, Mom, you wait, wait until I become a man, I will let you do nothing, just sit at home and rest, let you enjoy the great blessings, make up for the hard days Come back. Hehe, is it funny? I really thought I could do it at the time. After graduating from the police academy, I joined the SWAT team. Why didn’t I let her worry about it for a day, let alone enjoying the blessings. Sometimes she didn’t even feel safe. I didn't sleep well, but I was worried and scared like that, but she never asked me to change careers, not even once." Lu Heng's voice became a little choked, and a thin layer of mist covered his face. Eye.

He was a little flustered, as if he wanted to cover up something, lit a cigarette for himself, and took a deep sip.

"Being a special police officer has always been my dream. My uncle is a special police officer. He has been a special police officer for half his life. After he changed his job, he has been in the patrol detachment leading those special police officers. He has been my idol since I was a child. I decided in high school. I will go to the police academy after graduation, this is my own decision, I have never asked my mother or my uncle, I am pretty good, right?" He said and smiled at Jian Ming, with a sense of despair Satire.

It seemed that his legs were numb after squatting for a long time. Lu Heng stood up and stretched, threw away the cigarette with his hands, and put it out with one foot, then looked down at Jian Ming, "Why don't you come to my house and sit down, I'll show you something."

Jian Ming was stunned for a moment, and his reaction was unprecedentedly slow.It took a while to stand up, "Okay, you lead the way."

Lu Heng's family lives on the sixth floor of this building. This is an old residential area, and there is no elevator. They walked up the stairs in sync, one after the other. No one spoke again until Lu Heng took out the key and opened the door.

"Welcome to Lu's residence. You're welcome, just be casual." Lu Heng's voice echoed in the empty room.

This is really an empty room. There is nothing in the living room except for an old and cracked leather sofa and a shoe cabinet by the door. At least there is a coffee table in front of the sofa, which may not look so bleak.On the left side of the living room is the kitchen, Lu Heng is taking two bottles of purified water from the refrigerator, and passing one bottle to Jian Ming.

"Come into my bedroom, my home court is there." Lu Heng didn't know that these words almost prevented Jian Ming from spitting out the water he just drank.

Jian Ming was very strange about his state. Ordinarily, today was a good start, and he should concentrate on defeating Ta Lei. But since Lu Heng began to tell himself about his memories, he has been following his emotions. Every word he said It took more than half a beat to speak before he could react. After entering his house, he became even more sluggish than ever before. What's more serious, his heartbeat suddenly accelerated because of his words. It was so weird. Jian Ming felt that he must quickly regain his rationality and rigor. normality.

Seeing that the person didn't follow, Lu Heng turned around and called again, "Jian Ming, why are you in a daze, come in, the thing I'm showing you is in my room."

Jian Ming nodded and followed into the bedroom, feeling that the room in front of him looked like someone was living in it.

The bedroom is quite large. There is a large brown cloth bed and two matching bedside tables in the center on the left. There is a whole row of wardrobes next to the door. There is also a two-story corner cabinet under the large window facing the door. The body of the cabinet extends into the room. On the right wall, there is a computer and odds and ends on it, and there is a door outside, which should be a bathroom.The room was well packed, and it was understandable what Lu Heng meant when he said that this was the home game.

"There are no chairs in the room, so you can just sit on the bed." Lu Heng took off his coat and threw it beside the bed, walked to the window and opened the curtains.

"What do you want to show me?" Jian Ming didn't sit down, but looked at Lu Heng walking back and forth in the room, his eyes full of confusion.

Lu Heng turned around and sat directly on the floor under the computer, and slowly opened the bottom drawer of the cabinet with gentle movements.Jian Ming approached him, leaned against the edge of the bed, and could just see the things in the drawer.

It was a pile of certificates and things like medals and awards. Lu Heng flipped through them with his hands, picked up a medal with the police badge, and said with a little pride, "Look, this is the first medal I got in the police academy." A brand, the first prize for Rapid Shooting Individuals, there were more than 30 people in our shooting group at the time, it was not easy to get.” After speaking, he shook his head with a smile and took out another piece, which was very simple in shape, like a big No. 5 gold coin chocolate, "This is also from the police academy. I am a bit ashamed to advance to the second prize for anti-stress force. I am only one f*ck behind in 1 competitions. I still lost to No. [-]." look like. "This, this award is the best one I won. In the second year of joining the SWAT team, I ranked first in sniper shooting. Jian Ming, you don't know that I have liked guns since I was a child, especially sniping. Have you seen it? The one that is very long and has a telescope on it." As he spoke, he gestured to Jian Ming with his hands.And Jian Ming, who was standing beside him, stared silently at this man who seemed excited and smiled like a child, and suddenly felt something stabbed in his heart, and the tingling pain spread.

Lu Heng kept smirking all the time, and Jian Ming couldn't help but think of the photo in the file bag. This is the original him, the smirking Lu Heng in the photo.

At this time, the man sitting on the ground suddenly put away his smile, and picked up a certificate with a dazed expression. The certificate seemed to have been torn and glued together. "Loyal Guard" and "personal second-class merit Lu Heng" was written below it. The time was a bit blurry and I couldn't see it clearly. Jian Ming asked curiously, "Second-class merit? This should be the best award, right?"

Lu Heng sneered, a cloud of deep sadness rose between his brows, and he stared at the certificate with great sorrow.

"Yeah, wouldn't you be the best if you lost your mother because of it?" Lu Heng smiled wryly, then closed his eyes tightly, twisting the certificate with such strength that he seemed to crush it.

Jian Ming suddenly understood something, he put his hand on Lu Heng's shoulder, wanted to say something, but didn't know what to say.

"It was I who fired the gun myself, it was me, those bastards caught her, how dare I act bravely... I... I'm a fucking bastard..." Lu Heng's closed eyes slipped a line Tears, the body trembled, as if trying to restrain himself.

Jian Ming squatted down, knelt on the ground with one foot, put one arm around Lu Heng, and pressed his head against his chest, "Cry out, don't hold back, cry out." He wrapped his hands tightly around his shoulders, and his voice was Some trembling.

Lu Heng also tried to pour the tears that were about to burst back behind his pupils, trying hard not to make a sound, but he couldn't suppress the shock of grief, the tears in his eyes piled up more and more, and he finally decided with a hoarse shout. She burst out of the dike, buried her head in Jian Ming's arms and cried aloud.

This should be Lu Heng's first time consciously crying freely, and I don't know how long he has been crying. It gradually changed from a low cry of pain to a soft sob, and finally calmed down...

Jian Ming felt numb all over his body, his legs were no longer his own, because he knelt on one knee and held a deadlocked position for too long, he didn't dare to move, fearing that if he moved, he would fall to the ground.

Lu Heng's emotions gradually calmed down, and when he realized that he had cried a lot in Jian Ming's arms, his skin from the top of his head to his toes turned red instantly, and his upper eyelashes kept flapping his lower eyelids, feeling ashamed. Feeling ashamed, he couldn't bear to bury his head in the crack of the ground. Half of his face was still leaning against Jian Ming's chest. The sound of the other's heartbeat clearly reminded him of his current embarrassing posture. He suddenly jumped up from the ground and went to the bathroom. Fleeing.

Jian Ming relaxed all over, sat slumped on the ground, touched his forehead, sweating from his brow, the remaining temperature in his chest inexplicably provoked his beating heart, he pressed his chest firmly, surprised that he had no intention of rising □, I don't believe that after Lu Heng's trembling, those tears, and those collapses, how can he still move his mind, this damn stress reaction makes him very annoyed.

In the bathroom, Lu Heng's face was immersed in the washbasin filled with water. He held his breath for a long time until a series of small blisters appeared on the surface of the water, and then he suddenly raised his head, and the water splashed onto the countertop. On the mirror, he shook his head vigorously, staring at himself in the mirror with bloodshot eyes, and pounded his fist on the marble countertop.

A sudden knock on the door brought Lu Heng back to reality, his back pressed against the door panel, and the thought of facing the person outside the door, the inescapable sense of embarrassment almost swallowed him up.

"Lu Heng, are you... all right?" Jian Ming, who heard a muffled sound, almost jumped to the bathroom door in one step.There was a sound on the door panel, but no voice answered him.Of course he knew what the man inside the door was avoiding. He coughed twice and tried to comfort him in a calm and relaxed tone: "Don't worry, this is just a normal reaction to vent your emotions. I'm very happy for you. You come out first, we chat."

After a moment of silence, the door opened.

Lu Heng stood inside the door with his head down, while Jian Ming watched him stand outside.