Diazepam

He bowed his head to eat, and now it was my turn to prop up my arms and stay still.I thought about it a lot, and I knew he could see it, or hear it.

The first time I killed him was a month ago.That day he still stubbornly thought he was in high school, he didn't know why he woke up in a strange bed, and of course he couldn't find his homework and schoolbag.There was no father or mother around, just a version of me he had never seen.He was full of vigilance towards me, holding a kitchen knife in the corner of the neck and threatening me, telling me not to go over.

High school is probably the time when a person is most conceited and blindly confident. I will not coax such an adolescent boy, but I can't tell him the truth about his illness, and tell him by the way that it is now 20 years later.I'm afraid I'll trigger his mania.Although I am not afraid of him, I just sharpened the kitchen knife the day before, and it is extremely fast.Because of the age gap between the two of us, the normal Chen Zhan would sometimes sell his old age, and then I would go back with sharp teeth and sharp mouth, which can be regarded as a daily fun.But let me rely on the old and sell the old to justify myself to an immature Chen Zhan. Really, every sentence and half a sentence is still fun. After a stalemate for a while, I was tired and irritable.I persuaded him to put down the knife, because this age is the most reckless of consequences and costs, and can be regarded as the most aggressive period of prosperity. I thought Chen Zhan was different from other children. It turned out that his youth would not listen to my kind advice either. Kind advice from others.It turns out that he is also so ordinary, which is too ordinary.

I said: "Chen Zhan, you in 20 years will never allow you to point a knife at me now."

Chen Zhan looked wary: "Who the hell are you?"

I said, "Aren't your arms tired from holding it like this all the time?"

Chen Zhan said, "Thank you, I'm more afraid of you."

I said, "But I won't let you leave this house unless you kill me."

The teenage Chen Zhan smiled contemptuously, and squinted at the seepage ceiling above his head: "It's not as big as a utility room, and it's worthy of being called home?"

Sitting on the sofa, I sighed, "It's nice to be young."

Chen Zhan saw that I was relaxing, and there was tension on my face. I said kindly: "You are standing against the wall now. I suggest you don't leave your back to me. You will die easily."

He also lost his patience, gritted his teeth and said, "Then I'll kill you first, in self-defense."

He rushed towards me, saying that he was not afraid of being false, but I saw through the premeditation of his every move. He just pretended to move towards me, and his real purpose was to run to the door.Very careful planning.

The moment she suddenly turned to the door, I stuck a fruit knife into the back of his heart.

Chen Zhan was mentally ill, but I was probably not normal at the time.I'm tired of playing all kinds of unreasonable games with him every day. He is normal and deranged at times. If I stay with him at home, we can't survive, but if I go to work, who knows what he will do.One time the police sent him back and told me to keep an eye on him. One time he made trouble in my new company. That was the kind of thing that turned the world upside down. It was then that my colleagues knew that I had a brother who was mentally ill. One time he was in the bathroom. I tried to cut open my stomach. Fortunately, I discovered it early, and there was no liver blood left in the stomach.

I'm really tired, he has a knife in his hand, I kill him, it's self-defense.Just like what he said just now.

It turns out that it feels like a sharp object passing through the flat bone of the scapula.Fruit knives are of course fast too, all my knives are sharpened together.It's actually not that difficult, not as much resistance as I imagined.In fact, from a psychological point of view, the most difficult thing is not the layer of blood or the layer of flesh, but the outermost layer of clothes, because fear will make people retreat at the last moment, and then be dragged by inertia and continue to stab forward. enter.Therefore, there will be two diametrically opposed forces when arriving there, and the toughness of the clothes is much greater than that of human skin. It is pushed inward by the tip of the knife, and then the surrounding clothes will spring up relatively, forming a new resistance.The layer of cloth cannot be pierced until the moment it touches the skin.The principle is similar to cutting vegetables, cutting spinach in the air and cutting spinach on a chopping board, the latter was labor-saving at the time.Then there is the bone, which is a bit hard, but it's just a test of strength, and I'm so excited that I don't realize how difficult it is to that extent.Then came the heart chamber.

From the point of view of hand feel, there is a rather novel feeling of emptiness here, not a completely penetrating emptiness, because the heart is full of muscles, blood vessels, and blood, so there is a kind of resilience-like carefreeness.

I wanted to stab further, but the blade wasn't long enough.I'm addicted to it, and I can't bear to draw the knife.

Chen Zhan is not dead yet, he looked back at me very slowly and surprised.

I was like a thin smoker, suddenly excited in the center, and suddenly passed the exhilarating pleasure given by the medicine, like a dream.My heart was beating so fast that it occurred to me for a moment that it would be more comfortable to insert a knife into my ventricle, which was beating at the rate it is now.Chen Zhan's eyes looked at mine, and when I realized this, the overly bright colors in front of me suddenly turned gray, and returned to the normal vision composed of three primary colors.I lowered my head, only to realize that I had already stabbed the knife, and Chen Zhan collapsed on the ground sideways, with red blood under his body.

I get scared.I was afraid that the blood would seep to my aunt's ceiling downstairs.

I dragged Chen Zhan into the bathroom and rinsed the fruit knife.I undressed him and rinsed him too.He's still bleeding in spurts, I think maybe it's because the warm water on him stimulates the blood flow?I turned off the water heater and replaced it with icy cold water. The shower was hung on the wall, and I adjusted the water column to the thickest gear, hitting the fatal wound I made myself.He was lying on the ground, his body basically took up most of the ground, I strenuously walked back and forth through this small space, and threw the clothes and pants I just took off from Chen Zhan's body into the washing machine.Then after thinking about it, he took out the blood-stained piece again.I shredded that dress and picked it up in the trash.

After everything was packed, I dragged him back to the bed and put him in the sleeping position.It's a full day and the sun will rise as usual tomorrow morning.

This is the beginning, and there is no turning back.I'm starting to plan my next plan.It is true that one-shot killing is the easiest, so simple that it is boring. I searched for many interesting methods, but seeing Chen Zhan every day, my heart softens again.He has been very normal these days, knowing that he was unconscious some time ago.He would persuade me to go to work properly, and he would take the medicine according to the schedule at home. He also said that if he found something wrong at any time, he would call me immediately.I laughed and scolded him to get out, there would be no time to make a phone call.I also want to stay with him like this for a while longer, and I want to resign for a while, so I can just toss with him at home.But I'm not Chen Zhan, Chen Zhan's resume is a golden rice bowl everywhere, but I have already obtained this broken porcelain bowl by trying my best, looking for connections and talents.I dare not resign, I am afraid that if I resign temporarily, I will regret it in less than a month.

Chen Zhan is really good - when he is not sick.The two of us have been through ups and downs for so many years, and I have long been able to accept and endure many of his faults. Even if there are many faults, I still can't let him go, probably because the flaws do not cover up the good.I don't know what will happen in the next second, so I want to cherish every ordinary moment.

I thought it would be cruel for me to kill someone who was in my veins.

He fell asleep, I put a layer of paper on his face, and then poured warm water on it.Because he took sedative and sleeping pills before going to bed, he was not awakened, and then he never woke up again.

This process is really boring.I repeated those actions like a robot, take paper, cover, water, take paper, cover, water.The water was gone, so I went to pour some from the thermos.I originally wanted to pick him up from the water pipe, but he is Chen Zhan after all, my love.I don't know when he died, layer after layer, I was so numb that I didn't feel what I was doing.But the paper seems to be very thick, layer after layer, tightly stuck together, it is difficult to separate, my arm muscles are a little sore, I put the rest of the paper back into the bookshelf, and drank the remaining water , Then lie down beside him, turn off the light and go to sleep.

It occurred to me in a half-dream, half-awake, what a killing machine I am now.

I set the alarm clock very early, turned off the phone and went back to sleep for 4 minutes, glanced at the time through the gap between the eyelashes, and quickly sat up straight, separating the solid paper on Chen Zhan's face from his skin, After getting a little water to clean up the scraps of paper, the crime tools went downstairs and threw them into the trash can.When I was about to leave, I looked at his purplish red face from suffocation, and suddenly felt some tenderness. I thought, if Chen Zhan has always been like this, lying there without saying a word, it would be fine, at least he is safe.But will I take care of him for the rest of my life?Won't.Serving freshness once or twice has become a task that must be completed every day rain or shine, no matter how much you twist your fingers, it will evolve and become abnormal.I can often see the touching love that has "become a habit" for decades on TV. I love Chen Zhan no less than those people, but I also love myself.I love myself more.This is the second time I've killed Chen Zhan, and I'm starting to regret why I didn't implement this project sooner.

Chen Zhan has a family history of mental illness, he didn't tell me before, he said he was afraid of me and him.That might be a bit confusing.He had long felt that his mental state would be intermittently unstable and out of control, and then he secretly went to the hospital for an examination and kept it from me.He also resigned, saying that he was going to start his own business. In fact, he hoped to delay the onset of the disease a few years through active treatment, but I didn't know anything.