Pretend to B

Su Hong took out a piece of paper and dabbed it on her face indiscriminately.

Mascara and eyeliner were smeared under the eyes, and messy tear stains made grooves on the thick liquid foundation.

A skit was playing on TV, and when a familiar old artist appeared, the audience burst into applause.

Su Hong sniffled and said, "Go away, I'm sorry for you, really, if I hadn't brought you back, you might have had a better life."

She watched a family drama some time ago, in which the children were dressed beautifully, and any shoes they wore were sold for seven or eight hundred in specialty stores. They had parents and mothers, so they were carefree.They also have something to worry about. One day they clamored for burden reduction and freedom because of too much homework, and tomorrow they clamored for an uprising against Alpha's monopoly on the student union.

How can this worry be called worry.

When her son was their age, all he worried about was the tuition fees for the next semester and the meals for tomorrow.

Poor, they are really poor.

Su Hong sometimes thinks, even if Su Xing was born in an ordinary family, it would be fine.He looks good and has good grades. If he grew up in a normal environment, his personality would not be what he is now. Teachers and classmates will definitely like him; if he has any extra-curricular hobbies, he can enroll him in a class, whether it is piano or painting or casual He can do anything, even if the family is a little tight, he has to be nurtured well.

After the split, he is an Omega, so he doesn't have to be careful to pretend to be a beta; he may also participate in some small-scale affirmative action activities on campus, and make a few like-minded friends; Fall in love with a mature and stable person, then start a family and raise your own children.

Anyway, it's better than now.

Su Hong thought of many possibilities, and none of them could be worse than the present one.

"If you don't take me back," Su Xing said, "I would have died long ago."

Su Hong smiled, and said: "To be honest, when you broke your bone at the age of 11, I wanted to die with you. The charcoal was already burning. Here, the basin is right there."

She stretched out her finger, and Su Xing looked in the direction she pointed, which was the coffee table in the living room.

Su Xing was silent for a while, and asked, "Why did you go back on your word later?"

"I'm not willing to die," Su Hong flicked her hair, "I'm still so young, and you are so young, I really can't bear it."

At that time, they had just moved here, and the relationship between her and Su Xing had just begun to become tense—to be exact, she was unilaterally snubbing Su Xing.

One day when Su Xing came back from school, he was blocked by gangsters at the entrance of the alley. The other party called him a bastard whose father died. He gritted his teeth and rushed up to fight with them. It is to use bricks to beat the gangsters until their heads are broken.

He staggered home, his face was covered with blood, and he staggered down as soon as he entered the house, his lips were pale.

Su Hong was so frightened that her whole body was shaking, she cried all the way and took him to the hospital with a slight concussion and a fracture of the ulna in her left arm.

That was the most embarrassing time for them. They even sold a second-hand TV they bought when they got married.Su Xing will be hospitalized for a week, and she can't even make up the hospital expenses.

She eats two steamed buns and a pack of instant noodles every day, goes to the market in the morning to buy a tube bone, makes soup and sends it to the hospital, and then goes out to work.

One day when she came home at night, the fat man who lived upstairs was waiting for her at the door.

The fat man said that they are orphans and widows, if you need help, just ask him, he will definitely help, he is an Alpha, if you need anything else, you can also ask him.

As he talked, he stuck his hands on her buttocks.

Su Hong entered the room with a cold face, sat on the balcony and smoked half a pack of cigarettes.

The next day the doctor told her that the reset of Su Xing's arm was not good, and surgery was needed, otherwise it might affect the rotation function of the forearm in the future.

She asked how much it cost, and the doctor said that this kind of minor surgery was very cheap and not difficult, and it cost several thousand yuan.

Thousands of dollars.

The treatment fee plus the hospitalization fee was thousands and thousands. She looked for people everywhere and begged and begged, borrowed and borrowed, and the wedding ring was sold. She was really desperate.

She took Su Xing home and said that he was dead. Su Xing was very obedient and kept his head down without saying a word.

At night, when Su Xing fell asleep, she took out the charcoal she had bought from the bottom of the sofa, and when the charcoal fire started, she sat on the sofa and smoked.

The air slowly thinned, she began to faint, and the cigarette butt fell on her thigh, burning a small black spot on her jeans.

- Little Red...

She heard Lin Qiang calling her by his ear.

——Xiaohong, why are you?Why?

Su Hong opened her mouth, but couldn't speak.

sorry Sorry.

I can't help it, I really can't...

——Xiaohong, why are you on earth?

After Lin Qiang died, Su Hong had no time to grieve. She worked as a clerk in a wholesale store during the day and greeted guests at the food stall at night. She closed her eyes and forced herself to fall asleep quickly, otherwise she would cry all night.

Until that moment, the suppressed longing and pain finally broke out, jumping wildly in every part of her body, and even her fingertips hurt.

Suddenly, Su Xing coughed a few times in the room, and the sound was transmitted to her ears through the wall. She trembled all over, opened her eyes suddenly, kicked over the charcoal basin like crazy, put out the fire, and stumbled to open the door open the window.

Su Xing didn't wake up, his face was pale pink, the center of his brows was slightly wrinkled, and his forehead was sweating.

Su Hong took a book and fanned him until Su Xing's complexion returned to fair. She changed her clothes, went upstairs and knocked on the door of the fat man's room.

It was Su Xing's fifth day in hospital, eight days after her husband Lin Qiang died.

The next day she took Su Xing to the hospital for surgery, but Su Xing was unwilling to go, saying that he would stop studying and find a factory job.

Su Hong pointed to his left hand, which was covered with plaster, and said, "Where are you going to work as a cripple?"You go to move the corpse and no one wants you!

Su Xing bit her lip and stared at her, without saying a word, with a stubborn expression, then went to the kitchen to get a pair of scissors to cut the bandage on her hand.

Su Hong slapped him hard, and yelled, "Fuck your mother" with red eyes.

She slapped Su Xing fiercely, and Su Xing's nosebleeds came out from the slaps. He was still hanging with one hand, and his body was still very weak. He couldn't resist even if he resisted, and he couldn't escape.

Su Hong strangled his neck and almost dragged him to the hospital.

On the way, Su Xing's shoes were worn off on the ground, and the skin on his heel was scratched, and sharp stones pierced his flesh. He gritted his teeth and said nothing.

Su Hong seldom mentioned the past with Su Xing, or she seldom sat at the same table with Su Xing like today, and talked calmly and calmly with no needles or thorns in her words.

Su Xing took the wine from her hand and poured her a glass of water.

Su Hong didn't care, she swirled the clear water in the glass, her eyes wandered, she didn't know where she was looking.

"You never told me." Su Xing said.

"How do you say?" Su Hong's pupils gradually gained focus, and she stared at a bubble that slowly floated up in the water glass, "How old were you at that time? Eleven? Twelve? What should I say? Say I went to give money to men Sleep? Say I don’t even dare to buy instant noodles in barrels, and buy a pack of [-] cents safflower crisp noodles instead?”

Su Xing looked at her forehead, her hair loss was getting worse, and there was a faint red spot in the sparse hair.

"After Dad left, why did you?" Su Xing paused for a few seconds and asked, "For me..."

He had been pressing the question in his heart for several years, and finally summoned up the courage to ask it out.

"So cold to you? So mean to you?" Su Hong tapped a finger rhythmically on the glass, she chuckled, "How did your father die?"

Su Xing lowered his eyes: "It fell from the scaffolding."

"He bought you a pen the day before he died."

Su Xing raised his eyes suddenly, and his breathing tightened.

Lin Qiang is a rough worker with no culture, he only knows how to support his family by working and doting on his wife and son.

Su Hong is a black family, raised by human traffickers, successfully escaped at the age of 14, fell in love with a beta who sang rock and roll in a nightclub, followed him for more than three years, had three miscarriages, and lost her fertility directly.

The man was afraid of being responsible, so he ran away overnight with the electric guitar on his back.

Su Hong found a job as a housekeeper, and the collective dormitory was in a tube building, where she met Lin Qiang.

Lin Qiang immediately fell in love with her. She was beautiful, with a pungent personality, and she spoke straightforwardly without being twitchy.

He is stupid and can't speak, and he doesn't understand romance. He just saw Su Hong eating fast food all day long and felt that it hurt his body, so he asked Su Hong to eat at his place.

He cooks one piece of meat, one dish and one soup, and he is reluctant to eat the meat, so he gives it all to Su Hong.After cooking for half a year, Su Hong was finally impressed.

Lin Qiang didn't mind that Su Hong couldn't have children, and Su Hong didn't dislike him as a rough worker.

After half a year of marriage, the woman who lived on the eighth floor of Tongzilou knocked on their door with a child in her arms.

She said that the child has no father, she can't get along and has to go back to her hometown, and she can't take the child with her. If Lin Qiang and Su Hong don't want it, she will throw the child into the public toilet and drown.

Su Hong's heart softened, and it happened that she couldn't give birth, so she took the child back.

Lin Qiang couldn't put it down for the child. The child's eyes were shining like stars, so he was called Xing, and his wife's surname was Su Xing.

Su Hong scolded him, and Su Xing was not nice.

Lin Qiang scratched his head silly.

In those few years, the family lived in poverty but warmly.

Lin Qiang is almost responsive to the mother and son. He wears 40 yuan a pair of shoes on the street stall, but buys Su Hong a dress worn by a model in the mall; Su Xing likes skating. To develop communication skills, he sent Su Xing to learn ice hockey.

At the age of 11, Su Xing won the first prize in the city's mathematics olympiad. He was so happy from ear to ear that he asked Su Xing what gift he wanted.

In fact, Su Xing didn't want anything in particular, but his father was so happy on the other end of the phone, showing off to his co-workers that his son was promising, and that he would become a master of arithmetic in the future.

He wanted to make Dad happy, so he said buy a pen.

Lin Qiangle laughed loudly, and said, Dad will buy you a good pen, you can use this pen to pass the Tsinghua University exam!

He was working in a neighboring city at that time, and there was a piece of land where he needed to build a house. He went home one day a week, and lived on the construction site for the rest of the time.

He went to the shopping mall that day, and when he arrived at a store, he specified that he wanted the best one, and his son wanted to take it to the competition.

The clerk saw that he was dressed in ordinary clothes, and he looked like a foreigner doing rough work, so he bought him a more than 500 one, which was not a high price in the store.

Lin Qiang was taken aback. Just such a pen cost more than 500?It seems that it is really the best, so his son has to use the best!

He paid the money without any hesitation, and returned to the construction site happily.

On the second day of work, people come and go in the collective dormitory, and the hands and feet of the workers are not clean.He was afraid that it would be unsafe to store the pen, so he carried it in his pocket as a treasure.

It was such a coincidence that he was working on scaffolding, four stories high, and when he bent over to pick up tools, the pen slipped out of his pocket.

There was a lot of noise on the construction site. He didn't hear the sound of the pen falling on the wooden board. He stepped on the pen with a bucket of cement, staggered and fell off the scaffolding, hit his head on the ground, and lost his breath on the spot.

A worker on the same floor saw the whole process, trembling with fright, and then told Su Hong the whole story.

Su Xing's throat was terribly astringent, and his eye sockets hurt like pinpricks. He widened his eyes hard, and blinked a few times, his eyelashes were wet.

"I'm sorry, I, I..."

He seemed to be choked by someone, and it became difficult to breathe. When he inhaled, his throat felt like a knife was cut, and acid surged up from his stomach.

Su Hong waved her hand and said, "It's God's will, I don't blame you, I really don't blame you."

She knew that it was not Su Xing's fault, but she still uncontrollably blamed Su Xing for the pain of losing her husband.

The construction site paid tens of thousands of dollars and wasted money. She bought a cemetery and went through the formalities of encoffining, and the money was spent.

After doing all this in a trance, she has little energy to think about other things. The safety of the construction site is not guaranteed, the workers have no protection measures on the scaffolding, and the person in charge has a bad attitude. Even looking at her is a waste of time.

She held up a sign outside the construction site, yelling for justice, and was beaten up, then went to the city gate and knelt down, knelt for ten days and finally gave up.

She couldn't afford to live in Tongzilou, so she moved to Ruyi District, where the rent was the lowest.

The principles of this world are not on her side.

Su Hong was exhausted physically and mentally every day. Whenever she saw Su Xing, she couldn't help but have the thought "he killed Lin Qiang". This thought was like a wild beast, roaring in her heart, wanting to rush out of the cage.She couldn't seek justice for her dead husband, she could only vent her powerlessness on her young son.

But she knew in her heart that it wasn't, it wasn't Su Xing's fault.She tortured herself in this contradiction every day, and transferred this torture to Su Xing.

Later, she did despicable things for her livelihood, and the relationship between her and Su Xing became more and more rigid, and it could almost be said that they were strangers.

Su Hong was drunk and staggered into the room, Su Xing sat alone.

His mind was empty, one keyword after another jumped out like a spring.

Pen, father, scaffolding, wishful area, fracture, operation, money money money...

In the end, these key words lined up, like scattered beads strung on a thread, spelling out a complete story.

He was like a bystander, watching coldly without fluctuation.Then, these beads began to take shape. Lin Qiang's simple and rough face appeared on the beads called "Father", and Su Hong's slap and the warmer placed next to the hospital bed every morning appeared on the "fracture" and "operation". Bucket, filled with warm bone broth.

Then, Su Xing's breathing became heavy uncontrollably, as if a blade was grinding in his throat, he stretched out his hands to support his neck to relieve some pain, and let out a low moan from his throat.

Su Hong's pack of cigarettes was placed on the table, he lit one, and smoked desperately, his eyes were red from smoking, the nicotine got into his lungs and he felt better.

He smoked very hard, one after another, and when he reached the fifth one, a text message came from his cell phone.

－－Happy New Year, My Cool Baby

——Love me more and more in the new year

It turned out that it was already zero o'clock.

Su Xing pinched his cigarette and replied, his typing hands were shaking.

- we're going to get out of here, right?

He Chi's news came very quickly.

--meeting

- we'll get out of here

- Don't be afraid of anything, I will protect you

Su Xing blinked, and a tear hit the screen.

Just this one drop.

He raised his head to hold back the useless things like tears back into his eyes, and took a few deep breaths.

——When we leave, I will take my mother with me.