Meteor Killer

Green lights are like beans.

I copied Buddhist scriptures under the lamp.

A few faint glimmers of light danced on the paper with a faint ink fragrance.

I rubbed my sore eyes, and when I looked up, I saw the same blue-gray and cold stone walls all around me.

I silently counted the days in my heart.

Winter goes to spring, and the fleeting years are like water.Now is the season of April Fangfei.

I know that the outside world has already melted the ice and snow, and the peach blossoms and willows are green, which is a good spring.

But I can't see anything.

Accompanying me are only the cold four-sided stone walls and the narrow square-inch room, as well as scrolls of Buddhist scriptures and the faint fragrance of ink.

Tonight and night, day and night, fleeting dreams, what has it to do with me?

.........

My name is Xie Murong.

Yes, in everyone's impression, I have already passed away, and I do not exist in this world.

But no one thought that I would hide in this closed underground space and live a life isolated from the world.And once lived, it was three years.

Three years, neither long nor short.In the whole life of floating dust, three years is just a moment of youth.

But these three years have been my best years. It is my youth, but I wasted here.

No one was with me, and most days I was alone.

I copy all kinds of Buddhist scriptures every day, and it seems that this is the only joy in my life.

It's not that I love it, it's just that I can't figure out how to get through the long days and the years without it.

Just like today, I quietly copied this "Gatha of Miao Se Wang Seeking the Dharma", under the dim light, the graceful handwriting seemed to reflect my clear state of mind.

"All kindness and love are impermanent and hard to come by for a long time. There are many fears in life, and life is at stake in the morning dew. From love comes sorrow, from love comes fear, if you are away from the lover, there is no worry and no fear."

From love comes sorrow, from love comes fear.If there is nothing in the heart, why worry and fear.

All of this is self-inflicted.

I smiled bitterly.

Once again, I meditated on the name hidden deep in my heart.Day and night, every day and month here, I call this name in my heart.But why, I feel farther and farther away from him, and I don't understand him more and more.Maybe, I never understood him.

Yunhai, I thought that if I lived in your underground space, I could live in your heart.

However, I was wrong.

You still lock your heart tightly and don't let anyone get close.

including me.

If life is just like seeing you for the first time, I just want to turn back the time and go back to that meeting.

I always remember... that day, the sunshine in the holy water forest drew a fine silhouette on your body.Your eyebrows and eyes are clear and distant.Your expression is confused and vicissitudes.

How I wish time could stay at that moment, you are still the boy who made my heart flutter.

However, everything seems to never go back.

In this life, we are destined to embark on this road of no return of love-hate entanglement, bitter obsession, no matter how difficult it is to get rid of.

I sighed leisurely, looked at the swaying candle shadow, and put down the pen in my hand.

Suddenly feeling a little tired, I fell asleep on the table.In the dream, I vaguely saw that vague shadow with sharp-edged and stern profile.

When I woke up, there seemed to be some tears in the corners of my eyes.In a daze, I vaguely saw him sitting upright not far from me, with an unpredictable depth in his eyes.

I jumped up suddenly, looking at him a little helplessly.

He should have been here for a while, and just kept looking at me silently like this?

In fact, this situation has been repeated many times.

I am also used to him just looking at me without saying a word, sometimes like this, silently watching me write.Several hours passed, I was still writing, and he was still sitting.Neither speak to each other.I even feel that such a scene has an unspeakable warmth, yes, isn't it good?

And sometimes, we would also talk a few words in a hurry, just like ordinary close friends, chatting all over the world.

"Sea of ​​clouds, are the peach blossoms blooming on the top of Feiyun Peak?"

He nodded, and said dully, "Open."

"Is it as prosperous as in previous years?"

He nodded, but stopped talking.

I'm used to his reticence, as long as he can talk to me a few words, I'm very happy.

"Are the few koi in the Five Colors Pond still there?"

"Yes." He responded lightly.There was a sadness in my eyes that I couldn't understand.

"How is Suling doing now? Have you got any kids?"

He shook his head and said, "Not yet. She's fine."

Suling used to be my close maid, but because I fell in love with the guards in the valley, Yunhai and I made up a scene of dying in love and sent them out of the valley secretly.Since then, Xie Murong has completely disappeared in the eyes of the world.

I miss her, the girl who was born again.

Unexpectedly, a few days later, I saw her.

"Miss..." She rushed towards me and hugged me.

"Su Ling, why are you back?" I was extremely surprised.

Su Ling happily wiped away her tears, "Miss, Mr. Liang came to look for me."

"He..." I was stunned.

"Mr. Liang said that Miss is too bored here alone, and asked me if I would like to accompany you."

"What about Xiaojue? Why are you willing to leave him?"

Su Ling sighed and said: "The boy has ambitions everywhere. Since he left Youlong Valley, he has gone on a long trip with his friends to do business. I can only see him once in half a year."

I sigh helplessly.I don't understand the joys and sorrows of others.

Su Ling smiled and said, "Miss, let me accompany you from now on."

I smiled slightly, but there was a touch of warmth in my heart.

Since then, Su Ling often came to chat with me.The days passed without any surprise.

I gradually understood Yunhai's intentions.Because I can learn a lot of family information from Su Ling.This is something he never wanted to tell me.I know he doesn't want to.

Su Ling said: "Miss, do you know? I heard that during the Shangyuan Festival this year, the master held a competition to fly Kongming lanterns in the valley. That night, the night sky was full of stars, dazzling. It's a pity that I Haven't seen it with my own eyes."

"Do you know who won the first place in the end? It was Yaowu, the bodyguard in Qingxiangyuan, the Second Miss. He made the biggest Kongming lantern and flew the highest."

I listened silently, and couldn't help but yearn for it.Su Ling spoke happily, but I showed an indifferent expression.

"Miss, what's wrong with you?"

"No... nothing..." I shook my head.Su Ling didn't know how much I loved listening to her tell stories about the valley.Father's, Wanqing's, I haven't heard from them for a long time.

However, I can only listen indifferently.Because I know that in this life, I may never see you again.

Su Ling frowned and looked at me, and said: "Miss, I have always wanted to ask. Why do you and Mr. Liang do this? Su Ling is not a smart person, but Su Ling can tell that you like Mr. Liang, Mr. Liang The young master likes you too. Why don't you ask Gu Zhu to marry you?"

"You are the owner's own daughter, and Mr. Liang is someone the owner can trust. If you are together, the owner will not object."

I sighed, Suling didn't know about Yunhai, she only thought that we were secretly together because we didn't want my father to know, just like she and Xiaojue did back then.

She doesn't know that there are some unknown causes and consequences of me and Yunhai's obsession in this life.

In fact, he didn't trap me. I can go out from here at any time, touch the flowers all over the mountain, and kiss the warm sun in April.

But I don't want to, I want to stay with him.Use this almost cruel way to entangle yourself and his heart.

Whether it's punishment or redemption, I can't tell the difference.

All I know is that I want to be with him.

I shook my head and said, "Suling, you don't understand."

Su Ling's eyes turned red in an instant, "Yes, I don't understand. But Miss is as young as a flower, but lives in a place like a cemetery, dark and humid, and the sun is out of sight all day long. Others only think that Miss is dead, only Su Ling I know how much the miss is suffering. Miss, does Mr. Liang really love you? If he treats you sincerely, he should desperately ask the owner of the valley to let you go. But now? He intends to secretly Dizang, will you live forever? Does he feel sorry for you like this?"

I looked at Su Ling's tearful eyes, and my heart was touched for a moment.Yes, does he love me?

Since I lived in this basement, he only said a few words to me every time he came, or else he looked at me silently with eyes that I would never understand.Since that time, he never touched me again, even if it was a shallow hug.

Once I watched his back as he was about to leave, and finally couldn't help asking him: "Yunhai, do you hate me?"

His figure froze, but he didn't turn around.After a long time, he said indifferently: "If you regret it, you can cancel the agreement."

"What do you mean?" I said angrily.

"What I owe you will be paid back in due time."

I couldn't help but smiled wryly: "Repay, how do you want to repay?"

He said softly: "After killing him, you will kill me again."

I sneered miserably: "Do you men have to do such a deadly thing?"

He was silent.

I looked at his thin and lonely figure, and slowly shed tears.

He finally left without saying anything.

I slumped on the bed powerlessly, thinking about his decisive words, my heart ached like Ling Chi.

He still can't let go, I know, it's the shackles that imprisoned him all his life.

No matter how hard I try, it's useless...