Harriet Potter

This is my new favorite moment: Lying in my new tent, James, Lily and Sirius sitting and standing casually by my bed, talking to me about everything.I have so much I want to share with them and every minute I can think of more.We chatted from Hogwarts to the Ministry of Magic, from the centaurs to the Triwizard Tournament, and to the little dragon Norbert raised by Hagrid. I was amazed by what James and Sirius said about any corner of the castle. They know the tunnels and shortcuts that I have never—perhaps anyone has ever—discovered, and they know the stories behind those dusty portraits.Sometimes it becomes a bit of a contest, because I enjoy the look of surprise on their faces when I say something, probably as much as they enjoy leaving me dumbfounded.Lily just listened quietly from the sidelines most of the time, and occasionally added a surprise sentence or two, or reminded me that it was time to eat or sleep.

I equally loved begging Lily to "Wait a minute, Mom, finish this story", I no longer shut down my brain every night, Lily's singing puts me to sleep, and someone can wake me up even when I'm in a nightmare.

I think I'm starting to understand Ginny's obsession with the diaries years ago, that confiding in them is like pulling a poison out of my body, and I'll never have to take responsibility for the consequences.James, Lily and Sirius are just as young and caring and funny as I dreamed they would never tell anyone what I say and nothing will affect their lives or be blamed .Once the conversation gets out of hand, I just have to drop the rock in my hand to end an argument—although I never do that, even when the atmosphere becomes awkward and frozen over certain topics.I told myself that I would never think of my parents and godfather as some sort of on-and-off chat companion, but at the same time, I knew I could.

If this stone is still a Horcrux, it must have completely controlled me by now.I no longer wanted to find anything, to unravel any mystery, the indestructible reason that drove me to fight was vulnerable to that small stone, the barrier between life and death collapsed.In a flash I thought of Parvati, her eyes twinkling as she described her plans to get rid of her family and join the war, and I couldn't understand how she could want to flee when someone was waiting at home.Nothing, not all the reasons in the world, would make me leave my family.Then I thought maybe she had lost her family now or the other way around - her family had lost her, and pushed the thought out of my mind.There are other people fighting for it, let them be heroes, the wizarding world survived a thousand years before Harriet Potter was born, tyrants never destroyed it, it saved itself.

Our small talk wasn't completely off-limits, though, and we quickly established our boundaries.After several setbacks, James stopped asking me why I left Ron and Hermione, and I tried not to talk about the Dursleys and Snape, and we agreed not to discuss that Halloween and Horcruxes.But I'm happy to share anecdotes about Ron and Hermione with them, since almost all of my fond memories are tied to them.

The kindest generalization I can give about our relationship with the Dursleys is "we get along as peacefully as possible", and Lily clearly knows what I mean.I can see that she still loves her sister deeply, and part of me is more willing to believe that Aunt Petunia loves her sister in some way, even if it is never reflected in the way she treats me.The Dursleys raised me the opposite of "as my own," but at least they showed me what a happy family is like, even if I wasn't one of them.At first I believed them, thinking it was because I was "weird" and "ugly", then I thought I deserved at least more than someone like Dali, there must be something wrong.I've been trying to make things the way they are supposed to be, until now it all feels right.Now that I'm better off than I've ever been, there's no need to use those details to provoke James and Sirius' wrath and make Lily sadder over it.

Things were a bit more complicated with Snape. He had given me the most embarrassment in my years of campus life, but he had saved me as many times as anyone else, and we hadn't been willing to understand each other, mastered each other. He is holding some deep secrets of the other party, which makes it more difficult to talk about him.James and Sirius harbored a peaceful but deep-rooted hostility toward him, and Lily, she couldn't help expressing regret and sadness, almost as she did when she was talking about Aunt Petunia.

The last time we talked about Snape was because I accidentally broke the news that he was the current Headmaster of Hogwarts, and then I had to explain where Dumbledore was going (“Snape killed him—” What?!") and the truth behind it ("He did it at Dumbledore's request..." "How would you know?"), and then, inevitably, I talked about those Occlumency classes, And how Snape went against Dumbledore's wishes.We ended up in a long silence until Lily urged me to sleep.

I've gotten used to holding on to that rock all night, and when I open my eyes the next morning I can see Lily's gentle face.But that night I woke up with the sound of rain and no one around, which made me panic, and I didn't calm down until I touched the stone that had fallen by the bed.I sat on the bed until the sound of the rain beating on the tent died down, then I turned the stone three times and Lily appeared in front of me.She wasn't surprised that I didn't call the other two, as she said she felt what I felt at that moment.

"Severus and I were best friends, or I think we were... I don't know if he ever really opened up to anyone..." She went straight to the point, "We lived in very different places at the time Far, he was the one who told me I was a witch when I was nine years old, and shared with me all about magic - it was like a whole new world opened up in front of me, so fascinating... You see, Harry? "

"Yes." I smiled at her, remembering the thrill that hit me when Hagrid crashed into the room and said "you're a witch" when I was 11 years old.

"He was the guy who made me proud of being different. I thought we'd be best friends forever." Lily's smile turned a little sentimental. "But then everything changed."

"Because he loves the Dark Arts?" I asked.

"Part of it," Lily admitted, "I've never been able to understand that. He's trying to convince me that studying the Dark Arts doesn't mean becoming a Dark wizard, but I think some things are inherently evil. You say Fleurs killed him on Dumbledore's orders, Harry... but Dumbledore would never have given such orders to me or James, because he knew we could never successfully use the Unforgivable Curse, only Only a cruel enough person can do it."

"He's on our side now," I said, maybe not quite sure.

"But it's still pretty scary. My dad used to tell me to stay away from people who are obsessed with weapons, because if they really want to hurt you, they never forget that stuff."

"Have you ever argued about it?"

"Many, many times, and each time it got worse. There was always something ruthless about Severus, and the more he got into those magics, the more it frightened me." Lily shook her head. Got closer to some of the Slytherins after grades and I knew what they did. Then after OWLs..."

"I know about it," I said, "I just saw it... by accident."

"He called me 'Mudblood,' and that hurt, but it also relieved me." Lily forced a smile. "It's selfish, isn't it? I think he's finally not the one who led me into the wizarding world." He has chosen those who attack my friends and try to 'clean up' people of my origin. I don't have to worry about his future anymore."

"I don't think it's selfish," I said, hesitating, "but what Dad and the others did..."

"It was too much anyway, I know. It took me a long time to forgive James for what he did, but he kept trying to change himself, and he did." Lily said wistfully, "Even in the We still fight about it a lot after we got together. A guy like James, it's always easy to bring out the best and the worst in everyone around him, he's not perfect, he doesn't have everything, but if you His people? You're in the warmest place in the world."

"God, Mom." I shrugged my shoulders and pretended to rub the goosebumps on my arms.

"Be more mature, little girl," Lily laughed. "And you, have you met your Prince Charming? We haven't discussed that yet, because James will, you know..." She clasped her hands together, Made a frantic movement, and I laughed out loud.

"I - had an affair with a boy named Alvin Fisher, a Hufflepuff. Also a Muggle-born," I said, recalling Alvin's face, which was oddly vague. "He's probably in France now, or has gone to some other country. He accepted the Order of the Phoenix's offer to retreat."

"Are you angry about that?" Lily asked.

"It's okay, a little bit at first, but... I don't know, I don't think I ever liked him as much as he liked me." I looked down and studied my fingers, "And he knew that too. But He still provided what I needed and was happy to let me use him."

"That's not taking advantage," Lily said, and I barely heard it.

"I just found out... about that, and was scared and lonely, and he seemed like a...safe choice. He loved me but didn't know anything about me, so he didn't say no to me, and he didn't push me ... I was relieved to know that he wouldn't stay for me and was in danger so he wouldn't die because of me."

"No one died because of you." Lily's tone became a little more serious.

"That's not true!" I said wearily, looking down at the top of the tent, "Sirius went to the Ministry of Magic because I fell for You-Know-Who's trap, Mad-Eye was there to cover my transfer, and so were you and Dad Because he wants to kill me...if it wasn't for me, Cedric..." I closed my eyes and tried to breathe.

"I remember the boy," Lily said softly. "He's with us, isn't he?"

"Yes." I couldn't say another word.

"It's not your fault, Harry." Lily's voice sounded pale. "It's not your fault for anything."

"I killed him because I had to go get that stupid trophy with him, thinking that this way... we could..." I failed, tears streaming down my cheeks and into my hair, Lily's hand Can't get rid of it, "He's...he's so good...the best..." I buried my face in the pillow, "It's all because of me...you are all dead..."

Then my choking turned to booing.I thought of Cedric, with his mild gray eyes and focused look as he charged at the Snitch, his determined voice as he resolved to give up the trophy; Long-haired, told me he lived off rats the other day; Dumbledore raised an eyebrow across the desk and shared with me a joke only we could understand.Feather-light hugs surrounded me, and I really started to miss those hot, sticky, sweaty, even prickly touches, and I promised Alvin only because the way he looked at me made me believe he wouldn't leave. Go because I'm tired of having to hug myself.

"I miss them," I repeat over and over, "I miss you."

Then I fell asleep again to Lily's singing, thinking about everything I had left behind.But I opened my eyes as the sun shone through the tent on my bed, turned the stone, saw Sirius and James smiling at me, and it felt right.