The ten-year trace of the soul of chess

That night, in the rented apartment.

"A cultural festival at University T?"

"Well, how about we go together?"

As soon as he got home, Hikari began to pester Mr. Taya in every possible way.

After hearing this, Liang hesitated. After all, there are still some arrangements for next week that have not been finalized.

But in Guang's eyes, it looks more like Liang is thinking hard about how to decline him.

In the final analysis, the campus cultural festival is nothing more than a pretext for each class and club to take this opportunity to organize some sales or display activities. There are also real academic reports, but basically there are only a handful of them.

In the past, Guang actually didn't pay much attention to the cultural festival, but this time he had a little selfishness, so he became more persistent.

"So, Liang, do you have any opinion on the cultural festival? Or do you have any opinion on T University?" Guang followed Liang into the kitchen, hugged Liang from behind, and continued to soak softly and persistently.

Liang put rice taohao on the cooking table, wiped his hands and turned around. Seeing that Guang was still looking at him eagerly, he couldn't help being amused: "No, Guang, why did you suddenly think of going to the cultural festival of T University?" ?”

I just didn't want to hide it, so I told about meeting Tsutsui-senpai near T University.

"You met Tsutsui-senpai before, do you remember?" Helping Liang prepare all the ingredients, Guang followed him all the way from the kitchen to the living room, and finally sat down on the sofa, "It was in the Go club before. A senior with dark hair and wearing a pair of black-rimmed glasses, do you have any impression?"

Liang thought for a while, then shook his head slightly.

Hikaru pouted dejectedly, slumped his shoulders slightly, and said with some emotion and nostalgia: "If there was no Tsutsui-senpai back then, the school might not even have a Go club now..." Thinking of the first paragraph, with Tsutsui-senpai and the others During the days when we were playing chess together in the laboratory, Guang smiled unconsciously. When the memory of cherry blossom petals flashed in his mind, his eyes suddenly lit up, and he pushed his hands forward, and then moved to Liang with a smirk. In front of him, "By the way, how did you find me when you came to our school for the first time?" Hikari looked at Ryo playfully, "'Excuse me, where is Hikari Shindo, the first grader?' Is that so?"

Liang froze for a moment, then looked away unnaturally, without answering.

Guang, however, got excited and kept asking: "Is that really the question? Is it? Is it?"

Seeing that Liang was avoiding answering, Guang simply put his arms around Liang's waist and threw himself directly on Liang's body.

Liang was almost overwhelmed by him on the sofa, and he supported the back of the sofa with his hands, and managed to stabilize his body.

When he sat up, he also brought up the light that was half lying on his body.

Guang slightly let go of Liang, his eyes glanced at his sitting posture inadvertently, and found that his left leg was standing between Liang's legs, almost sitting astride Liang's body, and immediately blushed, and hurriedly climbed down from Liang's body , moved, moved, almost stuck to the other end of the sofa, and when he looked down at the ground, his ears were also burning red.

Liang was still a little confused at first, but when he realized it, he almost couldn't hold back his laughter.

"You, you, what are you laughing at!" Guang stared at Liang angrily, "Don't laugh! I said, don't laugh, hear me!"

"Okay, don't smile." Liang pursed his lips patiently, but the small movement of touching his thin lips made him blush again and his heart beat.

So, on the two-meter-long sofa, there was a distance of nearly [-] centimeters between Liang and Guang at one point, one was blushing, and the other couldn't help laughing.

After the restlessness in his body calmed down a bit, Liang approached the light, stretched out his hand to embrace the light in his arms.

"What I asked that day was, where is the Go club?" Liang said lightly.

"Yes, yes, absolutely no names!" Guang didn't bother to argue with him any more, and seemed to think of something while echoing, and looked up at Liang with a smirk on his face, "But don't tell me, you were right that day. The one who said 'I've been waiting for you' is not you Taya Ryo."

"I..." I never thought that the simple sentence at that time would have a different meaning in the present, Liang was at a loss for words for a while, but he didn't want to deny it.

"Well, I said it." He nodded lightly, then looked deeply into Guang's eyes, "And I did wait for it."

Suddenly hearing Liang's serious admission, Guang was a little embarrassed, and quickly changed the subject, talking about what he saw and heard in the Go Club of T University this afternoon.

"Alex?" When Ting Guang mentioned the European students, Liang slightly raised his eyebrows.

Having said so much by himself, the first thing Liang noticed was Alex, and Guang couldn't help but feel a little depressed——When walking towards the school gate this afternoon, Alex seemed to ask Liang a lot of things intentionally or unintentionally, and some of the questions seemed to Guang , and even some "super class".Just didn't know what Alex wanted to know when he asked these questions, maybe it was pure curiosity, but it made him feel very uncomfortable.

Speaking of Alex, he originally only mentioned it in passing, but unexpectedly, Liang listened to it.

Out of a villain's heart, Guang didn't want Liang Liang to pay too much attention to Alex, so he responded casually, and continued along with the topic he was talking about just now: "However, I didn't expect so many people to play Go in Europe, which is a bit surprising. "

Is this a surprise?

Liang laughed, flicked the tip of Guang's nose, and said to Guang: "Although Go players are mainly concentrated in China, Japan, and South Korea, there are also many Go fans in Europe and America. There will be European and American groups, and there were several European and American chess players participating in the Hualing Cup we participated in before, have you noticed?"

Just thinking about it, it seems that there is indeed such a thing.

"Then... have you ever thought about visiting other countries?" Guang looked at Liang and asked again, "China, South Korea, or even further away, England?"

World Series...

Liang didn't speak, just smiled, and lightly touched Guang's face.

"What's the matter?" Feeling that Liang's mood was not right, afraid that he might say something wrong, Guang gently broke away from Liang's arms, sat up straight and looked at Liang with concern.

When asking Liang, Guang himself didn't realize it, his eyebrows were unconsciously furrowed.

"Guang, don't frown." Liang gently smoothed the restlessness between Guang's brows.

He originally wanted to say "nothing", but when he met Shangguang's worried eyes and was afraid of light's wild thoughts, he relaxed a little: "I just thought of the fact that not long ago, the proposal to suggest that the Chess Academy adjust the domestic chess game arrangement was rejected."

After speaking, as if to reassure Hikaru, Ryo smiled again.

The smile was more obvious than before, but it still didn't reach the eyes.

As more and more chess games have been added in the past few years, he has become more and more understanding of the reasons why his father chose to retire.

The schedule that often lasts for half a year, and the responsibilities of chess players that are exhausted, have already hindered their minds so much that even if they intend to participate in international competitions, they are often powerless.

But the present father is truly free.

Regarding the proposal to suggest that the Chess Institute adjust the domestic chess competition arrangement so that more Japanese chess players have the opportunity to participate in international competitions, Guang Zeng heard Liang once.

In his impression, Liang's gaze is always forward, as long as it is something he wants to do, there is nothing he cannot do.It was the first time he saw Liang showing such a helpless, almost confused expression.

"Liang." He called softly, like a visitor who quietly walked to the door, only dared to knock lightly on the door, but did not dare to take a step in rashly.

When Liang heard his name, he came back to his senses a little.

When he touched Guang's eyes, he was startled again.

Why are you showing such an expression, Hikari?

He reached out, trying to wipe the worry off his face.

I... did something wrong?

In a trance, he suddenly remembered that this was not the first time he had seen Guang showing such an expression—cautious and worried.

because of him.

All along, he has worked hard to make himself strong enough and calm enough in front of the light.

He must always be Guang's back wall, support him, take care of him, and not let anyone or anything, including himself, affect Guang and his Go.

But what did he do?

Just for him to give up the game.

Just for him to come out of the closet.

Now, it was only because of him, and there was an indelible haze between her brows.

——Compared to the pressure outside, you hide everything from me, don’t tell me, and want to handle everything alone, which makes me more worried and uncomfortable. How many times do I have to tell you these words?

——If you have any troubles, please don’t hide them from me. At least let me have the opportunity to be your audience and think of solutions with you, okay?

Those words that had been neglected by him for many years, seemed to break through the cage of restraint at this moment, and echoed in Liang's ears again.

Am I doing something wrong?Throne Taya, who has been pretending to be strong and does not want to be noticed, thought blankly.Can I say all the negative thoughts in my mind?Really... is it okay?

As if knowing all the contradictions in Liang's heart at this moment, Guang lightly pulled Liang's hand. He was extremely careful, and asked Liang softly in a voice almost holding his breath: "May I know, what are you thinking?"

This inquiry is like a universal key to open the gate of the city, lightly drawing a winding track from top to bottom on the door of Liang's heart, and then those who have been standing guard in his heart for a long time The soldiers on guard seemed to have disappeared collectively.

The heavily guarded heavy door seemed to suddenly become a decoration.

The enemy drove straight in without any hindrance.

For the first time, he had a little selfishness, and wanted to take the initiative to throw away his armor and armor, and actively drag the light into the black mist that cannot be dismantled in his heart, even though the density of this black mist may be unbearable for the other party.

The words contained in his mouth weighed and rolled repeatedly on the tip of his tongue. After a few minutes of silence, Liang raised his head to look at the light, and for the first time carefully tore open a crack in his deeply hidden weakness in front of the light.

"I thought that as a chess player, as long as you keep playing chess and honing your chess skills, you don't have to worry about anything else. But later I discovered that this is not the case."

As long as there are people, there will be games.

"When you play a certain role, you must conform to the setting given to you by this role." Liang said, "Some things you have to do, even if you are reluctant; some things you want to do and think are right. , but there will always be someone telling you that this is not okay, that this is not right, that you should do this, you should do that.”

"Actually, I'm not strong at all, Guang." Liang looked at Guang, with a hint of bitterness on his lips, "I often feel powerless, and there are times when I want to escape. Even now, I sometimes I also ask myself, why should I do some things knowing that there will be no results? What’s the point of persisting like this?”

These words have been left in Liang's heart for a long time, and he has never told anyone.

Talking to my mother, I always feel like there is a layer of veil in between, and my mother may not understand.

Talking to my father, I always feel that my thoughts are too shallow and negative.

Now, he has said everything without reservation, even if the other party is Guang, Liang's heart is not without tension.

He only felt that his palms were dripping with sweat, and he turned his eyes away after speaking, no longer looking at the light.

If the human mind is a complex treasury.

Hikari just stepped into the treasure house named "Toya Ryo" before, and was able to see the floating light hanging on the surface, but

The dazzling array of beautiful things in each collection room has never been seen. He has tried, but failed. A certain collection room may have been opened to him once, but it was quickly closed. It was not until this moment that he felt that he was truly Obtained the right to browse this treasure house.

What Liang said just now was obviously a complaint or a dissatisfaction, but from what Guang heard, it was extraordinarily down-to-earth.

"That's right." Guang bent his eyes and laughed, "Don't always stretch yourself to death, you will be tired and weak, this is like a 'human'. Since we are just ordinary You are just ordinary people on earth, don't always try to demand yourself by the standard of 'God', you know?"

Light smiled and took Liang's hand, shaking it lightly.

"Maybe I'm really not seeking to make progress," Guang smiled, and slowly calmed down. "But I really think it's very normal for a person to be confused and feel powerless. No matter who it is."

Maybe he talked for a long time, just sitting a little uncomfortable, so he simply put one leg on the sofa.

"Actually, in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with being confused once in a while," Guang added, "You will be confused for two reasons. One is that you are encountering a certain bottleneck and don't know how to break through it. The other is that you already feel that you may be wrong. At this time, you should stop, think about it, think about why you did this thing, and think about what you want to get from this thing. Only When you really think it through, you will know exactly what to do next."

Guang's words were not loud, but they hit Liang's heart impartially.

But maybe he just started to learn how to "completely express", and Liang was not quite used to it for a while.

What he wanted to say was rehearsing back and forth in his heart, and after dozens of seconds of silence, Liang slowly opened his mouth and said, "But, Guang, sometimes you can't give yourself a chance to rest. Once you let go of the fan in your heart Break a window, and the hole will grow bigger without your realizing it, so that you can never fix it."

"You're right, we're just ordinary people, and so am I, so I don't dare, you know? I don't dare to relax, let alone lower my head easily." Liang paused, then said, "I'm afraid One day I get used to being weak, and I won’t be able to get up again.”

Liang glanced at it, then quickly lowered his eyes, and unconsciously clenched his hands.

"You won't make it that far." Guang Chaoliang smiled, and then bit by bit he opened Liang's curled fingers and held them gently in his palm, "Because a person spends ten hours a day playing notation and not playing chess. A guy who never eats after finishing and has a sense of crisis in his heart will never be soft-hearted to himself!" Although Guang complained, his eyes softened, and there was a smile on his lips, "So, you won't, Liang .Even if everyone is devastated, you won't." Guang looked at Liang and said word by word, "Besides, you still have me. I'm someone who has experienced this."

Come here.

Just three words seemed to bring Liang back to the night when Guang cried bitterly.

Although Guang said that he was fine, but thinking of the self-blame and pain that Guang had borne alone before he became an "experienced person", he would rather not share this experience with Guang.

Light was still complacent about his status as a "comer", but when he noticed that Liang's expression was tense again, he couldn't help frowning.

"I said Taya-kun, what's the matter with you?" Hikaru approached Liang and looked at him, the tip of his nose almost touching Liang.Why did this person look so serious again when he didn't pay attention?

Guang couldn't help reaching out and pinching Liang's cheek twice.

But not willing to use force.

Liang came back to his senses, Zhaoguang smiled apologetically, and remembered what Guang said "don't hide it", so he added: "I love you."

Guangming knew that Liang was simply expressing his thoughts, but he still couldn't help his face becoming hot, and he couldn't express his prepared complaints, so he had to forcibly bring back the topic: "So, Liang, don't be afraid of being confused, and don't worry about showing off. When you are weak, someone will look down on you because of it. People who really care about you will only be grateful to be able to share your emotions."

"And when you are sure that what you are doing is right, or you are still confused, but you finally have a clue, you can do it directly, such as the proposal being rejected." Guang said, "Maybe You were rejected this time, and you may be rejected next time, but as you said before, participating in the World Series is the general trend. Japanese Go players can’t just play at home forever, and Japanese Go has to recover. Emerge in the World Series."

"Since this matter is what you think is imperative and what you want to do, then let's not worry about the result, just do it. As long as we go in the direction we have decided, I believe, Things are bound to turn around."

What's more, there is bright selfishness behind this proposal, and Guang knows it.

And he has always firmly believed that Ryo will not only belong to the Japanese chess world. Once the time is right, he will shine on the world stage.

In fact, not only the adjustment of the game, but also the promotion of Go.

Their abilities are indeed too limited, and in the entire history of sports development, the development of Go, an ancient chess game, has played a negligible role in it. In this case, why continue to promote it ?Why bother finding ways to get more people involved?

Just like the answer Liang gave himself that day.

Everyone understands the world in different ways and shakes hands with the world.For some people, perhaps the medium through which they connect with the world is Go.And what they have to do as professional chess players, and what they are doing, is to make continuous efforts to create opportunities for these people to meet Go.

Just like them, they met each other because of Go.

Perhaps there are many difficulties in the promotion of Go, but this does not prevent them from contributing to the development of Go.

The questions that had troubled me several times seemed to suddenly become clear in the light's few words.

Why didn't I speak up sooner?Liang looked at his lover beside him, and once again felt sorry for having underestimated Guang.

Guang didn't know what Liang was thinking at all, but seeing Liang's slowly stretching eyebrows, he finally felt a little relieved.

Thinking that his goal has not been achieved, he hurriedly hugged Liang in his arms and rubbed around.

"So," Guang ultimatum said, "next week at the campus festival of T University, are you going, or going, or going!"

He pretended to stare at Liang viciously, stretched out his claws to press Liang's shoulders, and pushed him against the back of the sofa.

Liang was so pressed by the light that he couldn't move, so he could only look up at his little lion with a smile in his eyes.

Just 10 minutes ago, his heart told him not to go.

But at this second, he suddenly changed his mind.

He asked himself, why don't I go and see?