The ten-year trace of the soul of chess

If it hadn't been for the sudden power outage last night, Guang might never have noticed how little he cares about the home they live in together.

Where to put your emergency flashlight.Where is the crisper.Where is the leakage switch located.How much is the monthly utility bill.He didn't even know whether to put the replacement clothes that he washed in his own room, or in Taya's room, or on which floor.

All of these are not difficult to remember, but he never paid attention to it.

Because someone has already taken care of everything for him.

It's like after a night of precipitation, I finally come to my senses.

Returning from playing chess the next day, looking at the familiar and unfamiliar furniture and objects again, I just feel that all the senses are like slender tentacles, dusting off the floating dust on the surface, revealing the true colors of the smallest details.

He went to the kitchen, opened the cabinets and looked at them one by one - the bowls and chopsticks, plates, and teacups were placed in the first cabinet on the left under the cooking table, and the oil, salt, sauce and vinegar were placed in the second stretchable cupboard from the left. In the cupboard; rice is placed in the first cupboard on the right hand side under the cooking table, and various pots and utensils are placed in the second cupboard.In the cabinets on both sides above the cooking table, there are kitchen paper and fresh-keeping boxes of various sizes.

The cups he and Taya used were so ordinary that nothing could be discerned.

Guang smiled, and when he was about to close the door of the cupboard, he hesitated for a few seconds. After wrapping his fingertips half a circle around the rim of the gray water cup in the cupboard, he picked it up and filled it with water under the tap, and drank more than half of the cup in one go. .

Just wash the cup and put it back before Taya comes back.

Guang took the teacup and walked out of the kitchen contentedly, then remembered that there were still clothes on the balcony that had not been collected.

Putting down the teacup, he went to the balcony to put away the clothes to dry.When receiving half of it, Hikari's hand paused slightly in the air for a moment.He thought about it for a while, but he couldn't remember whether he had washed other clothes besides underwear in the past six months.Taya went out to compete before, how did he dispose of the clothes that were drying on the balcony.

Just let them hang like this until Taya comes back?

In the past six months with Taya, I just remember every meal that Taya cooked for him, I remember how he took care of me when I was sick, I remember everything that Taya did for myself silently, although it was probably just an iceberg corner.

And him?What did he do for Taya?

The light was suddenly in a trance.

He took off the bright clothes on the hanger, and there was a pleasant smell of softener in the air, but what seemed to be a long past was brought out—that night, he ran to the fifth floor of the chess academy to find Ta Ya , When telling him that he would not give up Go, Taya was wearing the shirt in his hand.He won't remember wrongly.

Guang took the clothes into Liang's room, folded the underwear separately, and put them together.

When I reached out to pull the drawer, I had another difficulty.

Relying on rough memory, Guang opened the first drawer under the wardrobe.In addition to the bright underwear in the drawer, there is also a special space for his underwear.The style of painting is different, which can be clearly distinguished.

For some reason, Hikari's face flushed red.

Taking a deep breath, when she was neatly putting the bright underwear into the drawer, her fingers accidentally touched something at the bottom of the drawer.After pulling it away to see clearly, Hikari's face flushed red all of a sudden.The fluff in the bottom of my heart, which was born because of apology, suddenly exploded into sea urchins because of surprise or shame.But the little sea urchins quickly turned into docile sheep after remembering what Taya had said.

Taya's mood when he uttered that sentence in Chinese twice is beyond test.

But at least Hikaru finally knew what Taya wanted to say to him at that time.

The person who even speaks so reservedly, he said, I love you with all my breath and heartbeat.

On the second day of the trip to Kyushu, according to the itinerary, Ogata and Taya went to different primary and secondary schools to popularize and promote Go knowledge in the morning, and gathered at the hotel in the afternoon. After checking out, they rushed to Go next city.

When they finally checked into the hotel, it was almost evening.

After having dinner together, the accompanying chess players and the accompanying staff of the chess academy stayed in the tea room again, chatting enthusiastically for nearly an hour.

The coming out of the closet last night was too sudden, coupled with the intensive work schedule of the whole day, until [-] o'clock in the evening, Liang and Ogata were finally able to go back to the room to rest, and the matter of last night was brought up again.

"Xiao Liang, do you know the current chairman of the Chess Academy?" Smoking is not allowed in the hotel room, so Ogata can only take out one cigarette, put it under his nose and smell it like a pleasure.

Ryo was making the bed with his back to Ogata, but he turned around when he heard the words, and answered the wrong question: "If I remember correctly, the current chairman Kanai will no longer serve as the chairman after the end of this year's term. Next year, the Chess Academy will elect a new Chairman."

Ogata looked up at him, and followed his words: "Among the many candidates, Mr. Koichi Kato is the most popular. After all, behind him..."

"After all, does he have the support of the Kishimoto Foundation?" After receiving Ogata's voice, Ryo walked to the desk, leaned against the edge of the desk, and explained lightly, "When I participated in a Go exchange meeting a few months ago, I once had contact with President Kishimoto. Later, I played a few games of chess with him.”

Ogata looked at Ryo and fell silent.Takashi Kishimoto, although he is the big sponsor behind Nihon Kiin and claims to the outside world that he will try his best to promote the development of Japanese Go, but in the end he is still a profit-seeking businessman.Xiaoliang couldn't melt the sand in his eyes, and he would always look displeased when he saw someone put a water glass on the chessboard, let alone take the initiative to contact those people...

Seeing that Ogata stopped talking, Ryo brought the topic back calmly: "What's wrong with Director Kanai?"

"He is particularly disgusted..." Ogata frowned, and used a more euphemistic way of saying, "Same-sex relationship."

Liang smiled nonchalantly: "Yes. I heard about it before. In his view, homosexuality is abnormal and anti-social. But, Mr. Ogata," Liang slowly turned his head to look at Ogata, "I never Anyone else ever felt like that. I just like Shinto alone..."

He smiled slightly, but that smile caused Ogata's heart to twitch: "If you are a pervert just because the person you like happens to be of the same sex, then I am."

Liang spoke very slowly, and there was no obvious emotion in his words, but when he first heard Liang confided his thoughts to him without avoiding, Ogata was still shocked, and he didn't adjust his emotions until he realized that he had lost his composure, and continued the topic just now Said: "About two years ago, a chess player was found to be...uh, gay. Not long after, he was forced to revoke his qualification as a professional chess player because of being excluded from the chess academy, his grades declined, and his workload was reduced. However, this incident It is handled in secret, and not many people know the inside story."

Liang suddenly felt a little uneasy: "Do you still remember his name?"

Ogata pondered for a moment, then said, "Yue Cheng Xiu Er."

Liang's eye sockets suddenly widened.

Ogata: "Is there a problem?"

Liang didn't speak, but his eyebrows were tightened as if he stood like a statue.

That night, Shihe received a call from Liang: "Has Guang been to the club these days?"

Shihe was taken aback, and after a long reaction, he said, "No."

"What about Shuji Nakamura?" Liang's voice sounded a little anxious.

Shihe recalled it for a while, and quickly replied: "No."

On the other end of the phone, Liang's voice did not seem to relax in the slightest: "Miss Shihe, I would like to trouble you. If I go to the Go club by myself while I am away, and Shuji Nakamura happens to be there, don't let the two of them alone say!"

The sternness and urgency in Liang's tone was something Shihe had never heard before, before she had time to think about it, she quickly nodded in agreement.

Hanging up the phone, Ichikawa thought that it was impossible for Shinto to come to the Go club by himself, but on the second afternoon, when it was a few minutes before three o'clock, the door of the club opened and Hikaru walked in.

"Ah, Shindo." Shihe was at a loss for a moment, "Well, Xiaoliang, he recently..."

"Well, I know." Miss Guang Chao Shihe smiled, "I just came to the clubhouse to type scores."

Ichikawa took the schoolbag from Hikari and hurriedly looked into the store, and after confirming that Nakamura Shuji was not in the store, he was slightly relieved.But immediately, a layer of gloom condensed in her pupils looking towards the light.

She didn't know if Xiao Liang had noticed when she called last night, and she didn't know how the two usually called each other in private.But just last night on the phone, she heard every word clearly.She clearly heard Xiao Liang calling out to the rattan to work as "light".

Not Shinto.is light.

Walking in front of his exclusive seat, Guang didn't stop, he took two more steps in, and sat directly on the seat that Liang used to sit in.

Looking at it from Taya's point of view, his eyes met Miss Ichikawa's, Hikaru nodded with a smile, and then looked away.

The interior decoration of the clubhouse has not been changed, only the location has been changed, and Guang feels that the scene before him has undergone subtle changes.It’s as if you are used to sitting on one side of the tram, and when you occasionally switch to the other side, you will suddenly discover many scenery that you have neglected for a long time—for example, after three o’clock, the door of the clubhouse suddenly opens and closes more frequently; another example, from time to time Ichikawa-san cast her gaze from the cash register.

At this time, the door of the clubhouse opened, and Hirose and Bei Dao walked in together.

Bei Dao saw at a glance that Guang was sitting in the wrong seat, and started yelling before sitting down.

Uncharacteristically, Guang did not get angry with him, but asked with a smile: "Mr. Bei Dao, have you been in the clubhouse for many years?"

Bei Dao: "Of course. I have been here for at least ten years."

Guang asked again: "Then when you came, was Taya already here?"

Bei Dao crossed his arms and said after thinking, "That's right. When I came here, the little teacher often came here alone to write notes."

As soon as the conversation about Taya started, Bei Dao couldn't hold it back: "It's not me, Taya and his wife are really relieved. At that time, the little teacher was still so young, and there was a station nearby, and there was a lot of traffic. Just let him come here alone. At that time, the little teacher often sat in the seat where you are sitting now, playing chess records by himself. At the beginning, some chess friends would hear that he was Teacher Taya After his son, he took the initiative to come to him to play chess, and some of his peers also came to challenge him. But for some reason, no one came to him again. Only occasionally Mr. Ashihara and Mr. Ogata would come to have a look. chat."

Hirose then said: "The little teacher is so strong in chess, we are always guessing when he will take the exam for professional chess players, but there has been no movement. Later, we were all surprised when we heard that he joined the school's Go club I know what he was thinking. Later, I heard that he quit the company. Not long after, I suddenly heard that he planned to take the professional exam..."

He talked a lot in one breath, and after finishing speaking, Bei Dao remembered to ask: "Shinto, what are you? Spying on information?"

Guang waved his hands and laughed noncommittally twice.

Before yesterday, he had never tried to see things from Taya's point of view.

But after discovering so many details that he had never noticed, he could no longer pretend to ignore them.

Today, taking advantage of Taya's absence, he came to the clubhouse alone. He actually just wanted to see what kind of "scenery" he saw when Taya was here alone and wrote scores in this seat before he met himself.If possible, I also want to hear from chess players who are familiar with Taya, what he doesn't know about Taya's past.

Unexpectedly, it all came true.

As if in exchange for first-hand information, when Hirose-san asked to play chess with him, Hikari readily agreed.

After leaving the clubhouse, I just ate something casually at the restaurant near the apartment.

I didn't feel it when I was eating, but when I stood up before leaving, I realized that I was full again.

Roughly speaking, this was at least the second time in three days that he was full.

I just don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel empty inside, as if every cell in my body is screaming "I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm hungry".It may also be that a tengu bit a big hole in his heart or stomach pocket, no matter how much he eats, he still feels empty.Not only was my heart empty, but my back was also empty.I always want to lean my back against something real.But even if he leaned on the real thing, his heart was still empty.It seems that no matter how much food you eat, you can't fill the hole bitten by the tengu.

Hikaru walked slowly towards the apartment, feeling a little nauseous.

In my impression, the last time a similar situation happened...

It may be that the sense of taste has gone awry, and Hikari seems to remember the taste of that piece of chocolate again between his teeth.Or, there was nothing special about that piece of chocolate itself, what his body recorded for him was the warm touch left when Taya's fingertips brushed against his lips...

Hikari asked Taya about the return flight before.

Just an hour ago, Taya sent him a message that the plane was ready to take off.Counting the time, it should be about to land now.

When his head was hot, he also wanted to go to the airport to pick up Taya, but when he thought that there were so many other staff members around him, Hikaru immediately gave up.

The sprained foot is almost healed, and I can get rid of the staff of shame and walk slowly.So, I can't tell what the reason is, just went back to the apartment, put down the schoolbag, went downstairs and walked around in the community to digest food.

When Ogata drove Taya back, Hikaru just walked to the gate of the community.

He recognized Mr. Ogata's red sports car, and after seeing the two people in the car clearly, it stopped five meters away from them.

There was nothing to hide from Mr. Ogata, and Ogata knew that the two of them were living together.

When Liang unbuckled the seat belt of the co-pilot, picked up his bag and presents and got out of the car, Ogata did not get out of the car, but only nodded symbolically towards Light, then turned around and left.

After Liang got out of the car, he stood there looking at Guang, neither of them took a step forward.

Then it was Ryo who walked slowly in front of Hikari, smiled and handed a bag containing souvenirs to Hikari: "I bought Ichiran Ramen, Hakata Ramen, Kumamoto Ramen, Kurume Ramen, Kagoshima Ramen... ..."

Liang didn't say any more.He just looks at the light.

Guang took the heavy bag, looked down at the various flavors of ramen in the bag, and was a little dazed.The nose also seemed to be filled with water, and it was sore for a while.

For a few minutes, he just stood by the side of the road with the bag in his hand, staring at each other with bright big eyes.During the period, vehicles came in and out from time to time, casting some dazzling lights on their bodies and faces.

Seen by Guang, his face was slightly scorched, and Liang couldn't help but reminded with a smile: "It seems that our position is not right?"

Only then did he come to his senses, and hurriedly nodded and walked into the community.

Liang walked beside him, and asked him softly, "Why did you come out?"

Guang smiled and touched his stomach: "I was a little full just now."

With lingering fear in his heart, Liang's face immediately changed: "What have you been eating?"

"It's nothing." Guang was taken aback for a moment, then laughed, "I've almost digested it when I wait for you. Let's go home."

Liang's footsteps suddenly stopped.

He looked at Guang, who had half of his body submerged into the corridor entrance, and his mood suddenly set off tsunami-like waves under the calm appearance.

He once walked alone on the road for so long.

He originally thought that he could calmly cooperate with Guang as a "roommate" to complete the "January appointment".

He thought he could let go at any time.

He thought he was strong enough.

But when he came back wearing the stars and wearing the moon, he heard the person he was thinking of in front of him softly say "go home", and seeing the figure who was so close at hand, he suddenly realized that he was still defeated after all.The armor that had covered him for many years suddenly fell apart at this moment, as if it had completed its mission, and shattered all over the ground.

He asked himself, why?

Why is Guangming standing in front of him, but he can't touch, hug, kiss, or take him as his own.

This grinding feeling has only lasted five days, and it has already made him unbearable.

It was also at this moment that he suddenly understood Guang's true intention.

Between them... can it really be broken?

Humans are forgetful creatures.That's why Guang wants to nail this clear sense of suffering and alienation like a rivet, repeatedly hammering them into their bodies, into the depths of their memories.Even if the cells are dividing and dying every second, even if the cells in their whole body have been renewed after seven years, the memory that was forced to alienate will remain in their bones and blood forever.

They can't go back...

"Light." Liang stopped him.

"Huh?" Light turned sideways.

Light, stop it.The words had already flowed back and forth on his lips several times, but when he opened his mouth, Liang felt flustered.

Guang also became nervous: "What's wrong?"

Liang smiled and shook his head.

"Oh." Guang also laughed, and a suspended heart was placed on the "to be determined" position again.But I didn't feel lost because of it.Taya now just needs more time to confirm and let go of all his worries.

And all he needs to do is wait.Then when Taya took the initiative to break the wall between them, she reached out and hugged him.

Light turned and walked down the corridor.

Looking at his figure completely hidden in the darkness, Liang suddenly rushed forward and hugged Guang tightly into his arms.He tightly wrapped his arms around Guang's waist, buried his head in Guang's shoulder socket: "Guang, I miss you very much."

It seems that it has been a long time since I touched Taya's breath.

Being hugged tightly by Ryo, at that moment, a clear and powerful heartbeat could be heard in Hikaru's ear, but suddenly he couldn't tell whether it came from him or Taya.

At that moment, the only thing he was sure of was that even if he did it all over again, he would still fall in love with this outstanding and handsome chess player who was not very good at expressing emotions.

Hikari didn't know what happened during the three days when Taya went to Kyushu.Taya didn't say anything, so he didn't ask.

But he could feel that Liang who came back from Kyushu was different from before, as if something that was about to overwhelm him was being lifted from his shoulders.

Guangyuan thought that his right foot could walk normally and he would be cured, but under the obsession of a certain Liang, he was "escorted" to the hospital for an ankle re-examination the next afternoon.

When the doctor said there was nothing serious, he seemed to see a relieved expression across Liang's face.I really want to laugh at him, but I am afraid that if I speak, it will bring out other emotions that are easy to lose control, so I keep silent.

Walking out of the hospital, Guang supported Liang's shoulder and stepped on the ground a few times with his right foot.

The solid feeling of his right foot finally stepping on the ground without any scruples made him feel relaxed.Perhaps, not only because of the healing of the foot injury.

He couldn't help jumping on the spot a few more times, then turned his head and looked at Liang with glowing eyes: "It feels so good to be free."

Liang just looked at him and smiled, inexplicably making Guang feel the relief of a mother watching her child grow up.

Going home that day, both of them walked very slowly.

The means of transportation to go back is to choose the Metropolitan Private Railway.

It's not all because taxis are prone to traffic jams.Perhaps, it's just a subconscious desire to stay together for a longer period of time.in public.

At three o'clock in the afternoon, there were not many passengers on the private railway, but it was almost full.

On the window glass of the car, the somewhat blurred faces of the two were reflected.

Even though Taya's back was facing him, Hikari could still see Taya's eyes locked on him through the window glass.Hikaru smiled at Taya's face on the glass, and soon Taya smiled back at him through the glass.

Guang couldn't help turning his head, and the smile that hadn't dissipated on Taya's face stayed in his eyes.

At that moment, I wanted to hug him and kiss him.

Guang seemed to be fascinated, all his attention was on Taya, and he didn't even notice that a passenger beside him got up.

Liang smiled and motioned him to sit down quickly, Guang only glanced at the vacant seat, then continued to look at Liang with a smirk.

Laughing until his apple muscles became a little stiff, Hikaru finally stopped laughing, and said solemnly: "Taya, your opponent tomorrow is very strong, are you afraid?"

Liang looked at Guang and thought for a while: "In my impression, I seem to have only lost to him once?"

Guang approached him: "Friendly reminder, the opponent has recently maintained a record of twelve consecutive victories."

"My highest record is 24 games." Liang laughed.

Guang followed closely: "What if you lose to him? Would you feel ashamed?"

Liang smiled and said: "No." I just completed the words in my heart, because that person is my lover, my forever love.

By the time I got home, the biggest sunset of the day had already begun on the horizon.

Everything in the world seems to be gently wrapped in the golden and warm glow, which makes people feel soft unconsciously.

When Liang went to collect clothes on the balcony, Guang also followed.

Eyes met Guang, Guang smiled and said, "I'll help you collect together."

There was a flash of surprise in Liang's eyes, and then with a slight smile, he handed the accepted clothes to Guang: "Thank you."

Just doing such trivial and trivial things, Guang seems to be able to feel the preciousness of the long years buried deep under this ordinaryness.

The so-called "life" may be roughly the same when it is implemented.

The author has something to say:

Thank you to everyone who has read this far.

Continue next Saturday.