The ten-year trace of the soul of chess

Lying on the same bed.

Guang Mingming was extremely tired, but his brain was still spinning conscientiously and at a high speed, as if it had been injected with chicken blood.

He looked up at the ceiling, and slowly opened his mouth in the darkness: "Taya, if I said just now that playing chess is for money, would you believe me?"

With bright ears and bright eyes, it is not too difficult to tell which sentence is the truth and which sentence is a lie.

He touched Guang's hand under the quilt, his five fingers penetrated between Guang's fingers, and they clasped with him.

Hikari turned to face him: "However, it is true to want more game bonuses. After all, the title of Honinbo has 3200 million yen, the celebrity championship bonus is 3300 million yen, and the chess master bonus is 4500 million yen... "

He had no idea before, and all the game bonuses were stored in the card and handed over to Mitsuko.How much money Cary has, he doesn't care about it.If you need it, just ask Mitsuko for it.

But it's different now.

He needs to exchange the money he earns for many, many things.

When Taya was away, he secretly went to the store to inquire about the prices, and he also selected a few models that might be suitable for Taya, but he couldn't say yet.His first priority now is to settle the community property as soon as possible.

Even though Guang was very fond of the prize money of those chess games, Liang still didn't take his "true words" seriously.

All his thoughts at the moment were focused on Guang's sprained right foot: "Guang, in the next few days of chess games, you should take a taxi to go to the chess academy."

Just in my mind, I automatically recalled the tragic experience of taking a taxi to the chess academy a few times before, and then said decisively: "No."

He lazily rested his right foot on Liang's lap as if in protest, and continued to complain: "If taxis are so convenient, why are there so many Japanese dramas running in TV dramas? Energy saving, emission reduction, and physical fitness? I am not Tofu."

It seems... makes sense?

Liangsheng was afraid that the light would touch his injured foot, so he stretched out his hand to hold the light's thigh, and smiled softly.

The topic of taxi rides has been turned over, but it is not over.

"That Taya, there is another question." Hikari hugged Liang loosely, but his words were rarely cautious, "You are in a bad mood today, does it have anything to do with me?"

"I……"

"Taya, I want to hear you tell the truth."

"..." Liang's heart sank suddenly.All along, he didn't "not express", but he didn't know how to speak.It is better not to speak than to fail to speak.Over time, it seems to have lost the ability to express myself.But after just saying this, he vaguely felt that he had to say something.

He turned sideways to embrace Guang, hesitated for a moment, and finally said: "Well, there must be part of the reason."

When he came out of the hospital with Guang and stood in the wind to hail a taxi, he couldn't help thinking that if his progress could be faster, he could send Guang home directly.

It was rare to hear Liang's inner thoughts, and in the darkness, Guang's eyes suddenly lit up.

He hugged Liang tightly, and rubbed his head in his direction: "Actually, we don't have to be responsible for each other. We just need to take care of ourselves..."

Halfway through the conversation, Guang felt that something was wrong, and corrected him: "I mean, at least right now, I don't need it... It's not right... Hey, I can't explain..."

Guang was so annoyed that he seemed to be getting darker and darker, he was a little anxious, and there was a feeling of powerlessness on his lips, but he couldn't express it accurately.

"It's okay, Guang." Liang let go of Guang's hand, and wrapped him in his arms, "I understand what you mean."

Guang raised his head: "Do you understand?"

"Well, I understand." Liang kissed Qinguang's forehead, "You hope that I will not be bound by you. My mood and my decision should not be led away by your affairs at any time, right? "

Light nodded in Liang's arms.

"But, Guang, it's too difficult." Liang said with some difficulty, "When you really care about someone, you will think about him all the time, wishing to give him your heart. You let me be myself, Let me not think about you, I have tried, but all my life now is closely related to you, I can't do it for a while..."

"Taya..."

Hearing Taya say this, he should feel happy.However, when he suddenly heard him tell his happy story, Guang felt sore and swollen in his heart, as if his heart was being held tightly by someone.

He just didn't know what to say at this time, he could only follow his instinct, stretched his arms, leaned over and kissed Liang's lips carefully over and over again.

—Taya, do you feel it?I like you, I like you, I like you...

Sensing Hikari's violent mood swings, Ryo held Hikari's arm, responded to his lover with utmost tenderness, and then hugged him tightly: "I didn't say this before, just because I was afraid that it would make you feel burdened. But Hikari , I like you, I care about you, everything is done voluntarily, you don't need..."

"I know." Guang interrupted Liang, "I don't feel any pressure either."

He slightly changed into a more comfortable position, leaning against Liang: "Sometimes, I feel that I can guess your thoughts, and sometimes I can't see through you. This feeling is actually pretty bad. So, Taya, Don't always make me guess, it will make me feel pressured. I want to hear your true thoughts from your own mouth, just like just now. It feels like I know you better..."

"Fool." Liang laughed softly.

"However!" Guang said again, "For the outside world, you should maintain your usual cold attitude."

"Cold?"

really.This person is unaware of his image in the eyes of outsiders, or never cared about it.

Guang suddenly didn't want to explain it so clearly to him, so he shook his head and changed the subject: "By the way, black, white, gray, royal blue, Taya, which color do you like best?"

Liang thought for a while: "Can't you choose the color of the sun?"

Guang: "No. You can only choose from these four colors."

Liang hesitated for a moment: "Then choose black."

Guang: "Why? Isn't white bad?"

Liang laughed and hugged Guang tightly: "Maybe black is more pure."

Compared with the ambiguity of gray, the flawlessness of white, and the remoteness of blue, he prefers the vastness and thickness of black that seems to contain everything, bringing infinite possibilities.

Guang seemed to have gotten the long-awaited answer, nodded with satisfaction, and closed his eyes.

He loves moments like this.

The two of them just lay down together in such a relaxed way, without any other distracting thoughts in their minds.Just chatting casually without saying a word, without trying to figure out the meaning of the other party's words, and not feeling embarrassed because of someone's silence.The dialogue between them seems to end at any node, and it can also be restarted at any node.

There is no need to stick together all the time, no need to deliberately create all kinds of surprises, just chatting casually, but the hearts seem to be closer than ever.

"Light?" Liang called softly.

What answered him was the smooth and long breathing in his arms.

To actually fall asleep like this, a little heartless and helpless.

It seems that my worry about him is really superfluous.

Light is like a morning star, always standing at dawn in the east, as if nothing can stop him.It may have been, but the potency must also be slowly fading away.

Liang gently rubbed Guang's warm cheeks: "Good night, Guang."

The next day, there was no chess match, and when Liang came back from outside, he found a crutch somewhere.

Guang frowned at the crutch in disgust for almost 5 minutes, and his eyebrows seemed to be knit together, and finally accepted the shame stick—he just wanted to let Taya feel at ease.

In the next two weeks, Hikari became a rare species with "three legs" in the eyes of other chess players.

This day, when walking out of the chess academy with a cane, Guang felt someone tapped his shoulder, and when he turned around, he saw He Gu grinning at himself.

Walking quickly to Guang's side, He Gu really wanted to take the opportunity to say something sarcastic, but he held back.God knows how long he would be missed by that guy if Shinto slipped up and read a book in front of Taya.He is physically and mentally healthy, and has no tendency to be abused. He really doesn't want to experience the tragedy of killing the dragon again.

But as the only relative and friend who knew Guang's secret, Hegu still risked the world's dissatisfaction by saying, "The other day after you sprained your ankle, Yijiao wanted to go downstairs to help, but I stopped him."

Guang reacted quickly, and put one hand on his friend's shoulder: "Thank you so much!"

He Gu cleared his throat and asked in a low voice: "What do you think? Say it?"

He Gu said it very cryptically, but the light was transparent.He is surprisingly sensitive on this issue, but it is not the kind of sensitivity that is eager to avoid, but whenever it is mentioned, he can always catch the other party's implication immediately.

If He Gu hadn't mentioned it, Guang would almost have forgotten that there was still this one.

You can't hide it.Even if it can be concealed for a while, and He Gu is caught in the middle, it is still unreasonable.What's more, he will inevitably have countless intersections with Yi Jiao in the future, and he never thought of hiding it from him.The question is how and when to say it.

So Guang nodded solemnly: "Well, let me think about it."

After walking for a while, he seemed to think of something, and asked He Gu again: "How did you feel at that time?"

He Gu felt that Guang must have stayed with that guy for too long, and his words seemed to be playing charades.Fortunately, my IQ is still online.

He scratched his head and said with as much ease as possible: "Probably the only thing missing is a dislocated jaw."

Guang smiled: "That's right." It was already a miracle that he didn't break up with him on the spot.

Just when Guang was making jokes with his friends, Liang returned to his long-lost home.

He said "I'm coming in" at the door, and then opened the door and entered the chess room.

Sitting next to the chess pier, Toya Yukiyo was wearing a yellow and green hakama uniform. He hadn't seen him for many days, but he still gave people a sense of solemnity and majesty.

Seeing that Liang was kneeling beside him, he nodded slightly, put the chess piece in the holder, and said uncharacteristically, "Come with me for a walk outside."

Although Liang had doubts in his heart, he still obediently went out with him.

Along the way, Taya Yukihiro walked very slowly, and every step seemed to be carefully thought out.

When he turned the corner and passed the cherry blossom tree beside the road, his footsteps paused slightly, his hand stretched out from the wide sleeve of the hakama suit, and the timing was just right to catch a piece of fallen cherry in his palm.

"Your mother used to like cherry blossoms very much." Taya Yukiyo looked down at the cherry petals in his palm, the sharpness in his eyes was no longer sharp, and they were softer than ever before.

He looked up at the cherry blossoms beside him, and started walking again.

Liang followed and asked hesitantly, "Ever?"

Taya Yukihiro answered nonchalantly, and said slowly: "When I first met Akiko, I was still an inconspicuous unknown. The game bonus and salary of Dashou Hesai were only enough for my monthly daily expenses. Your mother married When I was a child, I quit my job and planned to concentrate on being a full-time housewife. One day when I passed by the cherry blossom tree, she suddenly said that although the cherry blossoms were beautiful, they could not withstand the setbacks. She told me that she found a part-time job nearby... I didn’t say much, but that day, I said to myself, I must gain a firm foothold in the Japanese Go world as soon as possible.”

On weekdays, my mother rarely mentioned the past or the affairs of my grandmother with me, let alone my father who has been running around in major chess games for many years.

But now, suddenly being able to hear about the past between his parents from his father, Liang couldn't help asking: "At that time, what did my father like about my mother?"

Taya Yukio smiled very gently: "Why..."

He repeated to himself, his eyes suddenly deepened, as if stepping back into the memory of the past 20 years ago in an instant: "When Mingzi was young, he was very active, and he belonged to the very dazzling people in the crowd. He was completely different from me. The opposite personality. But that feeling is very strange. It seems that as long as you stay by her side, no matter how anxious you are, you can quickly calm down. As long as you see her, you will feel at ease. When you find yourself in love with your mother, probably , that's when..."

For a long time, his mother has appeared in Liang's memory as a good wife, and it is difficult for him to associate the word "active" with an elegant and gentle mother.

For some reason, when he heard his father talk about his mother, he suddenly wanted to see him and go back to the rented apartment where he was.

While his thoughts were racing, he listened to his father's voice and said slowly: "Ever since we can remember, we have been doing countless multiple-choice questions. The only difference is that some people have many choices, while others have few. Having a choice is like having a key. Although you can knock on more doors, the risks you face will also double. Sometimes, a choice you make personally also subtly affects the people around you. "

"The so-called 'responsibility' means that you have the courage and ability to bear the choice you make, can carry out this choice firmly, and can bear all the possible impacts and consequences behind this choice. What I said The 'impact' and 'consequence' also include other people you are involved in. Whether it is your intention or not, whether they need your 'commitment' or not, these are all things you must consider of."

"Xiao Liang, what does Go mean to you now?"

Hearing this, Liang suddenly raised his head and looked at his father.

He tried to find a clue in his father's eyes, but still... failed.

The meaning of playing chess, for him in the past, was to follow in his father's footsteps, to surpass his father who was close to the god of chess one day, and now and in the future, on this basis, he added another one-to keep the light by his side , in front of, and within close proximity.

From home to the present, Taya Yukihiro has never mentioned anything about the magazine shooting or his own decline in grades, but every word he said seems to mean something else, like a huge stone pressing on Liang's chest, Make him breathless.

"Father, I..."

"You don't need to tell me the answer, you just need to know it yourself." Taya Yukiyo looked at Liang, his eyes softened a bit,

"Xiao Liang, you are my Taya Yukihiro's child. I believe you have your own sense of what to do and what not to do. It's just that as long as you want to go further on the road of Go, you can go further. There is absolutely no stopping. No matter what happens, there is no stopping."

Taya Yukiyo looked at Ryo, and put his broad palm on his head: "Presumably, the reason why you have long hair is one of countless choices."

Liang couldn't help opening his eyes wide to look at his father.

But before he could say anything, Taya Yukiyo withdrew his hand from his head, and stroked his hair jokingly: "Should I also consider dyeing my hair?"

Liang was startled again.

With Ryo's surprised expression, Taya Yukihiro put his hands into his wide sleeves again, turned around and said, "It's getting late, let's go back."

Liang Liang nodded, and walked back with his father.

All along, the man in front of him was tall and majestic in Liang's heart.Compared with the identity of "father", it is more like a god that he can look up to.But at that moment just now, he suddenly felt that the god that he had always been in awe of, seemed to have suddenly stepped off the altar and was within reach.

However, the closer he gets to his father, the more he perceives his insight and wisdom, and the guilt that has been buried in Liang's heart for a long time becomes deeper and deeper.

Xu was out of a debt to the estranged parents, and Xu was to make up for the harm he would cause to his parents in the future. On the way back, when Taya Yukihiro asked him if he would stay for dinner, he did not refuse.

After dinner, when Liang got up to say goodbye, Ming Zi came out of the kitchen carrying a bag.

"There are some seasonal fruits here. They were just bought yesterday. Take them back and eat with Mr. Jinto."

Liang glanced at the bag his mother handed over, but didn't take it right away.

"What are you doing in a daze?" Mingzi scolded, and directly stuffed the bag into Liang's hand, "It's getting late, hurry back."

The bag itself wasn't heavy, and holding it in his hand seemed to have taken away all of Liang's strength.

That night's dinner was very light, and Liang didn't eat much. On the subway back to the rented apartment, his stomach hurt like a burning fire.Liang had to lean against the edge of the car door, arching his body slightly.

As a result, until the end of the meal, my father didn't ask to play chess with me like in the past.This time he came home, it seemed that he was really like a child from an ordinary family, it was just that he hadn't returned home for a long time and made plans on time.

However, the moment he came out of the house, he seemed to finally understand why his voice was so hoarse when he just called and couldn't return that night—it was because all of them were close relatives who were important to him, and thinking of his almost selfish betrayal to them, When faced with their unconditional tolerance and love for themselves, it was even more tormented and even more heart-wrenching.

From the subway station, Liang walked very slowly all the way back to the apartment.

Every little bit of acquaintance with Guang flashed in his mind like a fleeting shadow.

After deciding to stay for dinner at night, he sent Guang a message.The light came back quickly.He said, ok, I'm at home and I'm not going anywhere.

He didn't ask when he would be back.Did not say, I am waiting for you at home.

He just came back and I was at home.

He called the apartment he shared with him "home".

That was the lover he had worked so hard to get, and he didn't want to let go so easily.only……

When he walked downstairs to the apartment and looked up and saw that one of the windows was lit, Liang's heart softened uncontrollably.

The moment he opened the door, he quickly put away the tiredness and sadness on his face.

Hearing the sound of the door opening, when Guang walked to the entrance with his cane, he was caught off guard and pressed into his arms.

Liang's strength was so great that he couldn't stand still, so he hugged him quickly: "What, what's wrong?"

"Charge." Liang said with a smile.

Guang didn't say anything, just hugged by Liang.

A few minutes later, I heard Liang say: "Charging is complete."

Finally returned to the home with his lover, surrounded by the breath of light again, Liang unknowingly relaxed, and kissed him another unfinished kiss.

There were hardly any flaws in Liang's expression, but the moment he hugged her tightly, Guang still clearly felt the invisible pressure on his shoulders, like two big mountains.

Taya is going home today, just because she knows.Hikari has been paying attention to his recent record.Combining the two, it is not difficult to guess what Teacher Taya might have said to him.

But maybe, it is really "the one who is close to the ink is black", he has already subtly learned the bright "invisible".

He felt sorry for Liang, but he didn't say a word of comfort.

He asked as usual: "Do you want to take a shower first? I'll go and start a shower for you."

As he spoke, he walked into the house with a cane, but was pulled back by Liang.

"Huh?" Guang turned to look at Liang.

Liang remembered that Light had said that he was holding the other end of his rope.As soon as the rope is pulled, he will return to himself.

He clenched that rope tightly and didn't want to let it go.All the suffering, all the mistakes, he can bear alone.It's just that he doesn't want to see the light force himself like that night again.

He held Guang's hand and said calmly: "Guang, if you feel tired one day, you must tell me."

If someday,

You really feel tired, tired, can't hold on,

I will definitely let go of your hand immediately.

The author has something to say:

2017.6.6 Correct typos~