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If there is anything that can describe the swimming at this time, it may be half sea water, half flame.

On the one hand, he can't stand his stepfather's coveting and controlling him, on the other hand, he faintly yearns for the almost paternal care that his stepfather occasionally shows to him, which is something he has been missing since he was a child. Of course, he also longs for a male The elders guide him in caring for him and serve as guides for his growth into a mature and resilient adult.

The stepfather is cunning, he knows what You Zixi needs, whenever his step-by-step intrusion arouses You Zixi's resistance, he will radiate the brilliance of fatherly love and confuse the poor child, once the child treats him After letting his guard down for a while, he took the opportunity to ask for more.

What he wants is not physical possession, but the soft heart of this child.

A woman in love is the most vigilant, but the most stupid like a fool.

They are always the first to discover signs of a change of heart in their man, but they are also the first to come up with a seemingly perfect excuse to shirk for the man.

They constantly comfort and confuse themselves, trying to maintain the harmony of the appearance. They would rather live in a peaceful self-deception than overthrow the stable life and break the lie.

Chen Rou has long realized that her current husband takes care of her son far more than she takes care of herself.

This doesn't make sense in modern society. Who would love an adopted son who has no blood relationship with him but ignore the woman he married?

She mentioned that it's human nature to give birth to a doctor. Who wouldn't want a son of their own?

The doctor actually refused, saying that one child is enough, adding another child will inevitably increase the psychological burden on You Zixi.

Chen Rou couldn't believe what she heard.

She didn't dare to disobey her husband's decision, because in fact they spent less and less time in bed together, and the doctor was very busy with his work, and he would always bring home piles of cases to see. At first, Chen Rou wanted to Waiting for him, even if it was one or two o'clock in the morning, he would still turn on the dim lamp by the bed. Women in this period have strong desires.

But I can't tell whether it's getting old or something, Chen Rou will be so sleepy that she can't open her eyes every night after eleven o'clock at night. She struggles hard, but she can't resist the sleepiness. It's seven o'clock, and her husband is lying peacefully next to him. Chen Rou stares at her husband's sleeping face, feeling very satisfied, and doesn't think about why she slept so hard last night. She doesn't even know when her husband goes to bed. Know.

Her husband makes her a glass of milk every night to nourish her face and soothe her nerves. Chen Rou is grateful to her husband for treating her like a gentle gentleman. She has never left behind the milk made by her husband himself. She thinks that even if her husband is busy with work during the day, he can There is very little time to spend with myself, but at least this glass of milk proves that my husband still has himself in his heart, and his busy work is just the need to maintain the family's survival.

One day she drank too much borscht at dinner, and only drank half of the milk. She woke up in the middle of the night, but her consciousness was very drowsy. , She thought it was just her husband getting up at night, but he didn't come back after nearly 10 minutes, and she could hear strange noises from the next room.

It's just that Chen Rou was too sleepy, she fell asleep without willpower, and when she woke up the next day, she had completely forgotten about it.

The days have come to the end of the second semester of You Zixi's second year of high school. Since the next semester is about to enter the tense life of the third year of high school, the class organized a summer camp.

Of course You Zixi wanted to go, not because he had much interest in the summer camp, but because it was an excellent opportunity to get away from his family and his stepfather's greedy eyes on him.

He is ready to fight a protracted war. He understands it with emotion and moves it with reason. His stepfather will definitely not agree at first, but he must fight him to the end. He knows that he has a way, and he will definitely succeed. of.

He brought it up when the family was at the dinner table, at least he was sure he could get his mother to approve.The stepfather was only silent for two or three seconds after listening. You Zixi just wanted to add his point, but unexpectedly the stepfather nodded in agreement.It's just that the stepfather proposed to drive You Zixi to the summer camp instead of letting him follow the school bus, because the environment of the bus is too bad to make the journey comfortable.

Of course You Zixi nodded in agreement, he was even afraid that his stepfather would change his mind if he hesitated for a moment.

Compared with the two weeks of summer camp, those difficult times on the road were too insignificant, and he couldn't believe that his stepfather dared to do something to him in the car.

Chen Rou smiled reluctantly. She proposed to go with the father and son, but the doctor just advised her to prepare a candlelight dinner at home to reward him as a hardworking driver.

So the two of them hit the road, and in the car the stepfather faded the false smile on his face.

"You want to escape from me? Don't even think about it." The stepfather's voice was low and terrifying.

You Zixi hammered his seat angrily: "I am a student, and I have the right to participate in student activities!"

"Of course." The stepfather snorted inexplicably:

"But I want to remind you that when I come back from this summer camp, I will ask you for a lot of things, no matter whether you have the ability to give it to me or not."

You Zixi blushed unavoidably, he could somewhat understand what his stepfather meant, but he didn't want to question him, because he knew that his stepfather could always come up with a set of other arguments to prove that he was thinking too much unilaterally.

The stepfather asked again: "So you can't celebrate your birthday at home?"

You Zixi was really astonished now, how many years has it been since he celebrated his birthday?From the year his father died, he never had a birthday, because that day was also his father's death day, and my mother didn't want to think about this day, and whenever she thought about it, she was in a trance, so he never mentioned it again He dared not mention his own birthday, and he gave up the right to celebrate his own birthday, which also meant that he gave up the right to be a natural person who only lived for himself.

He can guarantee that even his mother can't remember what is special about this day, but the man knows it clearly.

While holding the steering wheel with one hand, the man took out a rectangular black velvet box from the inner pocket of his suit.

"It's a pity. I have prepared a lot of activities for your birthday. Since you want a summer camp, I'm afraid this is the only gift I can give you." You Zixi could hear the regret in his stepfather's tone.

You Zixi opened his eyes wide, and took the box carefully. It was a birthday present he hadn't received for nearly ten years. He didn't dare to blink his eyes, for fear that his gift would disappear in a second.

He opened it, and inside was a very expensive pen, and he knew the brand.

"The writing brush is inconvenient to carry, but the fountain pen is also good for practicing hard-tipped calligraphy." The man looked at him sideways, and that was the first time he showed an unconfident expression:

"How do you like it?"

You Zixi was stunned, he looked at the smooth face and exquisite nib of this pen, he even forgot how to breathe.

"I like it very much, thank you...Father."

The man smiled: "If you really wanted to thank me, you wouldn't call me father. You know I want to hear you call me something, but it's okay, as long as you are satisfied."

Holding the pen, You Zixi couldn't calm down for a long time, and didn't hear his stepfather muttering something.

"The first time I saw you was on a hospital bed, your eyes were closed tightly, your face was in pain, your face was pale, your cheeks were flushed because of fever, and your lips were also bright red, I miss you I've never seen such a handsome boy."

"I'm a bachelor. Of course, I have never lacked suitors, but I don't think anyone can impress me. At that moment, I swear a strange thought entrenched in my heart-if you were mine, you should How nice."

"When I saw your name, I swam to myself. It was such a beautiful name. I chewed it several times in my mouth, and repeated it several times. I read it to my heart."

"Later I saw your mother. She really looks like you. I can tell from the way she looks at me that she has fantasies about me. I choose to be with her all because of you. I think closer to you."

"When you moved into my house that day, you knew that I was so excited that I couldn't fall asleep all night, that I could be so close to you."

"I know that I want you to accept me rather reluctantly, because you will not do things that are sorry for your mother. I believe that there will be a solution to the matter. We will find the most suitable way to tell your mother, and will not hurt her. drop to lowest."

"Then there is only one question, do you love me? Or just a hint of affection."

You Zixi woke up like a dream when he heard this sentence, he looked at his stepfather in disbelief, could this man also show such an uneasy and youthful expression?It turns out that this man is also unpredictable?

He has always regarded him as an almighty god, as a devil who eats people without spitting out bones, but does such a person have his own tenderness?

Does You Zixi have the answer in his heart? He already has the answer, which is why he is in such pain, because he knows that it is the most rebellious, dirty and dirty thought. He dare not tell anyone, and he dare not say it to himself. , he didn't even dare to admit it to himself!Once he admits it is a betrayal, a betrayal of his favorite relatives.

But here is the winding mountain road, there is no one around here, only staring at his stepfather affectionately, this place seems to be the end of the world where countless lovers yearn for, he feels that this place is a secret place, can he not There is a second of timidity, can you admit it once, can you tell the secret that has been rushing, roaring, and turning to ashes in your heart just this time?

Here, he believed, no one would hear him, and no one would hold him to God's guilt.

"Father, I..."

The eyes of the man and the boy are intertwined and fused together, meaningful and affectionate.

At this moment, a blinding white light shone through the windshield, and both of them frowned tightly to block their eyes.

The author has something to say:

I'm still good at writing about stream of consciousness...