evening tide

There was a light knock on the door, and Xiang Wan came out of Peng Hou's room, stood at the door and asked her, "Are you asleep?"

"Ah."

"Then I'll go in and get my clothes. I'll stay with Director Peng at night, and you will sleep with Pa Pai." Xiang Wan whispered.

Knowing that Paipai needed Chao Xin at this time, she was sensible enough not to bother her too much.Fortunately, there are not many types of rooms in the hotel, and Peng Houzhi opened a standard room, so there is no inconvenience for two people to live in.

But Chao Xin stopped her.

Xiang Wan looked up, saw Chao Xin closed the door, walked to the corridor, and said, "Stand with me for a while."

She remembered that time with Xiang Wan on the rooftop, and the first time she recalled her past to Xiang Wan. At that time, she stood at the top of the city, shoulder to shoulder with Xiang Wan, blowing the wind that was hard to reach by dozens of stories of high-rise buildings, looking at The gorgeous and straight skyline of the city.

At that time, she thought that freedom was within reach.

Now she was still standing with Xiang Wan, in a hotel in a small town not far from her birthplace, in front of it was a cement-surfaced corridor and a simple patio.

Square and square, you can see the end at a glance.

"Are you tired?" She asked Xiang Wan in a low voice.

Xiang Wan shook his head.In fact, there is a little bit, but for some reason, when she looked at Chao Xin's eyebrows, she always felt that she couldn't get enough of them.

It turns out that this is the place where she was born. Her face and heart were born from the soil of the countryside, and then a vigorous and rebellious soul was born.

She is world-weary and clumsy in love, she struggles in sin and ugliness, protruding her fingertips and arms bit by bit, her body is very sensitive, which usually means having a high-sensitivity heart, but she makes this heart rough Grinding in the mud, and then cleaning up, loving a girl with incomparable tenderness.

She suddenly understood the root of all Chao Xin's avoidance.

"During the day, you said you brought a knife, is that true?" Chao Xin looked at her and smiled.

"It's true. The fruit knife is in the car. I put it in my pocket."

Chao Xin moved her mole, laughed out loud, and raised her hand to touch her face.

Chao Xin always did this when he wanted to kiss her, and Xiang Wan found out.

Just as she was about to speak, the door behind her opened. Peng Yuzhi rubbed his head and said, "What are you two talking about at the door?"

Is the sound insulation so bad... Xiang Wan asked, "Can you hear me?"

"It's not just me, I guess the one next door can do it too." The door panel is very thin at first glance.

"Papai fell asleep?" she asked again.

"Ah."

"Then why don't you put her in my room to sleep, and you two go back to the room and talk." She could see that Chao Xin and Xiang Wan seemed to be very reluctant to part with each other tonight.

Xiang Wan was a little moved, in fact, she has been moved today, moved by Su Chang's help, and also moved by Peng Yuzhi no longer rejecting Chao Xin at all, but began to understand her difficulty.

"Don't worry, if she wakes up, I'll knock on your door."

Peng Houzhi agreed with the two of them, and the three of them entered the room, picked up the cards lightly, and changed rooms.

When he closed the door again, he already felt that his bones were aching, but Chao Xin still didn't want to sleep. Xiang Wan saw it, so he just hugged his pajamas and sat next to her.

"Aren't you going to take a bath?" Her words were very gentle.

"Take a shower, get a good night's sleep, and have to drive tomorrow."

Chao Xin opened his tired eyes and said, "I dare not sleep."

Although considering that Su Chang and the others didn't rush to the county because of their exhausted journey, Chao Xin still felt uneasy. Her distrust of this place was so deep-rooted that she didn't even dare to close her eyes.

Xiang Wan leaned against her, rested his head on her shoulder, and said, "Then talk to me."

Let's talk, and the night will pass.

Chao Xin stretched out his hand, put his arms around her slender waist, stroked her gently, and asked, "Do you want to hear the story of my family?"

"It might make you uncomfortable."

"Say." The young voice stayed on the neck thinly, as if guarding a dream.

And Chao Xin wanted to start a nightmare, but as long as Xiang Wan's breath was in her ears, she felt that she could always wake up.

"You may have heard, he called me Panpan, but my original name was Chao Pan. Chao Wang, Chao Pan."

It sounds promising.

"It means looking forward to a son." But Chao Xin said so.

Chao Xin was changed by herself, forgetting the past and starting a new life.

"My father always wanted a son, but my mother gave birth to two daughters, and later got pregnant again, but she had a miscarriage. The miscarriage probably wasn't clean, and her health has been bad since then, making it difficult to conceive again."

"Before I had a son, my father always beat my mother, me and my sister too, not the way I beat Sun Er today, but the kind that beat me to death. I remember one time he dragged my mother's hair to the stove. Hit, you may not know how sharp the corners of the stove are, and there was a bloody hole on my mother's head on the spot."

"How old was I at that time? I was about four or five years old. I was very scared. I was afraid that my mother would die. At night, my sister and I cried and walked two miles to find my grandmother. I said, please help me." Mom, my grandma led us back without saying anything."

Chao Xin paused for a moment, and pressed the tip of his tongue against the inside of his lower teeth.

"When I get older, I will let my mother divorce. My mother will not leave. At first she said it was for me and Chao Wang, who would take us after she left, and later said that she couldn't find a good one after she left."

"I have been used to running out to find someone every time she was beaten since I was a child. I went to the village committee and my relatives. When I was a teenager, I went to the town by myself in a bullock cart to find the police station. The policeman It was quite good, he was a young man, and he followed me back to the village, and I thought at the time that he was saved."

There were waves in Chao Xin's eyes, as if hiding a young and innocent girl, and he returned home panting, feeling that he was saved.

"But my mother was terrified when she saw someone in a police uniform. She said she was beaten because she did her own work."

The light in his eyes gradually went out, and the innocent girl died.

"Then I thought, I must go out, I must go out. I want to study, I want to go to college, I want to get out of this place, I have had enough."

"At that time, our family couldn't afford two students to study. My dad wanted me and Chao Wang to drop out of school. Chao Wang begged him on his knees, saying that she would stop studying and help the family with chores so that Panpan could study. Panpan's grades were very good. Can go to college."

If you go to college, you will be filial to you. After you go to college, there will be a loudspeaker to announce to the whole village, Chao Wang said.

"My father agreed. Chao Wang stopped studying after graduating from junior high school. She told me that she would not be able to study anyway, and she needed help with farm work at home. When she had money, she would also buy a motorcycle and go to school. If you sell vegetables more frequently in the town, the family will get better."

What she was thinking about afterwards was that Chao Wang didn't buy the motorcycle she wanted until his death.

The red one can hold two cages on the back and hold four chickens.

When she was in high school, Chao Xin went to the town to study at the boarding school. During the winter and summer vacations, she washed dishes for others to save money. At that time, the family conditions were a little better, and her mother would visit her occasionally and bring her pickled mustard.

"I can still recall the taste of mustard." Chao Xin smiled. "There is also fermented soy beans. Sometimes I just mix a couple of rice and a spoonful of fermented soy beans. It smells like fermented bean curd, and my classmates laugh at me."

But that period of time was the period when Chao Xin felt the most carefree and hopeful.

When preparing for the college entrance examination, the family betrothed Chao Wang.

"At that time, Chao Wang was not yet of the legal age for marriage, but he said that he would go to the man's house first, and the wine would count, and he would get the certificate after giving birth to a child."

This was the case in many villages at that time. Chao Wang was only a teenager when he married.

When Chao Xin returned from the college entrance examination, Chao Wang was already the daughter-in-law of the Sun family. While working in the Sun family, she heard her talk about what she had seen in school, and then she said, "I envy you."

I envy you so much, Panpan.

Probably at that time Chao Wang had a premonition that she would lead a completely different life from Chao Xin.

"At that time, Sun Er was not as rascal as he is now, but he was still cowardly. His family was in charge of his powerful father, so he didn't dare to say anything, so he looked like an honest young man."

"Since Chao Wang got married, his family has always wanted her to have a son. A few years later, I had Pai Pai. I was very busy in Jiangcheng at that time, and I only went back to see her once in a while. One time, Pai Pai was still very young. I Holding her softly, I can't believe that Chao Wang will be a mother."

Chao Xin gestured slightly with his hand on his knee, as if the cards were just that small, just that small.

"Chao Wang's health was already very bad at that time, but I didn't realize it at the time."

Chao Xin's normally well-controlled voice trembled, and her nose fluttered slightly, but her eyes were dry, with no tears, nothing at all.

Finally, she was about to talk about the most embarrassing part for her, but her voice didn't change, and she didn't even take a deep breath, she said it directly and simply.

"Chao Wang is too thin and has always been malnourished. When she was pregnant with her second child, it was difficult to give birth. The Sun family didn't know where she heard that her belly was sour. To protect the young, the doctor said that there is no such thing as protecting the big and the young, and we are trying our best to save people."

"I heard later that the family felt that the doctor would not protect his son, so he cried and made noises in the corridor, kowtowed and blushed."

"I don't know if these actions of theirs have delayed any chance of treatment. I don't know. I don't know until now, but the child was not saved at that time. Chao Wang was rescued and recuperated in the ward."

"The Sun family blamed her for 'bad foundation'. They didn't keep the child and spent money in the ward every day. They didn't want her to live, so they took her back. They always scolded her for lying on the bed and not working. Chao Wang was exhausted at that time. When the lamp is dry, then..."

At once……

I didn't make it through.

She held Xiang Wan's hand and jumped, as if she had a cramp, and she became cold instantly. Xiang Wan was in so much pain that she hugged her, but she couldn't say a word, so she could only rub her hands vigorously and repeatedly. Rub her upper arms.

"Chao Xin, Chao Xin." She called her in a low voice and helplessly.

Chao Xin hugged her back, but in fact, he always thought about it, what did Chao Wang want in his life?After a lifetime of suffering, did she do many unreasonable things in her previous life?To torture her endlessly like this.

But how is it possible?Chao Wang is a little girl who will sit by the edge of the field and hug the little yellow dog and talk about her thoughts. She will never do anything that hurts nature and reason.

Later, the Sun family went to Chao's house to make a fuss, saying that they had spent tens of thousands of dowry gifts to buy a "wasteland" and that they would lose their sons and daughters-in-law. Say don't delay his son's finding a new wife.

Chao Xin rushed back at that time, and she didn't know the truth about Chao Wang's death, but she felt that she had to take the cards.

So he endured the disgusting face of the Sun family and gave tens of thousands of dollars, on the condition that he cooperate with the transfer of household registration and bring the cards to Jiangcheng.

"After that, you and Papai never went back?" Xiang Wan asked her.

"Later, my dad got into a fight with someone, it was very hard, and they asked him to pay for it. My mom came to me, but I didn't want to pay, so my dad went to jail. I thought I could bring my mom out, and she could finally live a better life. It's been a while, but she hated me, and told everyone that I was nothing."

"My father was so skinny after all the tossing in the prison. He was happy when he came out and drank it for a few days. It was cold in that winter. He died of a stroke. My mother didn't remember much after that. When you are clear-headed, you will curse me when you see me, saying that I killed my father, and when you are not clear, you will say that my father beat her and almost killed her."

"She would rather live with my aunt than see me again."

"Later, I only occasionally gave my aunt some living expenses."

Xiang Wan's heart seemed to be crushed one stone after another, and he was out of breath just listening to it, but Chao Xin could still speak calmly and be as gentle as he had never experienced before.

"I'm done talking, Wanwan." Chao Xin had a false smile on his face, and then raised his hand to stroke Xiangwan's hair.

"So you should know why I think you may not be able to accept my family. I'm also afraid that if something happens again, it will become my burden and yours."

Chao Xin rubbed her hand, it was delicate and tender, and he wanted to avoid even suffering.

"You are here this time, you can really think about it again, these things..."

She didn't finish her sentence because Xiang Wan occupied her lips.

Xiang Wan kissed her reverently, as eagerly as if he was late.

There has never been a time when breaths are entangled, so close to the exchange of souls like this.

"You've never told anyone, have you?" Xiang Wan asked her in a whisper, kissing her neck.

"No."

"Chao Xin, I'm your first one, in any sense." Xiang Wan kissed her collarbone.

"Be the last one too, the only one."

"Let's not separate again, Chao Xin."

Never.

"Xiang Wan," Chao Xin's eye circles turned red quickly, she held Xiang Wan's face and looked at her with difficulty, "I just asked you to think about it, your answer is not to separate again."

"You said this," she sniffed and shook her head. "No matter what happens in the future, I won't let you go, unless you tell me that you really don't like me anymore."

Xiang Wan pushed back her sweaty forehead hair, and nodded with a sob: "Well, I remember."

Remember, she had been waiting for this sentence thousands of years ago, and finally heard it.

She copied Chao Xin's body gratefully, the buttons were undone one by one, and she buried her head down.

Realizing what she wanted to do, Chao Xin hooked her chin and stopped her: "Dirty."

The environment is dirty, and so is the body.

"Not dirty." Xiang Wan used her most beautiful place to clean it.

She didn't hear the familiar confusion, but she heard soft sobbing. Chao Xin cried quietly, as if the water had just dizzy the dry mole of tears.

Xiang Wan stuffed his fingers into hers and interlocked with hers.

Wanting to please her is not only about her body, not only tonight, but also in the long future.

Xiang Wan thought about it for a lifetime, and the longest time scale she could imagine was applied to Chao Xin.