[Hunter] Reasons not to love you

The author has something to say:

In addition to this episode, Xiba did not choose to let go, but chose to use family power to destroy Peerless, and then get the if route of Peerless

This chapter is described from the perspective of Sheba and Jue Shi's first child

Peerless almost doesn't care about things, Xiba's widowed parenting alone. jpg After the female penguin lays eggs, she hands the eggs over to the male penguins for care and incubation, and then goes out to look for food by herself.

Male penguins will gather together to resist the cold, motionless, neither eat nor drink, and concentrate on hatching eggs.

Until 60 days later, the baby penguin is born, and the female penguin takes over the baby penguin from the arms of the male penguin and takes on the important task of raising offspring.

(One)

...that's not the case.

Mom almost never takes care of me.

She even often forgets about me.

Dad said that repeated amnesia is the sequelae of mother's head injury, which belongs to "force majeure" and is not her fault. As a family member, we should be considerate of her.

Well, anyway, my mother didn't do me any harm, she just didn't pay me much attention. Every time she met me, she greeted me and left in a hurry, like a guest who happened to pass by.

With no previous memory, she said the same thing when she saw me: "Wow, you are so cute, much cuter than in the photo."

Although it was a sincere compliment, I was about to hear the calluses in my ears when I heard the opening sentence, which caused my heart to be as calm as my expression, "Good morning, Mom."

"Good morning." She replied politely, sometimes she would rub my head, and sometimes she was in a hurry and would not rub my head, just turned and left.

Under the repeated opening remarks countless times, whether to rub your head is the only variable. It is a rare pleasure in the boring, and it is a guessing game that I am slightly looking forward to.

Let me guess, will she rub her head this time?

Observe her subtle expressions and movements, and predict her behavior.

... She's about to rub!

Warm palms rest on top of my head, and I squint my eyes happily.

Guess it right!

As usual, it won't take more than half a minute, and she leaves after kneading.

Then, I have to go to training too, and I can't be late, otherwise I will be punished by my father. My father always said "punctuality is very important".

Oh, I really want to go out and play.

(two)

In complete contrast to my strict father, my mother basically ignored everything in the house.

There's nothing I can do about it, she often loses her memory. Many times, when she calls her "Mom" behind her, she doesn't know she is calling her, so I know she has lost her memory again.

In addition to amnesia, she has another notable symptom. Every time she is pregnant, she is extremely depressed. As the pregnancy months increase, the depression becomes more and reaches the peak when the due date is approaching. It is said that this is called "antenatal depression".

There seems to be no postpartum depression. Every time she sees the baby in the cradle, she always has a curious attitude, as if the child was born by someone else.

Memory is an important part of a person, so before and after losing memory, it should be regarded as two people.

I heard that my mother used to be a freelance writer. Due to memory loss, she couldn't continue to write as before. The only writing work she can do now is to keep a diary, which is used to help her sort out the current situation after amnesia.

There will be a photo of the family group in the diary, which is updated once a year, and she can look at the photo to understand the general situation of the family.

Her first impression of us is often from the photos, so there was the opening sentence that made my ears callous, "Wow, you are so cute, even cuter than in the photos".

I patiently listened to this opening sentence for six years, and it was not until I heard that she opened it to my brother in the same way that I finally thought, wouldn’t it be possible for her to write the opening sentence in her diary?

Why are you saying the same thing to us all?

Too perfunctory!

This is the first time I feel dissatisfied with my mother's irresponsibility.

"Oh, what kind of opening remarks do you want?" Although my mother was irresponsible, she had a very gentle temper.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Is there anything wrong?" she asked suspiciously.

"Then mother, can you say, 'Just like the photo, you are cuter than your brother'."

"Oh, okay."

Confirming that she had written about it in her diary, I happily left.

After the birth of her second brother, her opening words to me suddenly changed, "You are just as cute as the photo."

By the way, her opening line to her first brother was "Just like the photo, you are so cute", and her opening line to her second brother was "Just like the picture, you are the cutest".

She said she wanted to uphold the objective evaluation.

Although I'm not a person who values ​​appearance, but this kind of comparison...

I'm not unhappy.

I know she just treats us like dolls in the window, why should I care, damn it.

(three)

It’s not obvious on the surface, but in fact, the diary in my mother’s hand has been changing all the time, and I have discovered this a long time ago.

Originally the sentence about the prologue was at the bottom of the page, but later the sentence became the second line of the page, and then the number of pages was wrong.

I wanted to see the content in the front of the diary, but my mother closed the diary, saying that there was nothing to see, and rejected my request.

I'm afraid there is really nothing worth watching. I think my father must have read all of them. After all, my father alone decides about the family affairs, especially about my mother. At least I will arrange a housekeeper to follow my mother all the time, saying that it is in consideration of amnesia at any time. The problem.

I know it might not be that simple.

When mother meets father, she will show an awkward but polite smile. This kind of sense of birth is quite subtle. It is different from her treatment of other "strangers", with more vigilance and fear.

Although my father is indeed the most dignified person in the family, and I am in awe of him, I feel that my mother's situation seems to be different from mine.

As for the specific difference, I don't have an answer for the time being.

(four)

Memory is very important, but it is not the whole of a person. Even if you lose your memory, some things remain the same, such as the old-fashioned opening remarks, such as personal likes and dislikes.

Mom thinks the second brother is the cutest every time, so she rubs her head the most.

I remember when my younger brothers were babies, when she was playing with the baby, if the baby was crying, the happy expression on her face disappeared, and she handed the baby to the housekeeper next to her, and then walked away, busy herself things went.

Sometimes she takes care of the children on a whim, for an hour at most, and when she gets tired of playing, she goes about her own affairs.

Even without memory, the pastime of using a biological child as a toy is considered scum, Mom.

I feel more and more that my mother's behavior of rubbing my head is an act of prostitution, and she doesn't care whether I live or die.To her, I am just a line of text in the diary: Your first child xxx is x years old this year.

Later, I learned to empathize. If I were a person with no memory and met a stranger, would I really be able to automatically enter the role because of a line of introduction, and immediately feel the corresponding emotion?

Of course not, I'm a human being, not a computer program.

I think about it.

Dad probably thought the same way, that's why Dad was able to be at peace for so many years.

Taking a step back, my mother actually had empathy and said to me: "I'm sorry, I always forget you. I have to get to know you again every now and then, has it caused you trouble?"

When I heard it for the first time, I was a little moved, but you know, due to repeated amnesia, if I don’t make a special note in the diary, some lines will appear repeatedly. Like the opening sentence, I heard my ears callused.

Obviously empathy is a good thing, why did it become like this?

I feel like I'm numb.

I have long since given up on letting her write easily repeatable lines into her diary. After all, what she can say to "strangers who meet for the first time" is limited, and it is not every day that she meets me and talks to me. I shouldn't have too much high demands.

And I don't want to hear her speak according to the sentences recorded in the diary, like reciting lines, it is better for her to repeat the words as they are.

At least those repeated words were sincere.

(Fives)

Speaking of what my mother is busy with, it is nothing more than two things: confirming the status quo and trying to leave home.

It is reasonable for a person with amnesia to want to confirm the status quo, and as for "trying to leave home", it is because of dissatisfaction with the status quo.Mom said that she wanted to go out for a little walk, and Dad said that she had repeated amnesia, so she had to be supervised when she went out.

Most of the time, my mother doesn't want to take care of her. Although my father didn't say the reason, I know that my mother seems to be planning to leave.

Mom's urge to leave home finally waned after she gave birth to her fifth child.

But she still shook off the butler again and again, trying to leave home alone.

I have seen my mother’s record as a freelance writer. She has a hunter’s license. When she was young, she traveled around and collected materials locally. She wrote a lot of manuscripts for the “One Bowl of Fried Rice” studio. She retired on the [-]th anniversary and closed her pen. The outside world Don't know the real reason.

The real reason?Maybe it's because he married his father?

My mother, who tried to leave home alone, has already returned. I just arrived at the mountainside, and seeing my mother’s expression of reluctance and even humiliation in my father’s arms, now I seem to understand something.

Oh, it turned out that it was not this "home" that Mom wanted to leave, but Dad.

Later, due to a certain chance, I learned about the past from a woman named "Ki Qiu". It is said that after many years of dating, my mother and my father ruthlessly abandoned my father when they were discussing marriage.

I don't need to go into details about the following things, I just know that my father is really a terrible person.

Hey, poor mother, I don't think she's going to get away all her life.