Manhattanhenge

When Su Hui woke up, Ning Yixiao had disappeared, bread was left on the table, and a note was pressed under the plate.

[I have something to do, I want to go back to my hometown temporarily, leave the luggage alone, wait for me to pack it when I come back.Pay attention to safety at home, don't open fire casually, go to the school cafeteria to eat, and take medicine on time. I will only go for a few days and go home soon. ——Ning Yixiao]

He wrote vaguely, and summed up everything in a few sentences.

After Su Hui finished watching, he was gradually surrounded by a great panic.He knew Ning Yixiao well, if something very important hadn't happened, he wouldn't just leave like this, at least he would wait until he woke up.

I'm not sure whether my guess is correct, but for people like Su Hui, reason is always overwhelmed by emotion, so he immediately dialed Ning Yixiao's number in the next second, but the line was busy and he couldn't get in touch. superior.

I checked the train ticket to Beibin on the Internet, and there was only one station to go to, so Su Hui didn't even think about it, and took a taxi directly to the train station.

On the first day of December, the sky was gray and white, and the crowd at the station weaved a huge swaying net, which made Su Hui suffocate.

Today was supposed to be the day when he went to the hospital for consultation. At ten o'clock in the morning, he should be waiting in the hospital to answer the doctor's questions.

But now he repeatedly dialed Ning Yixiao's number. He was in the crowd and was pushed forward. The rollers of countless suitcases made noisy rolling sounds on the ground, and the traces were pressed on Su Hui's anxious heart.

When he was about to collapse, the phone finally got through. Ning Yixiao's voice sounded normal, even a little too calm.

"Are you awake? Have you eaten?"

Su Hui heard the train information announcement on the other end of his phone, obviously in the waiting hall.

"I'm at the train station, here at the ticket office, which train are you on? I'll buy a ticket now and go in to find you."

He suppressed the panic in his voice, "I've already come in and queued up, where should I get off? Send it to me."

There was a pause on the phone, and after the pause, there was a faint sound like a sigh.

When he was about to be in line, Su Hui's cell phone vibrated, and there was a message from Ning Yixiao. He immediately reported to the staff at the window, but it was too late, and he only bought a standing ticket. Su Hui was very satisfied.

He finally entered the station and looked for Ning Yixiao in the large and crowded waiting hall. According to what he described on the phone, Su Hui saw him in the corner where drinking water was collected.

When Ning Yixiao looked up and saw him, she didn't smile, she didn't look that happy, but Su Hui still ran towards him.

He didn't ask Ning Yixiao why he didn't wake him up, nor what happened, but grabbed his wrist in the crowd, and quickly let go.

Ning Yixiao raised his hand and brushed his wind-torn hair, "Are you wearing too little clothes, and your face is flushed red?"

Su Hui looked at him, shook her head, and said that she was not cold at all.

Ning Yixiao didn't seem to want to take the initiative to talk about his own affairs. Su Hui didn't know anything and didn't want to force him. He glanced at the time and saw that the ticket would be checked soon.

"I woke up and found that you were gone. I was a little flustered." Su Hui opened his mouth hesitantly, and asked cautiously, "If I want to follow you, will you be unhappy?"

Ning Yixiao didn't answer right away, he looked at Su Hui, hooked the corner of his mouth, then lowered his eyes, "Of course not."

Su Hui could tell that he wasn't really smiling, but was just covering up something.

"It's not a good thing, Su Hui." Ning Yixiao said flatly, "Actually, I don't really want you to see it, but..."

He paused for a few seconds, not for thinking, but as if he couldn't finish the sentence in one breath.

"I might feel better if you stay with me."

Su Hui didn't know what happened, but wanted to hug him very much, so she did so, in the waiting hall where people were coming and going.

"I'll be with you no matter what happens."

He is a person who has no plans for the future, just like at this moment, in order to find Ning Yixiao as soon as possible, he left everything behind, didn't take any luggage, and came here alone.

Accompanying him into the car, finding a seat, Su Hui stood in the aisle, being squeezed by people coming and going.Only then did Ning Yixiao realize that what he bought was actually a standing ticket, so she got up and gave him the seat, but Su Hui refused.

"I'm not tired." Su Hui thumped her waist on purpose, "I didn't sleep well last night, and it's even more uncomfortable to sit, so just stand there."

No matter what Ning Yixiao said, Su Hui was unwilling and stood beside him very stubbornly, with his hands on his shoulders.

The journey was longer than he had imagined. It was the first time in Su Hui's life that he took a green leather train, only to realize that the train was going so slowly.

His consciousness suddenly pulled away, and he thought of some people lying on the rails.They lay on the hot railroad tracks, listening to the sound of ding ding and the roar of the train not far away, what were they thinking during this time?

Suddenly, he realized that this thought was dangerous, ordered himself to forget it, and turned his attention to Ning Yixiao.

Ning Yixiao was always in a daze, not saying a word.

But when he arrived at a certain station, he still got up and gave up his seat to Su Hui, "I want to stand there too."

For three hours, Su Hui had never stood for such a long time. He was sore all over, but still wanted to find a chance to change with Ning Yixiao, so he looked up at him from time to time and whispered to him.

In this exchange, they accompanied each other and survived a very difficult ten hours.

After getting off the bus and taking the bus, Su Hui leaned on Ning Yixiao's shoulder in a dizzy state, and had a terrifying dream that was difficult to describe in detail.When they woke up again, it was getting dark, and they finally arrived at their destination.

Ning Yixiao bought a bottle of water after leaving the station, unscrewed the lid and handed it to Su Hui, "Tired?"

Su Hui took the water, took a big gulp, smiled and shook her head, saying she wasn't tired at all.

He followed Ning Yixiao every step of the way, only holding hands with him.This is a small town that Su Hui has never heard of. The houses are all short, electric cars are everywhere, and there is no urban planning at all.It was only five o'clock in the afternoon, and there were not many people on the street. Su Hui was a little hungry, but she didn't make a sound.

"Have you been here before?" He pressed Ning Yixiao's arm and asked softly.

Ning Yixiao shook his head, "It's my first time here."

the first time?

Su Hui didn't quite understand, he just intuitively felt Ning Yixiao's bad mood, but there was nothing he could do.

"Where are we going now?" he asked again.

Ning Yixiao stood in the wind, silent for a long time, standing under an old bus stop sign, he finally waited for a bus, took Su Hui's arm up, and said, "The police station."

Before Su Hui figured out all this, they had already arrived.

After a whole day, finally there is a place where Su Hui is not the first time.He recalled when he was the most unstable teenager, when he was taken to the police station three times in a row in one month, one time when he was drunk and fell on the road, one time when he disappeared, his family called the police, and another time was self-harm.

It was not a very good thing, so he didn't tell Ning Yixiao.

The policeman at the reception communicated with Ning Yixiao for a few words, then gave him paper materials for registration, and finally led him in.

"Don't go in." Ning Yixiao held Su Hui's forearm, using more strength than usual, as if showing some kind of determination.

"Just wait for me outside." He didn't raise his eyes.

Su Hui didn't quite understand, but still respected Ning Yixiao's decision.

"Okay, I'll just sit there." He pointed back to a row of chairs in the hall, "I'll wait for you."

Ning Yixiao nodded, turned around and followed the police without saying a word.

The waiting time was unbearable. Su Hui's cell phone was about to run out of battery, so he turned it off and watched the fading sky outside through the gate of the police station.

It suddenly occurred to him that when he went to visit his mother in the hospital, she said that in fact, she didn't like being arranged by her family for love and marriage, so she chose by herself every time, but it seemed that she didn't always choose the right one.

Su Hui asked her if she had any regrets after marrying her father, Ji Yanan was silent for a moment, frankly a little cruel.

She said that the time when his father was sick was the time when she regretted the most. At that time, she wondered every day why God was so cruel, since she wanted to separate them, why did she let them meet.When she thought that Su Hui's father would leave one day, she could hardly live on.

Listening to Su Hui, she felt scary and real, especially what her mother said at the end - it was easy for him to leave, but it was too painful for the living.

His thoughts have been jumping frequently recently, thinking of death very frequently.Sometimes I suddenly imagine the picture of myself dying, or a sentence or two that is suitable for writing in a suicide note appears in my mind, obviously I am in a manic period, and I am obviously very happy.

Su Hui can only keep convincing himself that he can live a good life, this disease is nothing, as long as he loves Ning enough for a night, he will be able to overcome everything, so he stays with him all the time.

He won't let Ning Yixiao suffer like that, no.

Many things can come true if you think too much. At this moment, Su Hui became very idealistic, hoping that everything can develop according to his own will. He doesn't care about science or correctness, he just wants Ning to be happy overnight.

When Ning Yixiao came out, he was as cold as a dead tree in the snow.

It was the first time Su Hui saw that his eyes were red, as if he was gritting his teeth, otherwise he wouldn't be able to walk out at all.

He immediately stepped forward, wanting to hug Ning Yixiao, but he refused the hug.

"Son, sign again." The elderly policeman handed over the pen and looked at Ning Yixiao with unbearable eyes, so he added, "My condolences."

These two words hit Su Hui's face like a bolt from the blue.

He grabbed Ning Yixiao's arm and looked at his side face helplessly.

Ning Yixiao didn't shed a single tear until the end, signed hastily, looked up, and asked calmly, "When can the cremation process be done?"

"I've already gone through the identification process. You can notify the funeral home tomorrow morning to pick it up. If it's not convenient for you, it can be later."

"Be early." Ning Yixiao said, "I only have two days off."

In this way, they left the police station.Su Hui walked side by side with him in the dark street, the street lights cast a long shadow.He didn't know what to say, and wanted to comfort Ning Yixiao very much, after thinking about it for a long time, he only asked "Can we hold hands".

Ning Yixiao didn't speak, Su Hui took the initiative to hold his cold hand, he didn't hide or shake it off, Su Hui took it as his acquiescence, and held it tightly.

"Your hands are so cold." Su Hui looked up at him, "Is it cold? Let's go eat something."

Ning Yixiao shook his head, seemingly walking aimlessly, but took him to a hotel in the town.

All the facilities here are very old, and when you walk in, you will smell the unpleasant smell of cigarettes that lingers for a long time.The wooden cabinet at the front desk has been so damaged that a large piece of paint has fallen off, and the wood veneer will fall off as soon as it is peeled off.

A middle-aged woman was sitting behind a high counter, and was watching noisy short videos on her mobile phone, the voice was so loud that she couldn't hear anything, she was also giggling, as if she was very happy.

With no other place to go, Ning Yixiao opened his mouth anyway.

"Open a twin room."

Hearing about the twin room, Su Hui glanced at Ning Yixiao, but said nothing.

The woman raised her head, looked at his face, greeted him with a smile, and quickly went through the process for him, handing over an old door card with oil stains on it.

Su Hui glanced at the card, and took it by herself, without letting Ning Yixiao take it.

They followed the prompts to go up to the second floor, the floor would make a sound when they stepped on it, the doors were very close to each other, and their room was at the innermost.When I opened the door, there was a smell of sewer pipes, it was cold and damp, there was only one TV in the room, and the windows were small and covered by yellow curtains.The bed is also small, with a mahogany cabinet between the two.

After closing the door, Su Hui hugged Ning Yixiao in a very full hug.

This time Ning Yixiao didn't refuse, but he almost didn't respond, his body was stiff, without the usual warmth.

Su Hui could only rely on listening to his heartbeat to maintain emotional stability. He was very afraid of Ning Yixiao's silence, but he knew that at this moment, Ning Yixiao could give nothing but silence.

Even though he only experienced the superficial layer, he only saw the tip of the iceberg that Ning Yixiao saw, and he didn't understand anything about the succession and transformation, but he still felt very painful.

Suddenly, what my mother said came out again, like a wound that hadn't healed well, with pus and blood gushing out.

[It was easy when he was gone, but it was too painful to be alive. ]

Will not.

Su Hui said to herself.

He will not disappear, will not leave, and will not leave Ning Yixiao alone in this world.

Su Hui's mania and depression have long been divided into two poles, no one can understand the other, and the promises made in any period can't be counted. In the mania period, he decided to enjoy the beauty of life. The next second, after being dominated by depression, he felt that only death was the right thing to do. The most eternal beauty.

His promises are cheap, never counted, not even worth saying.

So he only dared to say emptyly, "Ning Yixiao, don't be sad, okay?"

In fact, Ning Yixiao didn't act sad at all, he patted Su Hui on the back, and after hugging and parting, he went to wash his hands alone.

When he came out, he said to Su Hui, "Thank you for accompanying me, there is no better hotel here, just stay for one night, and you should be able to go back tomorrow night."

Su Hui nodded, and he asked carefully, "Can I hug you to sleep today?"

Ning Yixiao seemed to feel that he was a little pitiful, frowned and nodded.

Only after getting permission, Su Hui squeezed into his bed.With only one desk lamp turned on, Su Hui embraced Ning Yixiao's restlessness and fragility, taking good care of her.

It is actually very difficult to restrain one's desire to express during the manic period. Su Hui spent a long time of willpower to keep herself quiet and quietly accompany Ning Yixiao for fear of making him even more sad.

Ning Yixiao buried her head in his chest, breathing heavily.Just when Su Hui raised his hand to turn off the light, he stopped him.

"Don't turn it off."

After Ning Yixiao made a sound, he was silent for a few seconds, and said softly, "Su Hui, my mother is gone."

"She was almost unrecognizable, but I saw her hands, she had only four fingers on one hand."

His voice was a little choked, and Su Hui's heart was completely broken.

Apart from hugging him, Su Hui found that she couldn't give Ning Yixiao any more comfort, couldn't say anything that would make him happy, and couldn't do anything to make him feel warm.

It feels like a pain.

Ning Yixiao didn't speak anymore.They hardly slept that night, Su Hui fell asleep at the end of the night, only slept for ten minutes, but had a long, long dream.

The dream is gloomy, but very real, not too different from what happened today.In his perspective, he seemed to have disappeared, only Ning Yixiao got off the bus, walked along the gray sidewalk, and entered a cold door. The person inside the door told Ning Yixiao that he needed to identify someone .

So Ning Yixiao went in. The room was so cold that Su Hui felt uncomfortable all over. He saw a person lying down, covered with a white cloth.Ning Yixiao stretched out his hand and pulled the fabric away.

The person who died was Su Hui herself.

He suddenly woke up with sweat on his forehead and turned his head. There was no one on the bed.Su Hui sat up, at this moment, the door opened from the outside, and Ning Yixiao walked in.

He was holding a small bag of steamed buns in his hand, and he had already put on a new set of clothes, all black.

Su Hui's heart was still beating violently, and he was very uneasy. He slowly put on yesterday's old clothes, dark green sweater and bright blue jacket, and put them on one by one, then his hands suddenly stopped, he realized It was very inappropriate, and he looked at Ning Yixiao helplessly.

"I... I didn't bring any black clothes, do you still have any?"

Ning Yixiao shook his head, "It's okay, it's just the two of us, she won't mind."

This sentence made Su Hui even more uncomfortable.

He couldn't eat anything, so in order to make Ning Yixiao feel better, he forced a steamed stuffed bun. In the shaking bus, his stomach became more and more nauseous.

Everything went so fast that it seemed like he was in a hurry. It was the fastest and least ritualistic funeral that Su Hui had ever experienced.They went to the funeral home and met another family who came to be cremated at the same time. There were many of them, and everyone was very sentimental and had tears in their eyes.

In contrast, Ning Yixiao looked indifferent and lonely, as quiet as an outsider.

It wasn't the first time Su Hui came to the funeral parlor. He had guarded the coffin when he was a teenager. When he came here, he thought of his father instead.

Omitting the process of being placed in the coffin, they just waited for a while, and then the staff came out and gave Ning Yixiao a small jar of ashes.

Human beings are really light, Su Hui thought, no matter whether they are dead or alive, in the whole universe, they are not as good as a speck of dust, which disappears as soon as it disappears.

"I want to take her back to the village." Ning Yixiao said, "You can wait for me here, or..."

"I want to go with you." Su Hui was very firm.

After a three-hour drive, the big car turned into a small car, Ning Yixiao put the urn in a sealed bag and kept it in his arms all the time.

On the way, the police gave him a new call, telling him that he could pick up his mother's belongings or mail them, and Ning Yixiao chose the latter.

He didn't know what the relic contained, and he didn't really want to see it.

It looked like it was going to snow outside the car window, but it never did. When we arrived at the entrance of the village, it was raining a little outside.It was cold outside, so Su Hui took off her gray scarf and forced Ning Yixiao to put it on.

The village is very quiet. In this remote place, the evil is well hidden, as if nothing bad has ever happened, and everything is peaceful and peaceful.

This is the first time Ning Yixiao has come back since he was admitted to high school. It seems that he has changed a lot, but there is not much deviation from his memory.

Su Hui followed him and walked in along the gravel road. The houses here are not very close to each other, most of them are scattered, and the sea is not far away.

Ning Yixiao actually thought about it, Su Hui liked the sea so much, he must take him to see the beautiful sea, but the world is tricky, never thought that the first time he came to the seaside with him, it was this place, like a ruthless closed loop of fate.

Relying on his memory, he returned to the house where he lived with his mother.The house has become more dilapidated than I remembered, many tiles have fallen off, and the red paint splashed by debt collectors is still left on the stone walls.

In the past, he had lost the keys to the house a long time ago, but Ning Yixiao guessed that his mother might put a spare one under the fish bucket at the door like in the past, so he squatted down and touched it, but it was as expected.

Just as he stood up to open the door, a very old woman with gray hair passed by, holding a large basin of dried pike in her hand.

"Hey! It's Xiao Xiao!"

Ning Yixiao no longer remembered who she was, just watched without answering.

"Really, I've grown so tall, I haven't seen you for a long time!" She moved closer, with a smile on her face, "Your mother came back a few days ago, what a coincidence, are you all okay now?" .”

Su Hui was stunned for a moment, then looked at Ning Yixiao, only to see that he was silent for a moment, and replied lightly, "It's good."

The other party was not enthusiastic when he saw him, and he didn't say much, and left after saying a few homely things.

Ning Yixiao pushed the door open, and a lot of dust fell from the door frame. He waved his hand to let Su Hui in.

There is almost no place to stay in the house, dust is everywhere, think about it, it has been three years since she disappeared.He tidied up a chair and came out, wiped it several times with paper to make sure it was clean, and then let Su Hui sit down.

Su Hui still wanted to follow him around, but he pushed him down, "Hey, I know you're tired."

After finishing speaking, Ning Yixiao walked into the kitchen, he felt very strange, according to his mother's frugal habit before, as long as she was not at home, the electricity must be cut off, why the kitchen light is turned on now.

Everything in the kitchen is very old, as are the electrical appliances. The refrigerator is a model that is about to be eliminated, and it makes a lot of operating noise.

The fridge was also on.

Ning Yixiao walked over, opened the refrigerator, there was nothing on it, it was empty, he bent down, opened the freezer below, opened the first compartment, and suddenly froze.

Inside was a white plastic bag with a note [black sesame flavor] pasted on it.

Ning Yixiao took it out, opened it, and found that it was full of Yuanxiao.

He opened another compartment, which also contained a large bag labeled [Peanut Flavor], and the third compartment was [Red Bean Paste].

These are Ning Yixiao's three favorite flavors.

As if there was some kind of telepathy, Su Hui who was sitting outside suddenly ran in and asked, "What's wrong?"

Ning Yixiao said: "It's okay, I suddenly found out that my mother had frozen Yuanxiao in the refrigerator."

He turned around, found the bowls and chopsticks in the kitchen, washed them together with the pot, boiled the water, and spoke in a very calm tone while doing things, "My mother doesn't know how to cook a lot, especially seafood. It's fishy no matter how you do it, and I don't like to eat it."

"But she is very good at wrapping yuanxiao. Some people have praised that the yuanxiao she made is better than those sold outside. I like to eat it too. Every time I am unhappy or do well in the exam, my mother will Cook some Yuanxiao for me, sometimes deep-fried, it’s delicious no matter how you do it.”

When the water boiled, he picked a few to go in, closed the lid, turned his back to Su Hui, and stared at the stains on the wall.

"I have always felt that there is no meaning to life. I am just looking for meaning for myself. For example, I want to stand out, escape from them, and achieve success, preferably a huge success, to prove the meaning of my existence.

And my mother, the meaning of her life is for my biological father, to prove that I love him and can love him for the rest of my life, so the whole life is very hard. "

Su Hui walked over and hugged him from behind, "Ning Yixiao..."

Ning Yixiao suddenly smiled, "Actually, I really hate this name. She told me when I was very young that my father is a very good person. She really loves him very much and can give up everything for him, even if it's just Spend one night with him, and feel that this life is worthwhile. Ning Yixiao, one night, isn't it ironic?"

The so-called "extremely good people" abandoned them without any regrets and never appeared again.

Su Hui wept quietly behind his back, he wanted to say that it wasn't just one night, neither of them.

The glutinous rice balls in the water floated up and down, Ning Yixiao touched Su Hui's hand, motioned for him to let go, and filled up the glutinous rice balls by himself, each with a bowl, and the two of them sat facing each other and ate quietly.

Just after taking a bite, Ning Yixiao was burned and cried.

He cried like a child and was taken in by Su Hui.

Suddenly, Ning Yixiao thought of what the police said yesterday.

He said that before the fire accident, the neighbors next door had heard the two quarreling. The focus of the conflict was Ning Yixiao. His stepfather had threatened his future and graduation and asked his mother to ask him for money.

In less than a week, something happened.

Just when he was really about to get ahead, just a second before dawn, his mother still left.

Until this moment, Ning Yixiao never doubted her mother's love for her. If it wasn't for him to settle down, she didn't need to marry Zhang Kai, and she didn't need to find a father for him.She might not have thought that Zhang Kai, who was honest and honest at first, would become a devil.

It's like she never imagined that at the end of her life, she still has not waited for the person she has loved all her life.

Ning Yixiao regretted it very much, very much.

I shouldn't really give up looking for her just because I feel abandoned. I'm obviously hiding in a town in the same province, and I'm looking for her one by one. In three years, I should be able to find her.

But those who really want to hide, there is always a way to disappear.

Mother is as beautiful as a colored bubble, dancing in the dark and breaking at dawn.

Before leaving, Ning Yixiao took Su Hui to see the sea.

The color of the sky that day was as bad as the back of a dead blue trevally. It was black and covered with a strange blue.

He told Su Hui, "She said before that if she dies, she wants me to scatter her ashes into the sea, so that she will float far away. The sea is flowing, and she will slowly go to every place in the world." In the corner, maybe she will meet the person she wants to see."

Ning Yixiao didn't believe it, but she still did as she said. When she swayed, even the wind assisted her and flew away with her dust.

He said silently in his heart: I will bring the person I like to see you, you can rest assured.

Then, he said: Don't be my mother in the next life, don't wait, just be a happy person.

After it was over, Ning Yixiao turned around and hugged Su Hui, the sea breeze almost blew his voice into fragments.

"Su Hui, it's almost my birthday."

"I know." Su Hui raised his head and boldly kissed his chin, "December 12th."

"how do you know?"

Su Hui's eyes were red, but she was still very pretty, "I've seen your resume, so I remembered it."

He hugged Ning Yixiao very tightly, "December has arrived, how do you want to spend it?"

"do not know."

Ning Yixiao actually never liked birthdays, because he always hoped that he would not be born, that he would not exist.

But now, he thought, maybe Mom was everywhere, and she would probably be relieved to see him having a happy birthday.

And it's different now, he met Su Hui, and he was glad that he existed in this world.

"Give me a birthday present." Ning Yixiao touched his forehead, "I want it."

During the two days of great changes, Su Hui finally mustered up the courage to kiss his lips.

"Well, I'll make you a great birthday present, okay?"