Manhattanhenge

During the week of living with Ning Yixiao, Su Hui clearly felt that her uncontrollable emotions gradually recovered.

He is no longer as numb and negative as he was some time ago, and he can also receive some emotions from the outside world.Even when facing Ning Yixiao, he would laugh from time to time, which was something Su Hui never dared to expect in the previous Yu Qi.

He thinks he is like a clumsy thief, constantly stealing warmth from Ning Yixiao, but he is not greedy, a little bit can get through the night.

However, the day he least wants to face every year is getting closer and closer.This recovery also gradually turned into an inaccurate panic, as if he would step on the ground and fall into a bottomless pit if he took a few steps forward.

Every few days, he would subconsciously and extremely resist taking medicine and treatment.

Su Hui has set an alarm clock for herself to take medicine every day, to remind herself who is always procrastinating at regular intervals, but in the past few days, the alarm clock has no effect.

On a very ordinary day, New York was overcast and rainy. It was already eleven o'clock in the morning, but the sky outside was still leaden gray, and thick clouds settled down and pressed on the sky.

Ning Yixiao left early and sent him a message before leaving.

[Ning Yixiao: There are sandwiches on the table. I'm going to meet some investors, and I may not be back at noon. Eat well by yourself. ]

Su Hui saw the news, but did not reply. On this day, his condition became extremely bad, and he suddenly fell from the mountainside to the bottom of the valley.I thought that this long and difficult marathon could finally see the dawn of the end, but suddenly everything was ruined, and the end became nowhere in sight again.

He watched helplessly as the alarm clock to remind him to take the medicine went off, was ignored, and then went off after a few minutes, as if he was caught in a bad time loop and could not be rescued.

Without the restraint of drugs, the control of emotions dropped drastically. Su Hui experienced insomnia all night, unable to leave the room during the day, just lying on the ground, unable to get up.

Thoughts are like soaking in ice water, paralyzed by the low temperature.The time was stretched so long, Su Hui would occasionally think of Ning Yixiao, but most of them were from the past, thinking of him hugging her, stroking his cheeks and body tenderly.With some false expectations, at certain moments, Su Hui hoped that she would get better, but most of the time, she prayed in her heart that Ning Yixiao would stay away from her.

He is a mental patient. He once hurt Ning Yixiao decisively. Knowing that he hates being abandoned the most, he still made such a bad choice, and he may continue to hurt him in the future.

At noon, Su Hui was still lying on the floor, listening to her heartbeat quietly.

The mobile phone was placed by the bed, it seemed to ring many times, it was the trace of being called, but he couldn't pay attention to it.Ice Cream also called him outside the door again and again, trying to open the door, but Su Hui heard it, but there was nothing she could do.

It wasn't until he heard the ice cream hitting the door that his emotions started to fluctuate, so he struggled to get up on the floor, walked over and opened the door after a lot of effort.

The ice cream jumped into his arms almost instantly, knocking Su Hui to the ground due to too much strength.

He felt pain, but he couldn't tell the exact location, so he just buried his head in the ice cream's neck and shed tears quietly.

"You came to see me." After a long time, Su Hui whispered, "Isn't it?"

Ice Cream whined and raised its front paws, as if it would really hug.

Su Hui's brain flooded with many unpleasant memories in an instant. Many memories that he thought he could get rid of, and should have gotten rid of, almost overwhelmed him.

He felt breathless, and the time passed by, and the ice cream was always with him.

"I'm missing, I'll write to you." He began to say something very illogical to the ice cream, like a real mental patient, "Would you read it?"

Ice Cream yelled twice, as if in response.

Su Hui's thoughts were divided into two parts, one half of him felt absurd, and the other half was very helpless, as if he had returned to himself six years ago.

"What you don't understand...you will throw it away."

Ice Cream let out a pitiful whimper, and stopped making any noise, just sniffing the scent of Su Hui silently, rubbing the wet tip of her nose against his neck.

The phone rang again, loudly beside the bed.Ice Cream's tail stood up and felt the ringtone, so she left Su Hui's embrace, ran to pick up the phone, and handed it to Su Hui.

Only then did he have to face everything in the outside world.

Liang Wen's name was displayed on the interface. Su Hui was silent for a moment, but still got connected. He didn't want to put the phone to his ear, so he turned on the speakerphone and put the phone on the floor.

After being explicitly rejected by him, Liang Wen voluntarily retreated to a safe social range. He knew that Su Hui needed company, and more importantly, freedom.

But this time when I called, the intention was very clear.

"You haven't received treatment for a long time. I specifically asked Dr. Dorsey. Since you came back from Seattle, you haven't made an appointment for consultation. Did you finish the medicine he prescribed last time?"

Su Hui was very quiet, and it took a long time before she said, "No."

"Did you eat on time?"

Su Hui used silence instead of answering.

At the same time, Ning Yixiao rejected the investor's lunch invitation and rushed back early.As soon as he opened the door, Ning Yixiao heard Su Hui talking and Liang Wen's voice through the stereo.

Xue Ge was keenly aware of his existence and rushed out of Su Hui's room.

Ning Yixiao stood in the entrance, made a gesture of silencing the ice cream, then gently closed the door, took off his coat, picked up the ice cream he bought, and walked in step by step.

"Eddy, I know, you have a tough time of year and you're biologically resistant to treatment, I'm all too aware of that, but you know what? It's going to pass quickly, and you can be like last year or the year before. It went through just as smoothly.”

Su Hui's voice sounded completely different from yesterday, as if he had fallen into an emotional collapse again.

"I... I just don't want to think about that again."

"No, you need to have a good chat with someone now, give me the address, and I'll pick you up."

Su Hui fell into silence.

Ning Yixiao stood where he was, listening to these conversations quietly.He knew that he should avoid it out of etiquette, but he couldn't.

The conversation between Su Hui and Liang Wen seems to have set up a barrier, like the interaction between special users. With Ning Yixiao's current level, even if he receives the information, it is like ciphertext.

He glanced at the time, January 1th, he didn't know what this date meant to Su Hui, and why he fell into pain because of this period of time.

Ning Yixiao once again realized that in Su Hui's life, what he occupied and participated in was only a few short months, so short that he didn't even survive January 1 of that year.

Ning Yixiao did not participate in many important parts of Su Hui's life, and had no way of knowing.Many people know better than him, and it is easier than him to get Su Hui's attention and concern.

He knew that he couldn't be the most important person to Su Hui for the time being, and he couldn't help and treat him like a doctor. He couldn't do much, and it wasn't good either.

"No, I don't want to..."

After nearly half a minute, Su Hui finally refused.

"You can't do this, it's dangerous to go on like this."

Su Hui just repeated, "I don't want to."

He hung up the phone cruelly, and chose to turn off the phone indifferently.Seeing Liang Wen, he also thought of doctors and hospitals, and then had severe rumination.

He has survived every winter, Su Hui is not afraid, he often thinks that it is not necessary to survive to have a good ending.

But now it's different, he saw Ning Yixiao and had another chance to get along with him, Su Hui felt a little bit reluctant.

Just when he was thinking this way, Ning Yixiao suddenly appeared at his door, like an absurd daydream, he was wearing a cold formal suit, but he was holding an extremely inappropriate ice cream bag in his hand, softly call him by name.

"Eat ice cream?"

Su Hui's eyes and the tip of his nose were red, and his face lacked blood.He put his hands on the ground and tried to stand up, but found that he couldn't.

"I……"

Ning Yixiao didn't wait, he stepped forward, stretched out a hand, and pulled Su Hui up.

Holding hands for only a few seconds made Su Hui feel sad.

He knew that his current state must look terrible, but he still couldn't refuse Ning Yixiao's invitation, and followed him to the living room. Ning Yixiao sat on the sofa, while he chose to sit on the wool carpet.

Ning Yixiao turned up the temperature of the air conditioner in the living room, then took out a chocolate-flavored ice cream and handed it to Su Hui along with a spoon, while she untied her tie and leaned on the sofa to watch him eat.

Su Hui took a sip, his numb tongue dullly perceived sweetness and bitterness, belatedly, he found that Ning Yixiao hadn't eaten, so he looked at the other box in the bag.

Ning Yixiao quickly said, "This is yours too."

Su Hui listened, lowered his eyes, and shook his head slowly, "I can't eat..."

"Then freeze it." Ning Yixiao gave Su Hui a little tolerance and comfort with a slight smile in his voice, "This store will be closed tomorrow, so if you buy an extra box, there will be no shortage tomorrow."

The tip of Su Hui's nose was sore, he frowned, trying not to shed tears in front of Ning Yixiao, and quietly ate ice cream bite by bite.

"You didn't eat the sandwich I made for you." Ning Yixiao asked him in an affirmative tone.

Su Hui reacted very slowly. She glanced at the dining table, then turned her head and looked at Ning Yixiao with the look of doing something wrong.

Ning Yixiao didn't care, and smiled, "It's just right, let's eat together, I didn't have lunch either."

He got up, brought over the prepared avocado egg sandwich and vegetable juice, and put them on the tea table. This time, he also sat on the carpet, and asked Su Hui casually, "Do you want to watch a movie?"

Su Hui looked at him with confusion in his eyes.

"I'm a little tired today." Ning Yixiao leaned on the pillow, "It's annoying to talk to those people. It's raining and traffic jams today. It seems that things are not going well, so I want to watch a movie."

He looked at Su Hui, with a hint of inadvertent bewitchment in his tone, "Let's go together."

Ning Yixiao didn't mention the matter just now at all, and also showed that he didn't care about his state, treating him like the day before yesterday, instead of treating him as a patient who was repeatedly defeated by depression.

He seems to really consider himself a friend.

Water mist gradually formed in front of Su Hui's eyes.

He spurned his own weakness, obviously wanted to hide, not to disturb Ning Yixiao's life, but finally lost to his attachment.

Unable to answer the question, Su Hui just nodded lightly.

In fact, Ning Yixiao didn't know much about movies, and he wasn't that interested. He even thought it was a waste of time, so he never watched movies when he was alone.But in the past, Su Hui always wanted to watch movies with him, which seemed to make him happier than many dating activities.

However, Su Hui, who was watching the movie, was serious but not serious. Sometimes he would pull him to say a lot of literary and philosophical points of view, and sometimes he just came over suddenly, hugged him, kissed and teased him.

So Ning Yixiao didn't remember the ending of most of the movies he watched with him.

Subconsciously, he wanted to find a movie they had seen to watch with Su Hui, trying to tease him, but suddenly remembered the conversation between Su Hui and Liang Wen just now, and gave up instead.He was afraid that making Su Hui think too much of the past would make him sad.

"This seems to be a new movie. It won an award. I don't know what to do." Ning Yixiao clicked play, picked up the sandwich, and handed it to Su Hui.

Su Hui ate a few mouthfuls very slowly, but he didn't notice it when it touched his mouth. His eyes were fixed on the screen, and many psychedelic lights were projected on his face. It was so beautiful that Ning Yixiao unconsciously thought that they had just met. look.

Su Hui suddenly turned his face and asked slowly, "Can you turn on all the lights?"

Ning Yixiao took a look at the room, it was indeed very dark, but it was also suitable for watching movies.

"Of course." He turned on the lights remotely with his mobile phone, "Are these enough?"

Su Hui, like a child, struggled to speak, but was very stubborn, "Open everything...is that okay?"

Ning Yixiao did so without asking why, just looking at Su Hui.

Aware of being stared at, Su Hui turned his face away and blinked his red eyes.

"You have avocado puree on your mouth." Ning Yixiao easily found an excuse, and also pointed casually.

Su Hui was a little embarrassed, stuck out the tip of her tongue, licked it tentatively, and glanced at Ning Yixiao, as if trying to find an answer from his face.

Ning Yixiao was about to reach out his hand, but he still came to his senses, and without pointing too much, he directly took out a piece of paper and handed it to him.

Su Hui took the tissue, wiped the corners of her mouth, and continued to watch the movie intently.

A whole night of insomnia consumed his energy, and he fell into a coma again. The long and single long shot of the film, the soothing piano and the drowsy southern French summer in the picture all hypnotized his consciousness until He gradually closed his eyes.

Ning Yixiao soon realized that Su Hui was asleep, turned his head to the side, and saw him leaning on the pillow, holding a small ball of tissue in his hand.

He lowered the volume, and waited until he confirmed that Su Hui was fast asleep, then moved the coffee table between them, unfolded a thick blanket, and covered Su Hui.

He gently opened Su Hui's fingers, and took out the used tissue ball from his palm.In the next second, Su Hui's hand was on his, and he half clasped his fingertips.

This made Ning Yixiao really want to hold his hand, but felt it was not the time yet.When Su Hui fell asleep, his shoulders would occasionally tremble slightly, so he would reach out and pat him on the back.

Towards the end of the movie, they missed the plot again.Even though this time I neither kissed Su Hui nor did anything more outrageous, just stayed by his side and looked at his sleeping face quietly, I felt safer than ever.

It didn't matter which endings he missed, he could rewatch them all for himself if he wanted to know.But if Su Hui is still by his side, Ning Yixiao thought, he would rather waste time and know nothing.