First Love[BTS]

Min Yoongi finally applied to Korea Global Network University, which was the best choice for him.

On the night of March 3, he sat by the Han River, listening to the rushing water, and opened a can of beer with one hand.He didn't know how long he had been drinking, but when he felt a little drunk, a person sat down beside him.He didn't need to look back to know who it was, and quickly pressed the man's hand that was reaching for the beer: "You are not yet of age."

Min Qianjie took it with the other hand: "I am an adult in China."

Min Yoongi thought about it with his already dull brain, and felt that this was the reason, so he clinked glasses with him very smoothly and naturally: "Do it!"

Min Qianjie: "...Are you drunk?"

Min Yoongi ignored him, and drank the wine by himself, his Adam's apple rolled up and down, and the wine slipped from the corner of his lips.

Min Qianjie sighed, raised his head and drank with him.The cold wind was blowing, but probably because of the fever from drinking, both of them took off their coats, and they only wore thick sweaters, and you drank one can after another.

"Qianjie." When Min Qianjie felt a little over the top, Min Yoongi called him softly, and the empty beer can was slightly deformed in his hand.They sat back to back, and Min Yoongi slid down a bit, leaning on Min Qianjie's back more comfortably: "I went to a university to make my debut in the future, won't people criticize me by graduating from high school?"

Min Qianjie didn't speak, obviously thinking of what Fang Shixuan said when he was talking to Min Yoongi about his studies.

"Family background, education, interpersonal relationship," Min Yoongi took a deep breath, with confusion in his tone that he didn't even realize, "So they are all things that package us?"

"Isn't it?" Min Qianjie closed his eyes, "This is idol."

"So I was thinking, why should I be an idol? I want to sing my songs, and I can do it by continuing to be an underground rapper, and no one cares about things other than music."

Min Qianjie smiled: "You know why you still ask me."

Min Yoongi slapped him backhand: "Cooperate with me and die?" The slap on the body was light, and there was no pain at all, and the two laughed together.

Because that's the price you pay for going from underground to aboveground.

"Have you met your former friends?" Min Qianjie asked him suddenly.

Min Yoongi snorted, "What kind of friends are they?"

Min Qianjie: "That's what I met."

Min Yoongi: "..." Sure enough, drinking is harmful.

"I don't need to ask to know what they said to you." Min Qianjie drank the last sip of wine and opened another can, "It's nothing more than talking about their ridiculous original intentions."

"That's a good guess." Min Yoongi smiled mockingly, "After talking for a long time, I still feel inferior."

"No one is unwilling to switch from underground to above ground, but I chose a way for them to attack better."

"You know it yourself, so why come here to drink and drink." Min Qianjie touched his head with his backhand, "Be careful thinking too much about getting bald at a young age."

"Don't curse me." Min Yoongi patted his hand away, "I just want to convince myself that I am right and they are wrong."

"Then have you convinced now?" Min Qianjie looked back at him, only seeing the messy back of his head.

Min Yoongi was silent.Obviously not yet, because I used to be one of the underground rappers who looked down on idols.

"Forget it, I will figure it out one day." Min Yoongi stood up staggeringly, and Min Qianjie suddenly lost support behind him and fell to the ground, pouring all the wine in his hand on his face.

"Min Yoongi!!" Min Qianjie rubbed the back of his painful head, "Have you lost your brain after drinking wine!?"

Min Yoongi turned his head and raised his eyebrows at him provocatively, took a plastic bag and swept the scattered empty wine cans into the bag, and whistled.Facing the night wind, the two ran one after the other along the Han River. Halfway through the run, they were tired and walked back to the dormitory together with their shoulders crossed.

The light in the living room was warm and yellow, it was the lamp Jin Shuozhen left for them.When changing shoes, Min Yoongi saw the warm yellow light in the dark, and his heart, which had been floating all day, suddenly settled down.

Anyway, he thought, as long as we are together, I can always find the answer.What did that Chinese poem say?He turned his head to look at Min Qianjie's quiet profile, and he looked even less real under the light.Min Qianjie walked into the bedroom lightly, in order not to wake up his elder brother and younger brother, he took the quilt and spread it on the sofa, took off his coat and waved to Min Yoongi.

Oh, remembered.

This peace of mind is my hometown.

Except that the two of them woke up with colds the next day and were trained by the elder brother for 10 minutes, it can be said to be perfect.Min Qianjie also felt that everything was over, and concentrated on preparing for the college entrance examination, tossing and turning in the sea of ​​questions and exercises every day.

Min Yoongi suffered from depression, and Min Qianjie knew about it.But since the two met, Min Yoongi has never shown any tendency to depression, and Min Qianjie also feels that he has recovered.But depression is a thing, as long as it is over, it is basically impossible to recover. It is a super hidden danger when the mood is ups and downs. People who look good will suddenly become extremely depressed.

It was too late when Min Yoongi realized that he was not in the right state.These years are not without relapse, but every time he wants to self-harm, he will force himself to stay where Min Qianjie is, watching him cook, do questions, practice, and sleep, and calm down slowly. Feeling so stupid that no big deal is worth hurting yourself.But now he was riding on a motorcycle, driving on the busy road, and there was a forest of steel as far as he could see, and Min Qianjie was not by his side.

He forced himself to focus, but the negativity came in like a tidal wave, overwhelming him.There seemed to be a trumpet sound behind him, but his ears seemed to be blocked, and he could hear it very vaguely, and the oncoming wind made him unable to open his eyes.

When he regained consciousness, he was already lying on the ground, his left shoulder was so painful that it was numb.

Is it broken?He thought in a daze, another job is gone.

More and more people gathered around, the truck driver stood aside anxiously, took a wad of money and stuffed it into his arms, told him that he would send him to the hospital, and asked him not to pursue responsibility.

What else can I pursue?That pile of money stabbed his eyes, can I still have that money to go to court?He couldn't even say no, because he needed the money, and without a job he needed it too much.

The moment he took it, he no longer had the energy to distinguish whether the eyes of the onlookers were full of contempt, because he could feel the ridiculous self-esteem he had been holding on to shattered to the ground.

He didn't go to the hospital first, he went back to work first, and explained the situation while clutching his broken shoulder.The boss was kind enough, he didn't ask him to pay for the motorcycle, he just asked him not to use it in the future.

He suddenly didn't want to go to the hospital.Standing in the middle of the road, looking at the pedestrians walking around him, they can know how embarrassed he is.He used to be a carefree young man, not to mention how good his family was, but he could still buy him a piano to support his music dream.At that time, he was not yet depressed, and his biggest worry every day was fighting wits with his teacher. Today, his brother robbed him of his favorite sashimi.

Does the so-called dream really require me to pay so much?Unknowingly, he walked back to the dormitory, and just a few years passed before his eyes.Do I really think it's worth it?He saw the kitchen knife hanging on the knife rack, and walked in by a ghost.I paid for my family and my health, what did I get?

It's just a promise that may not even make a debut.The words of those so-called "friends" rang harshly in my mind a few days ago.You see, he picked up that knife, and now anyone can look down on you.With broken shoulders, isn't the dream of debut even more out of reach?Min Yoongi, oh Min Yoongi, how can you live like a joke?

He looked at his tearful face reflected in the snow-white knife face, smiled and pressed the knife on his wrist, and once again opened the fuzzy wound on his wrist that had healed up in the past two years.

"Min Yoongi!" A panicked and angry voice rang in his ears, his hand was empty, and the blood-stained knife was taken away.

It's Qianjie, Min Yoongi looked up at him, still smiling.Seeing me so real and embarrassed, will you still stay by my side?Sorry, I am not such a bright and cheerful music genius, I have always been a low self-esteem and timid person, relying on music to convince myself that it is meaningful.I lied to a lot of people, including you who trust me wholeheartedly. I lied to you when I said I was cured of depression. I'm sorry.

Min Qianjie naturally didn't know what he was thinking, and now his hand holding Min Yoongi's bloody left hand was shaking.

"...Min Yoongi," he suppressed his trembling voice, crying along with him unknowingly, "what's wrong with you?"

Min Yoongi watched him cry, wanted to raise his hand to wipe his tears but found that his left shoulder hurt terribly, wanted to comfort him but kept repeating "I'm sorry".

"...your shoulder..." Hearing Min Yoongi's "hiss" in pain, he wiped away his tears vigorously, only to find that the clothes on his relative's left shoulder were in tatters, and the blood-soaked cloth could still faintly see the wheel marks.He didn't have time to think about anything, so he ran to the hospital with Min Yoongi on his back. If he didn't leave, he was afraid that Min Yoongi's left hand would be disabled.

Min Yoongi lay on his back, with the wind whistling in his ears, and closed his eyes wearily.

I'm giving you trouble again.It's a bad thing to have a relative like me, obviously you are about to take the college entrance examination.

"The shoulder didn't hurt at all, the wrist almost cut the artery," the doctor stood outside the ward talking to Min Qianjie, "Who are you?"

Min Qianjie forced himself to calm down: "His brother."

The doctor nodded: "Then do you know that your brother has a history of depression?"

Min Qianjie was stunned for a moment: "He said he was fine."

The doctor shook his head: "If only it were so easy, we would be too."

Min Qianjie pinched his palm, and glanced sideways at Min Yoongi who was lying in the ward.He fell asleep, wearing a blue and white striped hospital gown, nestled in a small ball under the snow-white quilt, and it was almost impossible to see the crazy look of the previous one sitting on the ground.His heart suddenly hurt uncontrollably.

I should care more about you, I shouldn't believe your nonsense so much.

"I see." He retracted his gaze and said softly, "There will be no next time."

After sending the doctor away, he sat beside Min Yoongi's hospital bed and looked at his pale face in a daze.There is nothing serious about the shoulder and wrist, as long as they are taken care of, they can heal.He remembered what the doctor said, saying that his wrist had an old injury.

No wonder you love watches and bracelets, you are obviously such a troublesome person.He was suddenly thankful that he forgot to bring his reference books when he went to the coffee shop to do his homework in the morning, and returned to the dormitory halfway through writing.He didn't dare to think about what would happen if he didn't go back, just thinking about that scene made him go crazy.

When Min Yoongi woke up, he saw Min Qianjie sitting beside the bed.The moment he met his gaze, his eyes turned red.Min Qianjie's clothes were still stained with blood, her hair was disheveled, and she was obviously tired.The relatives have always been proud and clean, even somewhat superior, Min Yoongi has never seen him look so embarrassed.

I was wrong, he realized so clearly that he even wanted to slap that self-harming self.I almost missed seeing you, but luckily you came.

Min Yoongi thought that Min Qianjie would scold him, but unexpectedly he fell into a gentle embrace.Min Qianjie carefully avoided his wound, and the breath that belonged exclusively to Min Qianjie wrapped Min Yoongi, as if in this embrace all his unbearables could be tolerated.

"It's okay," Min Yoongi heard Min Qianjie say in his ear, "I won't leave you, if not in one year, then it will be two years, if not in two years, then it will be ten years, it will always heal, everything will be fine."

"Take your time," the boy's voice was choked with sobs, "I'm sorry, I thought it was all right, and it will never happen again."

I will never be by your side when you want me again.

After a long time, Min Yoongi looked back and found that his relief was actually on this day.I am ashamed to say that when I know that there is a person who can tolerate me unconditionally and understand the meaning of each other without any communication, the so-called future, those tomorrows that are invisible and intangible, and myself who is covered in scars and devastated go on.

Until later, when the glory was added to the body, everything was prosperous and bright, and when the embarrassed self only remembered each other, that hand could still be directly held.Turn around at most, anyway, he knows that person will never leave.

Min Yoongi hugged him back with his uninjured right hand: "I'm sorry, I won't do this again in the future." He paused, and wiped away his tears on the pillow towel.

"I promise."

The author has something to say:

I actually cried while writing this chapter.Fa Xiao has depression around her, and she only told me without telling my parents that when I took off the watch, it was full of stab wounds.Because I have seen it before, I know what kind of disease it is, so I know that SUGA is also really sad sometimes.

We don't know how he got here, I can only use my selfishness to create such a person and spend that time with him.My writing can be redeemed as soon as it appears, but the real situation is definitely more tormented than what I wrote.

I don't know how to say it, I am a group fan, but when I conceived this story, I immediately gave Min Yoongi my family and friends.Because he is the person in the team that makes me feel distressed and respected the most, and I am proud of him when I think of him.Before I met him, I didn't know that a person could really go so far for his dream.

Everyone should live a good life, just like what they always wanted to tell us in the song, lovemyself.