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The figure seen in the rearview mirror became smaller and smaller until he turned the corner and could no longer be seen.

Yao Xu heaved a sigh of relief, his eyes were red with complicated emotions.Still got caught.

These years, he had a good life but not a good one.

The good thing is that I finally don't have to linger in Qi Meiling's cursing day and night.

For the first time, he realized that this is what it feels like to be alive.Do odd jobs and earn some money to live on.

Life is stressful, but it's not nearly as stressful as it was at home.

Compared with the past, after freedom, all the sweat to make money to feed oneself is worth it.

Yao Xu changed his name to Qiao Ling.Joe Ridge.

He actually regretted this name, but he blurted it out without thinking at the time, so he could only use it.Joe, because of Ni Xingqiao.

Ling, because of a sentence Ni Xingqiao once wrote to him.At that time, he had just moved out of his home, and the two of them used the "Favorite" dessert shop as a transfer point for their love letters.

After Ni Xingqiao wrote to him, no matter where you go, even if you go over mountains and mountains, you still have to come to see me.Yao Xu always remembered.

However, this kind of "goodness" is extremely limited, not enough to support him to meet Ni Xingqiao.

The "badness" that makes the "good" limited is in the final analysis also because of Qi Meiling.

For a long time he was haunted by tormenting hallucinations.He could hear Qi Meiling cursing him almost all the time, and he could see Qi Meiling appearing around him almost all the time.

He knew he was sick, but he didn't dare to see a doctor, so he could only run into the city library or bookstore, and look through the books to find the answer by himself.The book said that he was a symptom of schizophrenia, but Yao Xu didn't believe it.But one after another, he hurt others and himself, but he was still unwilling to face it.

Until Qi Meiling was sent to the hospital for schizophrenia, Yao Xu was completely disheartened.

It turned out that he and Qi Meiling were still the same kind of person.

Yao Xu gave up on himself for a while, thinking about dying on the side of the street.

However, several times after waking up, he would feel like he had survived a catastrophe, and all he could think about was Ni Xingqiao.He is still not reconciled.

Yao Xu began to think of ways to make money and see a doctor, but in the end he sold the two houses his grandfather left him, and finally he could afford to see a doctor.

He stayed in the hospital twice, one time in Shancheng, at that time he thought he was getting better soon and could meet Ni Xingqiao, but just before he decided to go to Ni Xingqiao, he fell ill.That was the worst one, he almost died.

Afterwards, she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Shancheng and completely became the second Qi Meiling.

It was a time in his life that still scares him.Because his attacks are intermittent, sometimes normal, sometimes suddenly out of control.When he was awake and saw other patients around him, he would feel that he was in hell.

He also had a time when he was so manic that he wanted to commit suicide. He actually had no memory of what he did at that time. He only remembered that when he woke up, electrodes were placed on his head.

Later, he witnessed the scene of other patients being treated with electric shock after the onset of the disease, so he knew what he had experienced.

When looking at the miserable state of others, he imagined his own appearance at that time. If Ni Xingqiao saw this appearance, it would scare him.I don't know if there will be a tomorrow, and I have lost the dignity of being a human being.This made Yao Xu want to die.

But fortunately, he later met a pretty good doctor.The doctor helped him a lot, adjusting medication, conducting cognitive behavioral therapy, combined with psychotherapy, and Yao Xu gradually began to get less sick.

But even so, after the doctor announced that his condition would no longer affect his normal life and he could be discharged from the hospital, as long as he had a regular check-up, normal medication, and no excessive stimulation, he would basically recover, so he still didn't dare to appear in front of Ni Xingqiao rashly.

Having a lunatic in your life is already scary, would Ni Xingqiao be willing to take another risk?

Yao Xu didn't dare to think about it, let alone appear, what he was most afraid of was that he would hurt the other party.

Sometimes he even wished that he and Ni Xingqiao could simply forget about each other.

Forget, he is the real Qiao Ling, there is no need to go over mountains and mountains to find someone.

Forget it, Ni Xingqiao will no longer have to live in depression.However, I can't forget it.

From the beginning to the end, as long as he was not in the hospital, he would secretly watch Ni Xingqiao from a distance.

When Ni Xingqiao's college entrance examination results were announced, he went outside the school to look at the red list all night.

The night Ni Xingqiao was drunk with Lin Yuzhou and the others, he was also very drunk.

Ni Xingqiao went to Shancheng, and he took the same train to go together.Ni Xingqiao was confessed by others, and he slammed into the man's shoulder hard.

In fact, Yao Xu has always been there.

Even when he was living in a psychiatric hospital, Ni Xingqiao was the only thing on his mind.

The world of other patients is full of distorted colors and sounds, but his world is mostly a beautiful boy in school uniform riding a bicycle on the green path.

At other times, it was a gloomy woman with a piercing smile who walked towards him with a knife.

Yao Xu exhausted his strength against the phantom of that woman, and almost lost to her many times, but fortunately, he survived in the end.These years, from Ancheng to Shancheng, and back to Ancheng.As promised, he followed Ni Xingqiao across mountains and mountains.

But maybe for him, Ancheng was already equivalent to his nightmare. Not long after he came back, he was admitted to the hospital again.

Sadly, he lives in the same hospital as Qi Meiling.This is also a kind of torture for Yao Xu.

In the beginning, his situation was very bad, until he found out that Ni Xingqiao would come here every week.

Ni Xingqiao secretly stared at Qi Meiling, waiting for Yao Xu to appear.Yao Xu, on the other hand, hid in a corner and secretly watched Ni Xingqiao.

Maybe it was the effect of the medication, or maybe seeing Ni Xingqiao every week gave Yao Xu support. This time, Yao Xu was discharged from the hospital much faster than last time, and the doctor said he was recovering well.But at that time, Yao Xu was like a walking dead.

The treatment of mental illness made Yao Xu feel that he was already a lunatic. Even after he was discharged from the hospital, he was ugly and scary.

It was impossible for him to meet Ni Xingqiao in such a state.Such a self made him feel shameful and ridiculous. When thinking of Ni Xingqiao, he would feel so inferior that he wished he could die.

He watched Ni Xingqiao grow up, and watched Ni Xingqiao grow into a completely different person after he left.In the final analysis, Yao Xu also felt guilty, and it was not he who caused Ni Xingqiao to be like this.Such an evil self, how can I go to others with a face full of danger and nightmares.

He is in this struggle, spent every day.But he still wanted to get better and wanted to meet Ni Xingqiao.He tried to adjust his state.

If you have serious dark circles, force yourself to sleep more.If you are so thin that only a skeleton remains, then force yourself to eat more.Yao Xu has been trying to make himself better, even better, at least he doesn't look so scary.He worked hard for a long time, and finally saw results.

The person looked refreshed, no longer a skinny skeleton.Also because I have been taking medicine and doing psychotherapy, I have not had an illness for a long time.Yao Xu went to find a job delivering water, but to his surprise, the company that he had to deliver every day turned out to be the company Ni Xingqiao worked for.This was both surprising and gratifying to Yao Xu, he is still afraid to face Ni Xingqiao directly, but everything seems to be moving in a promising direction.

He lives under the name of Qiao Ling, and when he comes to deliver water every morning, Ni Xingqiao is still not at work.

He secretly observed the office area, guessing where his Ni Xingqiao would sit.

Until this time, because of an accident, he came late, and by such a coincidence, he met Ni Xingqiao.

Yao Xu wasn't ready to meet him yet, and he didn't have the courage to do so after being ill for a long time.

So he still wants to escape subconsciously, he has to hide and check himself first, whether he looks like a normal person.

Yao Xu didn't want to speak harshly to Ni Xingqiao, but he was too flustered, and he felt ashamed in front of the other party.

After the van turned a corner, Yao Xu still couldn't hold back, pulled over and smoked another cigarette.What to do got caught.

Yao Xu didn't know how he would get to Ni Xingqiao. The only thing he was lucky about was that his condition was stable, and "Qi Meiling" hadn't appeared for a long time.

He began to wonder if he had really recovered as the doctor said.