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, I haven't thought of Qi Meiling for a while.

Especially tread.After going to the land of the mountain city, it seems that the nightmares of the past are like flipping through a book, turning a page, and on the new page, the air has been washed.

However, reality tells me that I have never really escaped from Qi Meiling's control.

When the security guard came to talk to me, I could only see his mouth opening and closing, but the voice seemed to come from a distant valley. Afterwards, I had tinnitus, and I was in a daze. When I came back to my senses, I saw it again. Qi Meiling.

My rationality told me that it was an illusion, just like seeing her countless times before, it is impossible for her to appear in front of me now, but my rationality is always quickly defeated.

I almost ran away.

It was also at that time that I had to face the fact that Qi Meiling's shadow might follow me for the rest of my life.

It's really hopeless.

I escaped from Shancheng University. At that time, I was so close to Ni Xingqiao, but I still left.

I ran to the foot of the mountain and sat there all night.

Early the next morning, after recovering a bit, I hiked up the mountain and reached the top of the mountain at noon.on the temple.

The temple is not big and there are not many people.

Standing in front of the temple gate, I felt an unprecedented peace of mind.

I tried to find a wise monk to explain my doubts like the people in the book, but all the monks I saw were doing their own things calmly, so I hesitated and couldn't bear to bother.

But that afternoon, I bought three sticks of incense and came to worship the Buddha.I knelt there piously, with my eyes closed, not begging for anything, only feeling the short-lived peace of mind.

I have never been a person of faith, and I have never thought about whether there are gods and Buddhas in this world.

But what I know very well is that at this moment, all my mania, restlessness, pain, and struggles are stored in a black box.This temple gave me a moment of tranquility and stability, replacing Ni Xing Bridge as my temporary haven.

Before leaving the temple, I met an aunt who sold amulets. The aunt stopped my way and asked me to buy one for safety.

I looked at her tanned face and slightly rough hands, but didn't speak.

It was the aunt who suddenly asked me: "Son, have you encountered any difficulties?"

In the end, I didn't buy her amulet either, but she slipped one into my palm.

She held my hand tightly and said to me: "All conditioned dharmas are like dreams and bubbles, like dew or electricity, and should be viewed as such."

Like dream bubbles, like dew and electricity.

I bowed to her in thanks and went down the hill.

On the way down the mountain, her words kept echoing in my ears. I knew that I should suddenly see the light, but helplessly, I felt that the road ahead was even more blurred

11

Everything is like a dream bubble.

Originally, I thought that I would get better when I arrived in the mountain city. When I found Ni Xingqiao, I had to talk and ask, and there should never be a gap between us.However, not long after he started school, I fell ill again.

This time there were so few symptoms that I didn't even know what the problem was.

But compared to last time, I have experience, but few people want to have this experience.

I went to the hospital when I realized that my situation was not good. At that time, I had not found a job in the mountain city, and only had a simple residence with weekly rent.

Fortunately, the house is paid weekly, otherwise I would lose another sum of money, because this time, I stayed in the hospital for a long time.

If I was in Ancheng back then, I still had the expectation of seeing Ni Xingqiao when I got better, but this time in Shancheng, my expectation was completely worn out.

Ancheng is not as economically developed as Shancheng, and its conditions in all aspects are not as good.Because I sold the house before, the money on hand is enough to support my medical treatment, and the medical conditions in Shancheng are far better than Ancheng.

However, that period of time was another process of destruction for me.When I was in Ancheng, I often lost my mind, and when I came back to my senses, I couldn't remember what I had experienced before.

But the doctors and nurses gave me the support to get well to a large extent. They treated every crazy patient there with care and equality.

My situation in the mountain city is very different from what it was before.

I rarely met a doctor, except when I was sick and sent for compulsory treatment.

It is very sad that when I got sick this time, I could feel the pain, and I could clearly know how frightening and demeaning I was when I was pressed on the hospital bed for electrotherapy.

But I also know that this is a last resort. However, one day, when I heard several staff members get together to talk about how terrible and ridiculous my electrotherapy process was, the world that had been built so hard was shattered with a punch.

More than that, during the days there, I heard countless admonitions.The mentally ill are a burden to the family.

Mental patients are outcasts of society.

Mental patients are not entitled to rights.

Mental patients should not ask others for love.

As long as a mentally ill person survives, he or she will be looked down upon and criticized by others, making others avoid them in fear.

I listened quietly, engraving everything in my heart.

Those people used various methods to make us quiet and peaceful. At the beginning, I could tell myself, don't listen to those words, I will get better, and then go to meet Ni Xingqiao.

He became my only thought of getting a good treatment and going out.

I wrote all my pain and longings in a diary, but later, my diary disappeared, and I didn’t know who took it until I left here.

I thought I could stay firm all the time, but after a long time, it will inevitably not be affected.

My condition did not improve, and I was spending a lot of money.

The day when I get better is far away, and the day when I see Ni Xingqiao is also far away.

One day, an aunt of a patient friend asked me how long I had been here, and I said I didn't know, because it was difficult to have a concept of time there.

She said that she had been here for more than 20 years, and once she came, she couldn't leave.At that moment, I suddenly felt that this place was simply hell.I thought about leaving, but I didn't have the qualifications to leave.

Slowly, my mind was worn out, and those words that I tried to block my ears and didn't want to hear, all found a gap and slipped in.

I'm a wretch.

will never be accepted.

I should just die here and not cause trouble for anyone.

Day after day, I watched the sky turn sunny and cloudy.

I couldn't remember what Ni Xingqiao looked like at first, because I didn't seem to have taken a good look at what he looked like when he grew up.

Days feel like years, I seem to have spent my whole life here.

Many times I really thought that I would never be able to get out, but then suddenly one day, the dean changed, and all our patients were re-evaluated and the treatment plan was adjusted.

But at that time, I was already ashamed.

It is not so easy to rebuild a destroyed city, let alone a city with an unstable foundation.

I looked at the debris and ashes all over the ground, and even on the day I walked out of the hospital, I didn't think it was sunny.

I will always remember that I am a useless person, as long as I am not dead, I am a burden.

That kind of thinking is deeply engraved in my mind, like a tattoo that cannot be washed off, as if people can see that I am a psychopath wherever I go.I ducked from the crowd and started to keep my mouth shut.

I came to the vicinity of Shancheng University, but I never dared to step in.