After I divorced from chaos step

Death is a heavy topic.

Dazai spoke so briskly, as if he didn't care.

There was a careless smile on his face, and his eyes were indifferent to the current situation.

It seemed that the person hanging outside was not himself.

"How about you move?"

Even though he weighed very little, it was still infuriating that he was motionless like a wooden man waiting for me to pull him up.

I decided to scare him, shook his hand and said, "I let go."

He said "Hey" and then let out a long yawn: "It's up to you."

This guy……

"Do you think I dare not?"

"You won't let go." There was a smile on the corner of his mouth, and his voice became as hearty as before, "Qingxi sauce will never leave me alone."

I stared into his iris eyes, my favorite color, because it was through those eyes that I saw myself and then the world.

At that time, I was immersed in my own pleasure and ignored his empty eyes. Only now did I feel that his eyes seemed endless because of their emptiness.

After all, Osamu Dazai has become the same as when he was a boy.The eyes hiding Xinghai are actually nothing, and the figure who took off the moon is more illusory than the moon in his hand.

I pulled him up without much effort.

"Leave through the main entrance." I picked up the educational book from the ground and put it back on the shelf.

He dusted off the dust on his body, and sat down on my beanbag very consciously.

"This house is too small, not as big as my house."

I said patiently, "I don't raise ducks, what do I need such a big room for?"

I have no obsession with material desires, no matter how big the space is, I only need a corner to make a bed and sleep.

"is it?"

"If you have nothing to do, go quickly, it's late, you should go home and sleep."

What about the healthy young people who agreed to go to bed early and get up early.

Osamu Dazai put one hand behind his head, drooping his lips, and suddenly took out another orange from his pocket.

"Qingxi sauce, I don't have nails, please peel them off for me."

"If you don't have nails, throw it away."

"No."

As soon as he let go, the orange rolled out of his hand and fell to my lap.

I was sitting on the ground doing notes, so I had to put down my pen and pick up the orange.

He grinned, showing a small tooth on his lips, looking a bit childish.

The oranges used for juicing in the Marui store are all imported Sunkist oranges, with thin skin and plenty of flesh.I peeled the orange and handed it to Dazai.

Dazai didn't answer and opened his mouth.

"You didn't ask me to feed you, did you?"

"Ah—" He opened his mouth wide.

Is this more squeamish than Luanbu?

I was not polite to him, and directly stuffed a whole orange into his mouth.

"Eat you to death."

I also poked it with my fingers.

He resisted at first, then rolled his eyes.The big orange was in his mouth, and his cheeks bulged like a bullfrog.

...not moving.

"Hey, Dazai, don't pretend to be dead." I patted his face, his rolled eyes were completely closed, I checked his breath, and it was gone.

Only the big orange was still choked in his mouth.

...wouldn't really choke to death.

Look at the heartbeat.

I put my ear close to his heart, and through a thin layer of shirt, I didn't hear his heartbeat at all.

Wait, there should be someone with a heart on the left side too... The heartbeat wouldn't stop in such a short period of time, right?

I moved my ear to his right side again, but still didn't hear any sound.

Is he really... dead?

So a person who couldn't die even if he tried to die, was he choked to death by Big Chengzi in the end?

"Goo-"

Just as my ear was on his heart, I heard a loud bang from above.

"Cuckoo-"

Dazai moved!

He is eating oranges!

Just as I was about to raise my head, a hand pressed on the top of my head, messing my hair up instantly.

"You really are pretending to be dead!" I slapped his hand off, and my tone was not friendly.

He pursed his lips and wiped all the orange juice from his lips.

"I know I'm pretending to be dead, but I still can't help worrying."

I did not answer this question.

"It's a miracle that you haven't been beaten to death for so many years."

He smiled and said, "Qingxi sauce, you are still cuter as you were when you were young."

"Really? It's easier to lie if you were stupid and silly when you were young?"

"I'm not so smart now." He muttered softly.

The bastard!I can't wait to stuff another orange.Forget it, we can't waste such a precious fruit anymore.

I sat down next to him and poured him a glass of water, "Have you swallowed all the oranges?"

He took the water glass and drank it down.

"Well, I want to show you some face."

"Give me face? Your face is really big." I also complained unceremoniously.

As soon as the words came out, I was a little dazed myself.

... It's been a long time since I said such an impolite thing.

I have always had a mild personality.My mother mentioned that I used to jump up and down like a monkey and get into trouble everywhere, but I can't remember clearly.

In fact, I have a very bad personality, I will blow up at one point, and I am not afraid of anything, except that I am afraid that Yukimura will be angry.

I adore the strongest hero, and I always fantasize about injustice happening to me, and I still want to say that passionate line.

But just now, I clearly saw that little girl Yuan Qingxi who is not afraid of anything, standing in front of me, raised her chin at me in disdain.

【This is not the adult I want to be. 】

【This is definitely not the adult I want to be. 】

She waved her sleeves, turned and left, and I didn't even meet her shadow.

...This is not the adult I want to be.

indeed.

This is not what I want to be.

Going back to 20 years ago, I must still firmly believe that I will become an upright hero, not a timid rat.

I sigh softly.

Dazai next to him came over: "Are you lamenting your fate? Didn't you become the person you wanted to be?"

I didn't say anything, he just read my mind.

He is really smart, and he didn't show any flaws when he was acting.During the period after returning to China, I always regarded him as an optimistic and healthy young man.

He said he went to school and became a cadre, I believed him;

He said that he didn't go to college because he was cheated by Tuo Si, and I believed it;

He said that he subsidized poor students, and I believed it.

But when it was all revealed to be a lie, I was not as angry as I thought.

"Speaking of which, you didn't hit me."

I really wanted to beat him up, because I hate people lying to me the most, but as Dazai said, I often lie myself.

There is nothing wrong with a liar cheating another liar.What really made me less angry was that I met Yukimura and Marui again.

The group of positive, cheerful, kind and gentle partners who always live in the sun.

"Is it because of the Son of God again? Chick."

This sneer made me shift my gaze from the bowl of silver queen that Yukimura bought to Dazai's face.

This always smiling face changed back to the first time he saw it when he was a teenager.

The boy who didn't even want to look at me.

"Dazai-kun, do you regret saving me back then?"

His eyes fluttered, and his tone was casual: "Qingxi sauce, you have to know, that was never my intention."

Also.

After all, he was forcibly brought by Mr. Jin, and he was taken away while sleeping at home, and he never said that he wanted to save me.

"I asked too much. When you were with me in the seaside hut, you showed fierce resistance, which is enough to prove your dislike for me."

I thought that Zhongyuanzhong also hated me, but he showed with his actions that he didn't dislike me.On the contrary, it was Dazai Osamu, with a kind smile, but malice.

"Fierce resistance is not enough. You may not believe it, but it is a relatively easy life for me." Dazai Osamu put his hands behind his head and said softly, "It's just that no one likes to be manipulated by others."

I do not believe.

"I'll weigh everything you say."

"Like to Ranpo-san?"

As soon as I mentioned random steps, I didn't answer the call.

Dazai turned over, adjusted his sitting posture and asked, "You and Ranpo-san divorced, have you thought about what's next? Don't you think about getting back together at all? Ranpo-san hasn't signed yet."

I shook my head: "It's not suitable anymore, it's not suitable."

Dazai asked again: "What is appropriate?"

I said, "You don't need to lie when you're together, you can get along calmly."

If you don't meet, it doesn't matter if you are celibate.Love and marriage can only add to life, not a burden.

"You don't have to lie when you're with the Son of God? Do you dare to tell him about your abilities?"

I said calmly, "I won't be with Yukimura."

"Oh?"

"We are very good friends." After a pause, I added, "They are the best."

Dazai stared at me for a long time, and his tone was a little sour: "The best healthy and cheerful young man. Speaking of which, you have dated the Son of God."

When I mentioned this incident, I remembered the incident when I asked Dazai to ask Yukimura to break up.Yukimura only said that they moved hands, but did not mention the specific process.

"Dazai-kun, before I went to study in Russia, I asked you to break up with Yukimura, what on earth did you... tell him?"

His eyes are calm.

"What's so difficult about it? If he doesn't agree, try to get him to agree."

"Did you touch him?"

Dazai closed his eyes, and opened them soon: "The child of God's five senses..."

"There's no way he'd do that to you!" I interrupted. "Yukimura would never do that to a child."

The only time was when he beat up a little urchin Katsuki on the beach.I can feel that Yukimura regretted that time too.He never breaks the law or violates discipline, he abides by the rules and his pride.

"You really know him well, as expected of a childhood sweetheart." Dazai nodded and spread his palms, "If he uses that trick, maybe he won't be plotted against by me, and he will probably win."

It's the second time I've seen someone who spoke so openly about the plot.The first one is Tosi.

"If you pay attention to him, you will know that he didn't participate in any national competition that year. It is said that he has been looking forward to it for a long time." Dazai smiled slightly, "As a result, he was lying in the hospital for another year. . When I went to see him, he was recovering. It was touching that he wasn't crying."

Time passed by, and when the things in my hand were about to be crushed, the mobile phone next to the cushion suddenly vibrated twice.

I open.

It's an email from Yukimura.

[Don't forget to come to participate in the activities of the tennis club tomorrow, everyone will come.Wen Tai made delicious brownies (*ˉ︶ˉ*)]

The facial expression at the end is like he is smiling at me.

I suddenly calmed down.

"Is it an email from him?" Dazai clicked his tongue and said with emotion, "Sure enough, everyone likes bright people and refuses to go near black mud. Well, it's too late, I'm going back to bed early and get up early, bye ~"

He jumped on the window and flipped over deftly.

"Dazai!" I called out to him.

He turned his face and smiled brightly.

"Reluctant to let me go, do you want me to stay overnight?"

"...I want to see Mr. Jin, can you help me?"

His shoulders shook slightly, and he was no longer there.

I close the window and go back to the bedroom.On the table was a copy of the Fujisawa Morning Post, which Rosalie had shown me.

The big page is about the latest raids, which took place one after another in Yokohama.

I turned the newspaper upside down and gently pressed the phone on top.

I read that email twice more.

My mood was light, miraculously light.Yokohama was in a mess, and I was divorced and cheated one after another, but I was in a good mood.

Tomorrow, I will be able to see the long-lost Lihai Tennis Team. I can solemnly apologize to them and ask for their forgiveness for leaving without saying goodbye, and I believe they will forgive me.

When I was young, Yukimura asked me what I wished for.

I told him loudly and proudly—

I want to be a hero,

I also want to marry a hero.

I want to protect the peace of this world,

I want to say that bloody line.

I want to be great.

I want to shine.