I am in the crematorium, Wen Dang A Piao

He watched her cut the vegetables, then moved a bench to the stove, scooped up the water into the pot, opened the bag on the side, filled a bowl of yellowed rice, and when the water boiled, she put the vegetables and rice together Put it into the pot, lift the large wooden pot lid with both hands and cover the pot.

When she was done, she went back to the completely inedible leaves, chopped them up and mixed them with the bran in a small bucket, and went out with the bucket to feed the chickens.

She was in and out like a little spinning top, busy, she didn't speak, she didn't have any obvious expression on her face, a bit like a programmed robot, until the sound of footsteps outside the house , the childishness she should have at this age appeared on her face, she trotted out, Shi Huaixi followed her gaze -

He saw her parents and two older brothers, their trouser legs were rolled up high, the mud on their legs had dried and cracked and stuck to their legs, and there were mud spots splashed on their bodies, Shi Huaixi could even smell their bodies sour The smell of sweat, this is the smell of a day of hard work in the hot summer.

Now is the busy season of farming, and we have to rush to the fields to plant rice seedlings, which is related to their one-year harvest. Her parents are in charge of the family's fields, and the two children help other people's families to subsidize their families. She is responsible for bringing them water and cooking. .

She likes her family, but they are introverted and not good at expressing. The way she expresses intimacy is to open the big water tank in the yard, scoop up water and pass it to them, and then look at the dry and cracked mud quilts. The wet, muddy water flowed down, revealing their scarred legs - there are always many invisible dangers in the fields, leeches and blood-sucking insects are common, and Dad was bitten by a snake.

When the mud sticking to the legs got wet, they didn't need any water, and then wiped the mud off with grass, just wipe it off.

After they are done, they will take the table out of the house and eat in the light of the sky that has not yet dimmed.

She has never been able to understand what her parents are saying. What they say is often about adults, and she is dizzy even hearing the names of people.

She only cared about winking with her brothers to grab steamed buns, kicked each other under the table, and had to hold back her laughter, not loudly, otherwise her parents would hit her head with chopsticks.

After dinner, they have to take a bath. The water they bathe in is in another tank, and they change it every day. My mother said that it will not be easy to get sick.

She likes to take a bath in summer, when the weather is sultry and hot, she can wash away all the sweat of the day with cold water.

After the bath it's their little one's favorite activity - hide and seek.

When the window is closed, the field of vision is suddenly completely dark, and you can't see your fingers. As long as you don't move, you can ensure that you are integrated into the darkness. She is very good at playing this game. Her eyesight is very good, and she is very flexible. She felt like a cat when they passed by her.

She really wants to be a cat. There are a lot of mice here, which will definitely feed her well.

It's time to go to bed after playing around, the brothers sleep in their own small room, and she sleeps with her parents.

The kerosene lamp will only be lit at this time for a while to keep accounts for Dad. He keeps accounts on thin straw paper, holds a very short pencil end, frowns and meditates, meditating.

She always felt that Dad was very suitable to be a teacher.

But he hasn't been to school, so he can't be a teacher.

The smell of the torch made her drowsy. She was lying in her mother's arms. The wind from the cattail fan could not resist the hot summer, but she was used to the heat and soon fell asleep.

So the day passed.

So many days passed.

The eldest brother continued to go to school. He was the only child in the family who could go to school. She was not dissatisfied, because the family could only afford one child, and the eldest brother was the smartest.

She also likes big brother very much, he will make all kinds of beautiful things out of straw for her to wear on her head and hands, which will make her gain the envy and praise of her friends, and she will happily share these with everyone They, all of them are good-looking little girls together.

The elder brother is very good at studying. Even if he does farm work after school and holidays, his grades are always No.1. The teacher in the village said that he will have great achievements in the future.

But he didn't wait for this big promise. In the year when he was about to enter junior high school, he fell asleep in a very cold winter and never woke up again.

She always regarded this as the most absurd dream, because it was so strange that he died without turning into a grandpa.

She lost a brother, but life moved on.

The second elder brother learned his skills from the cement builder in the village. He was the most naughty, but he was also able to endure hardships. When he got married, he built his own house, and his house was refurbished by him. The walls were painted with cement. Tiled.

She likes tiles very much, beautiful, smooth, icy and cool, like gems.

But these tiles are all pasted on the outside, she thought, if one day there are so many tiles that can be laid on the bed, then it will definitely not be hot to sleep in summer.

On the day her brother got married, she officially had a sister-in-law, and soon a nephew.

So many days passed like this.

One summer when her hair had grown to her waist, her mother told her that she was going to get married.

She didn't want to get married, she cried and complained that she didn't want to leave home, and asked if they didn't want her anymore, and her mother replied, "We can't be with you forever, so we have to find someone who can be with you forever. "

She didn't like this kind of talk, but she couldn't do it after a few days of arguing, so she got married anyway.

She knew her husband, who was seven years older than her, from the same village, and spoke very little.

As old as her eldest brother, if he was still alive.

She doesn't hate him, and she doesn't know what liking is, but she is married, so let's live together.

But there is one thing she hates when she gets married. Even if she lives so close, she can't go home often after getting married, and even if she stays at home, she won't be allowed to stay overnight.

Mom and Dad only said that this is the rule, and if she doesn't follow the rules, she will be gossiped by others.

She really hates this rule.

She became pregnant soon. She looked at her growing belly and felt very scared. She was getting more and more scared every day, but she didn't know why she was scared. In the first five months, she would still help with work. Later, her husband said nothing to ask her to help, which made her feel a little easier.

But it was still very painful when giving birth, so painful that when she thought she was going to die with the child, the child who had tortured her for a long time was born, and she was also told that there would be no second child in this life.

Her child is a boy.

Fortunately, it's not a girl, otherwise it would have been a lot of hardship.

She has become a mother, and her child grows up day by day, and she seems to be trapped in this small home day by day. She worries about everything about the child, his character, grades, future road, and works hard to make money with her husband in order to support him. .

She thinks less and less of her parents, and she no longer wants to go home and cry to her parents when she encounters uncomfortable things. She digests everything by herself and solves everything. She feels that she is an adult at this time.

Her son doesn't like reading, and they don't know how to teach him. After finishing junior high school, his son stayed in his hometown for a year, carrying backpacks with people from the same village, and went to the city to work hard.

Many, many days passed, and her son built a new house with his second brother—he was getting married too.

This time, the walls of the big three-story house were covered with tiles and the furniture was brand new. She looked at her son, who was already much taller than her, and realized that she was getting old.

Shortly after her son's marriage, her father passed away.

The moment she heard the news, what she thought was that she would never eat lard bibimbap again.

Every Chinese New Year, Dad will buy some meat, make lard residue, boil white lard, and put it in a small jar. On the night of the first day of the first lunar month, he will open this jar and put this rare delicious Stir it into the rice, the aroma is like a hook to hang her up.

She chewed slowly, cherishing every bite of food, and even though her living conditions improved a lot later, this was still the most favored delicacy at her New Year's banquet when she returned home.

She'll never eat it again, any more than she'll never see her dad again.

This is the second person she has lost in her life.

A year after her son's marriage, her granddaughter was born.

She has become a grandmother.

The son and daughter-in-law went to the city to work hard to make money, and the child was left to her to take care of.

She often takes her granddaughter to her mother's house to make it more lively.

When the granddaughter was two years old, her mother also died.

Her parents have suffered so much in their life, and these sufferings have devastated their bodies, so that they didn't even enjoy the blessings, so they left.

She thought of her mother saying that her parents would not be with her forever.

It turned out to be true.

Her little granddaughter knelt beside her. She didn't know what death was, but just watched everything in a daze, wiped her tears in a daze, and said to her, "Grandma, eat candy and don't cry."

Sugar is also bitter.

As the granddaughter grows up day by day, she also becomes softer day by day. She has completely lost the violent temper she had when she was young. She feels that she has become a tree, a tree that is gradually drying up, and is deeply rooted here. .

When her granddaughter was in high school, she lost her son and daughter-in-law to a car accident on the way to make a delivery.

A white-haired person sends a black-haired person, as if in a dream.

Immediately afterwards, her husband couldn't bear the pain of losing his son, so he drank and got drunk day after day, and died of drunkenness in the winter night.

This person has not been with her for the rest of her life.

However, she couldn't be sad for too long, and some invisible support disappeared.

Many people in the village said that there are no men in your family.

So the vegetables in the field were picked; gossip flowed to my ears; when there was a dispute, those people were confident.

So she turned from a dry tree into an old lion, blocking all the storms, guarding the house, and waiting for her granddaughter to come back from high school in the county during the monthly vacation.

She couldn't be free, because she didn't know what she could do when she was free, so she could only arrange her time to the full, planting vegetables and melons, helping people plant seedlings in the fields, and doing the simplest and most mechanical work in the factory.

All her life, she was like a spinning top that would not stop, busy without knowing the direction.

When her granddaughter graduated from high school, she had her first touch-screen mobile phone, which was bought for her by her granddaughter working in summer vacation.

But she doesn't know how to read, and she can't even watch TV, and she doesn't know how to do it when she encounters this. It took a long time to learn how to answer the phone, but she can watch a lot of interesting videos on the touch-screen phone, and the operation is also convenient. Occasionally, when she has nothing to do, she will take it out and have a look, and she can be happy.

After her granddaughter graduated from university and found a job, she felt that a big stone had fallen in her heart. She would never worry about her granddaughter again in her life when she got married and had children.

She finally felt that she could slow down. She went out to do errands in the morning, played cards and watched videos in the afternoon, occasionally visited her second brother’s house, and played videos with her granddaughter in the evening. Just shower and sleep.

This winter, her second brother died in his sleep.

She suddenly felt that a rope would be tied to her loved ones when she was born, and no matter how long or how far apart they were, the rope would always be there.

The rope will not break until one party dies.

A person's life seems to be a process in which a rope is broken and regenerated. She has broken many ropes, but only one new rope is still tied to her body.

She and her granddaughter are the only ones for each other.

After she was gone, there was no rope on the granddaughter.

Xin Zhuo found Shi Huaixi on the rocking chair on the terrace, he was in a daze, his eyes were always downcast with a bright smile, looking a little lonely.

Xin Zhuo gently shook the rocking chair, "What's wrong?"

The young man in the rocking chair let out a soft sigh, "I had a dream."

Xin Zhuo thought for a while and realized, "Did you dream about Grandma Ye?"

"Yeah. It's okay. I just want to lose my mind. You can follow Xin Jianran to do your things."

Xin Zhuo didn't say anything. He knocked on Xin Jianran's door and told him to arrange it himself. The latter saw Shi Huaixi sitting on the rocking chair and asked worriedly, "What's wrong with him?"

Xin Zhuo shook his head and said, "I will accompany him."

Xin Jianran had never seen Shi Huaixi in this state before, "I'll accompany him too."

He said that he sent a message to Father Lu saying that he had other arrangements this morning and asked him to exercise alone for the time being.

Behind the ears, the two brothers sat on both sides of Shi Huaixi, one on a futon and one on a book, neither talking quietly.

Shi Huaixi glanced left and right, but didn't say anything, he felt very tired.

He seems to have experienced such a long life.

Tired and busy, constantly losing, but also a lackluster life.

From a girl to an old and dead tree.

Shi Huaixi remembered that when she learned to write her name with tree branches under the guidance of her eldest brother, she gently stroked those lines, her eyes were full of cherishment and longing;

Thinking of the subtle nausea that came to her when she saw her husband for the first time and the wedding night without any expectations;

Thinking of her losing again and again, getting old again and again.

Does she want this kind of life?

He was just a spectator who hurriedly browsed through her life in the time of a dream.

And she, in such a life, lived in such a small village for more than 60 years.

How tired will she be?

Does she feel tired?

He couldn't stop thinking about these questions, and his heart was in a trance, completely unaware of the passage of time, until Mama Xin's voice suddenly sounded, "Can I come up? There is something urgent."

Shi Huaixi came back to his senses, looked at Xin's mother who came over anxiously after getting the answer, and said, "Xiaoqiong's grandma is gone!"

The author says:

Grandma Ye will be fine.