Be salted fish in paranoid literature

My grandmother loved lilies, and so did I.

They are white, smell good, and are beautiful on top of each other!

But my grandmother said that was not the reason, she likes lilies purely because they look good and they don't die so quickly in vases.

I flipped through the books, and went to look carefully at the vase on the table...

There are dewdrops on the petals. It seems that the servants at home have just brought them over. I am still relatively short, so I tiptoed a little harder.

Slowly, the lily drooped a little, and the dew wet the tablecloth.

I'm fascinated by it...

It specially bent down to see me!

"Miss, don't hit you!" A servant hugged me away, and my plan to reach out to touch me had to be cancelled.

I was very angry, shook off the hand of the person who was holding me, and ran upstairs by myself.

Adults don't understand anything, lily doesn't need flower language, it is beautiful!

I went to school later, and there are still vases in the living room at home, and the lilies seem to be invincible.

It's beautiful every day.

but--

Grandma passed away.

I have been very depressed about this for a month. It is not too painful for my grandmother to leave. She is over 90 years old, and it is inevitable to leave.

During that time, I often had trouble sleeping and had constant insomnia.

One night, with my hair loose, I suddenly thought... how about the lily in the living room?

I went downstairs by myself, walked to the coffee table in the living room, and glanced down.

The surroundings of the white petals have turned yellow, and the straight green stems have begun to bend, and even a few petals have fallen off the table.

I bent down and picked up the vase, took out all the lilies with my hands, and looked at the water inside.

The water is cloudy and even smells...

later--

No one in my family likes lilies anymore, so I am the one who often changes flower arrangements.

It seems that nothing has changed, because the lily in the living room is still the same and greets me every day.

"Why don't you change the flower? It's been more than ten years, and I've been plugging it in all the time, and I'm tired of looking at it..." Not far away, the mother and the servant at home said.

There was a bit of impatience in his expression.

So, I took the vase to my bedroom.

Mmmm, so good.

"I can take good care of you now!" I bent down to communicate with Hua who couldn't speak.

Privately made a promise with the other party.

My family seemed to be different from other people's families, and I knew it early on.

In the haze, I probably know about the class...

When I was very young, I was required to learn various skills, even some that did not seem to belong to my age group, such as violin, piano, painting, Go, calligraphy, seal cutting...etc.

My companions were asked to do the same, though they resented it.But I don't hate it, because I know that some students have no access to these things at all.

This is not fair.

So I want to cherish it.

I work hard, I don't get bored, these skills make me better.

Resources cannot be wasted.

Adhering to this concept, I became the object of my parents to show off to their friends. It seems that everyone knows that there is a talented woman in the Bai family.

Knows everything, is good at everything, and is well-behaved and sensible.

I don't really like this kind of evaluation.

Disgusted even.

then--

As a well-behaved and sensible person, I went to France alone.

My mother was annoyed by this because she had already arranged for a British institution where she majored in finance.

And my university in France is... a hall of art.

This obviously didn't fit her and her father's plan.

But so what?I have come to France.

Just a pity for my Sayuri.

No one is with me.

When I was a child, my painting teacher was French. He described to me more than one time the romance and freedom of their country.

When speaking, the spirit is flying.

I believe it.

But on my first day in Paris, my bag was robbed.

It's not romantic at all, I think.

Because he ran out alone, the family members are still angry.

It seems that it is unacceptable that the character design of a good girl is broken.

They are still waiting for me to let go, so that they can go to the UK to learn the boring finance.

Oh, don't even think about it.

That night, I was on the street.

There is only 5 euros for the whole body, which is still change for buying ice cream.

I sat on a bench at the bus stop, thinking about where I belong tonight.

A casual glance at the bus stop sign...

The last stop seems to be the countryside.

He lowered his head and looked at his palm, um, he still has a lot of money.

I got on the last bus and planned to see the countryside painted by my teacher.

When I got out of the car, it was getting very late, so I looked up.

A wheat field is swaying, as if a wave has been set off...

Well, no lie.

Because the climate in France is very mild, neither hot nor cold, I looked at the coin in my hand.

It is estimated that it should only be enough to take the bus back to the city.

Close your eyes and smell it, the moist air is mixed with the aroma of ripe wheat.

Refreshing.

He simply lay down on the ridge of the field and looked up at the sky.

There are still a few stars.

Well, it smells good.

Should be able to sleep well, I think.

But the moment I closed my eyes, I suddenly thought of the lilies at home.

It seems that the faint fragrance is going to drill into my forehead across the ocean.

to complain about my infidelity to it.

……

Later, the family finally compromised and no longer care about me.

I was a little shocked at the time, and I didn't expect that the arrangement and control that lasted more than ten years would be so flimsy and void.

but--

I'm finally free too.

I like buskers on the streets of Paris, and I often stand by them for an hour.

Listening to them sing one song after another...

I like to go to second-hand bookstores, occasionally flipping through a few poetry collections, and I can be happy for a long time.

The pens in Paris are also very beautiful. I have collected a lot of them. It seems to be quite convenient to use them for sketching.

Life seems to be going well.

But robberies still happen and are normalized.

I think, to give a city a romantic name, the eyes should need filters.

But fortunately, I have slowly learned.

There are always a group of painters next to the Eiffel Tower, and I often go to observe them.

One is to learn, and the other is to be curious about how they paint in this environment.

Because there is a lot of rubbish near the scenic spot, and the languages ​​​​of various countries are mixed around, listening to it is tantamount to crazy birds.

Tsk... This painting is really good!I praised in my heart.

Looking at the real thing, coffee mugs and hamburger wrappers seem to be everywhere.

I inevitably frowned.

He shifted his gaze to the painting again, and his brows stretched out again.

not good looking.

Just drop the "P".

Graduation is about to happen, and there is finally some movement at home.

It seems that there is something important...

I didn't want to go back at first, but when I thought of my lily.

And a little concerned.

Just go back as usual, replace it with clean water, and then insert it into the vase.

By the way, let's prune its branches and leaves.

I've pretty much visualized in my mind the flow of what I need to do to get home.

but--

After I entered the door, I was dragged into the living room, and the lily in my hand was taken by my mother casually, and put on the cabinet in the entrance.

"Hey, don't let that—"

"Does it mean that if you are not allowed to come back, you will die outside?" You directly pulled me back.

I failed to take my lilies.

It is very delicate, without water, it will wither...

I was called back for only one thing, and that was marriage.

It's not a bloody plot where the company continues to marry in order to get help when it encounters a crisis, it's just a simple move to stabilize the upper class.

"I don't want to get married." Those were the first words I said.

But there were countless rebuttals, although they were not rude, they were definitely not nice.

I think I can bear it.

until--

"Otherwise, what is the purpose of cultivating you for so many years? Could it be for nothing?"

I froze for a moment, felt that my hands and feet were a little cold, and my head began to roar.

It seems to finally know the ins and outs of this.

I learned so many skills and endured so much hardship, thinking that I wanted to become an excellent person, but in the end, I found that these decades of learning and hard work were only for one purpose.

Improve your own value and the value of marrying off.

The marriage of a wealthy family will naturally be on the stage. People like me who are proficient in everything from piano, chess and calligraphy will naturally become more sought-after.

It can also be exchanged for greater benefits and better stabilize their position.

I didn't refute or complain loudly, but just asked one of my most curious questions.

"Since you have decided to marry me off, why do you insist on me learning so many things?"

Still want me to study finance?

what's the function?What is the purpose of mastering those boring and pretentious skills?

Do you need eighteen martial arts to be a wife?

"Naturally in order to conform to your identity." This is the answer I heard.

I think it's downright hypocritical.

He is obviously a businessman, but he still pretends to be elegant.Even though they have stepped into the modern society, they insist on imitating the ancient feudal ritual system.

What are you pretending to be...

I didn't intend to pay attention to their preaching, and turned around and went upstairs with my lilies.

After slamming the door shut, a sudden sense of powerlessness emerged.

Looking down,

The stalks of the flowers were pinched too hard by me, and some blue juice oozes out, which stains my hands all over.

The white petals are also scattered.

Not beautiful anymore.

But there are some things that you can't refuse if you don't want to.

I ended up marrying and enjoying what they call the "good life".

He is very talented, and he is also very good looking.

Like me, he received elite education, but his education was more comprehensive, and he completed all the arrangements of his parents step by step.

And although I deviated from the orthodoxy once halfway, the impression I left on the world is still that talented woman from the Bai family.

At that time, almost everyone was saying that we are talented and beautiful, a match made in heaven.

Even I believed it myself.

After all, it is the most exemplary template of our generation.

Ah no, perhaps the most perfect of the two factory-processed products.

He is very considerate and respectful to me, remembering every little detail of me.

It's hard not to be tempted.

He told me that I can paint freely, do everything I want, and have a dedicated piano practice room.

It was almost like hearing my heart.

I knew a long time ago that I had to marry this marriage.

My family is at the top of the pyramid, but precisely because it is the top, the space is very narrow, not as wide as the one at the bottom.

I am destined to be unable to escape.

It's all about getting married anyway, so it's better to choose someone who looks good.

Later I found out...

Oh, I was blind.

Should this be the No. 20 days in this villa?

It took about a week for me to go from shock to calm to numbness.

Maybe the Qin family has some ancestral disease?I thought so desperately.

He seemed to be a different person before and after, it seemed that he was finally sure that I belonged to him, and then he began to become more comfortable.

Hold me and say you love me, and then come back every day with a different perfume.

The promised studio and piano practice room do exist, but I don't have much interest either.

"Why don't you play the piano?" He hugged me and whispered in my ear.

I looked at the lilies I brought back, and suddenly felt a little regretful...

Failed to find a good environment for it.

"I like the way you play the piano." The crazy voice was still in my ear.

……

After a few years of such chaos, I gave birth to a boy.

It's beautiful and cute.

I think the baby should be my reason for staying.

But he is still the same as before, I can go out, but I still need his approval.

Wherever I go, I feel like I am being held by silk threads.

"What are you doing at the store?" the call came.

I felt very boring, so I had to say to him: "Buy something for the baby."

He didn't say anything and hung up.

But I know that he is dissatisfied again, even because of his son.

As soon as I got home, I was picked up by him.

He didn't even put down the things in his hands. The man came back from the company and put down the work at hand.

"I haven't changed the baby yet..."

"You don't have to do these things."

Sometimes, I really want to chop off the person in front of me, so as to relieve my heart.

but……

There is simply no way.

Parents think it's good, he thinks it's good too, everyone thinks it's a perfect marriage.

This is how it feels to be alone and helpless.

My lilies have not been replaced for a long time.

For some reason, I can still imagine the fishy smell when I came down at midnight as a child.

No aroma, just pungent.

a mess.

The days that followed were even more difficult. My illness became more and more serious, and I became more and more worried that I would not be able to stay with my son for too long.

Because of the persistent depression.

I even have hallucinations from time to time...

No, the baby hasn't grown up yet.

I try to be happy, socialize, and try to be involved in activities.

And he didn't even refuse.

I thought it wouldn't be fun for the baby to be alone at home, so I brought back the Zhou family's son and my little nephew along the way.

A mom just passed away and an irresponsible mom and they are so young.

It's impossible for me not to feel bad.

During that time, I was quite happy. The three of them sat in rows.

so cute.

Although the baby still doesn't like to talk, the other two are quite lively.

The deserted home is a bit more lively, and my situation... is probably better.

But he is not happy.

I think, it should be that he feels that his belongings are threatened, after all, in his eyes, my world must revolve around him.

"Aren't you tired?" he asked in my ear.

"Not tired."

I really don't want to talk to him, but I have no choice but to talk to him.

Obviously my answer was not in line with his wishes, and I was dragged to punish him again.

I'm really tired.

want to go.

But seeing that the baby has grown up, I don't want to part with it.

I haven't said anything until now, like a small ice cube, I don't know if I can find a wife when I grow up...

worry.

Days passed and I stayed in the villa.

Zhou's milk dumpling was taken away, crying loudly...

I'm not willing to part with it in my heart, but I still have to leave anyway.

Now there are only my little nephew and baby left in the house, and it is quieter.

but--

It's just that the baby doesn't seem to like playing with the nephew very much.

"You can't do this, you want to play with your brother." I tried to teach this little ice cube.

"Mom, you are not happy, why do you pretend to be happy?"

I was kind of shocked, but kind of stiff...

Is it so obvious?

I rubbed Xiaobingcube's face, thinking, I can be with the baby for a day.

Later, the little nephew was also picked up.

His mother finally found a good family, so that the little nephew will have a father.

The milk dumpling had a fever for a long time, and I couldn't even recognize people.

I don't know if I will remember her when I grow up.

The house is deserted again...

He seems to be using cold violence against me.

Often do not go home.

It’s okay, you can spend more time with your baby.

Little Ice Cube doesn't like to talk, but he is very obedient, and he can eat whatever he asks.

I am very relieved.

But he came back one night, and I was carried away again.

"Could it be that you don't care about me at all?" He began to question again.

I didn't want to answer, and I didn't want to talk to him.

"I'm not as important as your son?"

I think that's true.

But at the same time, I don't understand why he came back.

Isn't it fun to play outside?

Why come back and bother me.

He was mad about it, why did I say that?

Because my waist is about to be strangled.

"Bai Xu, don't even try to run away, the ashes of the dead will be buried with me!" There was a voice of gnashing of teeth in my ear.

I just reacted a little bit.

Ah, indeed, I forgot that.

Thanks for reminding.

I don't want to have anything to do with him when I lift up the ashes.

I often look at the lilies at home in a trance.

It is static, but it seems to be dynamic, very beautiful.

But it always dies at night, and I need to carefully put away its incomplete flowers.

Then replace it with a new lily.

In this way, it seems that there is no departure.

However, I have forgotten to change the flowers of the lilies at home for a long time.

Whenever I go to see it, I am surprised that it has withered.

It was even more serious than what Midnight saw when he was young. The petals turned black, the stem was broken from the middle, and the vase filled with water had already bred flying insects.

"Why did I forget you too?" I felt a little sorry.

The baby has grown up a bit, and I am relieved a lot.

Still procrastinating that matter again and again, thinking about staying with my little ice cube again.

He is so sensible.

Also, it seems that the baby is about to have a birthday.

I must dress up beautifully and try to stay with the baby for a longer time!

That night, he went home.

"You are beautiful, Xu."

I don't like him calling me by my nickname, and I don't like him holding me so tightly.

This is very uncomfortable.

I still like the feeling of sleeping on the ridge in Paris, with the smell of wheat and earth.

Instead of being like this now, it's all his breath.

Everywhere.

I messed up my baby's birthday and I can't remember my little ice cube.

He even regarded him as a neighbor's child, but... where did my neighbor come from?

Why?

I obviously took my medicine well, and I checked my clothes again in the morning...

Why can't forget the person who wants to forget the most.

My only little thought was hurt by me.

"Mom, don't cry."

did i cry?I raised my hand in a daze and wiped my face, it was wet.

Haha, I haven't cried for many years.

Perhaps this day is getting more and more sad.

My vase started to run out of lilies, it was always empty.

It will pass away anyway, and beauty never lasts forever.

I started to paint, found out the dusty paintbrush, and went to paint the bottle at home.

Not taking good care of my lilies.

Let's paint it then, I thought.

He saw that my condition had stabilized a bit, and he thought I should be getting better soon.

"Axu, you draw beautifully."

I didn't look at him, but patiently traced the little lily in my heart.

White, dewy, swaying.

He was very successful in business, almost firmly standing on the top of the pyramid.

And the years don't seem to have left marks on his face.

I look at myself in the mirror, and I really don't know what he likes about this face.

But nothing special.

The only outstanding skill in the whole body has gradually become rusty under the passage of time.

He was really sick.

The baby is also becoming more and more sensible, although he still doesn't speak much.

My little ice cubes.

The longer the time dragged on, the more I didn't want to leave.

But when I thought that this might have fulfilled his wish, I made up my mind to leave again.

The rest of his life is so long, he can live well by himself.

The lilies gradually disappeared from the house, and the vases were not even there anymore.

The only thing that can be seen to exist is actually the pattern I drew on the vase at home.

That's right, you're staying with me.

The baby often appears by my side, and I once thought he might be having a nightmare.

So he said very gently:

"Did you not sleep well? Mommy is going to accompany you. Be good!"

But my little ice cube always hugs me silently without saying a word.

So childish, I thought at the time.

He seemed to be busy again, and the house was finally free.

I think it's a great pleasure that he's not there.

The air is even lighter.

It was such an easy time...

Sometimes I often feel that there is a sword of Damocles hanging above my head. It is so sharp that it will fall off sooner or later.

If it's not today, it's tomorrow.

Anyway, that day will come, and I'm not even a bit prepared for it.

Facts have proved that what I thought was indeed correct, that day...

I woke up.

There was a deep wound on his hand, and blood dripped on the floor, making a dull sound.I moved my eyes to look forward and found some knives on the table.

Unfamiliar memories began to flood into my mind.

parefull.

I endured the pain and looked back. Sure enough, a small figure was tied to the chair by me.

Forced to watch the bloody scene in front of him.

Act as an audience.

"Mom, let me bandage you..." It seems that I have been shouting for a long time.

I suddenly felt that the world was spinning and the world was absurd.

It turned out that her baby didn't speak because her voice was hoarse, and she would appear by her side in the middle of the night because she forced him to come here.

If you ask in a soft voice, you will only hug him dully.

I thought I could last a long time, but now it seems.

My little ice cube, mom has to go.

"Baby, Mommy just went to a very beautiful world..." I tried to explain to the baby.

But he was unexpectedly sensible and just hugged me.

He didn't say anything.

I think the baby should know something, but I feel quite sorry.

Originally, I wanted to accompany Xiao Bingkuang, thinking that it would be good even if I learned to talk more...

But now, it seems that my existence is the biggest problem.

"Baby, can you promise mom something?" I pulled him closer.

Holding her little cold hand, she said patiently:

"If our baby becomes strong in the future, let's take mother's tomb..."

The lilies withered after all.

The author says:

Thank you for watching~

感谢在2022-07-0323:36:50~2022-07-0422:43:40期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel who threw the mine: 1 small bamboo;

Thanks to the little angels of the irrigation nutrient solution: 20 bottles of Qingyan’s Treasure Xiaodoudou; 10 bottles of Xiaozhuzi; 5 bottles of Northwest Building;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!