bigot love

In the early morning after the heavy rain, the air is full of earth mixed with the fragrance of flowers and plants. The sun peeks out from the clouds and shines warmth through the glass windows.

He Qinzhou stuffed him into the quilt, tightly held Lin Shuchen's cold, unheated hand with his warm palm, trying to warm him up.

Lin Shuchen's indifferent eyes trembled. Seeing him being held by a man with his hands on his mouth and covering his mouth with heat, he felt a little dazed. He had always longed to be loved.

As long as he can remember, his parents have not stopped arguing for a day, except for giving money, they have never cared about his body, what he is thinking, and what he wants.

He Qinzhou couldn't adapt to being approached so warmly. He was the one who hurt him the most.

"Have you figured it out?" He Qinzhou looked at him and asked in a flat tone, "Be obedient and stay by my side and stay with me."

"It's better for me to forcefully keep you and lock you up until you are willing to stay with me."

"No matter what you choose, you just need to know that you can only stay by my side." He Qinzhou watched the hands rubbed by him gradually warm up, with tenderness in his eyes.

Lin Shuchen, who had been staring at him all the time, seemed to be shaken for a moment. After hearing his words, he was full of guard and looked at him indifferently. The devil was indeed a devil.

No matter how warm it looks, it's just an illusion on the surface.

Looking at Lin Shuchen, who was stubborn and stubborn, He Qinzhou suddenly laughed, as if he wanted to reason with him, but every sentence made people's hearts bleed.

"Lin Shuchen, don't be shameless." He raised his jaw, with contempt in his eyes.

"I've read it. You haven't graduated from university yet, and your diploma is very low. What can you do?"

"You only joined my company to apply for the front desk job."

Lin Shuchen clenched his teeth tightly, trembling with anger.

"You work for money, what can you do with that little money, be my lover, I can give you more than you want." He Qinzhou's eyes were filled with darkness, he didn't want to Such an insult and trample on him seems to be the only way to break his arrogance and make him lean on his side.

"As long as I have, I will give you what you want." He said, shaking his hand.

"Get out!" Lin Shuchen couldn't restrain the anger and sadness that welled up in his heart in an instant.

He was really wronged. He didn't know why he was treated so cruelly five years ago. He was so embarrassed that he couldn't tell the pain. He was full of grievances. Being abandoned by his family made him suffer from severe depression... …

After finally getting out of the situation where he was always vulnerable and wanted to commit suicide, he returned to Jiangcheng and met He Qinzhou again. He also understood the truth five years ago.

But why did he come to force him when he said to himself countless times to live alone like this.

"My diploma is low?" He laughed loudly, and tears fell out.

"Why can't I even find a better job? It's not all because of you congratulating Qinzhou!" He didn't want to bear it anymore.

He Qinzhou's heart was chilled by his sudden outburst of hatred. Although he seemed to have hatred in front of him all the time, he was mostly disgusted.

It didn't seem that such a resentful gesture made him think that he knew the truth and had slowly let go.

Unexpectedly, all this was just a cover-up by Lin Shuchen.

Rationality pulled his remaining clarity, and suppressed the angry thoughts in his heart that just wanted to curse loudly.

"Because of you, I was fucked by you!" Lin Shuchen roared hoarsely, his eyes were bloodshot, "I was terrified at that time, I didn't understand what I did wrong to be treated like that!"

"My parents were discussing divorce after I went back that day, no one wanted me!"

"I was so scared that I didn't even have anyone to tell. In just one day, my home was gone, and I left Jiangcheng alone."

"I hid in the rented room, afraid to go out, afraid to face people, I was afraid of everyone, you made me feel that everyone is so unreliable, it seems that everyone wants to hurt me!" Lin Shuchen gripped He grabbed He Qinzhou's collar and spoke word by word. He Qinzhou's eyes widened with such a calm, sad face, and a stiff smile on his face.

"Do you know? How did I get here in the past five years? I almost had a complete mental breakdown at that time, and I suffered from severe depression."

"I took a lot of doxepin, maprotiline, paroxetine..." Lin Shuchen knelt on the bed, pinched his sharp fingertips into He Qinzhou's shoulder, moved his face closer to him, his expression became more and more serious The calmer he became, the more dim the light in his eyes, "You know, the medicines I take are more than the food I take."

"I want to live and I want to die."

"I'm so tired, I hate you. My whole life has been ruined by you. I can't contact other people like a normal person. I don't even dare to go to school because I'm afraid..."

"I can only stay in the house and dare not go out. I feel that everyone's eyes are not right when they look at me."

Lin Shuchen said coldly, I was ruined by you, when I finally stand up, I can face people. "

"I still have nightmares and insomnia all night. I have had relationships with many men and even women. Don't you think I'm dirty?"

"That's it, do you still want me to be your lover? That's fine, as long as you don't think I'm dirty, I promise you." At the end, the choking sound in his throat disappeared completely, and there was only desolation in his eyes. .

He Qinzhou never thought that the person he loves, who has always been sunny and gentle, would be ruined by him. He opened his mouth to say something, but his throat seemed to be blocked by cotton.

Looking at He Qinzhou who was speechless, Lin Shuchen let go of him and sat down on the bed, like a person left behind by the whole world.

When he was finally able to walk out the door, his divorced mother and father had already started their own families. They used to make a phone call every month to tell him that Cary had entered the living expenses and would not call him anymore. They completely disappeared in his world. inside.

He knew what they meant and didn't want to worry about him.

My heart, which I thought would no longer hurt, seemed to be stabbed severely by someone.

"It's okay...it's okay...I can see people, I can support myself, it's okay...it's okay, everything will be fine." He was not uncomfortable...no, uncomfortable, tears fell from his eyes, and he fell to his seat On the ground, he covered his face helplessly. In fact, he only felt a little...really, just a little bit uncomfortable, really....

That period of time was also really difficult, squatting on the side of the road, he would often cry uncontrollably, surrounded by people watching like a fool.

The heart is very uncomfortable, it is an indescribable discomfort.

Later, a young-looking man approached him, threatened him with something, and brought him back to Jiangcheng.

Lin Shuchen's eyes were a little blank, and when he came back to his senses, he heard He Qinzhou's voice seemed to be filled with unspeakable pain. Is it an illusion?Such a demon would also feel bad about him?What a sarcasm.

"You're not dirty, you're not dirty at all..."

He Qinzhou looked at Lin Chuchen who was full of self-loathing, and hugged him firmly in his arms. It was his fault, it was all his fault, he never thought that he would become like this.

He finally understood what he said at that time, "Why, why did you do that! Do you know how much harm you have done to me because of your so-called liking!" The meaning of this sentence .

Why did he faint.

It turned out that the past five years when he was gone was so painful, and everything was brought to him by him.

The mouth opened, like a fish short of water, He Qinzhou struggled to squeeze out the words, "Don't do this, it's all my fault."

"I didn't want to destroy you."

"I wanted to save you back then." It was just too greedy.

"Hehe, save me? But in fact, you destroyed me with your own hands!" Lin Shuchen's cold eyes, as if looking at a stranger, were like a knife piercing his heart, which made He Qinzhou very embarrassed.

He said, "Stay by my side." This time his tone was full of pleadings that Lin Shuchen couldn't detect.

"Hehe, I'm not dirty, you actually said I'm not dirty, and you're right, you're much dirtier than me." Lin Shuchen sneered, as if throwing away all fear, "It's all your fault, if it wasn't You, I will not become what I am now."

"Yeah, so, stay by my side," the man's trembling voice suddenly became calm, "I hurt you, I brought all your pain, let me make it up to you."

"In the five years since you disappeared, you must have been full of my shadow in your heart." He Qinzhou's words were like a nightmare.

Lin Shuchen's pupils shrank suddenly, and his body froze suddenly.

Obviously, he should feel sorry for him, but at this moment, a trace of joy appeared in his heart inappropriately. He Qinzhou moved to his ear, kissed the tip of his ear, and coaxed softly, "Stay here."

"Give me a chance to make up for it..."

"Since you have lost everything, then give me one chance, just one time, I will love you well, and time will prove my sincerity to you."

"Anyway, you have nothing to lose, don't you?" The person who is not very good at speaking softly, the words in his mouth pierced Lin Shuchen's heart like sharp thorns.

It seemed that he was surprised by his words, "It's just a lover's relationship, right?" Lin Shuchen asked suddenly, the sadness on his face gradually calmed down, and his tone was flat and strange.

Sensing something, He Qinzhou didn't say anything, but tightened his grip on his hand.

Lin Shuchen slowly leaned into his arms, He Qinzhou's body stiffened, this was the first time Lin Shuchen approached him so actively, he lowered his head and his eyes fell on his soft hair.

He heard him say, "I can stay, but it's just a lover's relationship."

"What do you mean?" Congratulated Qinzhou.

"It means that when you have other lovers by your side, just let me go, and take it as compensation for your sorry, didn't you say you like me?"

"This request can always be agreed." Lin Shuchen said lightly.

The sudden change of attitude made He Qinzhou stunned. He clearly agreed to stay by his side, but He Qinzhou felt very uncomfortable for some reason.

"There will be no one else by my side, I have only had you." He clenched his fists.

"There was no one else before, and now there is you, and there will be no one else in the future."

Lin Shuchen was taken aback by He Qinzhou's repeated words.

He never thought that He Qinzhou would tell him that.

If, in the past, his methods were milder, would they have a different ending?

I was thinking about something, I was soft-hearted and looking forward to the person who hurt me like that, Lin Shuchen sneered at such a self in his heart, if he lacks love, he should find love from his enemy.

……

In the company, He Qinzhou sat in the office with his face buried in his palms.

In my heart, my mind is full of devastated men, and their smiles are full of sadness.

"I took a lot of doxepin, maprotiline, paroxetine..."

"Do you know, these medicines I take are more than the meals I take."

"I want to live and I want to die."

……

He Qinzhou rushed to the computer and typed the names of those medicines in the search box. These medicines are still different, one is for prevention and the other is for treatment.

It was all aimed at depression, his face turned gray in an instant, he just liked him too much, he didn't really want to destroy him, otherwise he wouldn't have been following him and looking up at him for so long, but he never went up knew him before.

At that time, he felt that he was too unworthy of him, and why he couldn't help doing that to him in the end was because he felt that if he caught his light at that time, it would be his.

But he didn't expect that he was just a stranger to him. Even though he had liked him silently for so long, he didn't know that there was such a person as him.

He wants to confess that he likes it, that he will get a good job, and asks if he can give him a chance to have him by his side.

Recalling his naive thoughts back then, it was as ridiculous as a child's graffiti. After all, his first thing to Lin Shuchen at that time was almost crazy. He would be afraid of him, and it was normal to hate him.

Taking a deep breath, He Qinzhou slammed his clenched fists on the table. Even if he knew what he was doing now, forcing him to stay by his side was nothing compared to forcibly occupying him before. It's not much better, but he doesn't regret it as before.

He couldn't let go of his hand at all.

[The author has something to say: He Qinzhou is a natural scum, he treats Lin Shuchen with a poisonous mouth and a soft heart, but he has nothing good to say, and will change it later:)

Dear mother, you will always sprinkle sugar, and you won't have many knives. 】