Juliet Tower

During the period of losing Joe, An Jiayu experienced depression for the first time in his life. He was inexplicably nervous and felt alone and helpless.

Every day when he returns to the empty dormitory alone, he will be surrounded by loneliness and regret.Looking at the corner of the bed where the little guy used to sleep, An Jiayu was so heartbroken that he couldn't sleep at night, he summoned up all his courage to send Qiao Yumian a message, but no one responded to him at all.

Then he dreamed about Qiao Yumian almost every day and every night, the person in the dream was extremely disappointed, blamed him for being selfish, blamed him for not cherishing enough, blamed him for killing a little life.

He threw away Joe's cage, half-eaten chinchilla food and timothy grass, his toys, and even used pungent cleaners to completely remove the smell of hay that lingered in the house, but he still couldn't help thinking about him. .I think about it gnawing at a player’s finger that needs insurance, thinking about the way it eats apples in a daze, thinking about its snow-white and warm fur sticking to its face... I want to feed it with Qiao Yumian... Then I miss it like crazy Qiao Yumian.

An Jiayu was surprised to find that she might be the so-called "love brain".Once upon a time, seeing those girls in the pain of being broken up and breaking up for a long time, he also dismissed it, but now he is ashamed to understand his arrogance in front of his feelings.

"Come out", these three seemingly simple words are as difficult as climbing the sky.

He sometimes misses and sometimes hates it, hating Qiao Yumian for not believing in their future, pushing him away so mercilessly, even unwilling to give away the last side, he didn't even get a formal farewell.An Jiayu hated that they were in love, and now he wanted a simple word of comfort, but the other party refused to give it.

But he couldn't help worrying about whether Qiao Yumian did well in the exam, which university he went to, has his mother's problem been solved, has he forgotten himself?

He contradictoryly hopes that the other party will have a good life, but he is not reconciled to the fact that he is so good that he completely turns the page and abandons himself.

"Ann, do you want to try another dormitory? It's easy to think wildly when you are alone after a broken relationship. Change to a double dormitory, and you will be better with roommates and friends. If you can't, try a new relationship!"

The owner of the husky, his senior sister later became his only bosom friend in New York, and he got seemingly good advice when he casually confide in her.

So he humbly accepted and changed to a double dormitory.Seeing him sluggish, his French roommate who also left his hometown generously invited him to drink the wine of his hometown. The man came from Bordeaux, the hometown of red wine, and his father and grandfather were both winemakers.He drank with Anjiayu every night. Within a month, Anjiayu was familiar with all the wine producing areas and well-known wineries. He could easily appreciate the different acidity and astringency, and his sensitive tongue could accurately distinguish the aroma. Molecule, is it fruity, mineral, or woody, burnt.

Red wine is very strange, it takes a period of time to brew in the body before there is a wonderful, psychedelic drunk reaction.He began to enjoy the hazy and trance world.

Whoever said that time is the antidote to heal pain, obviously alcohol is.

In just two months, when his roommate noticed his abnormality, he had developed to the point where he opened a new bottle of wine every day when he got up and before going to bed.

"An, you can't drink any more." The roommate locked the wine cabinet, and An Jiayu couldn't help but go to the liquor store to buy it by herself every now and then, and the more she bought, the more she bought.

It didn't take long before his body began to have adverse reactions, vomiting, loss of appetite, and weight loss. What's more frightening, he found that as long as he didn't touch alcohol for more than a day, he would start to feel numb all over his body, panic, and sweat violently .And at this time, usually as long as you take a sip, the situation will improve immediately, but the price is that you can't stop after another sip.

He began to lethargy, and then missed classes, turned day and night, and even missed school performances.He finally realized that this was not going to work, but alcohol had already swallowed his reason and self-control.

He started to panic, but he didn't dare to let his family know, struggling alone in vain, he even rushed to the doctor, trying to accept a new suitor, trying to dilute the concentration of Qiao Yumian in his heart with a new relationship, so as to divert the desire for alcohol degree of dependence.

They had eaten sandwiches together, and An Jiayu sat in the piano room listening to each other play the flute, but no matter how they looked at it, they felt that flaxen hair was not harmonious.

The other party gradually approached him in the setting sun, but his body instinctively avoided it before his brain reacted.

"I'm sorry. I think we should take our time." He explained that he didn't care too much, but the other party didn't expose him, but accepted it happily and continued to practice the piano.

That very afternoon, as if in retribution, he stumbled and fell down the stairs.

There are many people around him, sometimes familiar faces in the classroom or the piano room, there are also strangers, and behind him is a "boyfriend" who just started dating today.

But at the moment when he fell, no one stretched out their hands, and everyone immediately protected their musical instruments and avoided them. Some had polished French horns, some had just sharpened their reeds, and some were often ridiculed by the orchestra. viola.

His boyfriend seemed to reach out, trying to give him a hand, but when he realized that the inertia of an adult's fall was enough to put another person in danger, he withdrew his hand instantly.

That is the instinct of self-preservation written in the genes of a normal human being.

An Jiayu fell heavily. At the last moment, he protected the piano case and landed on his back.His head hit the steps, and he thought regretfully just before escaping into the darkness that maybe he would only meet one person in his life who would be willing to break his finger for him.

But he has lost him.

When he woke up in the hospital, An Zhen and Yu Zhifan were already beside his bed.

I haven't seen each other in just half a year, and the cellist hardly recognizes his son. Since he was a child, the little prince who has been loved by thousands of people is now pale and skinny, like a seriously ill patient trapped in the mattress, and his eyes are as embarrassed as those on the street. Homeless bum.

If it was just a concussion, An Jiayu might not feel ashamed.What really shattered his self-esteem was the onset of his alcoholism after he sobered up. An Zhen began to tremble and palpitate while holding him for no reason, and her face was pale with fright as she was sweating profusely.It was the first time he saw his mother crying in such a panic, and he couldn't tell whether it was sweat or tears that soaked the hospital gown.

"Little fish... what's wrong with you, what's wrong with you..." She began to blame herself crazily, and An Jiayu heard her confessing to Yu Zhifan in her sleep, "Brother, I didn't really care about him when he grew up so old... ...It was he who took care of me and accommodated me...You are right, I am not worthy of being a mother, not worthy of having such a good son..."

She blamed all the fault on her own indifference.

An Zhen turned down all the concerts for the past three months, concentrated on being with her son, and tried her best to make up for it.She learned to cook porridge and do housework, and she learned to chat with young people with confidence.

On a late night when she couldn't sleep, An Jiayu showed her Qiao Yumian's photo, perhaps because she had already broken up. An Zhen didn't express any opinion about his first love being a boy, but she was surprised: "He looks so good-looking." ah……"

"Mom, you don't need to accompany me anymore." He gradually got rid of the control of alcohol, but was attacked by guilt again.Because of him, my mother did not stand on the stage for more than three months and was frequently criticized.Rumors spread that before the performance, An Zhen would sit on the ground and raise prices to embarrass the company, which resulted in her being frozen.

"It's okay. I haven't rested for a long time, let me be lazy."

An Jiayu knew very well that this was not the truth, An Zhen didn't need such a rest, she was obviously the one who made her worry.

"Mom..." He couldn't bear such unrequited maternal love.

The time An Zhen enjoys most is the three hours of piano practice every afternoon. She will close her eyes engrossed, and sometimes wait for the applause habitually between pieces of music, but when she opens her eyes and finds nothing in front of her eyes, An Jiayu notices that The excitement in her eyes would be extinguished in an instant.

She longs for the stage.

But because of myself...

"Mom...you go and take care of yourself, okay? I'm already much better, there will be no problem, you believe me... really don't..." He almost begged An Zhen, but the other party shook his head very firmly, Said Xiaoyu is not sad, mother will be with you until you are fully recovered.

It's like someone knocked on his chaotic brain.

An Jiayu stared blankly at that loving smiling face, and suddenly remembered Qiao Yumian's sad smile. When she laughed, her eyes were flushed, and she couldn't tell whether it was anger or self-blame: "Is it because of me?"

At that time, I had the idea of ​​giving up and coming to New York.

He suddenly fully understood why a person who had never had any ideas would suddenly be so decisive.

He also realized how much pressure his so-called "goodness" put on Qiao Yumian.

He enjoyed the feeling of having Qiao Yumian relying on him, and he was single-minded about being a hero.

An Jiayu felt a chill down her spine as she put herself in that position.

He waited until twelve o'clock, and called Qiao Yumian during the domestic lunch break. He wanted to tell Qiao Yumian that he was fine, and he also hoped to get some news from the other party, but the call was not connected...

He hurried to make up for the courses he had missed in the past six months, and returned to China at the end of the summer vacation to find the familiar neighborhood, where there were no major changes. The heavy street lamp knocked on the anti-theft door.

He didn't bring any presents. He felt that Qiao Yumian didn't want to receive anything. He already felt the same way. Being unrequited is also a kind of moral kidnapping. He would not make any self-righteous decisions again.

He doesn't want an opening statement, he just needs a chic sentence: "I'll be leaving in a few days, and I'll drop by to see you."

He made all preparations for the reunion, but the stranger who opened the door rudely turned him away: "Who are you? Who are you looking for? He hasn't lived here for a long time, I don't know."

The author says:

Many things have to be experienced in person to truly grow up.

Fortunately, he has family to protect him.