blowing clouds

Chen Xiyang wanted to refute and defend, but in the end he chose to remain silent. He should accept all criticisms.

When the electric lights in the room were pulled away by Ding Zhaoyan, Chen Xiyang shrank back subconsciously, but it was a pity that the darkness retreated so fast that he didn't let him catch his tail.

"Don't think my words are ugly," Ding Zhaoyan sat on the coffin-like hard bed, "The main reason is that I really don't like your character. The elders always want to escape from their true side?"

Chen Xiyang bowed his head and remained silent, but the strange thing was that he should have felt ashamed, but in fact, he felt a tearing feeling of abscesses being squeezed, which was painful and refreshing.

Probably because the person in front of him who pokes his sore spot will keep a secret for him after he walks out of the house.

"I'm sorry," Chen Xiyang said slowly after a long silence, and it didn't seem to have much sincerity, "You just think I was just playing crazy."

Ding Zhaoyan didn't expect him to knelt on the ground crying and smacking his mouth while admitting his mistake, looking around the old but neat layout of the room and asking casually: "Who is the person you like?"

Chen Xiyang wanted to admit that the other party's eyes were indeed vicious, and the reason for it might be that he had suffered similar pains, but he would definitely not reveal everything here, so he shook his head.

"Don't talk about pulling down," Ding Zhaoyan snorted contemptuously. Although his expression was full of disdain, he looked more and more pleasing to Chen Xiyang at this time, "There are too many people like you in the circle, as long as you finally Don't harm other girls just to cover up your shame, I won't despise you too much."

Chen Xiyang smoked as usual, but after inhaling his lungs, he felt as if he had fallen into an ice cave.Although he resisted the several blind dates brought up by his parents, Chen Xiyang was afraid that he would eventually compromise when he thought back on his choice in the face of Lin Ji.

But what can he do?One cannot act recklessly regardless of everything in life, let alone this is not his business alone, can he pull Lin Ji to jump into the fire pit together?

After Chen Xiyang took a puff of cigarette, he did not follow up for a long time. The ash from the cigarette was like a dry branch. When he was about to burn his hand, he suddenly let go, and looked at Ding Zhaoyan again.

So having said that, it was really not easy for Ding Zhaoyan to be so transparent and courageous.

Ding Zhaoyan glanced back at him, Chen Xiyang thought that the other party must know what he was thinking, but he didn't point it out, but changed the subject: "It's useless to talk, go to bed quickly. Don't fuck me to touch me at night, be careful Let you fight like chicken and egg."

When he got up to turn off the lights, Chen Xiyang always felt as if he was carrying something on his body. He had always been used to forbearance, but perhaps he was caught off guard and broke the topic today.

Ding Zhaoyan felt that the rustling sound of the other bed was like a rat, and before he could scold, Chen Xiyang whispered.

"Actually, I might not be born with..."

"Are you born important?" Ding Zhaoyan sat up on the bed angrily, and stared in Chen Xiyang's direction, "Is it great to be born? Or is it that what you become the day after tomorrow is worthy of others' high regard?"

Chen Xiyang smiled wryly and continued: "I just want to say that I thought I... might change back, but now that I think about it carefully, it's just a dream."

Ding Zhaoyan snorted, "Isn't this still evasion? Stop pretending to be pitiful in front of me, you can lie to yourself and change back, find a woman to marry her, and then wake up ten or twenty years later, you have not changed Come back, or change back again! Change as you like, change as you like, as long as you think your life should be spent like this."

How should one spend one's life?The first thing Chen Xiyang thought of was the most famous passage in "How Steel Was Tempered". In the past, he always thought that passage was too big and empty, but thinking about it now, it seemed a little more bitter and mocking.When I look back on the past, will I regret it because I wasted my life?

Chen Xiyang felt that he was addicted to masochism, and Ding Zhaoyan was full of sarcasm like sharp teeth and claws, but he could relieve the pain in his heart, so he asked again: "How can I be as free and easy as you?"

"I would like to ask you, how can you like to escape as much as you do?" Ding Zhaoyan seemed to be really unable to understand Chen Xiyang's mood, "Isn't the pursuit of self a matter of course? Could it be that you know that you can live for a long time, so How dare you waste your life like this?"

Chen Xiyang also slowly sat up from the bed: "I don't want to escape, I can face myself calmly after tonight, but... the relationship is a matter between two people, even a family matter, I can't just take care of myself, can I? "

"Otherwise? You don't even care about yourself, who else are you planning to care about? All the people in the world?" Ding Zhaoyan asked, "Chen Xiyang, did all the books you read before were stereotyped essays? Feelings and family have a fart relationship. It's the family's fault that they want to get involved, not your fault."

Chen Xiyang remained silent, Ding Zhaoyan's feeling finally subsided, but not long after lying down again, he was tossed by curiosity again: "Hey, you like that person, what is your attitude?"

Chen Xiyang said stiffly: "Why are you so sure that I have someone I like?"

Ding Zhaoyan sneered: "You were about to cry when you hugged me just now, how can I not see through you?"

Chen Xiyang's mouth was tightly shut, and he chose not to admit it.

"It's so fucking boring, go to bed!" Ding Zhaoyan said discouraged.

Chen Xiyang looked at a stain on the ceiling and fell into deep thought.What is Lin Ji's attitude?Chen Xiyang thought that the other party was probably the same as himself, longing for and fearing at the same time.Now it is meaningless to discuss why this relationship came about. The important thing is what to do in the future.

Chen Xiyang has been deeply involved in this kind of entanglement for the past year. He is tired and afraid, and sometimes even resents fate, but his fellow Ding Zhaoyan has made a different choice. He chooses to give fate a big favor. mouth.

Chen Xiyang looked at his hand, which was also a hand that could slap, but he suddenly had the urge to cry, because he was never brave enough.

Otherwise, that nightmare would not have haunted him for years.

"You just said that you were not born?"

The silent night was suddenly broken by Ding Zhaoyan.

Chen Xiyang didn't know why the other party mentioned this topic, so he hummed lightly.

"Did something happen to you, or did you dabble in a field that you shouldn't dabble in?" Ding Zhaoyan's tone returned to the previous contemptuous play, "Do you feel that you are very unfortunate, and your good life has been rewritten? I advise you Don't think like this, if someone rewrites it casually, this fragile life will be over quickly."

At this moment, Chen Xiyang suddenly understood why this person could chat so well with Xu Donghai, because they were of the same type.Although the two are different in dealing with others, they are both very assertive people in their hearts. This kind of person is not free from confusion and entanglement, but what confusion and entanglement brings to them is not the pain of self-pity, but thinking and action.

Ding Zhaoyan turned over on the bed: "Why is there no movement? Don't be overwhelmed by this. Even if you commit suicide, I won't blame myself."

Chen Xiyang's tone was flat: "Thank you for telling me so much."

Ding Zhaoyan sighed artificially: "You're welcome, I just don't know if it's useful to say so much, man, sometimes I feel that I can do anything, but when I lose my energy, I lose my mind."

"When I'm depressed, I will recall what you said today." Chen Xiyang remained calm.

Ding Zhaoyan smiled and said: "We young people are the pillars of the country. Foreigners have been on the moon decades ago. We are still here to entangle our parents and family. Is it plausible?"

Chen Xiyang didn't answer, maybe he might not be able to sleep well tonight, but at least the nightmare won't disturb him again when he is awake.

This interview trip was very meaningful to Chen Xiyang, but the two people who returned to the unit looked the same as before, and there was almost no intersection, so that Xu Donghai, who thought he knew Chen Xiyang best, didn't notice the change in his heart. Instead, he was a little worried about his interpersonal relationship.

"Brother, you and Xiao Ding have worked together anyway, why don't you pay much attention to each other after you come back?"

Chen Xiyang finished today's work and was writing some essays. Hearing the words, he wrote lightly: "I just don't want to cling to the rich and powerful. How did your engagement banquet go?"

Xu Donghai was indeed led astray, and changed the topic: "Could this thing not go well? Everything is as planned. Get married on International Labor Day next year, and you can start saving money now to follow the family."

Chen Xiyang nodded: "Okay, I will give you a big red envelope when the time comes. But you are the earliest married among our classmates, and you are basically set in this life."

"I can't say that," Xu Donghai said with a smile, "With the backing of a solid family, I can better pursue my ideals. I can't solidify my thinking. I always feel that my family will affect me, don't you think so?"

Chen Xiyang stopped writing, forced a smile: "Yes."

Xu Donghai continued to talk: "You have to hurry up, if you move fast enough, maybe the wedding of our two families will be held together by then."

Ding Zhaoyan just walked in from outside the office, and joked after hearing this: "Hehe, those who didn't know thought you two wanted to get married."

Xu Donghai followed suit: "I want to too, as long as my younger brother is willing, I will do ideological work with godfather and godmother."

Chen Xiyang felt that the two of them were normal when they were alone, but once they got together, it was extremely annoying, so he forced to change the subject: "Where did Mr. Ding go just now?"

Mentioning this, unexpectedly, Ding Zhaoyan's expression turned cold in an instant: "Don't mention it, didn't you say that Lao Zhang from Chengbei Bookstore retired from his illness last time, and the newcomer who replaced him today came back to our club for the first time, but he didn't even know his mother's way. , I went out to pick him up but didn't find him, he must be a fool."

Chen Xiyang let out an ah, too lazy to chat anymore.

Ding Zhaoyan dragged Xu Donghai to continue complaining, saying that the other party couldn't explain clearly on the phone, always coughing, and his professional level was obviously not high, and he almost uttered curse words all over, which showed that he already hated this newcomer whom he had never met. It's broken.

While Xu Donghai was calming Mr. Ding's emotions, someone knocked on the half-open office door suddenly, and everyone looked over in unison.

Chen Xiyang saw a tall young man with thick eyebrows and big eyes, he put down his hand knocking on the door a little cautiously under everyone's gaze, and said in a trembling voice, "Hello, teachers, I am a guest of Chengbei Bookstore... Excuse me. Who is Teacher Ding?"

Chen Xiyang subconsciously turned to Ding Zhaoyan, saw that the man's expression was tense, coughed lightly, said "I am" very softly, and then walked forward with straight back.

This way of walking looked familiar to Chen Xiyang, he thought about it carefully and recalled, this is how chickens walk in courtship in the animal world.