郁

The second path discovered in the midst of hardship is self-mutilation.

The school had a five-day National Day holiday, Zhou Buyi was picked up by the driver, his parents were often not at home, and Zhou Buyi didn't know when they would suddenly come back.

When I was doing my homework, I accidentally broke the porcelain cup by the table with my elbow. The water stains penetrated into the carpet, and the white porcelain cup was smashed to pieces.

Zhou Yi didn't know why he was disturbed by the sound. He knelt down to pick up the pieces of the porcelain cup, but he was accidentally cut by the piece of porcelain, leaving a long gash on his hand, and blood flowed out from the wound. Stained the white porcelain cup.

Zhou Buyi didn't feel any pain at first. He unconsciously collected the fragments and threw them into the trash can. After sitting down quietly, he felt the pain between his fingers and heart.

The blood on the hand seemed to be still slowly flowing out, and the finger was like a pillar watered by blood, entwined with blood.

The pain from his hand made his heart twitch, and the beating of the muscles at the incision made him feel an inexplicable excitement.

By accident, he picked up a fragment that had been thrown into the trash can, put it on the forearm of his left hand, held the tile in his right hand, and scratched it mercilessly.

pain!The flesh was cut open, and the blood inside couldn't help but flow out, and flowed to both sides like magma on the arm.But at the same time as the pain, the mind felt an unprecedented liberation.It's like blood released those complaints, those pains, those fears.

The beating sensation from the slanted wound was as if a life had been conceived in his body, which was more vivid than his own existence.

Zhou Buyi laughed, and dropped the bloody white porcelain piece on the brown carpet, finally, finally feeling better.

He didn't apply medicine to the wound, and he didn't do any treatment for the wound. He let the blood flow out, coagulate, and be washed with water, and there were bursts of heart-wrenching pain.

He didn't care, he let them exist, let them breathe and beat, that was the new life in it, the vitality he had never felt.

It's a pity that they can't be exposed to grow and rot when they go to school. Zhou Buyi changed into long-sleeved clothes, applied medicine to the festering wounds on his fingers, and put on bandages. Some things should not be exposed to others.

……

"Morning." Fang Weizhuang came in with his schoolbag on his shoulders. He casually threw the schoolbag on the table and sat down.

"Morning." Zhou Buyi said.He was a little uncomfortable with this sudden enthusiasm.

"How was your vacation?" Fang Weizhuang asked.

"Not bad." Zhou Buyi said.Not bad for him.

"Very good." Fang Weizhuang said looking at Zhou Buyi's calm expression.

After exchanging simple greetings, Fang Weizhuang took out the book and put it on the table, and then took out another extra-curricular book to read.

At lunch, Fang Weizhuang didn't hide because he said it was open before, and sat directly opposite Zhou Buyi.

Zhou Buyi was eating with his head down, and seeing him sitting carelessly across from him, he looked up at Fang Weizhuang somewhat at a loss.

Fang Weizhuang caught his helpless eyes and asked, "What? Can't I sit here?"

Zhou Yi knew that he was afraid that he would commit suicide again, so he followed him like this.In fact, there is no need for this, I will not commit suicide again.Although he was selfish, he really couldn't leave all the uneasiness to him.

"You don't have to follow me like this. I won't commit suicide." Zhou Yi said.It's better to make it clear earlier, don't let Fang Weizhuang waste his time and energy for him.

"Really not? Are you thinking about it?" Fang Weizhuang asked.

Want to open?Zhou Yi clenched the chopsticks in his hand when he heard these two words, how could he want to move away?The most difficult thing to control in this world is probably his own thoughts.

"En." Zhou Yi said softly, "So don't worry, you don't need to waste your time following me."

Fang Weizhuang thought for a while and said, "Just think about it."

No denying it, it really was a waste of his time.Zhou Buyi lowered his head to eat again, not daring to look at Fang Weizhuang.

Fang Weizhuang didn't leave either, and sat opposite him.

Zhou Yi usually eats very little, and often stops eating half of the meal. At this time, he also stands up and prepares to throw it away as usual.

Unexpectedly, Fang Weizhuang asked, "Aren't you going to eat?"

"Hmm..." Zhou Buyi knew that he wasted food, and felt a little ashamed for being asked like this, his voice weakened a lot.

Fang Weizhuang snatched the bowl from his hand, poured all the food into his bowl, and said, "You, you only eat so much every day, no wonder you are so skinny. If you can't finish eating, ask auntie to give you less food, so don't waste it."

Zhou Buyi was a little stunned and didn't think about it in his head, so he asked, "Don't you dislike it?"

"What do you dislike?" Fang Weizhuang looked at him puzzled.

"Food, I have eaten it before." Zhou Buyi said.

"What's the point? We often eat instant noodles together in our dormitory. We used up all the spoons. What do you dislike?"

Yes!Sharing with each other, joking and snatching, this is how normal boys get along.But he has never shared anything with anyone, or in other words, he has shared it, but no one cares, and everyone hates him.These ordinary and frank lives will never be my turn.

Zhou Buyi didn't say anything, and hurried away in a panic.

After that, Fang Weizhuang finally returned to the original mode, and disappeared after class, with no one following him.

Yes, that's how his life was supposed to be.His life is not worthy of anyone's attention. The only value of his life is because of life itself. No one will care about him as a living body, even himself.