Like a swallow returning to its nest

On the third day after Jiang Xiaolai met her long-lost sister, Fang Jian drove to the tattoo studio early in the morning.

Not in a hurry to go in, she sat at a small stall in the alley and ate a bowl of noodles with fried sauce, thinking about what to say when she went in later.

I heard from Jiang Xiaolai that the old sister-in-law and sister-in-law are still students. Of course, sister-in-law is the same age as Xiaolai. Needless to say, the old sister-in-law is only one year older than sister Xiaolai.Unfortunately, Fang Jian discovered that she was the oldest of the four, and she became an old lump.

Like Xiao Lai, sister Xiao Lai is a pragmatic school. She studied painting, worked part-time while studying, and got rich by working hard with her hands.The old sister-in-law is from the law school, and she is a university bully.

Being an old pimple is enough to make Fang Jian sad, not to mention dropping out of school, he is still a mentally ill jobless vagrant.

But it doesn't matter, we are already learning and making progress.As long as you have a thick skin, nothing is a problem.

After eating, Fang Jian took out her mobile phone to check whether there were chili peels on her teeth, took out a tangerine peel candy in her pocket, chewed it up, drank some water to rinse her mouth, got up and walked towards the two wide open wooden doors deep in the alley.

Bypassing the screen wall in front of the door, the studio has a very beautiful front yard. The yard wall is covered with vines of scorpion vines. The flowering period has passed, and the ground is red withered. Under the wall is a vegetable garden, planted with garlic seedlings, shallots and leeks.There is a ginkgo tree and a cherry blossom tree in the open space on the left, and a large grape vine trellis is set up on the right. It is the harvest season, and there are several bunches of purple-red fruits waiting to be picked on the trellis.

The little apprentice in the store received her, invited her to sit on the sofa, poured her a glass of water, and asked her what she thought.

Fang Jian said, "I don't dare to have any thoughts about her."

The little apprentice froze for a moment, "Miss sister, what are you talking about? I'm asking you what you think about tattoos, what kind of picture do you want to get tattooed?"

She frowned, pretending to be deep, "I'm looking for that girl with big eyes and curly hair."

"Teacher Jiang." The little apprentice was still smiling, "Teacher Jiang wants to make an appointment, do you have an appointment?"

Fang Jian gave a vague "hmm", and the little apprentice said, "Then you should have her contact information, you can directly contact her on WeChat."

Fang Jianxin said, I have her WeChat, why are you still here? She took a sip of water in a hurry, "I told her, she didn't reply, she might be busy, I happened to be passing by today on business, I'll come in and have a look .”

It sounds like it's true.

The man behind the counter by the glass door stood up, "She's really busy recently, why don't I call and ask her if she's free, if it's okay, it will be arranged at noon or afternoon, please wait a little longer."

"This is our Boss Tang." The little apprentice said.

Fang Jian said yes, Boss Tang had a cigarette in his mouth, with a small scratch on the back of his head, and immediately dialed with his mobile phone. Fang Jian's muscles tensed up, and he raised his ears high.

After the call was made, Boss Tang briefly explained the situation, tilted his head, glanced at her suspiciously, and said "hmmmm".

It's not been a day or two since Fang Jian lied, her micro-expressions are quite well controlled, she calmly leaned back on the sofa, she was confused, did she really remember it wrong?

It was also lucky, Teacher Jiang was free, and promised to come to the store in an hour, the little apprentice brought her a plate of grapes, Fang Jianan sat on the sofa and waited at ease.

The studio is very large. There is a counter on the right hand side of the door, and a large wall painting on the left hand side. The color is strong and extremely tense. The girl in white is shackled by iron chains to the bushes, and the female knight is holding a long sword, splitting a line in the darkness. Light, leaned over and reached out to her to save her from the water and fire.

"This is the work of our teacher Jiang, and it was given to her girlfriend." The little apprentice said on the side.

Fang Jian nodded, not knowing whether to marvel at Xiao Lai's painting skills or the relationship between Xiao Lai and her old sister-in-law.

It is said that homosexuality is also influenced by heredity and genes. Twins are indeed twins, even in terms of sexual orientation.

During the waiting time, Fang Jian thought about why she liked girls, when did she start, and when did she realize it.

She had thought about this question a long time ago. At that time, she thought superficially that it was just because most of the girls were gentle and kind, and staying with girls was relaxing and comfortable.Secondly, Fangzheng would never allow them to make a wrong move, secretly liking girls, it was a silent resistance.

I think so, I don't have much chance to go out, and of course I can't meet the girl I like. Besides, mental illness doesn't dare to miss love.

Until Jiang Xiaolai appeared, until she sent the musty letter more than ten years ago, Fang Jian saw her past self confessing to her countless times in the letter.

- I really like you.

--I miss you so much.

—I want to play with you, I want to go to school with you, I want to sleep with you.

--Do you miss me?

On the night when she decided to die, at the bathroom door at the end of the corridor at the back door of Roman Holiday, the girl with thick eye shadow and nicknamed "Little Panda" by her, why didn't she hold her hand immediately when she was nicknamed her hand and asked if she was free?

She had enough money, and she might be able to convince that girl, even if she didn't want to, to get a kiss, a hug or something.But it didn't happen at that time, she left without thinking, just making a joke with herself in her heart.

Then Jiang Xiaolai appeared with a "click", and they started doing that thing as soon as they met, and they often did it after that, so they lived a period of ecstasy.

It turns out that not everyone can do it. It doesn't matter whether it's male or female, beautiful or ugly, or what status it is.To Fang Jian, all human beings are just a group of people living together on the earth, just like cats, dogs, pigeons, and sparrows.

If she must be classified into a group, Fang Jian only accepts groups such as the mentally ill.Beyond gender, wealth, status, as long as you have a mental illness, we are good friends.

The fact is that after she was discharged from the hospital, she no longer interacted with any patients, refused to be classified as a mental patient, and could not integrate into the world of ordinary people.

He paced up and down anxiously in the dark, not knowing what he was looking for.

until she came.

Xiao Feng, the landlord's old lady, Xue Yun, the cornucopia... When did Fang Jian walk into Xiao Lai's world, under the sun, take the initiative to walk into the small courtyard in the deep alley, and sit on this fabric sofa?

Saying that you are a ray of light in my life, illuminating my darkness, redemption, rebirth, are all too hypocritical.

Fang Jian just wanted to kiss her, sleep with her, and want to be nice to her forever.Desire is simple and pure.

She came because of desire.

The wind chimes hanging on the gate rang, and Fang Jian came back to her senses. Looking up, the girl in the beige seahorse hair sweater was smiling and greeting the man with the flowery arms behind the counter. Her hair was long and fluffy. On the shoulders and back, she has the same curly hairline as Xiao Lai, the same big eyes and small lips with a raised nose, very black eyebrows, and curled eyelashes.

Her skin is very fair, she is delicately beautiful, sweet and lovely, and there is a faint lingering sadness between her brows, as if she is harboring something sad, and if you take a closer look, you can't see anything.

"Hello." She held out her right hand.

Fang Jian bowed, as if treating a respected senior, held her hand solemnly and humbly, and let it go quickly.

"Let's talk upstairs." She led the way, and Fang Jian trotted to follow.

The first room on the left on the second floor is her workshop, which has a computer for drawing, a reception sofa, a round table, an easel and paintings on the entire wall.

"My name is Jiang Chunxin, you can just call me Chunxin." There was even a small refrigerator in the workshop, she opened the refrigerator door and turned around, "Do you want ice cream?"

Fang Jian didn't know whether to eat it, she had already returned to the round table and sat down, "There is only one cone, do you want to eat it?"

Fang Jian shook her head, she smiled "hehe", "Then I'll eat it myself?"

Fang Jian thanked her, "It's okay, I won't eat."

"I'm a little embarrassed."

"It's really okay, I'm full to eat."

She explained: "I feel uncomfortable if I don't eat something in my mouth. I eat and absorb a little heat, which can help my brain biubiu to burst out inspiration. You don't mind if I eat?"

When she said "biubiu", she quickly closed and opened her five fingers, full of childishness.

Of course Fang Jian didn't mind, "It's okay, you eat yours." Fang Jian swore that she had never been so respectful and polite to anyone in her life.

"Okay." She tore off the wrapping paper of the cone without any burden, and leaned on the back of the sofa to eat happily, "I don't make small pictures anymore, and those who come to me usually default to big pictures. I think you are like the first time Come on, the first time you make a picture, you still have to think carefully. You can talk about your own ideas. Is there any picture you want to make, a memorable person or event, and I can help you design the rendering first. If you don’t particularly want Do it, I suggest not to do it, you still have to be cautious about tattoos, I don’t need to tell you about the consequences, you should know that large-scale tattoos are difficult to wash off, and it will also affect your career.”

Fang Jianxin said that I am a jobless vagrant, I have no official career, and I am still very obedient, "What do other guests usually say?"

Chunxin licked the cone, "I can say anything, if you really don't know what to make, you can talk about yourself, the content is whatever you want, it can be love, family, friendship, or even family Pet dog."

Fang Jian thought, she must have been seen through by others. Ordinary customers might not have such patience, so they came all the way from school to talk nonsense with her.

Since people are here, they have to be taken seriously. Fang Jian thought for a while, straightened her body on the sofa, "Let's start from the time I was six years old."

The other side let out an "ah", and opened his mouth wide in surprise.

"Just kidding." She quickly waved her hands, "I'll just talk about my feelings."

She has never been so relaxed when facing a psychological counselor. Accompanied by the sound of her licking the ice cream and chewing the crispy cone, Fang Jian talked about her family and her illness in small words. The aliases of Hong and Xiaolan replaced herself and Xiaolai, and talked about the details of their encounter.

There is a deep confusion in her heart, which is the reason why she has been finding excuses to refuse to go back to Xiao Lai.

"I don't know if we want to be together or not. Now, it seems that nothing can stop us. I like her very much, and she likes me very much. My parents and sister can no longer interfere with us. But peace is only temporary , I might go crazy anytime soon, I really don't want her to see my ugly side."

"I really like her very much, but the more I like her, the more I hate her suffering because of me. I refuse to face her family and share her happiness, but I can't help but pay attention to her and stay close to her. Everything. I'm conflicted."

After Chun Xin finished eating the cone, he took out a wet paper towel to wipe his hands, put his palms together and brought it to the tip of his nose to smell it, and leaned on the sofa with his arms crossed and his chin quietly watching her.

Fang Jian scratched her hair impatiently, "I get sick every year. I have a hunch that I must be hospitalized. Winter is the season of high incidence of depression. In winter, I don't like the sun very much. The room is very cold, and people's mood will also deteriorate. , the city is full of dust... If I go to the hospital, it will take a month or two before I get out."

"Although the two of us keep saying that we are still separated and have not reconciled, in fact, it is similar to reconciliation. It is just a joke. I plan to formally break up before being admitted to the hospital, but I am very greedy and have created many conflicts. Kizuna, we took a lot of photos and adopted a dog. My grandparents all know her. We have many letters and photos from our childhood. I am very reluctant..."

Speaking of this, Fang Jian covered her face with her hands and began to cry, "Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" Chunxin got up and sat beside her, took out two tissues and stuffed them between her fingers, Fang Jian squeezed her face and blew a lot of snot, but the tears still stopped Can't stop flowing.

She didn't say these words to anyone, and she couldn't find anyone to say them, and she didn't plan to say them before she came.

"You told me to say it, I couldn't stop once I said it, woo woo woo..."

Chun Xin shrugged his shoulders, "You don't blame you." Then he stuffed a watermelon doll into her arms, "Cry in your arms, don't be depressed, I don't blame you at all."

Then she crossed her legs and leaned against the back of the sofa, and began to say some unfathomable words, "Do you think people have an afterlife?"

Fang Jian stopped crying and looked over, wiping away tears on the back of her hand, "I think there are, not only, there are three souls and seven souls, there are Meng Po and Ecstasy Soup."

The unexpected answer, Chun Xin said seriously: "You said no."

Fang Jian said, "I think so."

"I'll let you say no."

"But I really think so. I don't know if it's because I have forgotten the past. I always feel familiar with her."

Her train of thought was interrupted by her, Chunxin squeezed the space between his brows with two fingers, "What am I going to say...it's all your fault, I told you to say no, you must say yes!"

Fang Jian said in her heart that she really deserved to be twins, her temper came up as soon as she said it, and she turned her face faster than turning a book.

If Jiang Xiaolai is a lion cub who often has his fur all over his body, Jiang Chunxin is a lazy puppet cat who always likes to roll people's eyes.

She folded her arms and paced silently in the room, trying hard to think about how to persuade her and comfort her.

Fang Jian began to ramble on about some crazy things again, talking about how reluctant, how uncomfortable, and how inferior...

"Stop!" Chun Xin strode towards her and raised a finger, "It finally reminded me, listen carefully."

She lowered her face and lowered her voice, "What if this is already your next life? You missed it in the last life, but you have come back to this life, what should you do?"

"Is there a possibility." She said: "Maybe, you have actually died once. As you said before, you tried to die more than once. If everyone has a previous life, you have committed suicide so many times. One successful one, maybe the one when you were ready to hang yourself with a belt. But luckily, we all have the chance to do it all over again, you died last time, this time you didn’t, she saved you.”

Chun Xin already knew who the 'she' this little lunatic was talking about, but she didn't say anything, just said: "I don't intend to repay you, and you shouldn't repay her kindness to hurt her heart." Then he gave her a warning look— —If you hurt my sister, you will never forgive me.

But soon she realized that Fang Jian was dead at that time, how could she punish her?

"Anyway, it's not allowed!" She began to play tricks.

"But I'm afraid I won't be able to cure it."

"Is it cured?"

"It's cured, it's been five years, and it's getting worse."

"But I think you are fine now. You may have been sick for too long and don't know how to live a good life. You can't push yourself too hard. Give yourself more time. How do you know how to live? Don't want to give you time? Right, if there is a problem, we need to communicate more."

Fang Jian leaned softly on the sofa wrapped around a pillow, and finally murmured after a long time.

"alright."

"You're smart." Chun Xin said, licking her lips, and wanted to open the refrigerator door. Someone pushed the door in from the outside with a "squeak", and she quickly hid her hands behind her back. Fang Jian sat upright on the sofa, It's the old lady.

Seeing the two people in the room, the old sister-in-law was not in a hurry to say anything. She went to open the refrigerator first and found that one of the cones was missing. She walked to the trash can, put her hands on her hips and began to scold them with a straight face, "Why are you talking to me?" What do you mean? How dare you steal ice when you have a cold?"

Chun Xin pointed at Fang Jian, "The guest eats! Isn't it?"

Fang Jian nodded and bowed, "Old sister-in-law, don't be angry, I ate it."

The author has something to say:

Sister-in-law, sit down, let's talk about what's on your mind~~

感谢在2022-06-1221：38：32～2022-06-1321：12：55期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦～感谢投出手榴弹的小天使：咕咕的五花肉1个；感谢投出地雷的小天使：可口可乐、特价裴裴乐、EV、小初五1个；感谢灌溉营养液的小天使：念初凉、小喵真可爱1瓶；非常感谢大家对我的支持，我会继续努力的！