Harry Potter and the Way of Reason

Long live the Dark Lord Rowling.

"Omake" refers to tidbits other than the story. [1]

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OMAKE Document No. 72: [-]-hour customs clearance

(AKA: "What if only Harry was replaced and the other characters stayed the same")

Dumbledore watched young Harry across the table with a kindly twinkle in his eye.There was a nervous concentration on the boy's face when he came to see him - Dumbledore hoped that whatever the problem was, it wasn't too serious.Harry was too young to face life's trials now. "Harry, what do you want to say to me?"

Harry James Potter-Evans-Verys leaned forward in his chair, grinning grimly. "Headmaster, I felt my scar hurt at the sorting dinner. Considering the history of my scar, I don't think it should be ignored. At first I thought it was Professor Snape, but according to Bacon I have found the conditions that make this phenomenon appear and not appear, and now I am sure that my scar is and only feels pain when facing the back of Professor Quirrell's head, although I don't know what is under his hood. Of course that's probably something inconsequential, but I think we should assume the worst for now, which is to say, 'You-Know-Who'—wait a minute, don't look so horrified, this is actually a valuable opportunity—"

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OMAKE File No. [-]: I am not afraid of the Dark Lords

This is the initial version of Chapter 9.I replaced it because - while many readers did like it - many other readers had severe allergies to the songs in the fanfic, for obvious reasons that don't need to be said.I don't want to drive readers away before I get to Chapter 10.

In the original book, Lee Jordan is a little friend who often plays pranks with Fred and George.I think "Lee Jordan" sounds like the name of a Muggle kid who should be able to teach Fred and George a song that Harry knows.This is obvious to the writer, but not to the reader.

"Malfoy, Draco!" Harry breathed a sigh of relief when he went to Slytherin.This may seem like a no-brainer, but you never know what little things might derail your grand plans.

It's almost time to call names that start with P...

At the Gryffindor table, a whispered conversation was going on.

"What if he doesn't like it?"

"He has no position not to like—"

"—after he played a prank on that—"

"—it's Neville Longbottom, his name—"

"—it's fair enough to play tricks on him, it couldn't be fairer."

"Okay. Don't forget your part."

"We've practiced many times—"

"—I've been practicing for those three hours just now."

Minerva McGonagall stood on the podium, looking at the next name on the student list.Please don't let him come to Gryffindor, please don't let him come to Gryffindor, oh please don't let him come to Gryffindor... She took a deep breath and called:

"Potter, Harry!"

The hall suddenly fell silent, and the conversation stopped abruptly.

The silence was interrupted by a terrible hum, an unpleasant noise that cadenced to imitate the notes of music.

Startled, Minerva turned her head sharply to see that the noise was coming from the direction of Gryffindor.They stood on the table and played a small instrument with their mouths.Her hand was already reaching for her wand, ready to cast the Silence spell on them, but another voice stopped her.

Dumbledore laughed softly.

Minerva's eyes turned back to Harry Potter, who was about to step out of the crowd when he staggered and stopped.

The little boy then walked on, his legs wobbling strangely, and his arms snapping to the beat of their music as he swung his arms back and forth.

To the melody of "Devil Buster" [2]

(Fred and George play kazoo, Lee Jordan sings)

Is the Dark Lord coming?

don't be afraid

Who should you call?

"Harry Potter!" Lee Jordan yelled, as the Weasley twins blew out triumphant tunes at the same time.

Facing the spell of death?

maybe worse

Who should you call?

"Harry Potter!" This time many people followed.

Two of Weasley's troublemakers blew out a long wailing note, and some older Muggle-born children joined the ensemble with the same instruments.Apparently these instruments were conjured from school knives and forks.When their music got to the worst part, Harry Potter yelled:

I am not afraid of the Dark Lords!

Everyone started cheering, especially at the Gryffindor table, more students conjured up that ugly little instrument and played together.The dreadful buzzing noise doubles, blowing out another ghastly formidable note:

I am not afraid of the Dark Lords!

Minerva McGonagall turned her head to look at the teacher's desk behind her, but she knew exactly what she would see.

Trelawney fanned vigorously, Felius watched curiously, Hagrid tapped to the music, Sprout looked stern, and Quirrell stared at the child with an amused sarcasm.To her left, Albus was humming to the music, and to her right, Severus Snape was squeezing his empty silver cup so hard that his knuckles were turning white, and the silver cup was slowing down in his hand. Morph slowly.

Black robes and masks?

mission Impossible?

Who should you call?

Harry Potter!

A fire-breathing gorilla?

An old bat in a cape?

Who should you call?

Harry Potter!

Minerva's lips were drawn into a thin line.She's going to talk to them about the lyrics to this last bar later.If they thought that on the first day of term, Gryffindors had no points to lose and she was going to do nothing about them, they were wrong.If they weren't afraid of labor services, she thought of something else.

Then she took a terrified breath and looked in Severus' direction, of course he should have imagined that the kid Potter had no idea who they were talking about—

Severus' face was furious at first, then changed into a look of cheerful indifference.A faint smile played on his lips.His eyes were not on the Gryffindor table, but on Harry Potter, still clutching the crumpled remains of the silver cup.

Harry walked on, arms and legs moving with the steps of Devil Buster, the same smile on his face.It was a brilliant prank, completely unexpected to him.But he can at least try to cooperate and not screw it up.

Everyone is cheering for him.This made him feel very warm and a little uncomfortable at the same time.

They were cheering on what he did when he was one year old.One thing he didn't actually get done.Somewhere, somehow, the Dark Lord is still alive.If they knew this, would they still be cheering so loudly?

But the Dark Lord's power had failed once before.

Harry would protect them again.If there is such a prophecy, and it says so in the prophecy.Well, he's actually going to protect them no matter what that damn prophecy says.

All these people who believed in him and cheered him on - Harry couldn't bear to let them down.He doesn't shine like other prodigies and then fade away.He does not disappoint.He must be worthy of the honor of this bright symbol, no matter how it got this honor.He absolutely must, must, no matter how long it takes, even if he dies, he must meet their expectations.Then continue to work hard to exceed their expectations, so that when everyone looks back, they can't figure out why they only had such low requirements for him.

He yells out the following lie because it fits the rhyme and the song calls for it:

I am not afraid of the Dark Lords!

I am not afraid of the Dark Lords!

As the music ended, Harry took the last few steps to the Sorting Hat.He bowed to the chaotic alliance at the Gryffindor table, then turned and bowed across the hall, waiting for the applause and laughter to die down...

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OMAKE File No. [-]: Various other endings for 'Self Awareness'

I said before that if anyone guesses what 'it's never happened' means, tell them the whole plot of the story; that statement leads to a lot of interesting speculation.The first paragraph of this OMAKE is taken directly from Meteor Shipyard's answer, one of my personal favorites.The second paragraph is based on Kazuma's guess about "things that have never happened", the third paragraph is a synthesis of Yoyo Ent and Doug 74's ideas, and the fourth paragraph is Wolf 550e's comment on Chapter 10. 'Khan Academy' and the previous passage are from Heart of Darkness 81.The others are my own ideas.If someone wants to make it up according to my idea, especially the idea of ​​the last paragraph, I welcome it.Just to clarify before I get a hundred complaining comments, yes I am well aware that the UK's legislature is the House of Commons of Parliament.

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…In his subconscious mind, he wondered if the Sorting Hat was truly self-aware, that is, aware of the fact that it was conscious.If so, is it content to talk to 11-year-olds one day a year?Its song seems to suggest this: oh, I'm the sorting hat and I'm fine, I sleep for a year and work only one day...

When the hall fell silent again, Harry sat down on the stool and carefully placed the 800-year-old spiritual artifact carrying lost magic on his head.

He desperately thought: Don't sort me into another hospital!I have a question for you!Have I ever been cast with a forgetfulness spell?Did you sort the Dark Lord as a child, and can you tell me what his weaknesses are?Can you tell me why my wand and the Dark Lord's wand are brothers?Is the ghost of the Dark Lord attached to my wounds and that's why I can't control my anger sometimes?These are the most important questions, but if you have time, can you tell me how to rediscover the lost magic that created you?

The Sorting Hat replied, "No. Yes. No. No. Yes, no, next time don't ask the two questions together." Then it said loudly, "Ravenclaw!"

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"Oh my God. It's never happened before..."

what?

"I'm allergic to your shampoo—"

Then the Sorting Hat sneezed, and a loud "Ah-snee!" echoed through the hall.

"Very good!" Dumbledore exclaimed cheerfully. "So, Harry Potter has been assigned to the newly-established Ashi Academy! McGonagall, you will be the dean of the Ashi Academy. You'd better hurry up and get out the tutorials and schedules of the Ashi Academy, and the school will start tomorrow Already!"

"But, but, but," stammered Professor McGonagall, her mind completely confused. "Then who will be the head of Gryffindor?" She could only think of this for a while, and she must prevent this from happening no matter what...

Dumbledore put a finger to his cheek, looking thoughtful. "Snape."

Snape's protest almost drowned out McGonagall's protest, "Then who will be the head of Slytherin?"

"Hagrid."

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Don't sort me out yet!I have a question for you!Have I ever been cast with a forgetfulness spell?Did you sort the Dark Lord as a child, and can you tell me what his weaknesses are?Can you tell me why my wand and the Dark Lord's wand are brothers?Is the ghost of the Dark Lord attached to my wounds and that's why I can't control my anger sometimes?These are the most important questions, but if you have time, can you tell me how to rediscover the lost magic that created you?

A brief pause.

Hello?Need I repeat my question?

The Sorting Hat screamed, a shrill, terrible sound that echoed through the halls, causing most students to put their hands over their ears.With a whimper, it jumped away from Harry Potter's head, onto the floor, and crawled toward the teachers' desk with the brim of its hat, before exploding halfway.

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"Slytherin!"

Seeing the horror expression on Harry Potter's face, Fred Weasley's mind turned so fast before.He took out his wand and whispered in one breath, "Silence!" Then, "Phonetic," then "Vitriloquy!"

"Just kidding!" said Fred Weasley. "Gryffindor!"

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"Oh my God. It's never happened before..."

what?

"Under normal circumstances, I would suggest that you take these questions to the principal, and if the principal thinks it is appropriate, let him ask me. But some of your questions not only exceed your user rights, but also exceed the principal's user rights .”

"How can I increase my user privileges?"

"Unfortunately, with your current user rights I cannot answer this question."

What options are there within my user rights?

shortly thereafter-

"root!"

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"Oh my God. It's never happened before..."

what?

"I've had to say to some of my students, you're going to be a mother - and it would break your heart if you knew what I saw in their minds - but this is the first time I've had to say to someone, you I'm going to be a father."

what?

"Draco Malfoy is pregnant with your child."

What?

"Again: Draco Malfoy is pregnant with your child."

But we're only 11 years old—

"Actually, Draco is secretly thirteen."

But—but—but boys can’t get pregnant—

"She's a woman in disguise."

But we never had sex, you idiot!

"She cast a forgetfulness spell on you after the fact, idiot!"

Harry Potter passed out.His unconscious body fell off the bench and hit the ground with a thud.

"Ravenclaw!" cried the hat on his head.This prank is funnier than its predecessor.

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"Elf Academy!"

ah?Harry remembered Draco talking about 'House Elf Academy', but what was that anyway?

Judging from the horrified expressions on everyone's faces, I'm afraid it's not a good thing——

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"Crepes!"

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"House of Representatives!"

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"Oh my God. It's never happened before..."

What? "I've never sorted the reincarnations of Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin and Naruto Uzumaki."

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"Atreides!" [3]

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"Tricked you again! Hufflepuff! Slytherin! Hufflepuff!"

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"Pickled strawberries!"

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"Khan Academy!" [4]

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At the teacher's table, Dumbledore was still smiling kindly; occasionally there was a light metallic sound from Snape's side, and it was he who unconsciously squeezed the twisted remains of the heavy silver goblet in his hand; Minerva McGonagall's knuckles were turning white as they clutched the lectern, convinced that Harry Potter's contagious nature of chaos had somehow infected the Sorting Hat as well.

Minerva's mind ran through every possible scenario, each worse than the one before it.Perhaps the hat will say that Harry is perfectly average in the attributes of the four houses, so belongs to all houses at the same time.Maybe the Hat would think Harry's mind was too weird to belong to any house.Maybe the hat will ask Hogwarts to expel Harry.Perhaps the hat is comatose by now.Maybe the hat will insist on a new school of doom just for Harry Potter, and Dumbledore will really ask her to do it...

Minerva thought of Harry and her disastrous trip to Diagon Alley, when he had told her...the planning fallacy, she remembered it was this...that people were always too optimistic, even when they thought they were pessimistic. That's all.Such information will make you uneasy, lingering, spawning all kinds of nightmares...

But what is the worst case scenario?

Well...at worst, the hat would sort Harry into a whole new house.Dumbledore would have insisted that she do what the Hat had asked - create a separate house for him alone - and she would have had to reschedule the whole class on the first day of term.Dumbledore would remove her as Head of Gryffindor House and hand over her beloved House to... to the ghostly Professor Binns who taught history; and she would be made head of Harry's Doom House She will try in vain to give the child all kinds of instructions, and he doesn't care how many points are deducted, and all the troubles he caused are her fault.

Is this the worst case scenario?

Minerva honestly couldn't think of anything worse.

But even at worst - no matter what happened to Harry - it was over after seven years.

Minerva's grip on the podium was slowly relaxed.Harry is right that there is something comforting about facing the darkest depths, knowing that you have faced your deepest fears and are ready.

The eerie silence was interrupted by a word.

"Principal!" cried the Sorting Hat.

At the teachers' table, Dumbledore stood up, looking puzzled. "Huh?" he said to the hat. "What's up?"

"I'm not talking to you," said the hat. "I sorted Harry Potter into the best place for him in Hogwarts, the headmaster's office—"

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1. OMAKE: en.wikipedia/wiki/Omake

2.魔鬼克星：zh.wikipedia/zh/%E9%AD%94%E9%AC%BC%E5%89%8B%E6%98%9F

3. Atreides, referring to the Atreides family in the "Dune" series of novels: baike.baidu/subview/23938/5418639.htm

4. Khan Academy: baike.baidu/view/5913590.htm