little beast

Shen Chengan really wanted to find a chance to talk to Sheng Shuangxu, but he didn't have the chance, and he was never ready to be honest with each other, all of this required enough courage.

When he was in the church again, surrounded by old memories uncontrollably, the fear in Shen Chengan's heart resurfaced unexpectedly, and he also realized that this might be a good opportunity to confess.

He should no longer be entangled in the past, he already has the ability to love, and his love for Sheng Shuangxu is enough to resist pain.

The confessional was quiet enough, private enough that no one would notice, and his teacher couldn't run away.

Relying on Sheng Shuangxu's fear of outsiders not daring to struggle, Shen Chengan dragged his reluctant teacher into the confession room.

Different from forcing Sheng Shuangxu to repent last time, this time it was Shen Chengan himself who wanted to sincerely repent.

Sheng Shuangxu was still terrified by this small and dark space, but he was no longer afraid that Shen Chengan would do something out of the ordinary.Shen Chengan was very obedient, he didn't sit down in the empty seat beside Sheng Shuangxu, but sat quietly on the ground, his cheek gently pressed against Sheng Shuangxu's thigh.

For the privacy and concealment of the confessor, the entrances and exits of the confession room were covered by pitch-black shading cloths, making it difficult for outside light to penetrate, so Sheng Shuangxu couldn't see Shen Chengan's expression clearly.Shen Chengan's head gently pressed against the side of Sheng Shuangxu's leg, and Sheng Shuangxu could feel the pulse and vibration of Shen Chengan's neck as well as the warm body temperature through a layer of trousers.

Shen Chengan likes to have physical contact with his teacher, even if it is in the church he hates the most, he can get a great sense of satisfaction and security from it.

"Teacher, I want to tell you about my affairs," Shen Chengan said in the dark, "I want to confess to you...repent for all the wrong things I have done."

After the college entrance examination, Shen Chengan did not enjoy the pre-university summer vacation like an ordinary high school student. Maria had no intention of letting him develop in China at first. On the one hand, she really missed her son whom she had not seen for many years, and she had maternal love for him. , but on the other hand, she also wants to use Shen Chengan to control the family business.

Sheng Shuangxu's phone call sounded the alarm for Maria. His love for the same sex cannot be tolerated by a family based on Catholicism. Even though Maria had the experience of rebelling against her family, she could not accept her own His son is gay, and he doesn't want Shen Chengan's sexual orientation to be known by those who covet their mother and child.

Because of this, Shen Chengan was sent to a homosexual correction institution.

Shen Chengan had no choice, he had just grown up, had no financial independence, and was far away in a foreign country. At that time, he couldn't even speak English, let alone resist his mother——Maria also pretended very well, as long as If Shen Chengan listened to her and satisfied her desire to control, she could become a loving mother in front of her son.

Maria didn't even explain to Shen Chengan where she was going next, and Shen Chengan was tied up by the so-called doctors and nurses and dragged into the ward.

That was the most painful experience in Shen Chengan's life, and even the boundary of the pain spread accordingly. Anything related to the edge would trigger his post-traumatic stress disorder. He dared not step into the hospital, and he could not hear anything related to homosexuality. Vocabulary, can't trust anyone, have love for anyone.

Shen Chengan felt that he was not sick at first, and he didn't realize that this place was not something he could fully understand as he was born in a civilized society. He refused to accept the "doctor"'s treatment, and refused to take the medicine that made his head drowsy. As a result, he was forcibly transferred to a special ward.

"People will deliberately blur and forget painful memories, so that they can persist in living," Shen Chengan lowered his face, rubbed the tip of his nose against Sheng Shuangxu's thigh, and said, "I can hardly remember exactly what happened at that time. I remember vaguely, I only know that I have a bad life every day, I am so desperate that I don’t even have the confidence to escape, and I even think about suicide——I can’t explain how I survived it now .”

"After being focused on, I was watched by male nurses all the time. If I disobeyed, I would be beaten."

Being beaten was actually the lightest punishment. Shen Chengan was stubborn and could endure physical pain. Those people found that they couldn't subdue him, so they changed to another "treatment method".

If Shen Chengan refused to take the medicine, he would have no food to eat. If he still refused, they would catch him and inject him with a needle. Those unknown liquid medicines also had a calming effect, so Shen Chengan could only treat him during the period after taking the medicine. After quieting down, the drugs eroded his brain, and his five senses were also blunted. Shen Chengan didn't think about anything, he couldn't think about anything, as if his soul had left his body.

But homosexuality is not a disease after all, how can it be cured by medicine?

Shen Chengan no longer remembers how many times he was tied to the electric chair and endured the torture. There were no windows and lamps in the special ward, and there was no light that could penetrate into the room. The only light was the indicator light of the projector. In the oppressive and dark ward, I don't know the passage of time at all, and I can't distinguish between day and night, and gay videos are playing in front of me in a loop.

As the movie played, the electric current cruelly penetrated his back, chest, and brain. As the nurses adjusted the voltage, it gradually strengthened. In the end, Shen Chengan lost all his senses, but his body had firmly remembered the pain, and The pain that gay movies are linked to—they will use the means of torturing the body to destroy and crush his spirit step by step.

They called it Pavlovian therapy, and Shen Chengan became the dog in the experiment. From then on, as long as he saw anything that could evoke this memory, he would reflexively feel sick and retch.

Shen Chengan once tried to ask Maria for help on a routine phone call, but he was under surveillance and could not speak too much. Maria could not understand his hints, and did not understand his condition. She only felt that he was being "being" Treatment", as long as it is "treatment", it always has to suffer.

So far, Shen Chengan's reactions have all been as they wished, but they have no intention of stopping.

Shen Cheng'an, who was tortured by corrective treatment, never gave up his resistance. When struggling, he bit the palm of the nurse. The staff dragged him into the basement to vent their anger.

The basement of the correctional center was mainly used to store sundries. There was a dilapidated hospital bed inside. Shen Chengan was chained around his neck like a dog and tied to the iron railing of the bed.

The iron chain was not too long, so he could only sit on the dusty concrete floor, his knees and palms were bruised from friction due to rough dragging, and blood, sweat and mud stuck to his skin.

The male nurse who let him in said, "In order to make you a normal person as soon as possible, we need a new treatment."

"Little gay, your eyes are so beautiful."