half blind

When Zhang woke up the next day, it was gray outside the window. At first, he thought it was because he woke up early and it was still dark. When he walked to the restaurant and saw Zhou Nanchen, he realized that it was already 06:30, and it was too cloudy.

This day has been gloomy since yesterday afternoon, and the rain has not started to suffocate until now.

"It's so cloudy today, so I probably won't be working." Zhang Qing casually grabbed a slice of bread from the plate and stuffed it into his mouth. "It feels like a heavy rain may fall at any time."

"No more, the group sent a notice in the morning." Zhou Nanchen frowned while pushing the jam in front of Zhang Qing, "You're not afraid of choking."

Zhang Qing smiled, took a sip of water and swallowed the dry bread in his mouth, "Why didn't Rhubarb come over today?"

"Brother Liu is back, it's the grandma and her son who borrowed my car to vaccinate rhubarb." Zhou Nanchen said while pouring a bowl of milk.

Zhang Qing nodded, and suddenly became happy, "Hey, can I go back to sleep?"

"Why sleep? Your manager just called me and said that since he doesn't work in the morning, he made an appointment with your psychiatrist for an eight o'clock consultation and asked me to send it to you."

"Oh." Zhang Qing was dejected, he knew it was not that simple to sleep late.

While the two of them were eating breakfast, Van Gogh jumped onto the dining table, sniffing here and there, and finally gave a coquettish "meow" and rubbed Zhou Nanchen's arm.

Zhou Nanchen tapped Van Gogh's paw that was about to move with his chopsticks, "I've already eaten, and I still want to steal it."

I can see that Zhang Qing wants to have fun.

"Hey, did he eat the chicken breast that Rhubarb brought him yesterday morning?" Zhang Qing suddenly remembered this for some reason.

"No, he put it in the refrigerator." Zhou Nanchen said without changing his expression.

Zhang Qing was taken aback for a moment, and then found that Zhou Nanchen was looking at him like a fool.

"Damn, why are you like this!" Zhang Qing said angrily.

Zhou Nanchen laughed for a long time, "Of course I ate it. Do you think Van Gogh is as polite as you?"

"You..." Zhang Qing was speechless, and really didn't want to talk to him.

"Have you finished eating?" Zhou Nanchen had already stood up and was about to put on his shoes, "I'll take you there."

Because Zhou Nanchen lent the car to Brother Liu next door, the two of them could only take a taxi to the consultation room.

The sky was always covered with dark clouds along the way, and there were two thunderclaps from time to time, which sounded scary.

"This Lei Gong is going to hold back." On the way, Zhang Qing said casually.

"This is Xia Lei!" Unexpectedly, Zhang Qing's casual words aroused the interest of the driver brother, "Hey, you two are foreigners, right?"

"Ah." Zhang Qing said.

"No wonder, I don't sound like our Liancheng accent." The driver brother was very excited, "Here in Liancheng, as long as there is thunder and rain, the temperature will immediately rise, hey, summer I'm coming."

Summer.Zhang Qing leaned on the car glass and thought, it is already May, and it is indeed almost summer.

My mother used to always say that children born in summer must be born on purpose, to stand in the sun and look at the sun, and stand proudly against it.

It is estimated that my mother never thought that these words would come true in the end, and they were the ones who were confronting each other.

This year's birthday will definitely be spent in the crew, but it should be no different from previous birthdays. It is nothing more than a group of people buying him a cake, taking pictures and recording a video, and getting together for a meal.It's certainly not boring, but it's also nothing special.

From then on, the feeling that Zhang Qing brought to Zhang Qing after celebrating his birthday was no longer happiness but anxiety.It's like constantly reminding him that a year has passed, everyone else is climbing, and you are a piece of trash with no achievements.

Therefore, it is really difficult to get rid of the influence of family.Even if he left his parents, he still left behind the anxiety that he couldn't do his best.

Zhang Qing stayed in a daze for only a short while, and the taxi stopped downstairs in the consultation room. Zhang Qing had no choice but to reluctantly open the car door, and took a deep breath.

"Let's go." Zhou Nanchen said, "I'll take you upstairs."

"What about you?" Zhang Qing turned to look at him.

"What's wrong with me?"

"The consultation lasts five to ten minutes." Zhang Qing sighed, "Are you... just waiting here?"

"No, I have a dinner appointment with my friend, and I want to have a big meal here." Zhou Nanchen said seriously.

Zhang Qing was taken aback, "Didn't you just have breakfast?"

Seeing Nan Chen's half-smile look in his eyes last week, Zhang Qing realized that he was lying to himself again.

"Are you energetic or not?" Zhang Qing was speechless for a while.

"Go now, don't worry about me." Zhou Nanchen smiled.

"The devil is worried about you, crazy." Zhang Qing rolled his eyes and walked towards the end of the corridor.

"Can you see clearly?" Zhou Nanchen shouted behind him.

"Don't worry about it!" Zhang Qing's voice was amplified by the corridor.

Zhou Nanchen smiled, went downstairs, sat down on the flower bed at the door, took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it.

A drop of rain fell on the leaves of the green belt, and then the sound of light rain pattered one after another.

He used to like to tease Zhang Qing from time to time, even if he had been cheated so many times, he would still believe it every time, it was silly and cute.

Zhang Qing pushed open the door of the consulting room and looked inside. He couldn't tell whether the doctor was in the room just by sight. He didn't have an accurate location until the other party made a sound.

"Zhang Qing?" came the doctor's voice, "Come here, can you see the sofa opposite me?"

"Almost." Zhang Qing breathed a sigh of relief, and half-gropingly sat down on the sofa opposite her.

The doctor who consulted him was surnamed Chen, and there was a rare word in his name, which he couldn't remember after a long time, so he gave up and called him Dr. Chen.

Dr. Chen's impression of him last time was actually not bad, he was soft-spoken and very kind.But today I don't know if it is Zhang Qing's illusion, I always feel that her voice is very tense, and that kind of tenderness is gone.

"You should have come here two days ago," she said.

"I'm sorry." Zhang Qing felt a little guilty, "It's really too busy to take time off."

Dr. Chen sighed, "Has there been any changes in your eyes recently?"

Zhang Qing thought for a while, then shook his head, "Nothing has changed, just... it's still the same. It doesn't hurt or itch, but I can't see clearly."

"No signs of improvement?"

"Not yet."

"It's not worse?"

"Well, no."

Dr. Chen stopped talking, and Zhang Qing heard the sound of a pen writing on the paper.He didn't know where to put his eyes, so he stared at the arm of his sofa.

Dr. Chen was silent for a while, and put aside the documents in his hand, "Mr. Zhang, can I ask you something?"

"What?" Zhang Qing was taken aback.

"Do you have a history of anxiety disorders?" Dr. Chen raised his head.

Zhang Qing stopped talking and looked away.Probably because of this reaction, Dr. Chen's voice was raised slightly, and the anger in his tone was self-evident.

"Why didn't you tell me the last time you came here? The agent who brought you here didn't mention this at all when filling out the form. I should have made it very clear at the time, all the previous psychological and physical medical history of the visitor All must be written in detail on the file, and concealing my illness will affect my treatment plan and expected curative effect!" Dr. Chen's tone carried an unquestionable majesty.

"I'm sorry." Zhang Qing could only apologize.

"You should know that your condition should have been hospitalized. It was because of the special nature of your work, and your manager begged me so hard that I didn't transfer you to someone else." Dr. Chen's tone became more serious, "And What you are hiding is not a minor illness, but a severe anxiety disorder! If I didn't check your medical records casually a few days ago, are you going to keep hiding it?"

"No, listen to me, I really didn't mean that." Zhang Qing quickly explained, "My agent didn't fill out the form and didn't mean to hide it from you. She just... really didn't know."

"do not know?"

Zhang Qing nodded and sighed, "She didn't know that I had anxiety before."

Dr. Chen's tone sounded calmer, "Did you tell her such a big thing, severe anxiety disorder?"

"No." Zhang Qing smiled reluctantly, "The main reason is that I haven't committed a crime in the past year, and I haven't taken any medicine, so I never thought of telling others about it."

Dr. Chen frowned, "So no one around you knows about it?"

Zhang Qing shook his head.

If possible, he really didn't want to mention that experience for the rest of his life.

Dr. Chen was silent for a while, and Zhang Qing heard his voice flipping through the files, "You were diagnosed with anxiety five years ago, and it lasted for three years before you started to improve slowly, right?"

Zhang Qing nodded silently.

"When did you stop taking medicine?"

"last year."

Dr. Chen nodded, "Then it took about four years from when you were diagnosed to when you stopped taking the drug completely, right?"

Zhang Qing nodded again.

Dr. Chen was silent for a while, and wrote a few words on the paper.Zhang Qing was overwhelmed by this atmosphere, he was too familiar with this feeling, like a butterfly nailed to a wooden board for people to observe and study.

"At that time, you should be in college, right?" Dr. Chen spoke again, probably noticing his uncomfortable state, his tone slowed down a bit, regaining the softness of a psychologist's professionalism.

"Yes." But Zhang Qing's nerves did not relax because of her soft tone.

"Do you think there was any special reason for this disease at that time?" Dr. Chen looked up at him.

Zhang Qing didn't speak.

"You have to tell me, so I can know whether your anxiety back then is related to the condition of your eyes now." Dr. Chen insisted, "When you come to see a doctor, you just want your eyes to get better, don't you?"

This sentence made Zhang Qing give up completely.

In the remaining five or ten minutes, Zhang Qingquan talked about his terrible and unbearable college life.He talked about how Zhou Nanchen disappeared from his life without saying goodbye, how he gritted his teeth in the third year of high school and muddled through the middle school, and how he completely severed ties with his parents and went to school in other places alone.

Surprisingly, Zhang Qing thought he had forgotten a lot of things during his college years, but he realized when he told them that he hadn't forgotten anything, and remembered everything clearly.

There are no parents, no Zhou Nanchen, and the classmates in the same class are all elites, and his grades are not good enough to get a scholarship, so in addition to studying, taking exams and doing internships, he has to find time to go out to work to earn tuition fees.

Mom and Dad's nagging would appear in his dreams almost every night: You are a waste.After raising you so big, you will end up being a waste and a trash.You can't do anything well, you can't do anything.

During the worst period of time, he couldn't even sleep for two hours every night. When he was insomnia, he would open the book and gnaw desperately, and then found that he hadn't read anything in despair.Then it repeated day after day, year after year.

Thinking about it now, he doesn't even know how he got through those four years.Just recalling this experience, he felt that a layer of skin had been peeled off from his whole body.

After walking out of the consultation room, Zhang Qing stood at the stairs for a full 10 minutes before he felt that his hands and feet belonged to him.

There was already lightning and thunder outside the window, and it seemed that Lei Gong's big move was finally released.Not only was the downpour pattering on the glass windows, but also the whistling of the wind.

"Zhang Qing?"

Zhang Qing was finally brought back to his senses by this call, and in a blink of an eye, he saw Zhou Nanchen standing on the stairs on the first floor looking at him inexplicably.

"Hey." Zhang Qing hurriedly responded, holding on to the handrail of the stairs and walking down, finishing the small section of stairs before Zhou Nanchen came up to help him.

"You..." Zhou Nanchen looked at Zhang Qing's face, hesitant to speak, "Are you okay?"

It seemed that his complexion was so bad that he couldn't hide it, so Zhang Qing could only give a short dry smile, "It's okay, I just can't stand the atmosphere in the consulting room."

Zhou Nanchen frowned, "Atmosphere?"

Going on, Zhang Qing felt that there was no way out, so he quickly changed the subject, "I didn't expect it to rain so hard."

"Well, yes." Zhou Nanchen looked outside, "It just started 10 minutes ago. This heavy rain... I guess it's useless to use an umbrella."

Zhang Qing took a few steps outside, and immediately felt that he was completely blown through, Hun'er was frozen back into his body in an instant, and his whole body was shocked.

"Damn it!" Zhang Qing quickly stepped back, looking back at Zhou Nanchen in disbelief, "Is it raining? Is this a fucking typhoon?"

"It's true that a typhoon passed the border, but I didn't expect it to have such a big impact." Zhou Nanchen said, took out his mobile phone from his bag and called a car, "I didn't drive here today."

Zhang Qing took out the umbrella from the bag, but only opened it for two seconds before giving up quickly.He felt that he could fly directly into the sky with an umbrella again.

"Can there be a car in this damn weather?" Zhang Qing desperately pushed back the messy bangs blown by the wind.

"No." Zhou Nanchen frowned, staring at the ride-hailing software, "Wait a little longer."

As a result, the two waited in place for almost 10 minutes, but they still couldn't get a car.

"Duanmurou who kills a thousand knives!" Zhang Qing couldn't help complaining, "The sky is so cloudy, I must come out to see some kind of psychiatrist! This is good, I can't leave!"

Zhou Nanchen gave up and put away his phone, stared at the cloudy sky in thought for a few seconds, and suddenly asked without thinking, "How is your physical strength now?"

"Ah?" Zhang Qing didn't react, "What physical strength?"

"How about the physical strength and speed of running?" Zhou Nanchen answered patiently.

Zhang Qing narrowed his eyes, "You underestimate me, do you think my master has seldom acted or run in the past two years?"

Zhou Nanchen smiled, "That's right, you ran faster than Van Gogh the last time you went to the clothing store."

"What the hell are you doing?"

Zhou Nanchen pointed to the end of the road in front of them, "This road is too far away. There is a main road not far ahead. Let's run over and have a look, maybe there will be cars."

Zhang Qing immediately rolled up his sleeves, "Let's go, I'm afraid you won't succeed?"

Zhou Nanchen smiled, and stuffed the phone back into his pocket, "Then, three, two..."

Before Zhou Nanchen could say "one", Zhang Qing had already rushed out like an arrow leaving the string.