I'm a scumbag

"Actually, it's very easy to forget someone. You just need to start a new relationship! Xiaoyu, don't be so self-abuse. You can't find anything with such good conditions. I will ask my husband to introduce you to one later. I promise you will be rich and rich." Wealth needs appearance."

I continued to wear my clothes and ignored Xiaoxia's words.He has said this in front of me no less than dozens of times, especially after he borrowed his husband to be his boyfriend that day. I don't know how Liu Jun said it to him, and it probably has nothing good to say.No wonder, in the eyes of people like Liu Jun, men with less than a million net worth after thirty are all defective products.

However, my criteria for judging men has never been related to money, and I don't think there is anything special about the so-called successful people in their eyes. Maybe they are worse than animals after stripping their clothes.

"I think it's better to avoid it. It's nice to be alone, and I'm at ease."

"I think you've been single for too long, and you're solitary. You're fine now, but what will you do when you get old? It's pitiful to be alone." Xiao Xia made an exaggerated expression, "Thinking about it It's desolate."

"All right, all right, let's do whatever you want, I'm going out to do some errands, do you want to play computer here or go back to accompany your husband?"

"This is an order to evict guests."

"What kind of words will never be good once they come out of your mouth, I really have something to do, can't I treat you to dinner tonight?"

"That's pretty much the same, plus what you owed last time, you'll have to bleed whatever you say tonight. By the way, I have to call my husband." I'm really curious how Xiaoxia can say the word "husband" every day. Don't be ashamed, it's fine if a woman says it, but he is a man.With Liu Jun, he can't wait to let the whole world know that man is his property. Outsiders can't even take a look at him, not to mention contamination. He is as bold as the whole circle. To put it bluntly, just give him a piece of paper. He dared to do business with his husband in front of everyone.

While I was waiting to go out, he was still talking on the phone with Liu Jun, I got goosebumps from hearing that tone.He is not in a hurry, I am in a hurry, forget it, there is no time to wait for him.

I made a gesture to him and ran out the door in a hurry without waiting for his consent.I just received a letter from the mobile phone store saying that the mobile phone has been repaired and can be picked up today.Check the weather, if I'm dawdling over there it's closed.

In fact, I have no hope. After all, it is an old mobile phone that has been discontinued. It is estimated that even if I take it back to the original factory, I may not be able to find accessories.I didn't expect it to be repaired, and he spent a lot of time thinking about it, but the boss said that it was only temporarily repaired. If you want to fix it completely, you need to wait for a professional to come. As for when that person will come, he will call me.I feel very satisfied that the boss is so responsible. I paid the money happily and promised that if I need to buy a mobile phone, I will definitely patronize here.

2000 yuan, half a month's salary, if Xiaoxia knew that I spent so much money to repair a mobile phone that was so old that no one picked it up on the road, he would definitely say that I had a brain twitch.

There are some things in this world that cannot be measured by money, how could he understand.

In fact, I have changed many mobile phones back and forth in the past few years, but this one is the only one I am reluctant to throw away from the beginning to the end.It has been kept in my bedside cabinet, and I have to take it out habitually to look through it every night. It is nostalgic at best, and cheap at worst.

This habit has persisted for ten years, and now I can’t change it even if I want to, just like some people turn on the computer every day when they enter the house. It is a habit, and it can also be said to be a kind of psychological sustenance.

I like to listen to him sing and his hoarse voice. After listening to it, I will sleep peacefully, as if he has always been by my side and never left.So much so that when he appeared in front of me again some time ago, I didn't feel strange, and I didn't feel how long we had been apart.

Perhaps it is precisely because of this that the memories he left for me are so unforgettable.I know that I should completely forget about him, and then find someone who belongs to me to accompany me through the rest of my life. Although the idea is good, it is difficult to pay for it. No matter what kind of man I meet in these years, I will take it. Come out and compare him.

There are many people who are better than him, those who are superior to him, and those who are more sincere than him, but I just can't find that feeling, there is a place in my heart that always seems to be empty and cannot be filled by the other party.

There are all unforgettable memories, memories that only belong to him!Although he brought me more pain than happiness!

The sentence of never being in touch with each other made me wake up crying in a nightmare for three whole months, but I still look forward to receiving a letter from him, even if there is only a greeting.And he married someone else shortly after breaking up with me.

When I saw him again, I thought I would hate him to the bone, and peeled his skin and bones, but under his torture and tenderness, I gave in again, and even changed my mind to keep this apartment, looking forward to a certain One day he will knock on my door.

Then I want to tell him loudly, "Li Kai, I love you! I have always loved you! Let us forget all the grievances and resentments in the past, let's start again?!" I want to hold his hand tightly and never don't let go!

But when I finally waited for this day three years later, I found that I couldn't get out of the shadow of the past. My body and even my soul were already full of filth. What qualifications do I have to talk about love with him now!

This is not low self-esteem, this is a retreat in spite of difficulties!It's good to get together and part, at least to leave a good memory worth lingering in each other's hearts, that's enough.

I think this can be regarded as a kind of open-mindedness.But the price of this kind of open-mindedness is a bit beyond my imagination. I was very calm when facing him, and I was very calm when I even looked at him for the last time, as if he was just going out for errands and would come back soon, and there was no feeling of farewell at all.But when I was alone at home, the pain in my heart hit me overwhelmingly.

I spent the night cleaning the room to distract myself, but the throbbing never lessened.

It took me dozens of days to forget him, but when I got off work, I always looked around unconsciously, hoping to see him in a certain corner, but what I got was disappointment again and again!

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There was a noisy sound coming from the phone, and I was so familiar with this recording that I knew exactly what the sound would be in the next second.I'm used to listening to the recording twice before going to sleep, but this night I listened to it many times, and I didn't press the back button until I felt really sleepy and couldn't keep my eyes open.

However, when his eyes touched another page, he was suddenly more than half awake.

Of course I know about my own mobile phone. There is obviously only one recording file, so why is there an extra one below.

I clicked on the file curiously, and after a few slight breaths came a song I had never heard before:

"Pause when I hear my phone ring

I always wonder if it's you

Because of this reason, the mood is unstable

The problem between us is that I don't trust you

Sensitive and overwhelmed, afraid that you will change your mind

Because I love you and I'm afraid of losing you

The weather of love is always cloudy and cloudy

The emotions of love also cry in laughter

(Baby) want to say sorry to you

用错 了 方式 爱 你

因为 我 太 在意

(Without you) my world is only memories

每 天 只 面对 孤寂

it's too late to say i love you

Since the day we broke up, I can't stop crying

Missing someone can forget myself

let me love you anything

it's too late to say i love you

If I can meet you again hold you tight

From now on never separate never give up

I'm gonna tell you....... baby, I'm sorry! "

The last sentence became a narrative, a sincere, sobbing narrative.

His voice has long lost the greenness of his youth, but with a mature magnetism. I listened to the whole recording quietly, and tears have already flooded me.

The man appeared at my door the next evening. He was wearing gray overalls, a peaked cap, and a toolbox in his hand. He said, "I'm here to fix the phone."

I looked at him dumbfounded and couldn't speak, he sighed, walked in sideways from beside me, found the mobile phone, sat on the sofa and repaired it by himself.

In fact, from last night until now, I have been very confused, and even feel that everything is very unreal.I cried for a long time and my eyes are still swollen. It made me cry bitterly after breaking the record of four years. I should drive him out now. I didn’t do anything, just stood by and looked at him dryly. Serious to charming expression.

"Xiaoyu, I love you!" The words that came out of nowhere were like throwing a big stone on a calm lake. Nod, then, then there is no more.

"I know you love me too, and it hasn't changed." He finally stopped what he was doing and looked up at me, "That person is not your boyfriend either." His tone was quite certain.

I still didn't speak, and I was powerless to defend myself, because my expression had already betrayed me, and I was so embarrassed that I felt like I was being caught and raped in bed.

"I want to be with you." If these words were said from someone else's mouth, it would be somewhat irresistible, but when it was said from his mouth, it made people feel sad, probably because of his expression, pitiful and Be careful.

I didn't say a word until he went out. He didn't know whether my performance was rejection or acceptance, and I didn't even know myself.Just yesterday when I heard that song, when he was standing in front of the door, I suddenly had an urge to hug him!

"I live in 1303, if you still need to repair your phone, you can go up to me directly."

He went upstairs with a disappointed expression, and I looked at the corridor outside the door in a daze.

I haven't gone up to find him, but I know that he has never left. I don't need to confirm it from the breakfast placed at the door every morning.Occasionally I can still meet him, and I can’t say it’s occasional, because this occasional is too frequent, twice a day, on time, on time, I go to work in the elevator, and get off work outside the gate of the community.

He would greet me every time, tell me about his current situation, such as what work he is doing, such as his plan to buy 1303, so that he can see me every day, and then accompany me to finish the journey .Day after day has never been interrupted, a full 42 days.

But I didn't say a word to him, it's not that I didn't say anything, but I didn't know what to say. I thought about finding a bunch of excuses and reasons to drive him away like last time, but at this time, facing that smiling face, I actually didn't know what to say. I can't even say a word of cruelty.One person repeats again and again, persevering, and persevering, no matter how harsh the words are, I am afraid that the fist will be smashed on the cotton, and the steel will be crushed by the soft!

Until the day I saw him with a bandage on one hand and gauze on the other.There was a faint smile on his face but he didn't mention why he was hurt. I have to say that I couldn't bear it when I touched the bright red on the gauze.When the elevator reached the twelfth floor, he smiled and said to my back, "Good night!"

I went to the door of my house and took out the key to open the door. Suddenly, I stopped and listened to the voice upstairs.There are many residents on the floor, but there is no one in the corridor, so it is very quiet, because it is empty and there are even echoes, as long as you listen carefully, you can even hear the sound from the next floor, not to mention upstairs and downstairs.

The sound of footsteps stopped at the door, followed by the sound of a bunch of keys falling to the ground, and then the repeated opening and landing of the door.After a dozen times in a row, I cursed secretly, put the key in my pocket, and then took the elevator up to the thirteenth floor.

"Xiaoyu?" Li Kai was so surprised that he could put an egg in his mouth, and his eyes were bigger than copper bells.Even though it's the first time I took the initiative to come up, it won't surprise you. It wasn't the same elevator that I took together a minute ago.

In order to find a legitimate reason, I took out my phone and gestured, "There is something wrong with the phone."

"Oh, okay, let me take a look for you, just wait a moment." Li Kai was in a hurry with his face flushed, and the key fell to the ground again.I sighed and bent down to pick up the bunch of keys and opened the door for him. "Seeing that you can't fix it like this, forget it, let's talk about it tomorrow."

"No, I can fix it. You go into the house first, and I'll get the tools." Li Kai rushed into the bedroom quickly, and then ran out with the repair box in his hand, "Come in and sit down."

I suddenly felt that my behavior was idiotic, and I didn't know how to make up this lie, so I had to hand him the phone and asked him without words, "When did you live here?"

"Three months ago, but I haven't had time to clean up the mess." Three months ago?It turned out that he had always lived here and never left.

After saying this, the topic changed. He held my mobile phone so tightly that he forgot to fix it. Seeing me looking around, he hurriedly stuffed the clothes left on the sofa into the washing machine and simply sorted out the surrounding garbage.

"You haven't been home for so long, your wife..."

"I'm divorced!" He paused, and continued to sweep the floor with the broom between his two hands, "I wanted to tell you last time, but...it's not too late to say it now." He With a smirk, "I seemed to be fascinated by ghosts in those years, and I did a lot of wrong things. I suddenly figured it out a few days ago. I went home and solved all the things that should be solved. Divorced, parents' work Done too. I just want to be with you right now!  …I'm sorry, I know I'm selfish, but I don't want to lie to myself anymore, I can't live without you at all."

"Didn't you have a good life in those years?"

"Whether it's good or not, only you know, I love you, how can you be happy with others."

His naked confession made me a little overwhelmed, "Go ahead, I have to go back."

After I finished speaking, I ran out the door, Li Kai yelled at the back for a long time and I didn't look back. I took a long breath when I got home and closed the door.

Now that I think about it, it's a bit baffling. I really don't understand why I want to run?

"Xiaoyu!" I was shocked and almost jumped three meters away. The unhurried knock on the door continued. I thought that if I didn't give any response, he would keep knocking all night, so I took a deep breath. Then the door opened.

He handed me the mobile phone in his hand, "I checked, there is nothing wrong with it."

I took the phone back, "Thank you!"

He hesitated for a while, and then said reluctantly, "Then, you should go to bed early, good night. Oh, by the way, I may not be able to cook tomorrow morning like this, can I buy you soybean milk and fried dough sticks?"

"...Have you eaten tonight?" I blurted out this sentence, and after I finished speaking, I felt my cheeks burn, "If you haven't eaten, let's eat together." He probably can't cook like this now, upstairs The neighbors downstairs should take care of each other. After all, I have eaten the breakfast he made by himself for so many days, so I just treat it as a courtesy. I found a reasonable reason for myself.

We ate dinner together that day, and we ate for more than an hour. At the beginning, no one spoke face to face, but then the first two chatted like this.Talking from the future to the present and then to the past, and then to the bits and pieces of the time when I was secretly in love.

It seems that I have been holding back these inner thoughts for too long, and I urgently need to find an outlet. Unknowingly, I told him all the absurd and childish things I did when I had a crush on him.

His expression ranged from shock to guilt to disbelief. It's no wonder, now that I think about it, I can't understand how I did things that ordinary people couldn't do.I laughed at myself at that time, and shook my head helplessly, "Back then, I was impulsive when I was young, and I would risk everything just to find a reason to see you. Now I wouldn't do such an idiotic thing."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I'm afraid you think I'm a masochist!" I sighed, although I didn't want to admit it, but at that time I seemed to have a tendency to masochistic. "Normal people who would hurt themselves on purpose, but you, would you hurt yourself on purpose just to see me?"

I was just making an analogy unintentionally. I didn't expect to find that he unconsciously covered his arm and blushed.I froze all over, and asked in disbelief, "Would you be right by me?"

"Of course not, the injury was during the daytime..." Maybe he didn't even make up a good reason, and he became less confident after speaking, and the dodgy eyes basically confirmed my guess in my heart.

A 30-year-old will still use the tricks I used when I was 20. Should I say he is naive or pitiful?I thought I would be angry, I thought I would scold him severely, but I couldn't utter a word when I got to my mouth, my eyes were fixed on the two hands wrapped into pig's trotters, for a moment My heart throbbed.

I can understand that kind of feeling, uneasiness, panic, eager to attract the attention of the other party, want to prove my position in the other party's heart, and then do those ridiculous and unreasonable things, even if I endure the pain, I have to experience it , even if only a little bit, the feeling of being cared by the person you like.

"You, don't get me wrong, it's really, really not what you think..." Under my scrutiny, he finally gave up explaining, sighed and said to me, "I just want to Just say a word to me, just one sentence, even if you scold me."

I nodded, "Your goal has been achieved."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you. Don't be angry."

I nodded again, "...Li Kai!"

"exist!"

"Remember what I said to you once? I don't allow anyone to hurt you, including me!"

"Remember!"

"Today I have to say something to you!"

"what?"

"From now on, I will not allow anyone to hurt you, including yourself!" I pointed to his hands, "Promise me, this is the last time!"

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