I'm a scumbag

I got the news I wanted, and it brought me despair once again, deep and unbearable.

I tried to comfort myself, Han Yu is doing well now, and that person treats him very well, I should bless them.But my heart can't tolerate my self-deception, I'm not that magnanimous at all, I'm so jealous that I want to die, I hate so much that I want to kill someone!

On the third morning after he put down the phone, Lin Zi hurried back to his hometown from that city. He didn't even enter the door of his own house. He called me at the entrance of the village first and called me out. Will angrily call him unfilial son.

"Li Kai! Get out!" He said this during the phone call, and it was obvious that he came back angrily.

Sure enough, as soon as we met, he grabbed me by the collar, with that expression, gnashing his teeth and wanting to swallow me alive, "You don't even tell me about such a big thing as marriage, you fucking treat me like air, don't you?"

"Why is there such a big fuss? Isn't it just getting married? Besides, I notified you as soon as possible. What else are you dissatisfied with?" I pulled his hand away, ignoring his angry face, He took a cigarette out of his pocket first.

"Who is that woman?"

"I'm not familiar with it either, it was introduced by someone else."

"Fuck! Then you agree? Your brain is squeezed by the door!"

Before putting down the phone at that time, he just said "you wait for me!" I didn't expect him to come back suddenly. To be honest, I was very happy when he came back, but I didn't expect him to be so angry, let alone understand why he was so angry. . "If you are an individual, you have to get married and have children, but it's just a matter of time, so there's no surprise."

"Is it because of Han Yu? Just because he kicked you, you broke the can?"

I turned around and glanced at him, his face was flushed with anger, his eyes almost popped out of the window, it's better not to look at him, his appearance is too scary, "It has nothing to do with him, it's my parents who want to hug their grandson , I can't help it either."

"Who the hell are you? Li Kai, I don't know you yet. No one can force you unless you want to!"

"It is indeed what I want, and besides, that girl is also good. If you want to look good, you need to have a degree. I am a poor man, what is there not to be satisfied with." I stood up and patted him on the shoulder, but he pushed her away. "Okay, why are you so angry, didn't I notify you the first time?"

"If you regard the real me as a friend, you should discuss it with me first, instead of directly informing me. You know how... much...you have considered me when I heard the news. Do you feel it?"

"I still discuss it with you! My parents haven't discussed it with me. Who should I reason with! I can't even make decisions about my own life. You know how depressed I am. I have my heart!" As I spoke, my anger also rose.Since I came back, my heart has been blocked, and I have nowhere to vent my anger. It's fine if he doesn't comfort me, but he is still here to add to my block, how can I not be angry!

Seeing that I was also blushing, he lost his temper. He was depressed for a while and came over and handed me a cigarette, "Did something happen?"

"no!"

"Don't hold back, tell me."

"There's nothing to say, and it won't change any facts. I've been like this for the rest of my life. If I don't suffocate, I'll die!"

"If you don't want to, tell them!"

"Speak? My dad threatened me with death, how dare I say a fart!"

"Why are your parents so crazy? Why do you have to get married when you have nothing to do?"

"It's not all that stupid stuff. I don't know who spread it. Now everyone in the world knows that I'm gay, and I'm almost drowned by spitting!"

"No way? Who else knows about that except the two of us?... Hey, you don't doubt me, do you?"

"If I don't even believe in you, then there's no one in this world worthy of my trust." I sighed, "Forget it, I'm too lazy to think about those crap things, whoever I love...my parents are too For my own good, as long as I marry a woman, no one will gossip about me."

"I know that too, but you can't just pick one and just end it, right? Aren't you joking about your life's event?"

"I don't want to either, but do you think anyone would marry me with my current reputation?"

"Then why is she willing to marry you?"

I hesitated for a while, and decided not to tell him the truth, mainly because I didn't want to ruin Qin Xiaoyu's reputation, after all, she was a girl. "The fortune teller said that she will have a disaster this year, and the marriage is for joy."

"That's even worse. If you die in your house later, don't you wait to be blamed?"

"That's not the case. We agreed that when you get married, you will live in your own way. She still lives in her house. Besides, if I help her, she also helps me. We use each other."

"You mean you don't have the same room?"

He asked really directly, I shook my head, "I don't have feelings for women now."

Lin Zi suddenly stopped talking, but his expression became much more relaxed, sitting on the stone by the well and smoking a cigarette, he didn't know what he was thinking.

"Okay, let's go home and see your parents first, you haven't been back for more than a year, they must miss you a lot."

"No hurry, I want to stay by myself for a while."

I sighed and patted him on the shoulder, "Let's have a drink tonight."

"Row!"

"But you have to treat me, my pocket is cleaner than my face now."

"Fuck! That's up to you!"

That night, Lin Zi was very drunk, but I didn't feel drunk no matter how much I drank.

On the day I got married, Lin Zi drank too much, and it was so simple that it was a fool. As soon as the wedding was over, I left my newlywed and pregnant wife and went to the small river outside the village alone, holding a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of wine. Get yourself drunk before giving up.

It's a pity that I seem to have developed an antibody to alcohol, and my head is still sober after drinking half a bottle of liquor.I felt empty in my heart, as if I could hear the echo when I shed a tear.I hate this kind of myself, I can afford it, but I can't let it go, thinking uselessly about the person who hurt me and left me after the pledge of eternal love.

I thought of him again, looking at what he was doing on the other side of the moon imagining the earth at this time.Will he be like me, even if he doesn't want to think about it, his figure will often appear in his mind.

How much I want to cry wantonly in this deserted night, but nothing can flow out of my eyes.I think maybe the tears owed to him have been paid off, even the interest has been settled, should I also completely forget about him?

The river water was bitterly cold, I washed my face feeling puzzled and hated to throw my whole body into it.It's a pity that I didn't have the determination to drown myself. In the end, I dragged myself to the shore, completely soaked.

Picking up the phone, I hesitated for a long time, and finally forced myself to delete his phone number, deleted his text messages one by one, and finally deleted his photos one by one.Unfortunately, I cannot erase my memory.

Han Yu is like a cigarette to me, I can never quit!The last thing people can't deceive is their own heart!

"I knew you were here."

Lin Zi staggered and appeared behind me. Although he broke the rare silence, I was very grateful for his appearance. He made my heart feel less painful.

"You didn't want to commit suicide just now, did you? Save yourself, it's too shallow to drown people."

I couldn't get interested in his teasing at all, "Aren't you asleep?"

"I'm asleep, not dead, I won't wake up!" He smiled, put my shoulder next to me and sat on the rock, "Come, I'll drink with you."

"Stop drinking, you already have too much."

"It's okay, I'm happy today."

"Are you so happy when I get married?"

Lin Zi leaned close to my ear and pretended to be mysterious and said, "I am not happy because you are married, but because..."

"Because of what?"

"Hehe, it's because you married someone you don't love."

Is he trying to hit me even worse?Forget it, seeing him like this is also drinking too much, he probably doesn't know what he is talking about, talking nonsense.I didn't have any more thoughts to analyze his words, I picked up the wine bottle and touched him, raised my neck and took a sip of myself.

"Don't be sullen all day, what a big deal. Fuck, he doesn't care about you, some people care about you, and sooner or later he will regret it."

"I've forgotten him, or I wouldn't have married someone else."

"It's better! Otherwise, even I will look down on you!"

I smiled wryly and didn't want to discuss the topic of that person any more. Lin Zi was right, thinking he was abusing myself, I don't want to be a masochist.

For the last time, I swear it's the last time!From now on, even if I can't forget him, I won't think about him again!

"It's late, let's go back."

Lin Zi nodded, swallowed the last sip of wine, patted my shoulder and said to me, "Forget those things that should be forgotten, and cherish the people in front of you."

"Are you saying that I should cherish Qin Xiaoyu? Well, I know, I will treat her well."

"Know what! You idiot!" Lin Zi scolded me, got up and left without even shaking his feet.

Sober up?so fast! "Hey, why are you scolding me?"

"You'd better die!"

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