Taoist is a plush control

I often wonder if my life would be very different without my brother.

If there is no younger brother, maybe my father and mother would not die, maybe they will hold my hand that day, and escape together from the fiery purgatory on earth.

Dad would also take me to dig holes in the glacial river to fish, wrap me in his big coat made of sheepskin to graze the sheep, light a fire in the snow to keep warm, grill fresh fish to eat, and take me to the top of the mountain to see The stars, the stars everywhere, the star cream moves repeatedly.

A Niang will also prepare a table of hot meals, and the face that is always flushed with cold will always have the warmest smile in the world. She hugs and kisses my face, leaving the best smell.

Later, A Niang's belly gradually grew, and later, it was so big that A Niang could no longer hold me, so she asked me to stick it on my stomach to listen, and there seemed to be a faint beating sound inside.A Niang told me that from now on, you will be an older brother.

Whether it is a younger brother or a younger sister, you have to protect him, just like you swore to protect me like a bone-boned man with no sense of harsh winter.

I was full of expectations and promised her.

Until one night, a blizzard raged, crushing several sheepfolds and blowing out the torches lighting in front of each house. That night was extraordinarily dark and extremely cold.Until a baby cried, I rushed in to see my younger brother, but my father stopped me at the door, and the midwife grandmother shook her head and muttered, and came out with blood on her hands.

I was terrified. I thought it was something happened to my mother. When I heard her call me in weakly, my father hesitated but didn't stop me.I pushed open the door, A Niang still smiled so softly and beautifully, she told me to come in, she told me, no matter what he looks like, he is my younger brother, you swore to protect him forever.

On that day, I saw a white, lifeless doll for the first time.

Dad told me that my younger brother is a moon man.According to the legend of our family, the Moonman is a demon born with a curse, a symbol of disaster. He must be thrown into the snow to feed the wild wolves after birth, otherwise it will bring disaster to the village.

So that night, our family ignored the wind, snow and severe cold. A Niang dragged her body like that and escaped from the village with her newborn brother. She escaped from the mountain where the star river can be seen, the ice-chiseled water, and those souls. Dreaming, once.

That day I was wrapped in my sheepskin coat, and it was my younger brother.

I don't remember how long our family wandered and how much suffering we encountered before we found another village that could barely accommodate us.Because of this, A Niang suffered a serious illness. She could no longer easily lift me up and kiss my cheek, but she still smelled so fragrant, that is the smell only A Niang has.

I thought life would get better, and I would find new mountains, new glaciers, and raise new flocks of sheep. When I grow up, I will be a man of strong bones, tame the wildest horses, and endure the most ferocious. Eagle, with his younger brother galloping on the ice and snow, making the warmest cushion for A Niang, like an invincible general.

Until that day when the villagers suddenly grabbed me who was about to go home for dinner after running wild in the forest, they kept saying that they would trade me for my younger brother. I was terrified why the usually peaceful and understanding villagers suddenly became so violent. I saw Father's furious and scarlet eyes, and A Niang's frail body trying to block the door of the house.

They said that the burning of the mountain fire was a demon fire, and it was unscrupulous and unscrupulous.It was my younger brother who attracted us, and the demon god will forgive us only if we hand it over to my younger brother.

In the next moment, the fire suddenly expanded and spread over.

What happened after that...probably I called my father and mother to run together, but my brother was crying in the house, my mother was reluctant to leave him, and wanted to rush back to the house to hug him, my father didn't want to let my mother suffer, so she called me run by yourself...

After that, I was alone.

I don't remember how long the fire was burning, I was so stupefied by the smoke, I couldn't run, damn it.

When I opened my eyes again, I was in a carriage, and beside me sat a Taoist priest with a radiant spirit. I couldn’t understand the Chinese he spoke. I found out later that he said that I was his first disciple. , I was given the name Changqing.

He told me to make this my home.He told me that as long as you become strong on your own, no one will bully you again, and you will no longer be blinded by hatred, be pure-hearted and ascetic, and act the way of a righteous person.

Gradually we got used to it, learned calligraphy and reading with Master, and practiced martial arts and Taoism. During this period, the Taoist temple we were in also expanded a lot.

But accidents always catch you off guard when you are safest.

It was also a blizzard night, not much different from the day Brother was born.The wind howled, rolled up snowflakes and crackled against the doors and windows, it was terrifying.The night is like a huge curtain, covering the light and expectation of the world, leaving only the fear of death and loneliness.

I curled up on the couch and was awakened by a commotion outside the house that was louder than the wind and snow.

Pushing open the door, I saw Master covering his head with his long coat, carefully protecting a baby in his arms.Seeing the weird eyes of the people around and the serious expression of the master, I couldn't help running over to see what happened.

So I saw the baby boy who, like my younger brother, was pale and blue from the cold wind.

"From now on, he will be your junior brother. As an older brother, you must treat him like your own younger brother. You can't let him be wronged. Protect him well."

[——"From now on, you are the elder brother, you must protect him well."]

The bloody memories of the past, mixed with piercing screams, and the roar of the ruthless fire confuse the gust of wind, and also confuse the words of Master and Auntie.

The obsession with hatred took root in my heart. At that moment, I thought it was brother who came back.It's his lingering spirit, he insisted on killing my whole family, and now even I don't want to let him go!It was me who was possessed and lost my mind, and stretched out my hand to strangle his weak and pale neck...

After several months of confinement, when I came out again, Master seemed to be intentionally or unintentionally afraid to let me approach him again.In this way, I secretly watched him grow up day by day, watched him babble and learn to walk, watched him run and jump, watched him suffer from fear of the sun, and laughed because he got a new toy, watched him grow a beautiful hair gray hair...

If my brother hadn't died, he would have... also looked like this.

But I hate him.

Hate him for taking everything from me.

I saw him being isolated and bullied, but I just turned a blind eye.It's not that I don't want to help him, it's just that I... really can't reach out.Every time before I want to make a move, those memories that have been covered up and buried, even if they have been blurred to pieces for a long time, are still painful and tormented.

It turns out that hatred will take root, firmly grasped in the depths of your soul, and inserted into the flesh and blood like sharp claws.One move will make your life worse than death.

I'm an older brother, but I can't protect my younger brother.

Not only was I unable to protect him, I even went crazy countless times and wanted to kill him.

I am a sinner, a sinner who lives alone and cannot protect my family, and a coward, a coward who is manipulated by my own heart.

Seeking the Tao taught me to love the world, love the world, and love myself, but I couldn't teach me to love my relatives.

I see him being bullied, seeing him hurt, seeing him wronged, my heart hurts.But if I help him and protect him, it will only hurt more.

I am always afraid that I will be like a child again, unable to control my inner demons and accidentally kill him.

Turning a blind eye was the last thing I could do for myself and for him.

I know he hates me.I hate why I always speak harshly to him, dismiss him, be insensitive, and even refuse to save him.He was originally born with a special personality, easily slandered and slandered by the world, but his only elder brother, who he could count on to rely on, gradually became like the world, rejecting him time and time again.

But what he doesn't know is that anyone who has bullied him is found out by me, and I will give him a hard lesson afterward, telling them not to approach him again; if anyone chews his tongue behind his back, I threaten to cut his tongue off ;He passed out every time he was injured outside, and I took him back to treat his injuries; he didn't like to wear white, so I asked Master to allow him to make an exception and not to be obsessed...

He probably doesn't know that Hanchuan Lingyue's unapproachable reputation is mostly due to me, haha.

This is the best I can do, the last way I can still redeem my sins.

The inner demon is the inner demon. It is because I am not good enough or because I am weak that I cannot overcome it.In the mid-autumn rainy night, when the sword was pressed against his neck, and the lightning flashed, from the reflection of his desperate and lost eyes, I seemed to see the weak and powerless self who sat paralyzed outside the ruins of the fire that day.

Only at that moment did I realize that maybe from beginning to end, what I hated was not my younger brother who didn't grow up, but only myself who couldn't protect my family.

It was my incompetence that caused him to grow up in such a cruel environment. He was inhumane and had a weird personality. He would rather threaten me with his life to kill him than beg for mercy from me.

He hated me so much that he was willing to let me bear a lifetime of sins and apologies.

The ten lashes of ecstasy, I didn't carry them for him, it was my own fault, it was my own fault.

I owe him.

Not clear yet.

It turned out that God brought him to me not to torture me, but to make me atone for my sins.

Wang Shu...it's my brother who is sorry for you.

It's my brother's fault, it's my incompetence.

The sharp blade made the internal organs feel fine and painful, exhausted the mana and there is no way to recover from fatigue, and I can feel the bone-piercing cold when the blood gradually leaves the body...

He has also been so cold and hurt because of me, I am really a lunatic, a villain...

There was another burst of severe pain, and I couldn't support my body anymore...

I looked at him with his back to me, his face must have been full of disbelief and horror.It's okay, it's okay, you're not hurt, you're still intact, enough is enough, I...

The moment before the consciousness was withdrawn, I heard his hoarse cry,

"elder brother!!!!"

I felt a frantic beating heart in my chest tremble, and suddenly my body no longer hurts.

Auntie.

Am I a qualified brother yet?

In a daze, I saw A Niang's figure.

She still smiled so softly and peacefully. She knelt down and held my face, her lips gently pressed against her cheeks, carrying a fragrance that only belonged to A Niang.

I saw my father holding my younger brother behind me, and smiling at me not far away.

At that moment, all the grievances and pain all over the body were called out.

"Aniang, I did it! I kept my promise! I protected my younger brother... Aniang, am I a man of strong bones now? Aniang, I miss you so much...Why are you so angry? Come pick me up..."

——"Good baby, let's go home. Auntie cooked you a delicious dinner. After eating, our family of four will go to the mountains to look at the stars, okay?"

Volume Three: Xu Zhang Candle