monosyllable echo

In fact, I know that my life, my time, will not change much after making the decision to give up liking Kazuki.Because likes and dislikes are just my feelings, and the one-man show from beginning to end does not lack me as the protagonist, as if everything is ready.The only change was that when he heard his name, the original inexplicable tension and anticipation turned into a dull pain in the back of a knife.However, these are fine.Because the life in the shrine is very fulfilling, and I don’t have time to brew up emotions and dress myself up as a tragic heroine. In addition, with Soujiro’s father by my side, I feel satisfied as if I have found support.

Because I completed all the credits last year, I even skipped the final exam, and wanted to take a break until the next semester started.Turn off the computer and mobile phone, cut off all contact with the outside world, even the Christmas presents are mailed to Spark by express.I locked myself in a small tourist island called "Shiranui Shrine". There were only me and my father on the island, and of course, there were guests from the shrine who came and went.Every day I only need to think about the recipes of the day and the work of the shrine, and everything is peaceful and comfortable-when I live in a world without Kazuki.

However, all fools know that this short-term stability will not last long.However, people addicted to escape will always want it to continue.It is precisely because of this that when I saw Kazuki appearing in front of me with luggage, I felt an irresistible dizziness of being slammed with a club, and then suddenly realized——I am still living in that The world, the world with you.

I stared at him in a daze for a while, not knowing what to say for a while, because it was really long time no see.Maybe, if I go on like this, I will forget about him.

Of course, looking back at me in such a daze, he didn't seem to know how to face it, his eyes were a little dodgy, he stood there awkwardly for a long time, and finally he just squeezed out a quite disobedient smile and said: "I came back."

With Kazuki like this, obviously, he doesn't know how to get along with me, and me who confessed to him.

It shouldn't be like this, I didn't say my confession to embarrass him.It's really ironic that someone I like clearly shows such an expression because of me.

You can't do this, you can't make things difficult for him, you can't keep standing like this, life still has to go on.Now that I have decided to let go, I will do what I say.

To change, it’s good that Kazuki remains like this, since it’s because of me that it became like this, then it’s good that I can do the correction, let me change.

Lowering my eyes, I try to calm down.

When I raised my head again, I was his relative, not a girl who confessed to him. Only by doing this can we get along well.

You can do it, Natsume Jiu.

Huh—raised the corners of my mouth, I stretched out my hands to take the luggage: "Yo~ Kazuki, welcome back~~ Time flies so fast~~ You come back, which means that this semester is over! The next year will be the New Year How is it? The test scores should be good this time, right? After all, you learned something twice!... Hey! By the way, I'm going to tell Soujiro's father that you are back! He will be very happy, he has been I'm nagging why you haven't come back~"

Saying so, I turned my head and shouted into the room: "Daddy~~ Kazuki is back~~"

Run step by step, I don't want to see you, and I don't want you to see me.

# # #

"Ajiu, I..."

"Ah, Kazuki! I still have to go to the main shrine to deal with some things, you should talk to Dad first."

"Ajiu, you..."

"Kazuki, you're blocking me, I'm going to cook. Are you hungry too? Wait until I'm done!"

"Ajiu..."

"Wait, don't move! Let me clean up here.... Kazuki, can you help me move these things out? It's too heavy, I'll clean them up, and I'll leave the trash to you!"

"……I see."

Similar scene, but the positions of the two people are reversed.

It turned out that Kazuki wasn't so relaxed back then.Because, now, I am exhausted just looking at smiling and finding all kinds of excuses to avoid his conversation.

Sure enough, it was because I was too tired that I fell asleep lying on the kotatsu.

In my sleep, someone gently stroked the top of my head, and the fingers wrapped around my hair and touched it little by little, from the root of the hair to the tip of the hair.

"Oh, Kazuki, you are here. Huh? Is Aku asleep?"

This is, Dad's voice?

Accompanied by the sudden pause and disappearance of the movements of the fingers on the head, there was a soft reply from the side: "Yes."

Is this voice... Kazuki? !

The answer came out instantly and I woke up instantly from my drowsiness. I was stiff and wanted to get up quickly, but wait a minute!Wouldn't it be embarrassing if I got up now?The gentle touch from Kazuki's fingers still remained on the skin, like a flame that seemed to burn my skin.I continued to lie silently on the kotatsu, but my heart was full of emotions——Why, why are you doing this, Kazuki?Don't be gentle with me!Fool!Since you don't like me, don't be gentle with me.

"Kazuki, what happened between you and Ajiu at school? I always feel that Ajiu is a bit lost after she comes back. After you came back, the relationship between the two of them is also very stiff....It can't be another quarrel right?"

Dad, why don't you ask me these questions?

"Ajiu... did she say anything to you?"

"No, I didn't ask Ajiu, and Ajiu didn't say anything. This is just my personal feeling."

"..."

Really sensitive personal feeling ah.

"Kazuki, do you know? You are very similar to Ajiu. Being too persistent is tantamount to paranoia. What you hold in your hands and want to protect is too precious, but it is easy to let it slip away. Fear, worry, uneasiness, and always It's all hidden in my heart and I don't want to share it with others. It's very difficult for me, an adult, to see these things! Sometimes, you have to learn to rely, silly boy."

Sojiro's father...

"uncle……"

"Uncle, I made Ajiu cry...I..."

"Did Ajiu confess to you?"

"?!"

"Hey, hey! Don't look shocked. Anyone with a discerning eye knows that Ajiu likes you. I think you are the only one who can't see clearly."

"..."

Look, Kazuki, what do you want me to say, what should I say.

"So, Kazuki, do you like Aku?"

"I...it turns out that I have never considered this issue. Recently, looking back one by one, I really hurt Ajiu severely. I..."

"Kazuki, I just asked you, do you like Ajiu?"

"..."

Dad, stop asking, please.It was like torture for me.Pushing me to the edge of the cliff again and again, I really feel so ridiculous.

"Kazuki, do you know? Ajiu goes to visit the graves of Hikari and Nagisa every year."

"Mom and Dad?"

"Yeah, Ajiu regrets it very much. She regrets that Kazuki wasn't by your side when Kazuki was at his lowest ebb. She feels that it's partly her responsibility that you don't cherish yourself as much as you do now. So he I swore to protect you before your parents' grave."

"Ajiu, she..."

"Kazuki was accompanied by a girl named Yuezi at that time, right? But Kazuki, do you know what happened to Ajiu during that time? Yuko, that is, Ajiu's mother took her to Seeing my biological father, but was turned away, Youzi became ill and passed away not long after. When Ajiu was found by me, she hugged her mother's urn by herself and said nothing. Just asking me to bring her mother back to the shrine and bury her in her native land."

don't want!Don't say it!Kazuki doesn't need to know these things!

"Ajiu who was brought back by me, have you ever seen her give up on herself like you? After hearing about Kazuki's family, Ajiu who came back here immediately asked to find you. I think she wanted to I want to comfort you, because she can understand your feeling of losing someone you love deeply. However, Kazuki didn't seem to listen to it at that time. Even now, it's about the same. Have you tried Kazuki? Have you met Ajiu?"

"……I--"

"Kazuki, Ajiu is a good girl, even if you don't like her, you should seriously respond to her feelings."

"Uncle! I don't know! I'm also very confused! The more I listen to you, the more I feel that I hurt Ajiu too much. How can I make up for this scar?... I put my feelings for Yuezi Tell Ajiu a little bit, I am used to relying on Ajiu, and I am also used to liking Yuezi... When all these are in front of me, the first thing I think of is not what I really like. Who, but I don't want to lose Ajiu... It's just that I don't want to lose Ajiu."

"..."

"Haha, uncle must also think I'm mean. I can't be firm in my mind, but I still want to hold Ajiu and not let go... I have thought about it for a long time, and now I still don't want to lose Ajiu. Come back After that, every time, I wanted to have a good talk with Ah Jiu, but every time I was run away by her, I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking in my heart: Run away! Run away! In this way, I I can still look at you, at least, you won't leave me yet... But, I can't hurt her anymore! I can't confine her by my side while hesitating, in this way, I will feel that I am a heinous The bastard. I can't treat her so selfishly and cruelly... How can I hurt her again..."

Kazuki...

# # #

Standing at the exit of the shrine, I was waiting for Kazuki to come out.

Remembering that Soujiro's father yelled just now, "Aku~~ there are no ingredients in the refrigerator! Ask Kazuki to go to the supermarket to buy some new year's goods and come back!" I couldn't laugh or cry when he was about to throw us out.His appearance is like saying: Let’s have a good talk, you need to have a good talk, I will create opportunities for you~

But the me at this moment, especially after listening to that conversation, I can't have a proper conversation with Kazuki at all.Compared with simply liking or being rejected, such twisted emotions of mixed love and hate make it more difficult for me to face.

However, the boat will naturally go straight when it reaches the bridge, and if you can't escape, you can only wait for him to come.

With such a mood in mind, I stand here and wait.

Then, it turned out that I was so naive to comfort myself.

When I watched Kazuki appear in front of me with the woolen hat and scarf I gave him, all the mental construction I had just made became as weak and thin as a piece of paper, blown by the breeze, and in an instant scattered.

The winter sun directly hit Kazuki's body, covering his body with an inconceivable orange light, and he carefully pulled down the gray woolen cap to hold down his stubbornly raised bangs , making them obediently droop along the arc of the cheeks, covering his sight from time to time, but also making those eyes extraordinarily bright.

He walked in front of me step by step like this, and when he stepped on the yellow leaves, he would make a crisp "creak" sound, like a natural siren, mocking my own vulnerable mental defense system.

"Broad shoulders, clean and slender fingers, laughter like the sea, and sunshine in your eyes. I imagine you, it must be like this." —— I once heard this song in the lyrics, but I didn't feel it at the time. Now I can't help it The amount wants to be sure: Well, that's it.Because, standing in front of me, he is like this.

The sore nose seemed to swallow a whole lemon in one gulp, the last dam in my heart disappeared little by little with his approaching footsteps, all the cells in my body were boiling and clamoring: Admit it, admit that you still like him.So forgive me!Forgive him for his selfishness and cunning.Tell him, tell him that you are still willing to wait for him, waiting for him to really confirm his feelings.Then tell him, now you, really want, really want to touch him.

Kazuki who walked up to me smiled awkwardly, and said, "Sorry, I kept you waiting."

Shaking my head, I couldn't help but raised my hands and landed on his scarf, little by little, tidying it up carefully, and successfully tied a knot.

I raised my head and tried to smile, trying to find a suitable excuse for my current behavior. I opened and closed my mouth, but I could only utter a few trembling sounds, forming a sentence-"The scarf should be worn like this to keep you warm, idiot."

Because the distance is so close, I can clearly see his surprised eyes on my face and the corner of his mouth slightly raised.

The body was suddenly surrounded by warmth that did not belong to him, and a contented sigh fell beside his ears.

"Ajiu... I thought you would never smile at me again, and I thought you would treat me like a guest for the rest of your life. It's really great..."