paranoid dependence

The words Shen Nian said were not to comfort Gu Zhi, every word he said was sincere, he liked Gu Zhi's wholeheartedness towards him, and also liked Gu Zhi's possessiveness, maybe it was related to the lack of love and attention when he was a child , he didn't find it bothering to be so possessed by a person.

Maybe Gu Zhi’s feelings are madness and possessiveness that need to be avoided by outsiders, but in his view, it gives him a sense of steadfastness. Love is a matter of self-knowledge, even if it is a model of getting along. It is applicable to anyone, everyone is different, Shen Nian thinks that he and Gu Zhi are very good, very good.

Shen Nian was prepared for this aspect, but Gu Zhi also changed.

He didn't regard Shen Nian's tenderness and tolerance towards him as the capital to wantonly possess, but wanted to treat Shen Nian better and make Shen Nian more at ease.

Gu Zhi didn't go to school to pick up Shen Nian anymore, some things might be good if he can't see them, Shen Nian found this out on Monday morning when he went out to school after breakfast, Shen Nian subconsciously changed his shoes at the entrance He frowned, because his waist was hurting, Gu Zhi immediately sensed his discomfort and knelt down to help him put on his shoes.

Shen Nian looked down at him who was squatting on the ground, and asked with a smile:

"Is this my reward for letting you do whatever you want in bed? So good."

As he said that, he reached out to touch his hair, some white hair grew out, and the roots were already very distinct, so that Shen Nian was a little in a trance, in a trance, Gu Zhi should have the appearance of that black hair, it shouldn't be like this, In a daze, I seemed to see how he had slowly turned gray hair during those five years.

With his fingers lightly stroking the white, Gu Zhi seemed to sense his emotions, and got up after helping him change his shoes: "I'll go dye it again in two days."

"No." Shen Nian said, "Don't dye it again."

"I don't like it myself." Gu Zhi said.

"If you care about this, it will be black when you see me." Shen Nian touched his face: "Brother Zhi, if you really care, I won't stop you, but I don't want you to change for me, I like every look of you, how many times do you want me to say this?"

Gu Zhi laughed and seemed to be in a good mood.

Shen Nian and Gu Zhi went out together, when they stopped the car at the entrance of the community, Gu Zhi said softly:

"Nian Nian, I won't go to school anymore, you can come back by yourself after school."

Shen Nian looked back at him in surprise, his eyes were full of surprise and confusion, but he understood instantly, and sighed helplessly: "Didn't I say it's okay?"

"You said it's okay because you like me." Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian, "But I didn't go because I liked you. Nian Nian, I also want to become better for you."

To be honest, although Shen Nian knew very well that his tolerance and gentleness would not make Gu Zhi more and more crazy, he never thought that he would take such a big step back in such a short period of time. Relationships can make each other develop in a better direction. Love each other, but it shouldn't be a burden.

Shen Nian wanted to say something else, but the taxi stopped by the side of the road. Gu Zhi walked over and opened the door to let him get in the car. Shen Nian didn't move immediately, but Gu Zhi smiled at him:

"I'll wait for Nian Nian to come back."

That is to say, from this day on, Gu Zhi never went to school again, he would send Shen Nian to the gate of the community every morning, and then stand at the gate of the community every time Shen Nian came back, waiting, Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi In this way, there will be an illusion from time to time, this illusion is that Gu Zhi has been here after he left and never left.

What Gu Zhi did was nothing more than he felt that what he couldn't see was pure, and he couldn't see the contact between those people and Shen Nian, so he thought he wouldn't think about those things anymore.

But Gu Zhi ignored that the time he stayed alone was too long, he ignored that the meaning of his life now is a deep thought, even if he can't see him, he still thinks about it, and after not going to pick him up, he will feel more uneasy There are many, and there are more cranky thoughts, because I have seen the pictures of those students getting close to him, so from time to time I have to imagine whether he will be touched again during the time when I can't see it.

After Shen Nian started school, Gu Zhi felt sorry for his hard work, so he didn't torment Shen Nian in bed anymore, and he only wanted him on Fridays a week to give him time to relax, but since he stopped picking him up from school, The frequency of Gu Zhi has increased, and he urgently needs to confirm something during this time.

Shen Nian noticed it, he even saw Gu Zhi secretly looking at his mobile phone a few times, he didn't feel offended, he just felt a little distressed.

Shen Nian felt sorry for such stubbornness. When he came to the city where he worked, he had no acquaintances, no contacts, and only himself in his life, but because of work, he couldn't be by his side all the time. More than half of the time in Lidu is alone, and they are all spent waiting.

In order not to affect himself, he also carefully concealed his true emotions.

He wanted to show Shen Nian his best side now, but Shen Nian hoped that Gu Zhi would really get better.

Gu Zhi never said anything, but Shen Nian knew that he couldn't continue, Gu Zhi had not been out of that place for a long time, and his mental state was not very good, and he would still occasionally have nightmares at night. Shen Nian was not at ease even if he was left alone at home for a long time.

Especially one day when he went to the hospital to visit a student who accidentally broke his leg, because it was very close to his home, he couldn't control himself and went home, wanting to secretly see what Gu Zhi looked like when he was not at home.

Shen Nian will never forget the scene when he opened the door to see Gu Zhi, he was sitting on the sofa in the living room, the TV was on, but he didn't watch it, it seemed that the TV was on just for some sound, and the phone was held in his hand There, obviously there is no movement, but he has been paying attention to it.

My own messages are always answered in seconds. It's not that Shen Nian has never thought about the reason, but the imaginary and real picture in front of him is another effect.

Gu Zhi was really, really lonely.

He has to enrich Gu Zhi and let Gu Zhi find his own value. Only in this way can he get out of the constant self-doubt.

Gu Zhi's best years were imprisoned in a place that didn't belong to him, he missed the university, missed a lot, Shen Nian wanted him to take the college entrance examination again, and go to university again, but Shen Nian was not sure about Gu Zhi Willing or not.

There is no university in this city, if Gu Zhi goes to university, Shen Nian will definitely give up this job, although Shen Nian doesn't really want to change the current stable life, but there is nothing to regret.

Nothing is more important than Gu Zhi.

This matter was mentioned to Gu Zhi on a Friday evening. Shen Nian didn't study late at night and wanted to go for a walk after dinner. After getting off a coat, Shen Nian smiled when he saw it:

"not cold."

"The temperature has dropped." Gu Zhi said, "Just in case."

It's already October, and although this small town isn't too cold in winter, it's still a bit overwhelming when the wind blows occasionally. Gu Zhi himself is not afraid of the cold, but he is very afraid of Shen Nian's illness. He is too busy to stop, even if he is sick. He still has to go to class while sick, so Gu Zhi doesn't want to see that happen.

It was not windy today, and there were quite a few people walking outside, Shen Nian joked that it was unnecessary for him to take clothes, Gu Zhi said: "It is better than unnecessary to wear clothes when the wind comes."

Shen Nian smiled, it was at this time, when he was by Gu Zhi's side, he could see traces of Gu Zhi's happiness, not the him who was always waiting in vain at home.

It was at this time that Shen Nian spoke, and asked softly:

"Brother Zhi, have you ever thought about taking the college entrance examination again?"

Gu Zhi didn't seem to expect that Shen Nian would ask himself this question, so he stopped in his tracks. When Shen Nian realized it, he stopped and looked back at him, seeing his shocked expression.

Shen Nianzai observed his reaction carefully, but fortunately, no bad emotions were revealed.

"Have you thought about it? Retake the exam, and then go to university. I heard from Chen Jingzhi that your college entrance examination scores are very good, and there is no problem in going to a first-class university."

"Does Nian Nian want me?" Gu Zhi asked.

Shen Nian noticed his emotional changes, and also saw the trembling of the hands covered by the coat. He never thought that Gu Zhi would be related to the matter of being abandoned because of his own problem. He wanted to ask Gu Zhi why he would Thinking so, but the moment he opened his mouth, he suddenly understood something.

He probably thinks that there is no university in this city, and asking him to go to university is to let him leave, and his current self-doubt may also feel that Shen Nian will not give up his job for him, and they still have to separate. At the beginning, at the very beginning, Shen Nian didn't want Gu Zhi to follow him.

But even if he knew what Gu Zhi was thinking, Shen Nian did not speak to comfort him. Later, when Gu Zhi couldn't stand the silence and was about to go crazy, he raised his head and looked at Shen Nian. He was a little flustered just by looking at him. It's not because of anything else, but because he felt that Shen Nian seemed a little angry.

"Nian Nian?" Gu Zhi called out uncertainly.

Shen Nian didn't respond, but still looked at him.

Gu Zhi was too afraid of such Shen Nian, he grabbed his hand, held it tightly, and asked him: "What's wrong with you? Are you angry with me?"

"Don't you know why I'm angry?" Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi, and didn't soften his heart immediately.

Gu Zhi didn't speak, but Shen Nian sighed helplessly:

"Brother Zhi, even if you don't have confidence in yourself now, you still have confidence in me. I waited for you for eight years and finally waited for you. How could I just say no? I can't find the second one even with a lantern, am I a fool to push you away?"

"I just think it's a pity that if you didn't miss out on college, you must be shining right now."

Gu Zhi didn't speak, looked at Shen Nian, didn't know when the wind blew up, Shen Nian's hair was blown a little messy, Gu Zhi didn't continue to dwell on this issue, put clothes on Shen Nian first, Shen Nian obediently After putting it on, when Gu Zhi pushed it away, he whispered to him:

"It's not that I want you to leave me. I don't want to. I just want you to know that you are very good, far better than you think."

"I used to think that I could get back the old you, the wanton, daring to love and hate, but I found that my approval didn't seem to help you change, you still doubt yourself, or deny yourself, you Only when you admit to yourself can you not worry about gains and losses, and you will see how firmly I am holding you."

"University is certainly not the only way." Shen Nian said, "But if you want, I can accompany you."

Gu Zhi looked at him with some incomprehension and some surprise: "Together?"

"Yes, together." Shen Nian said: "Didn't you wish most before that you would go to the same university as me? I've been to the university before, and I'm too lazy to read it again, but I can accompany you in the postgraduate entrance examination."

"Are you going to give up being a teacher?"

Shen Nian smiled, and continued to walk forward, when Gu Zhi reacted and followed him, he heard his words, he said:

"Being a teacher is not as interesting as going to college with you? I used to think about what it would be like if I didn't keep you in the first four years of college, but you were always by my side. This is also my regret. Now if I have If I had the opportunity to go back to school, I wouldn't resist."

Shen Nian turned to look at him: "I'm even looking forward to it."

Gu Zhi didn't speak, he didn't know what he was thinking, Shen Nian secretly watched his reaction to make sure that he didn't resist, then he knew that the matter was half done.

Not going to college together is not only about his own regrets, but also about Gu Zhi's. His regrets are much more than his own, and Gu Zhi will not object.

Not everyone has the opportunity to make up for their regrets, there are too many regrets between them, so many that whenever there is a chance, Gu Zhi wants to hold it in his hands and not let it go.

When the two returned home from a walk, Shen Nian went to the restaurant to pour a glass of water. Gu Zhi had been sitting on the sofa since he got home, not knowing what he was thinking, Shen Nian didn't bother him, and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower. I thought that Gu Zhi had thought about it during this time, but when he didn't want to come out, he was still sitting there, still in a daze.

Shen Nian leaned against the bedroom door and looked at him and smiled slowly:

"I thought you would nod and agree without thinking about it. After all, I am looking forward to it."

Gu Zhi looked up at him, stretched out his hand to him after a few seconds, Shen Nian walked over to hold him with a smile, originally planned to sit beside him, but didn't want to be dragged by Gu Zhi, and directly became a straddle This is not the first time that the posture of his legs is like this, Shen Nian is not embarrassed at all, she put her hands on his shoulders and looked down at him:

"To do?"

"Don't do it yet." Perhaps it was Shen Nian who opened a window into his gloomy world, and Gu Zhi's strength was conveyed to Shen Nian little by little through his eyes and the movements of his hands. Shen Nian liked such a Gu Zhi Persistence, so even though he was holding his waist a little heavy, Shen Nian did not feel any discomfort.

"What do you want to ask?" Shen Nian looked at him.

"I haven't studied for five years." Gu Zhi said, "I might not be able to get into any good university, and I might not even be able to pass the exam in the first year."

"Isn't that just right?" Shen Nian said, "Is it so easy for you to take the postgraduate entrance examination? I have also graduated for three years, and I still have a job. I don't have much time to study, so if you fail the exam, I can't bear the pressure." Be younger, when I send this class of students away, we will study hard together."

Gu Zhi rubbed his waist: "This class of students won't teach after graduation?"

"Yeah." Shen Nian fiddled with the broken hair on his forehead: "The time is just right, it won't look like I've given up halfway."

"Nian Nian wants to go to the same university as me?"

"En." Shen Nian looked at him very intently: "I really want to."

"Where?"

Shen Nian didn't answer, but laughed, and Gu Zhi smiled when he looked at him. In fact, there was no need to ask, needless to say, the first thing they wanted to go to was only that school. Even though time passed, they had changed a lot, but there was no Those who can go, but still want to go and see.

"I see." Gu Zhi clasped Shen Nian's neck, pressed him down, and kissed him: "I will work hard, and Nian Nian will wait for me."

"...Okay." Shen Nian responded to him during the gap between the kiss and her breathlessness.

Maybe it's something to do, maybe it's a goal, a goal to achieve together with Shen Nian, the speed that Gu Zhi can see with the naked eye is not the same, the most obvious is that when Shen Nian sent him a message at school, he didn't It's back to the state in seconds, although it won't take too long, but it's a good thing.

Shen Nian liked it very much.

Busy with studying, but the matter of taking care of Shen Nian has not yet settled down. He will still prepare three meals a day, and will still send him out to pick him up. Although nothing seems to have changed, Shen Nian always feels that the whole family They all came alive.

After dinner, the two of them would go to the study room together, each occupying one side of the desk, and study independently. Gu Zhi would come to ask Shen Nian occasionally when he met something he couldn't understand. 'Teacher Shen' was willing to say, but Gu Zhi didn't follow him, he still told him to Nian Nian.

But at some point in the night, he would call him 'Teacher Shen' over and over again with vicious humor, and then see Shen Nian blushing.

Many people say that from the moment of graduating from high school, knowledge will be returned to the teacher. After graduating, Gu Zhi has never touched the textbooks, and he has never even thought about the things he used to study day and night. After five years of dark days, I am really unfamiliar with some knowledge points.

Facing the once-familiar things but now the unfamiliar ones really makes people uncomfortable, but Gu Zhi almost completely skipped the process of adapting, and he never even felt irritable. What, he doesn't feel boring, he doesn't feel bored, the most important thing is that Shen Nian is with him.

The ordinary days always passed quickly, and they also lived happily and fulfillingly. If it wasn't for Liang Qiu's sudden appearance, Gu Zhi would have almost forgotten about Ning Wen.

In fact, he can't forget it, he is just subconsciously ignoring those, because in his current life, there are too many things that care about Ning Wen, and he is obsessed with important things in the past. He wants to become better and become Shen Nian's reliance.

When Shen Nian got out of the car and saw Gu Zhi waiting at the gate of the community, he immediately noticed that he was unhappy. He hadn't been like this for a long time. Although he was hiding well at the moment, it was the pillow Man, Shen Nian still found out, stepped over and hooked his little finger to tease him:

"what happened?"

"Liang Qiu is here." Gu Zhi said, "At home."

Shen Nian laughed when he heard the words: "Aren't you happy? Just drive him out later."

Gu Zhi's emotions dissipated quite a bit, but not completely, so Shen Nian understood that Liang Qiu's arrival might have aroused some Gu Zhi's possessiveness towards him, but it was not serious, and more of it was Liang Qiu's arrival. meaning behind it.

Gu Zhi didn't ask about Ning Wen's matter, so Shen Nian never told Gu Zhi about the occasional communication with Liang Qiu, and there was no point in saying it, except to make Gu Zhi's mood fluctuate more and remind him of those bad things in the past There are no other benefits, but Liang Qiuneng came here on purpose, indicating that the matter is coming to an end.

In the elevator, Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi: "If you don't want to hear it, I won't let him speak in front of you later, we can go out."

Gu Zhi shook his head: "No need."

Shen Nian was a little surprised. After all, when Liang Qiu told himself these things last time, Gu Zhi's subconscious reaction was to run away. Gu Zhi also seemed to know what Shen Nian was worried about, and looked back at him:

"The thorn can only be healed if it is pulled/out/out. If I don't even look at it, how can I pull it out?"

The theory is correct, but such a change is unexpected, such a scar is natural even if it lasts a lifetime, Gu Zhi can face it calmly in less than half a year, even Shen Nian has to admire it.

"What should I do?" Shen Nian said, "I seem to admire you a little bit."

Gu Zhi heard that the toughness in his eyes turned soft, he laughed and looked at his whole world.