paranoid dependence

After dinner, when Shen Nian went back to his room to do his homework, Gu Zhi also came. Shen Nian glanced at him and ignored him, and Gu Zhi didn't make a sound. He had nothing to say to Shen Nian, he just wanted to stay by Shen Nian's side. Stay with him and watch him.

Maybe it's because I've been alone for too long, and suddenly another person intrudes into my own space. While I'm happy, there are also side effects that I'm not used to. Gu Zhi, who was beside his bed, did nothing but simply looked at himself.

Meeting Shen Nian's gaze, Gu Zhi showed a flattering smile again:

"Did it bother you?"

"No." After Shen Nian finished speaking, he turned his head and continued to work on the questions, but Gu Zhi seemed to be interested, jumped off the bed and walked over to stand next to Shen Nian. It was the first time he saw Shen Nian writing, and then Finding that Shen Nian's characters were the same as Shen Nian's, very beautiful, he stared at those characters and asked Shen Nian:

"Is Nian Nian uncomfortable? Because of me?"

Hearing this, Shen Nian stopped the pen in his hand and looked at him sideways: "Gu Zhi, I don't have such good adaptability as you."

"I can see it." Gu Zhi said with a smile, "Nian Nian seems to be able to accept everything, but he can't accept it completely."

"Can you?" Shen Nian asked him: "Now you, have you fully accepted me?"

Gu Zhi tilted his head, showing a puzzled look: "Accepted, isn't my attitude obvious enough?"

It's obvious enough, before the agreement and after the agreement, he is simply a different person, but does he accept it on the surface or from the bottom of his heart?

Shen Nian felt that a person who had no sense of security since childhood, lacked love, and wanted others to only care about him and love him, under normal circumstances, it was impossible to trust someone overnight.

This is not common sense.

So, they're all acting.

Maybe they have been left behind too many times, so even if they have reached a relationship of mutual companionship tacitly, they can't deliver their sincerity for the time being.

Gu Zhi's acceptance starts from the surface. He is not stingy with releasing kindness and making changes first, but his little change and kindness are like the bait thrown by a fisherman into the river. The benefits are rewarded hundreds of times, and he is willing to deliver his sincerity only after seeing the rewards.

Shen Nian is actually the same as him in essence, his wish to be accompanied by Gu Zhi is true, but he is not willing to give his heart for this wish.

The difference is that Gu Zhi's pretending is because he still doesn't trust Shen Nian, but Shen Nian's pretending is that he doesn't want to at all.

They are all tempting, trying to make the other party surrender first.

Shen Nian didn't speak anymore, turned his head and continued to do his homework, Gu Zhi was also very measured and didn't disturb, went back to the bed and sat down, still staring at Shen Nian's back, didn't know what he was thinking, but saw Very attentive.

The room became very quiet, only the rustling sound of Shen Nian writing, it was not until Shen Nian's cell phone rang that the silence of the room was broken.

It was Liang Qiu, Shen Nian almost couldn't wait to answer the phone, smiled and shouted into the phone:

"Liang Qiu."

Gu Zhi kept looking at Shen Nian, and naturally saw his expression and joy, it was for another person.

His mood became a little worse, not too serious, after all he apparently encloses Shen Nian in his territory, but he also takes a wait-and-see attitude towards Shen Nian's company, and his possessiveness towards Shen Nian is not too serious , but would Shen Nian be too ignorant to cover up?I only promised yesterday that I will be alone in the future, but today I will show such a smile to another person.

Gu Zhi could even feel that the moment Shen Nian saw Liang Qiu's phone call, he had already forgotten his own existence.

He really didn't care about his little lunatic.

-

When Liang Qiu left, she would call Shen Nian almost every day, worrying that he would not be able to get used to it by herself, but every time Shen Nian was in the best condition in front of Liang Qiu, and she concealed it almost perfectly. Later, Liang Qiu also became busy , studying, clubs, plus meeting new friends, often playing ball and partying, and the once-a-day phone calls with Shen Nian gradually became less frequent.

Shen Nian took the initiative to call a few times, but Liang Qiu would be called away if he couldn't say a few words, or there were other things. As time passed, Shen Nian didn't take the initiative much anymore. He was really afraid that his behavior would disturb others. Even if this person was Liang Qiu who grew up together, he was always waiting for Liang Qiu's call later on, and he couldn't hide his joy when he saw him calling.

"What are you doing? Do you miss me?" Liang Qiu laughed on the phone.

Shen Nian looked at the homework in front of him: "I don't have time, I haven't finished my homework yet."

"Tsk, I haven't seen you for a few months, how can you be so obedient and can't say anything?" Liang Qiu smiled: "I'm still thinking about that brother at the airport? Hear me again?"

Shen Nian smiled on the phone, ignored his 'brother', and asked him: "You don't have homework?"

"Don't mention this to me, it's a headache." Liang Qiu sighed silently: "Without you by my side, I don't have anyone to copy my homework."

"That's really nice."

"Shen Xiaonian, do you know that you are easy to get beaten for talking like that?"

Shen Nian smiled: "It's a pity, you can't beat me."

"Wait for New Year's Day." Liang Qiu gritted his teeth: "I'll beat you when I go back on New Year's Day."

Shen Nian paused for a moment: "Are you coming back on New Year's Day?"

"Go back!" Liang Qiu said, "Or you can come to Shanghai, I'll take you to play, how about it? I'll book tickets for you."

Shen Nian stopped talking, Liang Qiu waited for two seconds and clicked his tongue:

"Okay, wait for brother to come back and find you."

Liang Qiu had a rare free time today, and he talked a lot with Shen Nian, saying that he had joined the school basketball team, that his tablemate was a pretty and quiet girl who could only admit defeat when they quarreled, and that Su Xiaoxiao His culinary skills have not improved at all, saying that he likes Shanghai more and more.

Shen Nian didn't speak much, most of the time he quietly listened to Liang Qiu's talk about his life, and occasionally echoed a few words, saying something was quite good.

It's not that Liang Qiu doesn't give him a chance to talk, but Shen Nian's life is still the same, and Liang Qiu also knows that there is really nothing to say, and he is worried that Liang Qiu will find out that he has been alone all the time, so compared to saying, he more willing to listen.

Just chatting with Liang Qiu for almost an hour without saying a word, until the phone became hot, Liang Qiu hung up the phone, and he finally said:

"Xiao Nian, I really want you to live here too."

Shen Nian held the hot phone in a daze for a long time, he was actually not sad at all, he was not sad that his proportion in Liang Qiu's life was getting smaller and smaller, he just hoped that Liang Qiu would get better and better.

He was actually a little sad, sad that he never had a choice.

But he will get better and better, not compared with Liang Qiu, but compared with his own past, at least he will not be as lonely as before, he has Gu Zhi by his side now... Thinking of Gu Zhi, Shen Nian subconsciously She was stunned for a moment, although Gu Zhi's possessiveness had never appeared on her body before, but with such a relationship between the two of them now, Shen Nian was a little bit uneasy when he said that again yesterday.

He turned back to look at Gu Zhi, only to find that he who was sitting by the bed had left at some point, and he didn't even notice.

Shen Nian sat in a daze for a while, then got up and walked out of the room. He originally thought that Gu Zhi had gone back to his room to sleep, but the door was open and there was no one inside. Shen Nian walked out of the north room , but saw Gu Zhi who was sitting on a small bench on the porch of the north house, leaning against the wall and watching the night.

The weather in November was really a bit cold, Gu Zhi's ears were red, but this appearance also made Shen Nian see his shadow not long ago.

He also used to sit here without saying a word for a whole night like Gu Zhi did now.

The appearance of Shen Nian disturbed Gu Zhi, he looked sideways, with an expression on his face that anyone would think he was upset, he seemed to be waiting, waiting for Shen Nian to give him an explanation, Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi's eyes Zhong also read this information, but he didn't know how to explain it. He didn't do anything wrong.

He just made a phone call.

"What are you doing here?" This was the only thing Shen Nian could say.

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian's eyes from displeasure to disappointment, to a sigh of compromise after hearing this sentence, he got up from the small bench: "Nian Nian thinks what am I doing sitting here?"

Shen Nian didn't answer, Gu Zhi told him.

"I saw you smiling at others, and I felt uncomfortable when I heard you chatting so happily with others." Gu Zhi looked at him: "You have never gotten along with me like this before."

Shen Nian thought it was ridiculous, so he actually laughed out: "Gu Zhi, how long have we been getting along well?"

"So I'm not crazy." Gu Zhi looked at him and laughed again: "Take your time, just like I gave you time to eliminate your dissatisfaction with what I did before, I will also give you time Come and slowly adapt to the future world where I am the only one, I don’t blame you for what happened today, I have digested it myself.”

Shen Nian looked at him, and suppressed his smile: "Gu Zhi, I can't have you and not have friends."

"But what you want, your friend can't give it to you." Gu Zhi approached him: "If he could give it to you, why would you choose me? You wish you had nothing to do with me for the rest of your life."

Shen Nian frowned slightly, but Gu Zhi smiled:

"Nian Nian, people can't be too greedy, want my company, but don't want to give me what I want, it's not good."

Shen Nian didn't speak anymore, but Gu Zhi took his cool hand, shook it lightly, and said almost coquettishly: "We all have no choice."

As long as there is a choice, they will not be each other's choice, so Gu Zhi chose Shen Chongshan when he first came here, which hurt Shen Nian, and if Shen Nian hadn't lost everything and was about to collapse in loneliness, Gu Zhi would not is his choice.

Gu Zhi was right, they had no choice but each other.

-

The next morning, Gu Zhi went to a far away place to buy breakfast. When he came back, Shen Nian was arranging his schoolbag. A few books were placed on the corner of the table. The schoolbag fell off after a slight movement. Shen Nian bent over When he went to pick it up, someone already picked it up quickly, but it was a coincidence that he saw the accommodation application form that Shen Nian had originally put in the book, but now it fell outside.

Gu Zhi held it in his hand and stared at it, with an expression like he didn't understand why there was such a thing.

Shen Nian should say something, for example, he won't go to live on campus, this is just an application before, but he didn't say it, he clearly knew that he still wanted to live on campus.

Firstly, it was because of what Gu Zhi had done to him before, and the sudden change in their relationship made their relationship awkward now, and secondly, he didn't want Gu Zhi to become more and more possessive of him, which is not a good thing.This situation is almost unavoidable if you are at home by yourself every day by his side.

But he also admits that the decision to keep Gu Zhi at home is a bastard, but it is not that Gu Zhi has never done such a bastard thing. Even though the relationship between the two is different from before, Shen Nian is also an ordinary person, not everything. I can forgive him, and he can pretend that nothing happened. He has a grudge against Gu Zhi, which even Gu Zhi can see.

In such a situation, proper separation is not a bad thing.

It's just that Shen Nian doesn't want to suffer Gu Zhi's madness anymore, that's not what he wants to see, if Gu Zhi goes crazy, let's forget about it.

He looked at Gu Zhi, waiting for a result.

Gu Zhi slowly came to his senses, his expression was indeed unattractive, but the madness that Shen Nian thought did not come, he even slowly handed the application for accommodation in front of Shen Nian, and asked him:

"Nian Nian wants to live in school?"

Gu Zhi is not crazy and Shen Nian should be thankful, but maybe it is Gu Zhi's normal because of being crazy, his acceptance so indifferently makes Shen Nian feel uneasy, always feel that he is planning something.This time Shen Nian didn't see through Gu Zhi, so he asked directly:

"what are you going to do?"

"Niannian's question is so strange." Gu Zhi looked at him with a smile: "It's clear that you agreed to be together, but now you're going to live in school, what is Niannian thinking?"

Shen Nian didn't speak, and Gu Zhi didn't force him to ask, just looked into his eyes like that:

"Go if you want to go, will you be back on the weekend?"

Shen Nian was still silent, but the uneasiness in his heart was getting heavier and heavier, it seemed that this was not the decision Gu Zhi would make.

Gu Zhi seemed to see through him in such silence, and explained:

"You didn't like me before, and I did so many bad things to you. It's normal for you to be unaccustomed to living with me for a while. I said I will give you time to adapt, one month or half a year. , I can wait."

Shen Nian's expression didn't change much, and Gu Zhi didn't know whether he believed it or not, but he didn't care, he walked over to help Shen Nian put the dropped books neatly into his schoolbag, and asked again:

"Will you be back this weekend?"

It seemed that this issue was what he cared most about.

Shen Nian couldn't see through Gu Zhi, and didn't want to think about it anymore, so he zipped up his schoolbag and said, "Yes."

"That's good."

Shen Nian didn't say anything, when he was grabbing the schoolbag and was about to carry it, Gu Zhi held Shen Nian's hand like every time before, and said:

"Nian Nian, come have breakfast with me. I bought it after a long journey. It's still hot when I hold it on my chest."

It's getting late, and you might be late when you go to school after dinner. Shen Nian has no reason to accompany Gu Zhi to eat this meal, but Gu Zhi looked at him, and he was going to live in school. Nodding in agreement.

Seeing that he agreed, Gu Zhi laughed, he was more soft-hearted than he imagined.

The dinner table was very quiet, Gu Zhi didn't say a word, he didn't even look at Shen Nian, his eyes were blank, as if lost in thought.

Shen Nian should have left immediately after eating, but seeing the wound on Gu Zhi's face, he still said:

"I'll help you change your medicine."

Gu Zhi looked over almost immediately, as if he couldn't believe what he said, his eyes were full of surprises.

Even a little care can make him happy.

The wound on Gu Zhi's face was not healed yet, after a day of precipitation, the bruises became worse. Shen Nian helped him apply the medicine again and changed the band-aid. During the whole process, Gu Zhi was very quiet, just like that night, But Gu Zhi's mood obviously improved a lot, Shen Nian even escorted him to the door when he left, and watched him disappear into the alley.

Looking at the empty alley, Gu Zhi stood for a long time, saying that he was not lost would be a lie, Shen Nian didn't want to live alone in an empty house, how could Gu Zhi like it?It's not that he can't use means to make Shen Nian stay, he even knows that as long as he goes crazy, Shen Nian will definitely compromise.

But he also understood that even if Shen Nian stayed, he was not willing, there must be a layer between them.

Accompanying each other sounds very healing and warm, but these four words are not invincible, nor can they offset everything, and everything can be treated as if it never happened.

The relationship between them was abnormal at the beginning, and there were so many calculations and injuries between them. Now they are forced to live together and need to get used to each other slowly.

And during such a running-in period, a short separation may not be a bad thing.

It won't be long before Shen Nian will come back.

By that time, maybe they can really get along well with each other.

Because his Nian Nian is really soft-hearted.