paranoid dependence

Shen Nian didn't soften his heart any more, there are almost two months until the Chinese New Year, and he never went back once. Shen Chongshan visited Shen Nian during the period, Shen Nian saw him, but he didn't pick up the down jacket he sent. He spent the whole winter wearing the cotton jacket that didn't fit well.

Fortunately, without the influence of his family, he was doing well in school, and he could see a smile on his face, but there were many times when he was in a daze. Liang Qiu asked him what he was thinking, and Shen Nian's expression was always at a loss. Nothing to think about, nothing to think about.

Shen Nian still doesn't like sports very much, and regularly maintains his two points and one line.It seems that his life is so qualitative. He is only 14 years old, but he seems a little lifeless.

If it is possible, there is nothing wrong with living like this, but the school has holidays, and the winter vacation comes after the final exam. This time, even the dormitory that can accommodate him on Saturdays and Sundays cannot allow him to live.

Liang Qiu said to let Shen Nian go to his house, and he could not go back during the Chinese New Year. Shen Nian knew that he really thought so, but Shen Nian couldn't do it. No matter what Shen Chongshan said, he raised him for 14 years. Because of this reason, the peace between them was broken, but in Shen Nian's heart, even if he no longer had any expectations of him, he was still a family member.

If you don't go back in normal times, you won't go back, but for the Chinese New Year, you still have to go back.

Fortunately, Shen Nian didn't have to be at home all the time, he agreed to a part-time job, and the parents of his roommates asked him to help him with homework during the winter vacation. Since Shen Nian moved to the dormitory, because Shen Nian was helping with his studies, , his grades have improved a lot, and he was worried that the child's homework would fall behind after so many days of winter vacation, so he wanted to ask Shen Nian to help, of course it was not for nothing, the cost was 20 yuan a day, Shen Nian agreed.

For the current him, this part-time job couldn't be better. He can justifiably stay away from home, and he can also earn pocket money.

When he returned home from vacation, Shen Chongshan and Gu Zhi were not at home. When he came back after two months, Shen Nian didn't feel anything else. He took out the bedding from the cabinet, made the bed, packed the room, and packed the luggage. The box was not cleaned up, so it was placed in the corner, although I don't know why I did this.

It was still early, and Shen Nian wanted to visit Grandma Qin, but when she got to the door of Grandma Qin's house and looked at the lock, she remembered that Grandma Qin had gone to her daughter's house, and she might never come back.

It's a bit sad, but as long as she thinks that Grandma Qin is living the life she's been looking forward to, Shen Nian feels that it's still pretty good. There must be people around him who are getting better and better, so that he can feel that such good luck will come one day to himself.

Shen Chongshan and Gu Zhi still didn't come back until the evening, and there was no food in the kitchen, as if they wouldn't be back for a few days, Shen Nian didn't wait any longer, went to the grocery store on the corner to buy some ingredients and went home After making dinner, he actually cooked for Shen Chongshan and Gu Zhi, but neither of them came back until nine o'clock in the evening.

Didn't come back the next day either.

Shen Nian called Shen Chongshan but was not answered. Just when his uneasy thoughts were getting more and more intense, he met his neighbor Uncle Zhang. He introduced Shen Chongshan to the factory to deliver goods, and he was also clear about his whereabouts:

"Your dad went to deliver the goods. It was the last time a year ago. Don't worry, Xiaozhi is at home, so bring him with you."

Shen Nian breathed a sigh of relief: "Thank you, Uncle Zhang."

Shen Chongshan and Gu Zhi left for more than a week, and they didn't come back until the week before last. Shen Nian was not at home, he left early and returned late to make up lessons, and he was busy with his winter vacation homework. very.

It was already dark when I got home at night, there was light in the kitchen, and there were talking and laughing, Shen Nian realized that Shen Chongshan and Gu Zhi had returned.

He was actually hungry on the way back, and he even thought about what to eat. He wanted to fry some steamed buns to eat, and there were two left when he got up early, which was just enough, but now he was standing in the small courtyard, I feel like I'm not hungry anymore.

He didn't even know how to eat this meal, what kind of expression to meet them.

He stood in the courtyard for about a few minutes, his clothes were completely cold, he couldn't stand any longer, if he stayed any longer, he might have a fever, Shen Nian didn't want to embarrass himself anymore, he would see him sooner or later, he couldn't hide.

Shen Nian walked to the West Room and opened the curtain, the chatter and laughter in the restaurant stopped, Shen Chongshan and Gu Zhi all looked over.

"Dad." Shen Nian greeted.

I haven't seen each other for almost two months, and the separation is not pleasant, so meeting at this moment is awkward and embarrassing, and Shen Chongshan is also quite uncomfortable, but he still smiled:

"Where did you go? I saw your luggage in the room. Are you on vacation?"

"Yeah." Shen Nian said, "I helped my classmates make up lessons."

Shen Chongshan nodded and stood up: "Have you eaten? Have some together?"

Ever since Shen Nian entered the restaurant, Gu Zhi has been looking at him. I don't know if it's because Shen Chongshan said something to him, or if he was satisfied that he didn't come back for two months, or because he felt The day he left before did not pose any threat to him. In short, the abnormality in Gu Zhi's eyes looking at him is almost gone, and I don't know if it will reappear because of his return.

Shen Nian should feel hungry, but at this moment he shook his head:

"I ate at my classmate's house, you guys eat, I'll go back to my room first."

After saying this, Shen Nian turned around and left. Shen Chongshan didn't say anything to stay, but he didn't eat anymore after sitting at the table again. Gu Zhi looked at Shen Chongshan's expression and didn't say anything, but he was in a bad mood .

Shen Nian didn't know what Gu Zhi's mood was, he just felt that he was a bit depressed when he returned to the room, although he was not happy at home before, but now it made him breathless, but he would try to make himself look lighter .

It will be fine when school starts, and he can be alone again after school starts.

It will be fine when he grows up, and he can have his own home when he grows up.

Even if it's just his own home.

When Shen Nian got up the next day and was about to go out, Shen Chongshan was making breakfast, and he was a little surprised to see him tidy up so early:

"Going out?"

"Yeah." Shen Nian replied lightly: "Tutoring my classmates, come back at night."

Before Shen Chongshan could ask any more questions after speaking, Shen Nian had already left the door.

From then until the Chinese New Year, Shen Nian was almost always like this, never stayed at home, even when he occasionally didn't go to tutoring, Shen Nian spent most of his time in his room, or went to the library, and Shen Chongshan and Gu Zhi hardly ever met face to face.

He seemed to be back, but he didn't seem to be back.

It would only appear when Shen Chongshan asked him to eat, but after Shen Chongshan cooked, he would wash the dishes after the meal, as if to make a clear distinction from Shen Chongshan and the others.

Even if you can't pay back what you owed before, you don't want to owe more in the future.

On New Year's Eve, Shen Nian didn't go out again, nor did he hide in the house anymore, it wasn't suitable, he wanted to help Shen Chongshan tidy up the small courtyard together, put up window grilles and couplets, but Gu Zhi stuck around Shen Chongshan like a little tail He followed behind, never leaving, so lively that others couldn't get in for half a minute.

So Shen Nian cleaned up the house, and when it was done, Shen Chongshan and Gu Zhi also made dumplings, Shen Chongshan was the main force, Gu Zhi seemed to be helping, but he was making trouble, but Shen Chongshan's face was full of smiles , it seems that no matter how much Gu Zhi messes around, it's okay.

Shen Nian washed his hands and walked over to help, Gu Zhi's eyes fell on him, staring at him for a long time, Shen Nian's movement of rolling the dumpling wrapper remained unchanged, as if he didn't feel his gaze.

When the sound of firecrackers and fireworks continued outside, it was time to cook dumplings. The kitchen began to billow with heat, and a layer of water mist condensed on the glass window. Shen Nian stood in front of the window and raised his hand to wipe the layer of water mist. He didn't know when the snow had started, and his mood suddenly improved. Even for a new year and a new start, he should make himself feel better.

After eating the dumplings, nothing happened. Gu Zhi and Shen Chongshan went to watch the Spring Festival Gala. Shen Nian had no interest, or it could be said that he deliberately did not allow himself to blend into that atmosphere. Their happiness would only make him appear more alone. I have been doing questions in the room.

But after all, it was Chinese New Year, so he couldn't calm down. Fortunately, the fireworks outside the window were very beautiful, so he stared at them for a long time.

When the door of the room was knocked, Shen Nian came back to look. Shen Chongshan was standing at the door, holding a bag in his hand, with Shen Nian's familiar logo printed on it.

"You have been busy before, and Dad didn't have a chance to bring it for you." Shen Chongshan walked in and put the clothes on the bed: "Buy some clothes, your clothes are too small, I made an agreement with Xiaozhi, no No more tantrums."

Shen Nian didn't speak, and Shen Chongshan probably felt a little embarrassed, so he said 'then you can continue to do the questions' and left the room.

Later Liang Qiu called, Gu Zhi came to the door of the room to call him, Shen Nian walked out of the room and answered the phone in the living room, and paid New Year greetings to Liang Qiu and Su Xiaoxiao, after hanging up the phone, Shen Nian did not return to the room , he saw that the snow outside the house was getting bigger.

Shen Nian went out, moved a bench and sat on the porch to watch the snow, the small yard had been changed into new clothes, the white was bright, and the Chinese New Year's lanterns were twinkling on the branches, which had a special smell.

Shen Nian was fascinated by it, he didn't know when Shen Chongshan was sitting next to him, he didn't come back to his senses until Shen Chongshan said:

"Small thoughts."

Shen Chongshan handed over a red envelope: "New Year's money."

Shen Nian hesitated for a moment, then answered, "Thank you Dad."

Shen Chongshan smiled lightly, didn't say anything, but didn't leave either. Shen Nian probably knew that he had something to say, and also guessed what the topic would be. He should leave, but he still didn't get up, staring at the man who was walking slowly from the sky. The falling snowflakes waited patiently.

"Xiao Nian." When the snowflake in Shen Nian's eyes fell to the ground, Shen Chongshan finally spoke and said, "Dad hopes that you can come back to live next year. A family should stay together."

"No." Shen Nian said, "I'm fine at school."

"Do you think Dad doesn't want you because of his stubbornness?"

Shen Nian shook his head: "No."

Shen Chongshan wanted to say something, but Shen Nian interrupted him, he looked at Shen Chongshan and said, "Dad, you really don't need to care about my feelings, don't feel guilty towards me, let alone be careful, we are father and son , not an unfamiliar stranger."

Unfamiliar stranger?Shen Chongshan seemed to have been pointed out, and suddenly realized that the relationship between himself and Shen Nian was both intimacy and estrangement.

"I didn't have any negative emotions because of my stubbornness. On the contrary, I am very grateful to you." Shen Nian said.

Shen Chongshan never thought of these words, so he couldn't speak when he looked at Shen Nian.But Shen Nian didn't immediately answer his doubts, but turned to another place and mentioned someone he had never mentioned before.

"I don't know why these two days, but I keep dreaming about my mother." Shen Nian said, "It's been four years, and I don't know how she is."

This was the first time Shen Nian mentioned her name after You Xiaoyue left. Shen Chongshan was a little bit astonished, and it took almost a minute before he came back to his senses and said:

"Sure, you should be doing well."

"En." Shen Nian nodded, agreeing with Shen Chongshan's words: "I also think that she doesn't like me so much, leaving me should be much better than when she was here."

"Xiao Nian, your mother..."

"Dad." Shen Nian interrupted him again, and smiled at him: "I haven't said thank you to you, it's rare that we sat down and chatted calmly, I want to say thank you, thank you for being with me Mom let me stay by your side when she didn't want me, and thank you for keeping me in this home for so many years."

Shen Chongshan suddenly realized something, but before he could speak, Shen Nian's next words had already confirmed all his conjectures, he heard Shen Nian say:

"I'm not your biological son, you've raised me for so many years, don't worry about it."

Shen Chongshan was so shocked that he couldn't speak, but Shen Nian was very calm, his eyes slowly turned to the snowflakes in the sky, and his voice was soft like snow:

"From now on, you don't have to be careful with me, worry about my emotions, and you don't have to be in a dilemma between me and Gu Zhi because of me. I won't have any thoughts, and I won't feel wronged. At the age of 15, I have passed the age of needing parental care."

Shen Nian stood up, stepped on the layer of snow that fell from the steps in the corridor, and smiled slowly:

"I don't know why, but the relationship between father and son between me and you always seems to be separated by a layer. It's too difficult to change, and there's nothing wrong with maintaining the status quo. After Gu Zhi came home, I also clearly felt the relationship between you and him. It seems that there is more fate between you and me, so give him the father-son relationship between me and you."

"Don't worry about me anymore." Shen Nian said.

Shen Chongshan looked at Shen Nian, his lips were trembling slightly, but he couldn't make any sound, but he could feel that the child in front of him had no expectations for him anymore.

He suddenly understood that he had missed and done a lot of mistakes, but at this moment, he was powerless to change.

"I don't mean anything by saying this. I just want you to relax in the future. In my heart, you will always be my dad and nothing will change." Shen Nian shook the red envelope in his hand: "Thank you dad for the lucky money, happy new year .”

Before Shen Chongshan came back to his senses, Shen Nian had already stepped away, but Shen Nian did not expect that when he stepped into the north room, he would see Gu Zhi who was standing at the door at some time, judging from his posture, he should have already stood After listening for a long time, I also listened to their conversation just now, but looking back, there is nothing surprising, relying on his possessive desire for Shen Chongshan, eavesdropping is something he will do.

He thought that Gu Zhi would give himself a dissatisfied look like before, warning himself to stay away from Shen Chongshan, but this time Gu Zhi didn't.

Although the look in his eyes had nothing to do with friendliness, it had nothing to do with malice. He was like a stranger meeting him for the first time, his eyes were full of strangeness.