East Berlin's June Boat Song

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In December 1959, after a lapse of ten years, Misha and I went to the cemetery in the eastern suburbs again to visit Lilith's grave.

When we walked on the gravel road under the beech tree, looking at the decaying grassland, everything seemed like a dream.

The road is still the same road, the grass is still the same grass, but we have changed too much from the past.Mi Xia is still tall, but not as strong as when he was young. Years of foreign intelligence work have left an indelible mark on him. He is always running around, sneaking in the dark night, with deep-set eyes and a keen sense of humor. In the cold light, the spirit is always in a state of high tension.Obviously only 29 years old, but he looks much more mature than me.

After all, unlike counter-spies like me, he is the one who has been counter-spyed all the year round.

The impulsive mistake that made him and I have since embarked on a path that we never thought of going into, but fortunately we both persevered.Looking up at the bleak gray-blue sky above East Berlin, the gray pigeons hovering incessantly seem to be no different from ten years ago.

We are still together, we are still walking on this road, and we are still visiting our loved ones.

Misha lit a cigarette and smiled at me.He raised Lilith's favorite violet in his hand, and said wistfully, "I don't know how Lilith will feel when she sees us like this."

"Maybe, she will feel that we have finally become men."

Together with him, I put the flowers in our hands in front of Lilith's tombstone. Our sister has been sleeping for more than ten years, and her young and lively smile seems to have never changed.Then I took a cigarette from him, and we sat in front of the tombstone as before, smoking and drinking the brandy Misha brought.

He said he spent many helpless nights on cigarettes and brandy.

"Relying on missing you, looking forward to the moment of reunion." Mi Xia leaned on me, staring blankly ahead.The one who let his guard down is not Sheriff Marcus Wolfe, but my best friend, Misha who will act coquettishly and play with me.

I stroked his cheek distressedly, and said softly: "Why not, I gritted my teeth and ate it all these years, but fortunately, none of my expectations came to fruition."

"Have you finished all those things?" Misha looked at me and stroked a strand of hair on my forehead for me.

I nodded and said, "I don't know if the Americans will stop here, but from what I know about Richard, he is not a person who gives up lightly."

Misha raised the corners of his lips slightly: "But this time his loss is too great. After Olov is executed, the Soviet side will carry out a thorough cleansing."

My heart felt like being pricked by a needle, but I still nodded with a forced smile.

Misha only knew about the execution of the betrayed senior KGB, but he didn't know it was Sasha, nor did he know about my relationship with Sasha, nor did he know how strong I gritted my teeth through these days.

Because I know I can't be weak, I am no longer alone, I shoulder the hope of another person to live.

"So, are you going to continue to be an informant for the Soviet military?" Misha looked forward with some worry, and exhaled a puff of smoke rings, "This is not easy to do, I can't imagine how you have persisted for so long."

I chuckled lightly: "Do you still remember the gypsy in the previous neighborhood? And sister Lilith used to love to play tarot cards. They all said that what I want to seek in my life is in the East. Many years ago, because of this idea, I I went to the battlefield, and then I met that person. I thought he was my pursuit, but only recently did I realize that I was his rebirth."

I stroked Misha's head: "Sometimes, I have to believe that this is the guidance of the Lord. Misha, I am not an informant of the Soviet military. I am just his informant, and even more his lover."

Misha's eyes flickered, and after a long time, he sighed softly: "Then you have to be careful, the Soviet military explicitly prohibited homosexuality."

"So all these years I have been carefully hiding it. Except for a few people who are close to me, no one knows about my relationship with him."

"But Minister Milk knows." Misha laughed, his eyes sparkling: "But he won't tell others."

"I know. Milk is a nice guy, though a little..."

"What's wrong? Nervous?" Misha smiled brightly: "Everyone has a disguise, right? In this world we live in, people have to develop their own armor and live in two ways. But Rhine, why are you still like this? To be honest, you are too incompatible with all of this. Lilith is right, you are too easy to put others at ease, but now our identities do not allow us to have so many people we care about .to know, to know..."

"What do you want to know?"

"You must know that the current world situation is changing rapidly. Perhaps the next international conference will reverse the entire situation of the Cold War. Dear Rhine, maybe one day, if East and West Germany merged, or East Germany and the Soviet Union fell out, what would you do? ?”

Misha sighed deeply: "The worst thing in this environment is to stand in line, even if you stand in line, you can only hold a group with your own people, Rhine, although you are in East Germany, you are too close to the Soviets , This is very dangerous, after all they...they are more terrifying than we imagined, and the confrontation between the two major forces in this world is also more intense than we imagined."

"We're just on one battlefield. Apart from the confrontation front in Berlin, there are conflicts, big or small, all over the world. Egypt, Afghanistan, South Korea and North Korea in the Far East, China..."

I lowered my eyes, how come I don't know what Misha said.

But I don't care about my life safety or what my position is, I only care about whether this treacherous world situation will separate me from him.

That is something I fear more than death.

I patted Misha on the shoulder and said with a relieved smile, "But people like us live every day, why should we think so much?"

"But you always have to think of a way out for yourself. If one day your relationship is discovered, he will go to jail, and you will not be able to escape the sanctions. This is just one aspect. You must know that the competition among the top Soviet Union has not stopped for a moment. "

"Where is this not the case? But if you live on thin ice just because you are afraid of what will happen in the future, it would be too pitiful. For us, there is really not much we can have."

Misha looked at me lovingly, grabbed my shoulder, and remained silent for a long time.

"You're right. Why don't I see you so clearly?"

I looked at him and he smiled shyly.

"The minister said that I have to maintain a hostile relationship with him outside." Misha's eyes were burning, with a happy smile: "He said it would be safer for me."

"Yes, his people will not touch you, and the other party's people will not be able to catch you."

"I don't know if it's lucky or unlucky for us."

We chuckled tacitly, then stood up, took a deep look at Lilith on the tombstone, and then returned the same way.Sitting in the Volga car back to the Stasi, Misha suddenly asked: "You have not been investigated for the assassination before?"

"Well, he personally took over this matter, and only his forces are investigating."

Misha nodded solemnly, and his expression became serious: "The efficiency shouldn't be so low, it's been almost two years."

He glanced at me: "You need to know the intelligence capabilities of the Soviets..."

I smiled and patted him: "Why do you always hesitate to speak, don't you just want to say that if you want to investigate, you have already found out."

Misha blushed, and turned her face away: "I'm not worried about saying the wrong thing or ruining your relationship. But you have to be careful, after all, they have hurt you before."

I grabbed his hand on his lap and said: "You are right, Misha, but I believe he has his own reasons, and I don't want to doubt him. Although he has hurt me, sometimes people In the general environment, we have to act against our will, and we cannot ignore a person's hidden sincerity."

"Do you think he was sincere to you from the beginning?" Misha was a little surprised.

I shrugged and said with a smile: "It doesn't matter at the beginning, what matters is that we are together now, and this is the result of our sacrifices. After all, the result is the most important thing, isn't it? "

After saying this sentence, I suddenly realized that this sentence was said to me by Julian and Alan many years ago. They all told me at that time that the important thing is the result.

And the result is that we are already together.

I smiled helplessly and shook my head. At a certain moment, I realized that I had really changed.Perhaps, this is what they call maturity.

Misha sighed sadly, reached out and touched my head.I met his gaze and gave him a smirk, and he slapped me on the shoulder and said with a smirk that I was being stupid, that sooner or later we would be infiltrated by spies in East Germany.

Not to be outdone, I went to lock his throat, saying that he is so thin now that I can kill two of him with Sistma.We were fighting in the back seat of the car just like we were when we were children, and the driver in the front row flashed a speechless look in the rearview mirror.

A month later, Misha went to West Berlin on a two-month mission.And I took back the Stasi job and led Dunn to train a new batch of rookies.That kid Doon slipped me an invitation one afternoon and told me he was getting married.

So I and a group of Stasi colleagues participated in the lawn wedding held by Dunn in his backyard. There was no priest's blessing, and only our Minister Milk stood on the stage to bless the two couples.

I sat down there, fascinated by Doon and his beautiful bride.They held flowers and looked at each other with undisguised love in their eyes. They kissed generously in front of everyone. The warm winter sun was so warm that it was unreal. They looked very happy.

My thoughts drifted into unrealistic fantasies, and I felt inexplicably sad.

I drank a lot that day, gave Doon a brand-new tie as a wedding present, and then my driver drove me to Karlshorst, where I curled up in the arms of some general that night, drunkenly saying that I would marry him.

He was taken aback for a moment, then laughed, and whispered in my ear: "When you drink too much, you start talking nonsense. How can two men get married?"

I looked up at him dissatisfied, he put the back of his hand against my hot face, and then fed me some water.I smacked my lips, suddenly felt aggrieved for some reason, and wanted to act like a baby.

"No, no..." I hugged him back and forth, making him laugh out loud, "I'm going to get married, I'm going to get married..."

"Then the two of us are going to jail."

"Even if you are in prison, you have to get married."

I put my arms around his neck and hung it on him: "I want to walk with you on the street openly, hug and kiss in the crowd...get everyone's blessing..."

His eyes trembled, and he kissed my forehead distressedly, without saying a word.

The most dangerous thing in the world is alcohol, because it will make people pour out their heartfelt words, but the mood after drunk is the most real, but this truth is full of sadness and helplessness.Our relationship is destined to be a secret among secrets. Even if we are not soldiers and secret agents, as ordinary people, same-sex relationships will not be recognized in this era, let alone blessed.

What awaits us is cruel and merciless punishment, and we know it well.

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PS: In the Soviet Union, if a soldier in the army is gay, he will be sentenced to more than five years in prison according to the law. Moreover, homosexuality is completely illegal, whether in the army or ordinary civilians. During Stalin’s period, he was directly "exiled" to the Gulag and other places for reformation. Later, he was generally imprisoned.But the German communistparty is quite indifferent to this. (Worthy of being a German hahaha) I guess it was against the extreme fascism at that time...